my journal 3

low rating: six one stars

I am going to try and take it in a positive way. This low rating tells me:

1) I am good enough to not have to rate myself a five-star. That is proven by the six ratings of 1-star. Integrity (I did rate myself plenty of times with my previous journals, but I decided to stop worrying about this).

2) four assholes (I gave myself two one-stars: cfr. here) have stopped by the journal, might have even wanted to harass me and troll around, but could not do it, could not post their garbage here, because of the "only posts from contacts" policy. So this shows intelligence and good planning. Finally I have the tools to not be harassed by the idiots of the world, who, feeling helpless, leave me a low rating. So, every one-star I get is one troll I avoided. So those one-stars are there to remind me that I got away with writing what I wanted without being harassed.

3) Nothing or rather... I might have forgotten the third point.

Here's the picture of this... of the deal:

Snap1.jpg

So, remember, every one-star I get, is one asshole I successfully avoided. That rating is there to keep track of the assholes who stopped by and could not post.

Serenity.

Serenity.

I am a turtle in the ocean.

Jon Brion

[...]

Oh, yeah, I remembered #3:

3) If I can get used to not caring about the ratings now, then in the future I will be able to write at will, sincerely, and whatever I want, without any obstacles. Indeed, what can be worse than six one-star ratings? If I can accept it, then from now on, I can write without interferences nor worries.

And the point of a journal is precisely to allow you to write whatever you want, any time you want.

This is the worst that can happen to my journal: get a bunch of one-stars from the assholes who can't write here. Bring it on, you assholes. I am gonna keep doing my math and writing whatever I want here, regardless of your efforts to discourage people who have the courage to speak their minds, to have their own thoughts, and who have something to say as a consequence. I think it's called being a "free thinker", and the morons of the world are not comfortable with people having their own individual non-conforming thoughts. They were taught to conform, and it bothers them that someone is not following their rules, but I have bad news for you sheep: journals are made for people who have something original to say, so it's either this way or it simply isn't. If I were a sheep, too, I would have nothing to write. Instead I don't follow the herd and I stay away from crowds. And it bothers them. So my job is to post what i think on my journal, and their job is to come here and harass me for doing that. Well, after 5000 posts, I've gotten pretty good at defending my thoughts... basically the "only posts from contacts" policy is like a dictatorship, and it's in my hands, and it's just awesome to finally have it enabled. I just have to get over this "ratings" problem and then my writing will be rid of all burdens.

"Writing is a weapon..." says in the middle of this clip Denzel Washington:

The Hurricane (6/10) Movie CLIP - So Glad I Met You (1999) HD - YouTube

I am a turtle in the ocean.

 
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former neighbour insulting me

Ah ah... this is just great.

Ok, so this "friend" of mine, she was living in the same building, and I treated her to dinner about once a month for as many as three years and a total of thousands of dollars.

Now that I am saving, I have told her, yesterday, that I wouldn't meet her because I am saving and counting every euro I spend. So at first she made a joke and said to go and beg for money, and that was fine. But then, later, during the night, she wrote a long text message to me, saying that I must have either used the financial problem as an excuse not to meet her or... then I read quickly and deleted the message and immediately removed her from my phone book. It said something like "dignity", then something about my family having money and blaming me, basically. Ah ah... as soon as I read that, I immediately deleted her message and removed her from my phone book (it's not the first time... we'll probably make up in three months).

This is hilarious. When you treat someone to dinner and spend thousands to treat her, then everything is fine. It doesn't matter if you're going into debt and stuff. But then if you stop treating them, they write you a text message and condemn you and speak of "dignity". Condemn you for what, exactly? For being "rude" and not blowing your money on them? She'd deserve to be removed forever from my life, but I am always playing it safe and I never do stuff like that. Except on the web, I never delete people. I put them in my trash can but then I don't empty it. I don't permanently delete people, because I know that if I did, by now there would be none left. I remember I used to delete people from my phone book all the time, and in some periods there was only one or two people left in there for me to call. So, after noticing that I'd pretty much shoot everyone, I've stopped being so drastic.
 
