my journal 2

[Yamato]

This is it. I did it again. Even from work, I did my daily dose of math exercises:



I did all this despite the discouragement from seeing/reading such jerks on the journal, jerks who don't even go through the trouble of reading what I write.

Damn, I am still enraged by the fact that such idiots dare to express superficial and incompetent judgments on years of my hard work and misquote my writing. If you don't respect me, then ignore me. Do not dare to post on my journal and do not pretend to be offering criticism/advice, if you don't know jack**** about what I've done and what I'm doing. It is as if a newbie programmer were to give advice to bill gates, and not even an intelligent one. No efforts, no attention, no respect, no honesty even, in reporting the things I said. I offer honesty, sincerity, efforts, reasoning, and I have to be faced with such garbage on my journal: stupidity, dishonesty, and disrespect. Such people shouldn't even have the right to read my journal. Despicable human beings spitting on my efforts. It's like spitting on my hard work and my precious journal. The problem is that, much like other stupid/superficial posts from the past, it appears as legitimate criticism to the superficial reader, whereas it's not, by any means. So I don't go as far as replying in detail (like I did in the past), but I am not as quick at discarding/ignoring it as if someone wrote the usual "ur gay". But the truth is that these stupid and disrespectful and misquoting and arrogant posts are just as bad/useless/in bad faith as someone writing "ur gay". Actually worse because if you write "ur gay" at least it is evident that you're hostile, but if you pose as someone offering advice, there's an extra element of dishonesty, when all you have to offer is disrespect and stupidity. And stupidity is a fault because if you're not willing to make the effort to read and understand what I write/do you should at least refrain from vomiting on my journal.

23rd day of khan academy's math exercises in a row, 67 exercises to completion.

[...]

Actually, I am not happy with just banning this jerk from my journal but I want him dead for daring to post his garbage here. I am not saying I will take any steps to kill him, but I am just expressing a wish for him to disappear. I am going to pray for his death. I think this is legal.

[...]

No more lazy-disrespectful idiots posting here. The next one will just be banned without even getting any replies. I didn't break my back for years and didn't write 5000 precious posts to have to battle with people I despise. I will simply ban them without even replying. Or... anyway, I'll write whatever is on my mind, since this is my journal and that's the whole point of it. So anyway, may this guy not just die, but also burn in hell for being such an idiot, and for disrespecting me so heavily.

"Get out of my sight" is my final sentence to this scumbag who dared to post his garbage on my journal. Actually "get out of my site". Go to the airport with clemenza, these are your tickets. Now get out of my site.

 

[Yamato]

Ok, I need to do some more math. Maybe even just 20 minutes. I am not depressed as I was two weeks ago. Frustration took over. Not just from idiots posting on my journal but also about the balance sheet, and other issues I've already mentioned. So depression left my mind, and it was replaced by frustration, which was a good change. But now I am depressed about being frustrated. I will do some math, to get over these feelings. Just 20 minutes. I will do a random exercise.

[...]

I am studying quadrilaterals:
Quadrilateral Overview | Geometry | Khan Academy

Damn, is it boring.

[...]

Mmh, go figure. A rectangle is nothing but a "right-angle" quadrilateral, which makes the "square" a "rectangle" itself. Instead in Italy we assume that they're two separate categories, or rather most people assume that, like for -2^2 and people mistakenly assuming it's equal to 4. If I asked my friends here in Italy if a rectangle can be a square, they'd say "no" and they'd be wrong (cfr. video at link above).

Nice picture from wikipedia:

Oh, and here's another one. What is a rhombus? A quadrilateral with 4 equal sides, but...

****, here's another one for my scientists friends... a rhombus can indeed be a rectangle, in which case it is called a "square":
Is a rhombus a rectangle? - Yahoo! Answers

Indeed, if the requirement for a rectangle is to have 4 right angles, and if a rhombus's requirement is merely to have four equal sides, then a "square" is both a rectangle and a rhombus, and a rectangle can be a rhombus and viceversa.

[...]

Ok. Done for the day:



This shows that I can do math every day, even when I am in the worst shape.

Only 66 more exercises to go.

 

[Yamato]

something's changing

The first way to make money is to not spend it, and the first way to do that is monitoring your expenses. I've started doing it today, to the cent.

Only worry is that, once I'll have it again, I'll stop monitoring my expenses and lose it again. I've noticed in myself a pattern of saving and spending (wasting).

Anyway, I now have resolved to a careful monitoring of expenses. Until now I was looking for ways to make extra money, but, since I couldn't find them, I have now switched my focus on saving.

The easiest thing to cut was restaurants and friends. I've been wasting too much money treating others to restaurants. I regret that. I actually resent those who let me. So it's going to be easy to not treat them anymore. When they call me up, I simply say that I've run out of money.

The tougher, probably impossible thing, is to take the subway, which would save me hundreds of euros every month.

