my journal 3

what a goddamn idiot. My father drives me mad.

He goes from denying 911, chemtrails and all the other things I told him about, because a general or some other expert told him they don't exist, to saying that if there's a conspiracy the people will rebel and they might win. What the ****. How can they rebel if they've been duped for the past few decades and even today haven't woken up? He won't even acknowledge the truth about JFK, forget about the moon landings - I showed him the video evidence, and he said the nasa video was not the original one. We're being sprayed with chemtrails and he won't even check what i am saying - yet has no explanation for the things I show him. Shows no curiosity whatsoever.

And how can he say all this to me if even he, being a politician, rejects before he even double-checks the things I tell him? What kind of an idiot is he... I thought he was much smarter than this. Everyone is always hailing him as a genius. He has an answer for everything, despite staggering ignorance on these facts.

First he says there's no 911 conspiracy, refuses to even watch loose change, and then he tells me if there's any conspiracy, people will rebel. How can people rebel if they're all even more ignorant and stupid than he is?

It sucks to wake up one day and realize that all those confident people around you are idiots. Even the ones considered the leaders and the ones you looked up to. Not any more. Because he doesn't even pay any attention to my "conspiracy theories", not that he calls them like that. It's like I am talking by myself.

What am I hoping for? I am hoping for a huge nuclear holocaust here in italy, or something huge, so that he'll have to clearly acknowledge that I was right. ****ing idiot. I want a major energy crisis, and millions of people starving to death, and great social unrest everywhere in the world, but especially here in our neighbourhood. I want to have to move out of this city, because of how much chaos there will be. ****ing idiot assholes not listening to me.

Dr.Strangelove - Ending 1080p - YouTube

I want my father to meet a mother ****ing reptilian in the street.

He spent the first 25 years of his life studying.

Then the rest of his life lecturing others, being successful, arrogant... and only teaching others, without learning anything.

He stopped learning at 25. Why? Because after that, he assumed he was the best. Why? Because everyone else was telling him so. If they weren't, then they were worthless and he didn't listen to them.

Academics, a bunch of people reassuring each other about how good they are. If you're not one of them, you're by definition ignorant, to them. If you're one of them, then wow, you the brightest mind, by definition, or else you would not have become one of them, right? Wrong. They're a bunch of people who generally have stopped learning at 25... theories that were 100 years old and obsolete.

Mother ****er - he deserves to be taken out by a reptilian like the french president in mars attacks:

Jack Nicholson speak French in "Mars Attacks" - YouTube

what really pisses me off about him is that i am not sure if:
1) he's too arrogant to be awake, and then i am mad because he's too arrogant and stupid to listen to me
2) he's pretending he is not awake, because he's ashamed towards me for being part of the system, so he's underplaying the evil powers at work - and then I am mad because he's dishonest and evil

Either way i am really mad, but i would be less mad if it was #1, but since i am not sure, i am as mad as if he were both at once, which can't be the case. Actually it could be the case, too. Some silence because he's arrogant and stupid and some silence because he's complicit.

The only thing that i should do is avoid talking these issues with him, but he keeps talking about HIS politics, without caring what I have to say, so it's an impossible situation, because he's so arrogant that he just wants to discuss his local politics, without discussing my global politics, and sometimes, even worse, he talks to me about the global financial crisis but doesn't care about my opinion.

Total asshole.
 
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Something's not right with ZN. It fell from 135 to 133 while the GBL fell from 147 to 141. To some degree I expected that it would fall less, but not so much. I think it will catch up soon. Better if it does today, so to offset potential losses by NG.

NG is doing ok right now, at 2.8. Today there'll be a lot of volatility. It will either go up a lot or down a lot. I'll find out if my choice to keep both these positions open was a good one.

I entered a takeprofit at 2.940, just in case it jumps all the way to that point during the report hours, because it's not unusual that if it does so, then it falls back down. I couldn't forgive myself for seeing all that profit vaporize. Not on Thursdays.
 
Ok... all right. NG is going down a bit, which I don't like. But ZN is going very well - down down down.

Unfortunately it takes the BUND (GBL) a whole lot of losing to get ZN to fall. What's going on. How long do I have to wait. Anyway, the account balance is doing fine, all things considered.

[...]

Hour later: ZN still falling slowly, and NG still falling, too, slowly, too.

Winning on one and losing on the other.

Just 4 more hours to the real action, with the NG report.

Something odd I noticed is that the GBL contracts of september and december are more distant than usual (1 point usually), and it seems to be because the December contract is falling much more than the September one. I know it's close to expiration but I don't know why it's happening. It doesn't seem natural.