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Ok, they added 5 new exercises, so, after doing 7 exercises, I now still have 35 exercises to go. Done with 86% of work.

Snap1.jpg
 
Cocksuckers. There's a plot against me here. Everyone is ganging up on my thread and giving me low ratings. Here's a picture of the fifth asshole rating me a "one star" (two are from myself, cfr. previous posts).

Snap1.jpg

But I am going to resist and refrain from rating my own thread to increase its score.

Ah ah... the consolation is that all the assholes/idiots can actually do to my thread is give it a low rating. There's nothing else they can do. They can't post. I love it.

That's interesting, and sad, too. On a small scale this is equivalent to lynching. It's like... you, or at least I, if I see someone in trouble, I go and help him. But most people if they see someone in trouble, they take part in killing him. People are gregarious. That's the same reason why they can't go and have lunch by themselves. They need to be with someone, regardless of whether they want to hear something this person says. They have to stick together, regardless of the activity. I am so tired by the way of my roommate asking me to go on a coffee break with him, every day. I hope he stops and if he doesn't, I'll refuse. You see, i have a lower need for social approval and being around people. I can stand by myself, or rather: i need people, too, but I don't need to lean on them as much as most humans do. Because I know I am right, and that the majority is a bunch of idiots/despicable assholes/crooks. Also, being only child, I am used to being alone.


Anyway, I was saying: if I go around on the forums, and see someone with a low score, I try and help them out. Instead what most people do is praise what is being praised and despise what is being despised, and the extreme consequence is lynching.

Take Michael Jackson. In the 1980s everyone was admiring him like a god, and then in the 1990s everyone was attacking/ridiculing him like a criminal and all. But michael jackson didn't need any extra fans in the 1980s - what he needed was support in the 1990s. But he got none. Why? Because, like birds in their flocks, people have to move in formations. They're not really thinking about it. They're even too stupid to be called "cowards". They just do it like the birds do it, because they're birdbrains.

That's what people do, but not me. I stand on the side, look, and judge for myself, regardless of what others are saying. But most people, the idiots, they say "hey, let's gang up on someone". So now they're ganging up on my ratings. I can't believe this is happening on what seemed to be a peaceful forum like t2w. But I am fine, because the forum rules are protecting me from further damage (such as idiots posting here), the tide will turn/change (i don't know the exact expression), and in a couple of months there will be plenty of sheep here saying how good this journal is. Of course, once again, all at once. All praising when no more praise is needed, and all despising when the insults have been more than enough. This is people, they have to move in herds, flocks, formations. They don't dare to stick out. So in this we're like the animals we came from. But evolution is changing that, and for example there's no more gladiators today. We're moving further and further away from animals. Yeah, I think so. I see a trend bringing humans from beasts to sensitive people and free thinkers.

This of course is just a trend in our culture, because physically we are still the way we were 200,000 years ago:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anatomically_modern_humans

If it weren't for our culture, being passed from one generation to another, we'd be much worse than what we were 2000 years ago, when we went to watch the gladiators.

Ok, now there's 8 one-stars against me. But they still can't post, the animals. That's pretty good. Let us see how my thinking and mood will evolve as I will get more one-stars. For now I am not indifferent to it, but I am far from quitting this journal because of it. The way I am seeing this, is people stopping by, and then each one is throwing a stone at me. So far six people have done that. It doesn't hurt that much. It's mentally troubling me, because it reminds me of stoning and lynching. Not because I am concerned about the journal. Let's see how long it will keep going: let's do statistics on this thing. Even if I achieve 20 one-stars in a row, that will be more interesting than frustrating.

Yeah, because you see, if you wanted me to stop posting, all it would take is to get the moderators to stop me, and I'd be unable to. But probably they're fine with my journal, so that's why i am still posting. So I really wonder who is being bothered by this journal and what are they hoping to achieve. Or maybe it's the same person registering several times, maybe someone I banned on my previous journals.