I might be incapable of doing that, even for the sake of trading. It sounds amazing, but in fact it is rational. If I take the subway, I risk getting killed, and that also would hamper my trading. So it's better to postpone it by taking taxis than to halt it by taking the subway and getting killed.

Anyway. A close monitoring of all expenses is a good step ahead. I should also monitor my weight, which lateley has been sucking really bad. I have 7 extra kilos. I hope saving money will help me to also lose some weight.

 

[Yamato]

Ok, done with my daily dose of math:



65 more exercises to go.

Today I did my balance sheet, for the first time in my life. I am actually recording how much I spend, day by day. Today I spent 14 euros on the taxi taking me to work + 1 euro for snacks + 11 euros for taxi on the way back. If you write it down, it's not as easy to spend/waste money. It's not going to be easy to write "spent 120 euros on dinner with tony", because you're going to feel like a fool, saving for a whole week, and then spending it all in two hours. At the minute tony tells you to go to dinner with him, you'll say "no" because you'll think of the balance sheet. I used to think big money was coming my way, so I never saved. And when i made money with trading, I spent it immediately. Money management begins here, with the money you spend in your daily routine. And I never had any money management in my daily life.

 

[Yamato]

can't sleep

Usual depressing thoughts about the universe are keeping me from sleeping.

I opened up my laptop so it gives me this false sense of security. A world where everything is under control and where I efficiently use my power.

My little universe, where I can be a god.

Still can't sleep though. God never goes to sleep anyway. It is a well known fact.

I am already beyond the point of going late to work, getting close to not going at all and taking a day off.

Life is getting worse by the minute. This is a well-known fact as well, but we hide it from ourselves. I am beyond the point of being able to hide it anymore. This causes depression, which in turn causes lack of sleep. It's like I am on strike: I am not happy so i refuse to sleep, i refuse to sleep, and I refuse to go to work. I don't feel forced to go to work even. It's not like my life is going to get worse, not immediately at least. Because the punishment won't be immediate anyway, as I won't get fired, and even if I did, I would not suffer from hunger. So i am wandering in the land of depression and despair, and feeling some guilt, but not enough to make myself go to work, and force myself to sleep in order to go to work. The frustration is more, and it keeps me from sleeping. Deep inside I expected more financial and moral support from my family. I've never had any.

But I am not just on strike against them. I am also on strike against my company, my colleagues, my bosses, who never valued me enough. I am on strike against humanity who in general doesn't appreciate me and just exploits me.

I am on strike. I am on strike against the universe.

My only friend is computer science. Science in general.

But all things considered I might just be very unhappy about my job and not seeing a way out. And this in turn causes everything else: depression, insomnia, and so on. Very very unhappy, and not seeing a way out.

I remember... my mind goes back to 2008, when I had just started trading my systems and had brought my 3500 to 24500 in just three months. Back then I didn't know the value of money and how lucky I was to have achieved that. I kept treating friends to restaurants for a few months, and got so upset when the market proved me wrong that I doubled up and managed to lose everything I had made. Those were the days. I didn't know the value of money back then, and I blew it. Now I do, but if I had learned it permanently it would be something already. The problem is that I don't even know if I have learned the value of money once and for all. It might instead be like it is for sleeping, where in the morning you wish you had slept more and had gone to be earlier, and at night you don't care and stay up until late again, day after day, month after month, year after year and decade after decade. So it might be for money. When you don't have it, you save and value it, and when you have it, you waste it. I have a feeling that for me it is like that. I am unbalanced, irresponsible and extreme in many aspects.

Defeats might calm me down, and make me more realistic and balanced. I have noticed that I've been getting less excited about women and about everything. I'm less of a dreamer. I've become less self-centered and more "normal". But not enough to be able to sleep yet.

I really feel like showing them the middle finger, to all of them. My roommate is boring. He likes me but he's boring. My work is boring. My colleagues are boring and stupid. All of them. Even my roommate. I don't want to be with them.

Rome is boring. The daily routine is boring.

I am on strike against being told "hi" every day by the same people. I am on strike against the doorman, the cab drivers, the... everything. I really feel like saying "**** you all".

Maybe some trading could bring me back to life. Even some gambling why not. It didn't always go that badly. On a few occasions I quadrupled my initial investment. I could simply get rid of my part-time schedule for a few months, take the subway, and I'd make an extra 1000 euros to invest every month, which would enable me to make things happen again.

I might just go for it, in one last desperate attempt. 1. cancel part-time schedule, 2. take subway for a few months, 3. that's all i need to do. Just 3 months of determination could get me out of this situation. I might do it. The qucksands are swallowing me otherwise.

But I might very well change my mind about this, and do nothing at all. What does matter, even if I didn't do any of this, is that I learn to count the euros, and not waste any more money, at least now that I don't have it. It'd be best if I got out of these quicksands of an unsatisfactory daily routine. But if I can't do it all at once, let's do it by gradual steps. Saving, even just 100 euros per month, studying math, and forward-testing as usual. This might be just as good as ending my part-time schedule, taking the subway and then gambling with the money I save. But if I do keep things as they are, there's no escape without outside investors, and they seem to have all disappeared. Five out of five. All super-interested when i didn't need them, and none available when I needed them one month later. And, very disappointingly, my father is one of them. He kept offering me money for a year, and then, when I was willing to take it, he suddenly became cold.

