another big meal with many relatives, skipped vegan diet once again (especially by eating sweets) - as usual when you're with people it's hard to stay healthy, even though it's good in that it helps your social skills and diminishes paranoias. It would be perfect to interact with people but not during meals.
now that i've made peace with the gossiping aunt #1, she invited gossiping aunt #2 at lunch, but she didn't show up, maybe for fear of being poisoned by me. Now she'll come for coffee, but I am here, checking my daily dietary intakes, and i might avoid the first few minutes of her visit.
other than this, tonight i'll start the systems from this house at the beach, which is always a big satisfaction, considering no one else here even has internet access, except the gossiping aunt #2, who lives here all year long.
[...]
Slept 2 hours, and while I was sleeping i was hearing gossiping aunt #2 in front of our house. I know it's lame, because it's a bit over-reacting, but I hope she left by now, so i don't meet her at all. I feel ok about the other guests, because before leaving i managed to wash all the dishes.
Now parents are going to church, and I can have some peace. The gossiping aunt #2 hopefully will have left by the time they go to church. About another four hours till i start the systems again. I'm going swimming if i've digested everything, but it's unlikely, in which case i'll go anyway. Mosquito bites will keep me warm, then i'll get more mosquito bites for tomorrow.
[...]
Argh! I just peeked and she's still there, sitting in front of the house. Damn. Everyone left and she's still there. What is she doing there. Damn.
Is she waiting for me. I don't think so.
on the run from my guests for two days and a half, and now on the run from my distant aunt, for an afternoon. I've got to learn how to talk to people and ignore people - it's about time. I guess the rule should be that they can say to me and look at me all they want, provided that they don't bite me or hit me. Other than that, I should feel free. As for my guests, I should have told him: "hey, no computer from me". And basically I should have spent my day away from them, without the need to lock myself in.
The same for other situations. I should care a tiny bit less about people and their thoughts and words. I call them idiots all the time, but i still care too much about them and their approval. I shouldn't take offense as much and all that. I shouldn't even engage in conversations with most of them. Now the bitch is sitting in front of my house, and I don't want to get out so i don't meet her. I should only talk about the weather with everyone, until i am positive they're worth having a serious conversation with. Instead I go from no conversation to existential conversation, and i get disappointed 90% of the time. But I also meet a 10% of interesting people that i wouldn't meet otherwise. For example, like that time I talked to the lifeguard about the chemtrails in the sky, and we engaged in a conversation that lasted an hour. In that case, ironically, i was indeed talking about the weather, and we ended up talking about the bible.
Overall, there's some pain in me, linked to this having to avoid my aunt, and being around relatives who've known me all their lives, whether I appreciate them or not, and who've treated me nicely since i was born. They're such good relatives that I feel sorry for them and how they're getting old, and how the big dinners at my grandfather's house, have turned into smaller dinners nowadays, like last night or today. Then there's this aunt, who won't leave, and she's ruined my afternoon. And I might not be able to say bye to my uncle and his family, because she's still sitting there. Retarded bitch. Talkative bitch. Gossiping bitch. And her sidekick, gossiping aunt #1, who turns into a bitch when she's together with her. Whores, always ganging up on other relatives - well, anyway my uncle knows i didn't disappear for him because we spent hours together, until I left to wash dishes and then, from there, into my room, so no one, except this bitch, feels offended. They may just wonder where I've gone. And now i've missed my swimming for sure, because this bitch is still there, singing with my uncle's daughter. Well, i swam a long time today and i was still digesting anyway.
...
damn, now they're calling me, but i am not answering.
coming for me?
hopefully not.
did this bitch leave yet?
I'll pretend i'm sleeping.
they didn't dare enter the house.
Only called me once, probably they'll think i didn't hear them or that i wasn't here.
Ok, so now my uncle is leaving and i didn't say bye, because of this bitch still sitting in front of my house, presumably.
Well, it's ok, it's not like i have to say bye to people just because it could be my last time meeting them. Besides, this uncle busted my balls a few times as well, so he now got punished for those times he asked me about school or lectured me about something.
Ok, now everyone is gone, and the only people left are the two gossiping bitches. Unbelievable. I am not even going out to check if this is the case, because it'd be awkward.
I have to remember how tight these bitches are, and that even a nice aunt turns into a witch if she's around a gossiping bitch.
Sad sad life.
Instead of playing some sports, these two spend their day talking about us, and I am even more miserable in caring about what they say. Evil witches, i've identified you. I now have to learn to not hear what they say, and not stop and talk to them. Evil witches.
so much for my idea of replacing friends with relatives - friends you can stop being friends with, but relatives it's for life, so in some cases, like with these witches, it's a nightmare for life. They live right here, next door. Both of them. It's unlikely that they'll move, or that i'll move.
[...]
I went for a walk on the rocks in front of the ocean and i felt like crying, because i realized this world of my childhood is disappearing. Then the mosquitoes brought me back to my senses, and I ran back home. Always on the run.
When you're away from the places you hate, and you're right in the place you love the most, you realize that time is taking everything away from you: your relationships, yourself, your place in life... i feel exactly like the protagonist of the swimmer:
The Swimmer (1968) - Theatrical Trailer - YouTube
All of a sudden, you open your eyes and you realize the world you loved as a child is mostly gone. You are in the same exact places, but that world is mostly gone, and it keeps on disappearing. Even some of the people you loved so much may change their attitude towards you, and treat you differently than when you were a child. It's over.