[...]

Now it's nine. Nine one-stars saying my journal is "terrible". Ah ah. That's how misleading these ratings can be. I know it's good. I know I put effort into it. So these people are clearly in bad faith or too stupid to judge things. Or for some reason there's a couple of people who strongly dislike me. Or something else that escapes me right now. I wonder if I can even be banned from t2w due to low ratings. It would be pretty interesting, as it would free up a lot of time I've been spending here. The truth is that, given all the trolls hanging out in here, this is the best journal. I wish there were other good journals to read, but there aren't, from any points of view, trading-wise and also as a regular journal. There's nothing. Just boring journals or trolling journals. No journal has all the material, quality or usefulness this one has. And I am getting five one-stars. It's just like in music. You have lady gaga, and then you have some unknown talented musician. As I said before, people conform. People are gregarious. They go in flocks, packs, herds. Lady Gaga is good, so everyone agrees she's good. Then the unknown guy is unknown so he can't be good. If he becomes known, then he's popular and good all of a sudden, and he will be considered good even if he stops being good. Once you're george clooney, you're george clooney.

This is really striking. 9 one-stars. I've been getting them at the rate of 3 per day, since the day they started. I wonder if whoever is doing this can keep up the rate at which he's been rating me, or if he'll get tired. It's practically impossible that this will keep on happening at this rate for a few days. There's got to be someone rating me 2 stars or more, and this would screw up my perfect rating of one-star.
 
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Ok, this was harder today, because I had to watch quite a few videos (from the website itself) explaining me some geometry.

They added one new exercise, but I've done 4 exercises, so now I only have 32 exercises to go. And my conquering of math continues. 87% of work done.

Snap1.jpg

Nice exercise software here:
Congruency postulates | Khan Academy

Done for the day.


I am going to watch one of these gems:
Rob Schneider's Movies - LetMeWatchThis | 1Channel - Watch Movies Online Free - Newly Released

Watch Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo online
Watch Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo online
 
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planning a new start

Regarding my plan to start again:

I've calculated that at this rate I'll be saving 250 euros per month. Instead of calling the taxi from home, I walk to the square where they are parked. That saves me about 2 euros per day. Then, when I get back, instead of getting off at my apartment, I get off a bit earlier and avoid a lot of traffic that way, and i save 3 euros each time. This means a total of 5 euros per day, which is 100 euros per month.

Then, instead of going to the barber shop, I resumed my old habit of giving myself haircuts. That saves me, all things considered, about 30 euros per month.

So far it's 130 euros saved per month. Then, after getting rid of all other useless expenses, the latest was the restaurants paid to other people besides myself... I basically calculated that I will have 250 extra euros every month.

I am even saving on what I spend on the vending machines. Restraining yourself is a limited resource as I wrote on the previous journal. You can't deny yourself everything, but if you get used to it, little by little, it gets easier to do, and you can add more efforts. Anyway, this is only necessary until I will have gathered enough to get started again.

Saving is not only good in that it allows me to gather capital. It is also good because it teaches me the value of money. This is the first time that I save. Until now I never felt I could run out of money, so I never worried about it. I even took out loans without realizing that I had run out of money. This time, instead of taking out a new loan, which I could easily do, I've said to myself: hey, let's not do things we can't afford to do. Let's not spend money we can't afford to spend. In other words, like Italy is doing now, I've said "money has to come from saving rather than from bigger debts". So I started counting the cents.

Given the extra salary of December, and the fact that I can go in the red, I will have enough to get started again... in January. I might wait longer, and choose a timing when the exchange eur/usd is in my favor.

Furthermore, if I wait a bit longer, I might receive an offer from the last survivor of the five potential investors: all enthusiastic until september, when it wasn't possible, but then none was interested any more when it suddenly became possible (given that the previous investors dropped me).

These guys are not focused at all, but they might give me some peanuts, such as 3000 euros. Then I'll put my 1500, and we could easily get started with 4 systems (cfr. previous post on those 4 systems).
 