So these are the scenarios for the next few months. 1) pleasant quicksands routine but then no investing and no way out, 2) unpleasant effort to get out of the quicksands but then no taxis nor part-time, 3) both pleasant routine and way out, but then I need to hope for someone to give me money, which is only 50% likely, because actually one of the 5 formerly interested investors is still negotiating with me, even though he's lost in 10 simultaneous activities and therefore he's totally unreliable. But this guy is really complementary with me, because he's really good at selling things he doesn't even have (systems) whereas I've been good at giving away for free things I have (systems). The problem as i said is that he's so good at selling himself that right now he's working for five people, in five different fields, and he'll never get anywhere with systems, but that takes focus.

I'm going to try to go to sleep now, maybe. It was a major strike against all those who surround me. I might even do one math exercise, before going to sleep.

I am tired of my roommate. He talks too much. I wish him some disease, one that'll keep him at home for about one month. Let's all pray for him to get sick.

[...]

There. Lots of math today:



[...]

I really cannot go forward anymore. My body cannot take it. Too much computer, too little sleep, too little hope for the future. There might be some drastic change soon. This is just too much.

What's more is that no one is comforting me, and my self-confidence is all gone. I was always sure that i'd make it one day, but now I am thinking "who knows?". My sense of infallibility is mostly gone. I could fail. That doesn't mean that any criticism is allowed. Especially if it comes from an idiot like the one who posted recently here. I can still tell an idiot, and if I think that I might risk failure, it doesn't mean that I have lost the ability to spot the many idiots around me (the majority of humans are idiots, monkey who speak basically). Even in the remote possibility that an idiot is (financially) successful while I am unsuccessful, he is still a despicable idiot, and he ought to get out of my sight at once. And Clemenza will give him a ride to the airport.

[...]

**** this. I don't care. I am not going to work tomorrow. At all.

What do I do now? I still can't sleep but there's no emails left to check. There's no one left to complain about, nor wish death to, and there's nothing left to do online.

What do I do? I still can't sleep.

What do i do?

I am not going to drink. Too much work to open those wine bottles.

It crossed my mind.

I might change my mind and open one.

I am changing it.

I changed it again.

Just writing, and wandering, with my fingers, on the keyboard.

Body is getting tired but still not enough.

Eyes... like crazy.

Itching.

Not enough.

Body itching from sleep-deprivation.

Sleep-depravation.

[...]

Nothing to do.

I just can't close this post, and I just can't close my eyes.

But it feels good to write, so i write.

****.

I am going to cancel the dinner we were going to have tomorrow. At least I get out of some extra expenses.

There. I canceled it.

Let's face it. I am feeling like an accomplished failure. I have not achieved what I had hoped to achieve, and maybe that's another ingredient for this present depression.

Of course, if an idiot came along, like two days ago, and said "you're failure" like that guy did, or close to it, then of course I am going to say "i wish you an immediate death". First of all, he might even be right, but it's totally disrespectful to come and tell me so, second of all, he knows nothing about me, third of all he owes me respect were it only for all my efforts, fourth, he should not be so dishonest as to pretend he's offering advice whereas he's simply insulting me on my journal. So, regardless of whether that guy is right (which he's not because he said plenty of incorrect things and misquoted me every other sentence), he ought to simply die on the spot. Having said this, obviously, if you're feeling like a failure, and a regular idiot shows up, and tells you the same thing, you're going to tell him to get lost, and you have every right to do so. So my extra anger is due to this reason. Having said this, he still out to die for his behaviour, superficial post, dishonest post, and incorrect post. I put effort into what i write, and i expect respect and effort especially if all you write is one quick post on my journal. But hell no, he had to vomit something stupid here, and move on to vomiting other stupid things on other places on the web.

I am tired now. I might go to get a drink after all. I mean, we're all ****ed anyway, like the wizard said to me once, in 1976:

Go on, get laid, get drunk. Do anything. You got no choice, anyway. I mean, we're all ****ed. More or less, ya know.

I won't drink actually. I'll start a movie, and fall asleep as I watch it. Then when I am about to fall asleep i'll turn it off.

You know what? Given the crappy situation I am in, being close to failure and all that, I have removed from my life all pills and all destroyers of my body: alcohol, smoke, xanax, and even melatonin. Just a waste of money and health. I can't even buy them. It doesn't make any sense to do so. Plus if you add that i am avoiding people's company, it suddenly becomes very easy to stay away from beer, too, along with smoking. When you're around people, you behave like the other monkeys, who watch soccer, drink beer, and smoke cigarettes. Damn monkeys.