[...]

Another hour later: now they're both rising. 2 more hours to the start of volatility on NG.

[...]

Another hour gone.

Beautiful music here
iMusic.am

Roommate gone to lunch.

Working with the music, this one in particular: "2 Otono Porteno (5:36)".

ZN falling, NG rising. Everything perfect.

[...]

Great: another hour gone and NG rising and ZN falling. Perfect. Action time has begun for NG.

[...]

Another hour gone, and whereas the NG has fallen a little bit further down, which is not good because it's eroding my profit, at the same time the ZN has fallen a whole lot, to the point that my profit on that position is now 1000 dollars. So I am making about 1000 on NG and 1000 on ZN. Still better than any trade I made in the past few months.

Now, what was my reasoning for what seem to be two good trades?

I thought NG could not fall any more, and ZN could not rise any more, and then I opened those two trades and I kept them open no matter what.

Even if I could have been, and still be wrong on one of them, the profit from the other should be enough to offset its losses. Of course, the huge premise is that I picked at least one top/bottom, which is a huge endeavour, but which I do not rule out given that I've been monitoring these two markets (natural gas and bond futures) for six months already.

[...]

Another hour later, from home.

ZN has fallen more, it looks fantastic for me. NG, after the report, has been rising a lot.

Everything looks great. Now the way I am, I'd feel like exiting and reversing... such as closing my short ZN and going long on GBL. And I might regret not doing it, but i won't do it, because it would change my whole perspective on the markets. My perspective right now is to hold these positions until I reach 10k of capital. To do so, I need to keep them both open at the same time, for days. If I closed one, everything would change, psychologically. The more I trade the more I lose. I might get lucky to come across a good two trades like these only once every several months. So I'll hold on to them.

Kenny Rogers - The Gambler - Lyrics - YouTube

Yeah, I'll hold these two cards.

[...]

end of day... still holding those two cards, but the NG really disappointed me after jumping up near the report and in the following hours.

ZN is still holding very well. We'll see what happens tomorrow. Which is the day I'll leave for my two weeks vacation, but I'll still write from there. But my mind will be more relaxed, for better and for worse.

I will probably be able, psychologically, to keep these two trades open for another two weeks due to being on vacation.
 
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uh-oh richard gage made it to public television!

9/11: Explosive Evidence - Experts Speak Out : Colorado Public Television, KBDI 12 in Denver, Colorado

Historical moment:

9/11 - Explosive Evidence - Experts Speak Out, Full-length - YouTube

Experts Speak Out

very interesting, in the first few minutes they mention obama, who's fully part of the coverup, but they twist his words so to pretend that he's part of this effort to reveal the 911 truth. It's a pity, because it's not coherent. I don't like lying. Obama is fully part of this method of lying to the american people, so we shouldn't pretend he's part of this effort to help the truth come out.

[...]

Awesome. They interview, minute 5 to later, high rise engineers who say they're worried if the official story is true, because then the buildings they're building are all in danger - since a small fire can make high rise buildings fall so easily. It's hilarious.

...

Wow, excellent documentary. They're really hammering the point home, regarding building 7.

PBS is only ten years late, well, sucks, but much better than every other channel.

Some comments from the page of the video:
9/11: Explosive Evidence - Experts Speak Out : Colorado Public Television, KBDI 12 in Denver, Colorado

Thank you!
Posted: September 4, 2012 by Wibren Visser Program: 9/11: Explosive Evidence - Experts Speak OutThank you for the courage to show this important material. The corporate media have withheld this information from the public. Shame on them! 9/11 is for the USA what the burning Reichstag was for Germany in 1933. I hope that many people in the USA will wake up and face the deep truth of 9/11, so the USA may return on the path that is worthy if this great nation. Wibren Visser, Linz, Austria

CPT12 Response:
Thank you for your email all the way from Austria.
One of your country’s economists is getting a lot of attention in America these days.
Colorado Public Television (CPT12) has always been at the forefront in airing provocative program topics and providing a forum for presentation and discussion of sensitive issues. We support freedom of expression that is independent from political and commercial forces, providing information to our inquisitive and discerning viewers.
Again, thank you for taking the time to provide feedback.
All the Best,
Joan
CPT12 Staff
Yep, in the US, the truth is very "provocative" nowadays.

...

Hilarious. After less than 20 minutes, you realize that all these prudent and apparently mainstream architects and engineers, who, in the first five minutes refrain from accusing anyone and just vaguely wonder about how the fire could bring down the building, later prove themselves to be very staunch supporters of 911 truth. So the first five minutes of prudence and mentioning "president obama" was all bull**** to get the regular sheeple to watch this.