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Yeah. I've been thinking, about saving. You could be making 3000 per month, and getting into debt, and you could be making 1500 per month, and having extra money. It all depends on how you handle money. If you handle it as if you could never run out of it, you're going to run out of it. And viceversa.

There's always two approaches: the guy who refuses to look at his bank account balance, and that's been me until now, and the guy who monitors it carefully, and that's me since a month ago. It's a fascinating topic, and you could divide all humans into these two categories.

I think the first ingredient of money management should be that you do not want to run out of money. And in many cases, like in mine, people are lacking the sense that money is precious and limited. First of all, because they never ran out of it before, second of all because they have a feeling that someone will be there to take care of their problems if they do... this mechanism keeps us from really keeping track of our finances. Only if you have to really pay for your money management mistakes, do you realize what money means. Like right now I am not sleeping under a bridge, but I am certainly unable to quit my job, and this because of lack of capital, which is completely my fault. I wasted thousands in the past few years, actually ever since I've had a job, in 1997. Actually ever since I was given an allowance by my parents. I've never been stingy, as everyone should be. One should never spend everything he has, which is what I've been doing until now. I've always spent everything I had. Didn't have money? I even stopped eating. Had money? I treated people to the restaurant. You have instead to be prepared for when you won't have money by saving when you have it.

Now that I am clearly at an office where I don't want to be, I am regretting all the money I wasted. And the compulsive gambling came directly from that same feeling of not running out of money.

In other words, saving money by walking to the cab station rather than calling it from home, is going to have beneficial effects not just on my saving capability in general (I certainly won't treat people to the restaurant if i walked to the cab to save 2 euros) but also on my money management for trading, and the general capability of managing all my resources, including time and even health.

But the truth is that it's not the act of walking to the cab that enables all these positive consequences. They are both the consequence of my determination to save, which is so strong that it will involve all my choices.

It all began when I realized that I cannot find any additional sources of income. I can't really teach... I could do it but I don't want to. I can't sell. I can't ask for a raise. I can't pretty much do anything to increase my income. So I then realized that the only thing I can do right now is save and build up capital, and in the meanwhile study math. And that's what I'm doing.

It was really fun when this friend of mine, who caused me 3000 dollars of expenses at the restaurant during the last 3 years, has asked me a week ago to go to the restaurant, and i refused because i am saving, and she reacted by insulting me and trying to make me feel cheap. I really laughed with satisfaction: if i have to lose a friend because, after 3 years, I stop treating her to dinner, I am very satisfied to lose such a friend. And I hope it will happen more frequently that I will lose friends because i stop treating them to dinner. It was my biggest achievement of this week, losing such "friend".
 
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Probably done for the day. I've done a bunch of review exercises (compulsory) and one new exercise:

Snap1.jpg

I only have 31 exercises to go. 88% of work done.

Now I am stuck here, but I'll do it tomorrow probably:
http://www.khanacademy.org/exercise/equation_of_a_circle_1

Eyes getting worse and worse. What really hurt them was the first six months of this year, with all the work I was asked. But if I needed to get money from investors, and to give my work away, it is only my fault for not managing my capital better in the past. And if I am still at the office, it is also my fault, for the same reason. So there's really no one to blame right now. But one thing I can tell you for sure: no bitch or male friend better expect me to treat her to dinner ever again. I am not letting it happen. I hope this experience will stay with me and that I won't waste money if it ever becomes abundant again. I am now very much against the principle of "treating" other people to dinner. It really totally sucks. From now on I am not even going to offer a glass of water to anyone, nor let them inside the house. **** the concept of "treating".
 
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Damn. I have to admit it's really getting to me. The other day I said I wouldn't care about the ratings but now there's an ongoing war between me and the mastermind of evil. Every day I come online and see that someone has given me a few more one-stars. Obviously this is not just the consequence of regular readers, but someone doing this on purpose. I know the stats of this from my previous journals.