 

[Yamato]

Ok, falling asleep finally. I can't fight it. My eyes keep closing. It's happening.

I watched a few billy zane movies. This was the last one:
http://www.putlocker.com/file/6E64518473C8D010

 

[Yamato]

That's it for today. I have to relax.



Holy cow... and it wasn't easy either:
Domain of a function | Khan Academy

64 exercises to go.

I felt some pain in my heart. I am just a poor human, living in a regular body. In case I stop posting, it means I am either in a coma, at the hospital, dead, or I've had an amnesia and forgot that I have to update my journal. Otherwise I'll be updating it.

Did I already say that wolfram alpha solves equations? It is so good:
x^2+17x+70 - Wolfram|Alpha

[...]

I was thinking. That lady, the friend from college. She came with her daughter, then went back to her country and got in touch with me, saying she wanted to meet me on skype and all that. Then she suddenly lost interest and now she doesn't even reply on skype. I have to remember, in case she ever shows up again, that she's a selfish bitch, and only uses me when she needs me. Next time she tells me she wants to visit me, I'll say that I am tired and that I don't feel like hosting her. Bitch.

Ok. Now enough journal for today and enough math, and I'll try to cut down on computer time as well.

I am going to leave this post with a question. Will I ever make it? Will I live long enough to make my trading systems produce profit for me? Maybe I should stop taking taxis and... I don't know. If I don't have enough to live, then I might as well take cabs. If I do, then I shouldn't, because I should try to rush things. Maybe my last train was the one with those guys, and we blew it, or rather they blew me, because I can't believe they're not using my systems right now. Anyway, that train is gone. In a sense I blew it by giving away my systems at the start.

So what now? Will I live long enough? Will I be determined enough to make it? Or will I just keep on rotting away? Yeah, I am studying math, but of course everything, including my brain, is in a process of decay, like for everyone else, so the question is if my bank account's growth will offset my natural decay or not. I really wonder. I feel like for greece, that I might have crossed the point of no return. I might be in the same situation as italy, where berlusconi, that crook, is gone, but we don't know if the new guy will be enough to rescue the country. Like... yeah, I have good stuff in my brain and on excel, but, unless my father, gives me the goddamn money he was offering me for a whole year, this time I am really going to blow it. I didn't even ask him but it's obvious he is not interested because he knows I am through with those guys and since he was offering it every other day before, and now he isn't, then it's obvious what he thinks. But the asshole is not new to this type of thing, watch it. Once I won't need him any more, he'll say "why didn't you tell me - I would have given it to you". He's always been good at offering help and advice when it's not useful anymore. I think he is a sadistic mother ****er actually and always wanted me to fail. Since I wasn't an obedient soldier, given how hard he pushed me, he'd rather see me fail than succeed without following his advice. It's like he tells you what to do, and then if you don't do it, he hopes for you to fail. The only way to succeed is by following his advice, and if you don't do it, he won't help you make it happen any other way.

On the other hand, the good news is that today, by not going to work, I did not spend any money at all. It reminds me of that woody allen quote, that death is an effective way of cutting expenses. How about that... I should get sick, sick enough to stay home but not sick enough to be at the hospital. Something like those problems you have down there when you eat something spicy or similar. I should maybe eat something spicy. That way I still get paid, I save on taxis, and I do a lot of math, too. I remember once I ate curry sauce, for a whole week, and after that I could not go to work for a month, from those pains you have down there. Oh yeah, that was great, because I managed to turn 8k into 26k. Then I repaid my debt back, of 8k, but then I lost everything, because my systems weren't what they are today.

We'll see. Time will tell. For sure I'll keep doing math, and I'll ace it, increasingly.

 

[pecas]

I have some things to say:

1. I like a lot your journal. I think you have a great talent at writing things, also considering this is not your main language. Not suggesting you quit your job to be a writer, but who knows, maybe one day you will print out all this thing and sell a great book.

2. The idiots who write disrespectful posts here are just... idiots. Everybody knows that if you're a successful trader, the sky is the limit... and believe me, whoever is billionaire, won't post meaningful suggestions here. Probably, 99% of the posters (if not 100%) are here to find a way to success, they just aren't as honest as you in admitting they didn't yet find it.

3. At your current pace (I read your thread everyday), and sorry if you won't like to hear this, your math won't be useful to understand what you want to understand anytime soon. It could take years (I'm glad I had good teachers at school). This said, I fully respect your effort, and since you have nothing better to do to to boost your project, it's well spent time anyway.

4. Please check www.collective2.com. It's a place where who has the system(s), but not the money, can sell his signals for a monthly/per trade fee. You don't have to give away your systems. For a small fee, the website will track your results and show them to the public, and if your system (or combo of) is good, people will subscribe and you will earn money. You decide all: the price, the type of subscription (monthly/quarterly or per trade, or per winning trade, eventual demo period, etc). Basically, this could be a way to let other people worry about their money management while you track down yours, making the extra money you need in the process.
I'm not sure how it would work in regards of Italian taxes; but in your situation this could be your way out.