What sucks and is sad is that every one of these architects and engineers speaking in the documentary will lose business or their job as a consequence, and might even be placed on the no-fly list or some other black-list.

...

So packed with information that I feel sorry for being unable to watch the whole thing - it's boring by how detailed it is. They need chapters and summaries: they can't dish out over 2 hours of engineers telling you the details of 911. It's heavy.
 
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Tania Head: The 911 Faker - YouTube

Even the mainstream media sheds some light on some of these actors. Of course the only ones getting caught by the mainstream media are the self-employed actors like Tania Head.

If you instead got hired to be a 911 actor by the government, then you're only getting exposed by someone on youtube:

9/11 Fake Witness - Mark Walsh aka "The Harley Guy" - YouTube

Or if you were an actor for the mainstream media, then you probably got promoted:

BBC REPORTED BUILDING 7 COLLAPSE 20 MINUTES EARLY - YouTube
 
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9/11- The Greatest Lie Ever Sold by the U.S. Congress/Senate and President of the USA! - YouTube

This is pretty good, guys. A bit disorderly, not the best one, but it's got good material that other documentaries do not have. I think this one is by Anthony Hilder.

After months of watching 911 truth documentaries, more documentaries that I haven't seen keep popping up on youtube, in the related videos. I can't watch them any longer, because I already know most of the material.

At this point it would be interesting to watch the lies, such as a documentary telling me it's bin laden, but guess what? They're harder to find than these accusing the government.

Do you really think that this is a gigantic joke? How come there is a endless amount of documentaries accusing the US government?

Of course I am already convinced, but to anyone who doesn't believe the "conspiracy theory", then they should just wonder how come there's so many documentaries that accuse the US government.

Tell you what, to have some fun, let's try to find a documentary that tells us the government story.

Dude, I can't find any!

There's no documentaries on youtube that dare to tell the lies spread by the government and the media after 911.

Check it out yourself:
911 documentary - YouTube

A whole page with just the truth... it's pretty amazing if you think about it.

Snap1.jpg

Yo, and I'm logged out on that browser, so it's not like they're feeding me the search results they know I want.

At this point, everyone who doesn't realize the truth is in denial or is lying. But within three months, SHTF as they say, so everyone will have to open their eyes.
 
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Great radio show right now on American Freedom Radio right now, with Stewart Rhodes.
 
Just a FYI.

I'm watching a documentary on National Geographic now called '9/11:Voices From The Air'

Worth a watch if you haven't seen and can find it somewhere.
 
Some problems with the bank of italy - I am not receiving feedback for the STR reports I am sending. Usually they send confirmation emails. Today I got none. This might send the boss into a yelling rampage again. Let's hope for the best. I am going to go to tell him in a few minutes.

In my many years at various offices, I've had intelligent bosses that were nice (most of them), a couple of stupid bosses that were even nicer, and this boss, who's stupid and at the same time an asshole, in the sense that he yells. It's the worst combination, of course, and the worst boss ever. I am still wondering why this guy was ever given any responsibility. I guess he's a nice guy to the higher ups. I can't see any other quality in him, except maybe that he lies a lot and this could be another quality for them, on top of his kissing up to them.

Ok, let's go to his room, and see his reaction to this problem. If he yells I am going back to my room, and if he comes here, I'll go get some water bottle downstairs and eventually i will go home altogether. Let them do whatever they want. I am not putting up with any more yelling. I work too seriously to deserve any yelling whatsoever.

[...]

Damn. He was at a meeting, a long one. This is why he's the boss - he can endure those meetings. Once you do that, then... I guess all it takes is to be invited at those meetings, attending them, and being ok with them. Then practically anyone can be a boss, as long as they attend the meetings.

Now i've got another problem, due to working hard. My roommate is upset because I haven't talked to him much for a week. He's used to talking all day long, and after a week of full immersion into this STR job, that I do every month, he's resenting my being so quiet. It's crazy, but this is the situation in this place, and many other places. It pays off more to be social than to work hard. Working hard usually makes people forgive you for not being social, but being social gets you forgiven for everything and more, and on top of that, you get promoted. But I can't socialize with slackers, I can't socialize with idiots... I despise these people. And... I guess, I am going to be kicked out of this place sooner or later for working seriously and despising people who lie, kiss up, and basically the whole bank. This is awesome. It is entertaining, because I know I am not wrong, I am doing the most tiring thing, and the most virtuous thing, and therefore I cannot do otherwise. Kissing up, lying, pretending something is right if it is not... I can't do that.