So, it was ok as long as I had just all one-stars and a perfect score of 1. Then some good guy (or maybe it was the evil guy again) rated me a few five-stars, and so I got into this sick mania of wanting a good score again. That's when I rated myself five-stars, not just with my main user id, but also with my other nicks, of which two have now been banned.

But then the evil asshole kept on rating me down, so I've been registering again and again, trying to give myself a higher rating. But this maniac is more of a maniac than I am, so he keeps on dropping by, probably with new nicks (or he has a lot of hyenas-friends), and lowering my rating.

So I don't know what I'll do. Also because t2w got smarter and now I don't know if it's by ip or by computer id, but they basically ban you from the start. You don't even have the time to log in the first time and you're already banned.

I'll probably stop caring or if I still care and cannot manage to achieve a higher rating, I might get discouraged altogether and stop posting, and this asshole will be happy because he won in the end and made me stop posting here.

I wish this guy just died, whoever it is. Even if it's a child.
 
weekly update (forward-testing)

Snap1.jpg

That combination we had was not just off in terms of forecasted drawdown, but it wasn't that good, given that even if the investors hadn't quit at the end of september, we would not have made any money in the ensuing 2 and a half months.
 
All right, I was so depressed about the ratings problem, that I had to do some more math.

Snap1.jpg

Now I only have 29 exercises left. 89% of work done.

Yeah, it's crazy that I am caring about the ratings, given that i say I don't give a **** about anyone, but the truth is that I do. It really bothers me that there's some asshole who dares to mess with my ratings.

Obviously I am in bad shape, as I keep saying, too. If I were in a good shape I wouldn't even be writing the journal, or maybe i'd be writing different things and more rarely. And probably then i would not care about the ratings, and maybe the asshole wouldn't even dare to mess with me, because some people only mess with you when they see you on your knees, and if they see you strong, they don't dare to mess with you. Personally, I hope I do the opposite, but maybe I am like all humans, except when I am alert and I think clearly.

Anyway, I am in a bad mood, and this asshole is making it worse by messing with my ratings. Notwithstanding all this, I'll keep doing my math, and writing my journal. Waiting and hoping for a better time to approach.

You see, if I didn't write my journal and talked to myself here, I probably would feel lonely, and then I'd call that bitch who recently insulted me because I refused to take her out to dinner (as I've been doing for 3 years). I'm better off writing this journal, and getting these ratings by this asshole, than treating that bitch to dinner.

In a way, on top of my two other readers, the asshole persecuting with these low ratings, on a daily basis, is making me feel like someone cares about my journal. Yes, he wants to kill it, but he does care about it. Which reminds me of the ending of the catcher in the rye: "don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody". Or something like that. This asshole has now become part of the journal, and he keeps me company, and that way I save on treating bitches to dinner.

Tonight I'll have to watch another movie with Rob Schneider:
Rob Schneider's Movies - LetMeWatchThis | 1Channel - Watch Movies Online Free - Newly Released

It's like a medicine.
 
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I am tired. I will not give up on this journal, but I will take a break for a few days. I will keep track of my progress, but I will decrease the frequency of my posts from four per day, to one post every two days or so. For a while, until I feel better.
 
You have been rated - worth it for the Words & maths and I will throw in the link as a bonus. Keep it up T.
 
Thanks for the rating and for the encouragement. I will keep it up. I may just slow down, because there's no meritocracy here. The trolls start a thread and get five stars and I have to deal with a troll rating me 1 star repeatedly because he dislikes me. There's more trolling here than anything else. Efforts are only appreciated by a minority. This is the world anyway. It's just that I had thought it was a better than average place here. Anyway, I will keep writing, documenting my work, progress and activities.
 
Why was travis banned? All he ever seemed to do was mind his own business and post in his own journal. How can that possibly get you banned??
 
new_trader said:
Why was travis banned? All he ever seemed to do was mind his own business and post in his own journal. How can that possibly get you banned??
Click to expand...

Excatly:confused:. What is the story here?. I enjoyed it and was looking forward to him going live again
 
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