 

[Yamato]

Replying as I read:

1. That's great that you like my journal. Finally some positive feedback. Thanks for telling me you like my writing, like JRP did before. I've always wanted to be a writer. Being liked here for my writing already fulfills my dream and so I don't need to publish anything in any other way or anywhere else. Besides, I'd like to stay anonymous so this arrangement is the best.

2. Eh eh eh, that's great. That's what I wanted to hear. I wouldn't want to be the only one thinking they're idiots. Otherwise I'd start feeling like a madman. Great: thanks for noticing, appreciating and mentioning my honesty. I am aware it's a big characteristic and strength of mine (then of course I also want to stay anonymous, so I can be even more honest). I don't know if everyone insulting me is unsuccessful or not: whatever they are, it's not good to berate people (me, in this case) who open up and admit their limits by telling them "hey, you suck". Even worse it's to pretend you're trying to help them, while you're not. Basically that last idiot posting here ought to be put to death. Yeah, this is going to be my reply from now on: "I wish you death and I am putting you on my ignore list".

3. Ehm... all right. This time, after all these compliments, I can take your (negative and discouraging) opinion, without wishing you death. However, I totally disagree. I am doing things slowly where I need to be slow, but this doesn't mean that I am stupid, doesn't mean that I can't do what I need to do, and doesn't mean that I won't finish my portfolio theory within a year (if I am still alive). Things that you do not know, clearly, is that my systems are profitable, that they're ready for use, that they work even without any portfolio theory (provided I don't overoptimize the combination as we did before, under the mistaken direction of the famous "quants", that the latest banned jerk said I can't hope to compete against), and also you're totally ignoring the fact that I kick ass at excel and that i've coded 120 automated systems into one excel workbook, under 2 megabytes, and everything runs smoothly... so basically you don't know what you're talking about, like others before. And I don't deserve to be told this condescending crap, but I forgive you because of your respectful tone and the effort you put into your well-meaning (partly wrong) post. I can't stand people assuming that because I am studying basic math now, I am an idiot, that they're smarter than me...and that I cannot reach an advanced understanding of what I need to know. I am smarter than pretty much anyone else posting here, as far as the things required for trading systems. So by no means I can accept to be treated like an idiot by anyone. And if they do, then they're the idiots. In your case, you're also underestimating me, but given the compliments at #1 and #2, I am going to keep you alive. Also: the mere fact that you're good at math, better than me even, doesn't mean that you're going to put it all together like I did (or can do, for the future). There are many other things needed here. The guys I've worked with are scientists but they screwed up the money management (then blamed my systems for the drawdown - also there were problems of honesty and fairness). You guys could be good at math all you want, but still not know jack****. You might even be blinded by your vast knowledge and deceived into thinking your systems need to be more complex than they actually need to be. Knowledge is one thing, intelligence is another. I am not letting you put me down because of a lack of knowledge I have, which I can also compensate.

4. I know collective2. I am the one who posted it here months ago, telling all about it. At first I was excited about it, but after a careful exam, it's a totally disappointing website. Most of it is crap, and the data and statistics are unreliable, and even a consequence of intentional negligence (things that can be fixed but aren't, for one reason or another, there are big problems with costs and slippage not being included intentionally, and systems are kept unreliable despite the fact that it could be done otherwise). I definitely do not recommend it, but I am not going to say anything more against it, because I don't want to be sued.

Frank Sinatra - Too Romantic - YouTube

I welcome your feedback but stop the condescending advice or I'll ban you as well, for distracting me. Only compliments or specific advice is allowed. No pessimistic/condescending advice/considerations or banning is the penalty.

Ok, I've finally stopped editing this post. I didn't want to come off as rude so I changed a few things.

[...]

Actually I have to ban you as well, because this post distracted, offended me and discouraged me (wrongfully so, but it still bothered me). And I am quite upset about the fact that you underestimated by math skills and potential in general. But this ban might be temporary. I will unban you in six months probably.

21 people on my ignore list. Either offer specific advice or, if you say stuff like "you won't make it", then prepare to get banned. Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die.

 

[Yamato]

weekly update (and more)

Here we are. Thanksgiving so the week is over. This week the combination we were trading till September 26th did not do that well. Here it is:



If it will fall below the point we traded or if it will stay around that area for another two months, we can safely assume that it wasn't just a matter of a wrong estimate of drawdown (via the wrong mentioned overoptimized method) but also a matter of picking the wrong systems, in which case it would be my fault, too. One thing is to say they are profitable overall but have a larger drawdown and another thing is to say that overall they are not profitable.

I took care of the roll overs, too. GBL and GC. The other metals and ZN I had done already.

Presently I am getting drunk, because it early in the morning and it's the only way to go back to sleep.

Regarding the rest, last night i fell asleep at 9 pm so this is pretty good because I have slept long enough, even though i'd like to sleep some more. Right, because actually i did not sleep "long enough", but let's define it... I slept six hours already.