Oh - good news - finally the bank of italy's email confirmations for my reports are starting to come into my emails. This just spared me a huge argument with my idiot boss, who probably would have started yelling without even knowing what the problem was. Damn, what a place, what a world.
 
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Your post is too short for me to debate it, but thanks for the feedback.

I guess by "getting out" you advise me to meet people rather than just walking in the street. I've heard that advice before. I find people disappointing, so usually meeting people doesn't help, actually it makes me depressed.

If instead you're talking about getting high on social life, that feeling of superficiality you get when you shake a lot of hands, smile at everyone, become easygoing and carefree, I know that situation and feeling and I consider it stupidity, so I stay away from it. I was in that state of mind for a few instants in college and highschool, but other than that, it is hard for me, given my intellectual background (parents being teachers, etcetera). I am a thinking machine, for better and for worse. Being carefree is not an option for me. I was raised not to be carefree. Being carefree... all right, I'll try it, from time to time, but for very small periods, and only once I'll quit my job.

Love and Death [Woody Allen] - To Suffer [PL] - YouTube
 
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Awful NG: it keeps falling. I've lost 1500 dollars of paper profit, relative to 2 days ago, but the position is still profitable. Slightly.

ZN instead is providing a lot of money, thousands of profit.

Had I known, I should have exited NG and kept ZN or even doubled it up.

iMusic.am

But what was my strategy? It was this: keep both trades open, because they've reached top and bottom, and you're likely to make money on them by waiting.

The strategy was to keep them both open all the way to a capital of 10k, so that is what I am doing.

I should keep doing it.

If I close ZN because it's making money, I might lose potential profit: you know, the mistake of cutting profits short and letting losses run.

But according to the initial strategy, I was picking top and bottom on ZN and NG, so i should stick to it, with one exception.

If ZN loses in one day more than 0.7%, then I'll close the short position, and reverse it for a bit, because it's likely to bounce, for at least one day. That's what my tests say.

Video: Reporter Confronts Obama Over Kill-list - BlackListedNews.com

CL is rising. Good. Because of the ratio it has to keep with NG. They're "complementary" if I remember correctly the definition: the rise of price in oil will cause natural gas to rise in the long run, because you can use natural gas as a source of energy for similar purposes.

And NG, with -1.55%, it's not losing a whole lot yet, but of course, day after day, like this, it eroded most of my profits.

It's not really that I think the best strategy is to hold them both, my positions, just like this, without thinking about them for two weeks.

The thing is that if I think about them and try to help them do better, I usually do the wrong thing.

Historically for me the best thing to do seems to just open positions and forget about them.

Yeah, because... you see: my first entry is usually much better than my second or third entry.

Because, I lose, I get burned, then I do a lot of thinking, and I get ready to trade again, and that first trade is much more likely to be good.

If instead I now close these two winning positions, and I make money, I will have:

1) restlessness and desire to trade, because my last trade made money and it's enjoyable
2) confidence, again, because my last trade made money
3) lack of thinking, because I've been in the market, and that corrupts your thinking and turns it into hoping

So, I'll keep them both open, because my judgment is clouded already.

[...]

Dude!

Ideal situation: NG is exploding to the upside, I don't know why, but there must be some news.

NG.png

So, dude, perfect situation for me, because ZN is still pretty low:

zn.png

making about 2000 on it, and now NG is recovering, so I must have a profit of about 3000 from my positions right now.

Yann Tiersen Library - Free listening

Very odd that the stock indexes are falling instead, I mean NQ, YM, ES.

Oil is rising a lot, too. I wonder what the news is.

There's something here but not much:
Oil gains, U.S. jobs data awaited | Reuters
Oil stocks rally on firmer crude, euro boost - MarketWatch
Oil rises to above $96 ahead of US jobs data - NBC29 WVIR Charlottesville, VA News, Sports and Weather

[...]

Mother ****ers!

I lost most of my profit on both ZN and NG now, because of this crap:

zn2.png

NATGAS2.png

**** them, **** them, **** them...

I am going to forget about both for 2 weeks now. And I'll what's left of my account when I come back.

[...]

Back at home and about to go the airport.

I looked at the account again and the profit went from 3000 this morning to about 200 now. I almost feel like there's a plot by the powers that be to keep me from ever making any money.

What can I do at this point? If I was holding when it was rising and resisting the urge to sell then, I can easily resist the urge to sell now. It doesn't feel as good but it's easier.

This crap they pulled with the ZN is about the jobless claims or whatever it was that happened at 2.30 PM CET. It's not because I was getting excited and they wanted to hurt my feelings, was it?