So now I am drinking lambrusco. I will check my email, my blog, and then i will write some more.

Ok, here we are.

No emails. Just spam: rolex replicas, viagra, and the usual spam.

The blog is evolving well. I am writing useful links on it, with a short explanation of each link. The problem is that it's not listed on google so I didn't get visits yet.

"Google Multilingual Voice Search" and other links is what I posted. This is a good one:
http://www.2lingual.com/google-multilingual-voice-search/

It lets you speak the search you want to do, in any language. The useful part is not really doing the search, but the voice recognition engine, which lets you know how well you pronounce a given language. It recognized what i said in italian, english, french, spanish, german. I still need to try portuguese. A friend, the usual roommate, was trying to learn english, and I advised him to practice his pronunciation on that web site. That voice search recognizes me even when i say sentences and tonguetwisters but it doesn't recognize him when he says the simplest words. It's an objective judge of his pronunciation, so he should keep practicing on it. But what the hell: usually all these guys telling me they want to learn english give up after trying for one month, so who cares.

So anyway, i created this blog to generate some revenue from ads, but of course I didn't even get one visit, so I am just admiring it on my own. And there isn't much but the good thing is the news feed. I created a feed that permanently gets news from four web sites: cnn, wikileaks, nasa, sciencedaily. So I went there just now and found this news item from cnn (europe):

Milan, Italy (CNN) -- Actor George Clooney and soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo could be called as witnesses in the trial of former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi on charges of sex with an underage prostitute, the court announced Wednesday.

Prosecutors allege Berlusconi paid for sex repeatedly with an underage prostitute and later tried to pull strings to get her out of jail when she was arrested for theft.

Berlusconi resigned earlier this month over his country's debt crisis, bringing to an apparent end an 18-year era in which he dominated Italian politics.

It's interesting how they mention my country, so to speak. Yeah, cause I was born here, but I don't feel like an Italian really. Anyway. They say a lot of things that here are not granted at all and would be considered debatable. But in the article these thing are considered granted, which I agree with, but here it's different.

They say "charges of sex with an underage prostitute". This guy controls the press so well that this expression here is not really common. It's not that clear to people that he's charged with what he's charged. This is because every time a newspaper says this, there's other newspapers and people replying that it's all a lie and the the judges are politically motivated. They don't just say objectively that he's accused of this and that. There's one voice saying he's accused of this, but you also hear another voice saying "bull****, this is a lie fabricated by his political opponents". But in the foreign press you only hear that he might have had sex with an underage prostitute.

Other matter-of-fact sentences that we don't hear here are:

"and later tried to pull strings to get her out of jail when she was arrested for theft"

Watching months of Italian political talk shows would not get you to have a clear idea of what happened as much as this short excerpt from this article does. This is the same as what happens on my journal. I have to hear so much bull**** about myself that the truth doesn't really come out. I do my math, from the foundations of math, and then I hear these idiots saying that I'll never make it because I am up against the physics quants... and all that crap. But they don't know **** and so I banned them all, because they function as those replying "hey, berlusconi is getting attacked by politically motivated judges". Sometimes hearing all opinions gets you further from the truth than just hearing one opinion. This is what happens in politics and what happens on my journal. So you should avoid hearing Berlusconi's supporters and should avoid hearing those idiots who don't even know anythign about me and keep writing discouraging crap here. Read my whole journal, or keep quiet. At least find out everything you can about me before speaking. If you're not willing to do that, then pay respect and compliments to me or keep quiet.

And then, even the last sentence sums it up really well, giving us info we dream of here in italy:

"Berlusconi resigned earlier this month over his country's debt crisis, bringing to an apparent end an 18-year era in which he dominated Italian politics".

Who knew that he resigned "over his country's debt crisis"? Here you hear so many explanations about his resignation, there's so much brainwashing, that if you thought that he did resign because he drove the country into bankruptcy, you'd feel (and i do) like a leftist. But the journalist says it how it is. In other words, Berlusconi is a crook. He is indeed, but he managed to brainwash the majority of Italians for 20 years. That's what I mean when I say the majority of people are idiots.

"Clooney and Ronaldo are being called because they attended parties at Berlusconi's house"... there you go. So Clooney did go to Berlusconi's parties. Shame on him. He does all those leftist movies and then he attends this crook's parties.

 

[Yamato]

Did some more math:



25 straight days of exercises at khan academy.

I have been getting drunk. I can't believe I drank almost a whole bottle and, after 3 hours, I am still writing.

Only two more hours before having to go to work. I hope I'll manage to sleep some.

My life has been passing before my eyes. It often happens.

Life is all about time. But time is money. So life is about money. A pillow. Life is about a pillow and money. A soft comfortable pillow, to spend your time on. Life is about sleep.

http://www.watchfreemovies.ch/name/woody-allen-20826/

Going to sleep now.

 

[zammitman]

I am not worried about the past 14 years of unprofitability. I keep repeating it, because I am not afraid of my track record. I have not made any money from the markets since I started, I have lost 40k since I started trading in 1997, and yet I know I am good, I know I have very good stuff, and of course I will keep going.

Let me see if I have got this right.

1 You have not made any money from trading in over 14 YEARS.

2 You have lost $40,000 since 1997

3 Despite losing for 14 years, you somehow convinced 4 people to invest in your losing system. (Were you completely open and transparent with those investors about your trading history?)

4 In addition to losing the $40,000, you have now also lost ALL your investors money

5 You curse everyone because you think that they all desperately want your trading system (which has been a loser for over 14 YEARS)

6 You spend all your time now doing very basic high school maths level equations

7 You have posted 425 pages worth of emotional junk. It is supposed to be a TRADING journal. Not a journal about high school maths and your non-trading emotional issues

8 You have banned 21 people from your journal here that have attempted to help you. (I assume that I will be number 22)


Get a grip on yourself and stop feeling sorry for yourself. If you won't listen to others who are trying to help you, then you will fail. But I guess that is now very obvious after 14 years

 

[zammitman]

Let me see if I have got this right.

1 You have not made any money from trading in over 14 YEARS.

2 You have lost $40,000 since 1997

3 Despite losing for 14 years, you somehow convinced 4 people to invest in your losing system. (Were you completely open and transparent with those investors about your trading history?)

4 In addition to losing the $40,000, you have now also lost ALL your investors money

5 You curse everyone because you think that they all desperately want your trading system (which has been a loser for over 14 YEARS)

6 You spend all your time now doing very basic high school maths level equations

7 You have posted 425 pages worth of emotional junk. It is supposed to be a TRADING journal. Not a journal about high school maths and your non-trading emotional issues

8 You have banned 21 people from your journal here that have attempted to help you. (I assume that I will be number 22)


Get a grip on yourself and stop feeling sorry for yourself. If you won't listen to others who are trying to help you, then you will fail. But I guess that is now very obvious after 14 years

By the way, don't bother about banning me. As a professional trader, I have read enough of this journal to realise that there is nothing of value here.

 

[zammitman]

With all respect, Travis, what makes you so sure that you are destined to be a successful trader?
The fact that you have 14 YEARS of unprofitability would indicate to me that I was either totally unsuited to trading or that my trading strategies were completely off-target.
I respect that you are determined to keep going, but at what point do you acknowledge that it is a lost cause?

This woman deserves answers. She has raised some excellent questions. As a potential trader, you would do well to think about those issues, instead of just tossing her questions off as irrelevant

 

[Yamato]

LOL. You fool. This time I am not even reading any more. I just put people on ignore without reading their garbage. I know what I am doing, and anyone disagreeing with me is an idiot. Period. I don't even want to know what anyone disagreeing with me has to say. Having said this, it's almost hilarious to me how fashionable my journal has become in the troll community.

 

[Yamato]

Great this website... imusic.am:
Imusic.am

No download needed, no login/registration needed. You just play on it whatever you want as long as you're connected.

[...]

Hmm, despite the recent intellectual harassment by the (now banned) cross-examiner of the holy inquisition, and despite the pack of hyenas that's been gathering here lately, I still managed to do my daily share of math:



As Beck sings, everybody... Everybody's Gotta Learn Sometimes. And this is my time to learn math.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Music Video - YouTube

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind - YouTube

Watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind online - on 1Channel | LetMeWatchThis

I want a spotless journal. No hyenas, no inquisition, no cross-examiners. I hold the truth. You're all a bunch of disrespectful idiots. You ought to be quiet from now on.

Jon Brion

You people are just rude and stupid trolls. It doesn't concern me if there's a large number of you all at once. Being a majority doesn't make you right. It just makes you more stupid and cowards.

26th consecutive day of khan's math exercises (not counting those done elsewhere) and 63 exercises to go.

Dear laughing doubters
I'm laughing louder
I don't really care

Dear Laughing Doubters - Sondre Lerche - YouTube

I will keep writing my journal despite all this harassment. I will do it because it's a pleasure to write, and because there's still 3 or 4 readers who read quietly, and who even... like me. I know it. As long as someone appreciates me, that's enough to keep writing here. I know there's at least one reader who appreciates me, and even understands me.

 

[Yamato]

Did some more math.



[...]

I am still quite bothered by the monkeys who have been posting on my journal. Let's even picture the worst-case scenario, where I am stupid as these idiots think, and I am delusional, and I will never achieve anything. Well, coming here and berating me about it is a cowardly activity.

So I am not going to allow people to do so, under the false pretense of helping me, which obviously they're not. That is why there's 22 people on my ignore list right now and they're almost all certified idiots.