Yeah, anyway, other than this paranoia about the markets acting to spite me, everything is fine.

Oh yeah, I spent another day in terror with the idiot boss, who ultimately never yelled at me, for whatever reason, such as the fact that it's raining or that there was an earthquake somewhere in italy.

In some way today I felt sorry for him. He asked for my help, because everything going on at the office, he needs me... because he's retarded and so is every other employee under him. So it's hilarious that he dared to yell at me given that every program needs my skills and my precision - he is clueless about all these things. And yet, he dared to yell at me. This made me decide that I'll never call him any names as I was planning to do. He's just too stupid to be insulted any further. However, I will still walk away if he ever yells again.

Now I'll watch these bull**** videos (fake) and then I'll get ready and leave... hopefully they won't blow up my airplane, too, after fixing the markets to spite me.

http://natgeotv.com/uk/911-voices-from-the-air/videos

Yeah. I watched the videos and I know what the whole show is about. Getting people to cry and believe the lie.

The problem I have with the powers for faking the airplane hijackings and crashes is that, despite having the good idea of not killing anyone for this 911 bull**** event - I acknowledge that it could have been worse and they limited the casualties as much as possible - they still went ahead and killed millions of iraqis and afghans. So we cannot say that we're grateful to them for not actually killing that many people in their 911 comedy (however: hundreds of firefighters still died, and so did the circa 100 witnesses they had to kill), because they still used it to kill millions, and only for their own benefit. Certainly not for the benefit of the american people.

Ok, I'm officially on vacation. **** this crap. This two weeks vacation is like a joke.

[...]

Yeah, i've gone through my checklist of 13 items, and I've got everything.

Ten more minutes before I get up and leave.

My position hasn't recovered, and it's always at a profit of 200, because ZN after rising so much came down a little bit, and yet NG has fallen even more. So now I am losing money on my NG trade.

It really sucks. But that was clearly my strategy from the start, and I am following it.

8 more minutes to go.

To me, a vacation is not a vacation if you have to come back from it.

A vacation is not a vacation if you have a job.

And it all comes back to trading: until I'll make some money with it, I'll have to keep this job at the bank. Which is hell.

At least I got rid of my foreign friends, who were not good enough. They were causing me more work and stress on the so-called "vacation".

Who knows if my position will survive this vacation. Or if I'll get a margin call and practically blow out my account again.

This looked really good.

Like one of those trades that you regret closing.

Actually two of those trades. Both ZN and NG went my way from the start.

Let's check again.

Yep. Doing a little better now. Close to 300 of profit than 200. Because ZN is not as high, and NG is... seems to be bouncing.

If it survives today, big things can happen on Monday. It could be completely reversed, and the way I like it... you know, in the weekend things change. It's got 48 hours to change its mind about what it did today.
 
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Yeah, ok, after the usual long trip, I finally got to my destination, and now I am lying in bed, about to check the markets... let's see:

all right!

Survived another week. During my trip, while travelling, ZN fell again, not much but enough to give me back 800 dollars of profit, so to more than compensate all the ground lost by NG.

Next week will be easy to not do anything, because I'll be swimming. I'll check every day, and i hope to come home to find good surprises.

This vacation is not as relaxed as my usual vacation, albeit all too short.

It is not as good, because now I have one huge problem that I never had before: a boss to deal with, an idiot boss, and what's worse, and idiot boss and who yells. I never had this problem until April this year, and it's not fun.

It's not fun to be humiliated in front of everyone, albeit once every four months. The reason I really consider this a problem is that there is no way that i know of, for me to make sure this guy will never do it again. I know how I'll react, and that might or might not work. But what I'd really like to do is make sure he doesn't even dare to do it. This boss is... something unacceptable. He simply cannot go on being anyone's boss any longer. Certainly not mine. On the one hand he's so stupid that i feel sorry for him, but on the other hand he's so annoying and disrespectfut that I want him dead, and if I could, I'd have him killed.

I now have an extra problem to deal with before I can call it a victory. Yeah, because i am still a dreamer enough to expect to take care of all my major problems: financial freedom, being rid of a stupid boss... sex, drugs and rock and roll, well, basically financial freedom brings everything else.

Regarding the boss, basically in the end my competence and hard work have always won and triumphed, so I am really having a hard time accepting that someone - particularly someone so stupid - could dare to yell at me. Something's very wrong in my office, and I am expecting this to change soon. Either by seeing the boss removed or see some respect from him. I am going to escalate my reaction to him, whether violent or non-violent. There's no way I'll get used to his behaviour.
 
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