Let me give you another example (which the cowardly trolls won't understand of course): I start a journal titled "defeating dyslexia", where I say I have dyslexia, and that I'm working on solving it, and all of a sudden there's a pack of hyenas showing up on the journal and ridiculing me for having dyslexia. This is close to the situation here, except for the fact that the hyenas doing it here don't know jack**** about trading, and the only reason they're talking is that they're actually so stupid that they think they have me figured out.

They read the part of the journal where I work on 1+1=2 and, being the idiots they are, they say "hey, this is easy... this guy is an idiot". But they don't read the other parts of the journal, those where it would be obvious that I am not an idiot, but maybe not to them... because if they're so stupid.... anyway, they don't even read them because they have to move on being trolls on another thread and don't have the time to do things seriously. And even if I were an idiot, shame on them for deriding idiots. I do the same, but only because they're mean idiots. If they were good-hearted idiots, I would not say anything against them.

I am saddened, not just by their stupidity but much more by their attitude.

[...]

On the other hand, this was a healthy change, because it distracted me from my previous depression. Or maybe not, and it would have been better to be distracted by something positive. Yeah, it would have been better.

Anyway, now I am at work. The hot water wasn't working this morning. I hope the plumber will come and fix it or I'll get a sore throat as usual.

My roommate went to a meeting, somewhere about some banking matter, and he won't be here for a few hours, so i am peaceful this morning and I don't have to joke around all the time like when he's here.

My door is shut, and no one is walking by and saying hello.

I know I am admired. Deep inside, this determination of mine causes people to admire me. Even more when there's trolls all around me, mocking me like monkeys jumping up and down with bananas in their hands. You can never lose a fight where you're fighting against a majority of people who are wrong. If I lose, it's still ok because it was against a majority of opponents, and because it was for a good cause. So if I lose, I win. And if I win, I win. So, going against the trend and fighting the crowd is a win-win situation. Especially with the "ignore feature", where I can make people disappear at will.

 

[neil]

LOL. You fool. This time I am not even reading any more. I just put people on ignore without reading their garbage. I know what I am doing, and anyone disagreeing with me is an idiot. Period. I don't even want to know what anyone disagreeing with me has to say. Having said this, it's almost hilarious to me how fashionable my journal has become in the troll community.

You persist despite losing valuable cash (over FOURTEEN YEARS) that could have been safely stashed in a savings account. With respect Travis, this must tell you something? It's okay to try something but their comes a time when one should give up and aspire for something more attainable and, importantly, within ones' abilities.
It could be you have some form of narcissistic personality disorder where your ego inflates the sense of your own importance and abilities in the great scheme of things. More importantly, this condition stops you from listening or reading anything critical about your ability to trade. Worse, it stops you from listening and acting upon well meaning advice from others.
Perhaps you could read James16 at Forexfactory and others here, then try again using their (not your) approaches. But losing, for 14 years ? Have you dared consider that maybe trading is not for you, or maybe that you should try the approaches shown on other threads.
I really hope you overcome your difficulties and face up to the reality of your trading history and what it tells you. Maybe you can get psychological help to assist you to overcome any issues you may have in viewing the world and the interaction of other people in that world that we all share.
Get help and I trust you will learn to sleep better and interact more effectively with your fellow human beings. Good luck Travis.

 

[Yamato]

Jesus... now even a veteran forum member against me. Who would have thought that you could be an idiot and on my ignore list, and at the same time be a veteran member of the forum? Yes, it can happen.

I read the start of your first sentence, "you persist...", and I placed you on my ignore list, with the rest of the hyenas. Anyone posting something like that, and after what others have been writing lately is nothing but another hyena.

This is the way your post looks now:


It's a nice view. Your poison has been flushed down the toilet. Yeah, because I am expecting it to be nothing but poison. You know nothing about me, so how could you possibly start a post with "you persist..."? What could you possibly be teaching me about myself? What gives you the right to even post on my journal? Since you're a specialist at puking on my journal, I wish you to choke on your puke. Actually go right down the toilet with your precious puke-knowledge.

You cowardly asshole, ganging up on me, right at the same time when every other jerk around is keeping me busy by posting their garbage here. It's clear that I just want to write my journal in peace so you can't pretend you're trying to have a conversation with me: it's just a collective harassment. You're a pack of hyenas and I am officially praying for your immediate death, too.

Did some more math:



[...]

Keep it coming, there's no limit for my ignore list. Once I will have all you idiots in it, I will be able to post peacefully again. Let's work on this right now, while I am alert. All idiots please keep posting in an uninterrupted sequence. Let this thread be a magnet for cowardly idiots, for the next few days. You post your garbage here, I place you on my ignore list, and we move on with our lives. Do it now while I have my drawer for idiots open, I need to be orderly. I wouldn't want to read your garbage in two months and take you seriously by mistake. All hyenas please stick together and keep posting during these next few days.

 

[Yamato]

Hey there, mr blue, i've done some more math:

Mr. Blue Sky, please tell us why,
You had to hide away
For so long where did we go wrong.

Hey there Mr. Blue
We're so pleased to be with you
Look around see what you do,
Everybody smiles at you.