my journal 2

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You know, now I'm trading day after day, looking at the money coming in and going out, it's obvious that I've got to learn not to feel so happy when I'm profit and not to feel so bad when I'm losing. And it's the same for everyone, and for you. Your compulsive discretionary trading is really just something you've got to learn not to do. Sounds trite? It probably is, but it's the reality of it. The number of times this week I wanted to take over from my systems and do something discretionary which I thought would be profitable or less loss-making is outrageous. At least 3 times a day I get seriously seriously tempted. I haven't given in to it yet.
 
I guess you've got the right stuff, as they say. Personally, as I documented at length here, I don't. Maybe my journal has helped you and others to be prepared for what they would be facing.

Give it another month, and if you've still not switched into gambling mode, it means you have all the qualities required.

Still, being tempted so many times is not too good. I wonder how you can manage to get tempted and not give in.

Usually if I get tempted, I also give in, at the second instance of getting tempted. Except for jumping out the window. Sometimes, when I am standing on the porch, I feel a slight temptation to jump out in the street, six floors below, but so far I haven't given in to that temptation. First I want to see some money from my systems. And i've got to finish the history of britain documentary.


http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000564/
 
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Being control freak and intolerant. Recently I've been wondering why I am so intolerant, of the neighbours in particular. But I've often been intolerant of the smallest things by strangers. I remember I even wallked in the street and got bothered if anyone stared at me, and used to stare back until they stopped. Now I don't do it anymore because I am insecure about my appearance.

Getting back to being intolerant of the neighbours. and the smallest things that only bother me and no one else, the answer is simple, or rather it's a synonym. I kept saying for a year that I am quite a control freak: how can I wonder why I am so intolerant? Being control freak and intolerant are the same thing.

The control freak wants people to act according to his wishes. The intolerant person doesn't tolerate anyone acting other than according to their wishes. It almost has the same exact meaning.

Le's even look it up on the dictionary:
http://thesaurus.com/browse/intolerant

There's a whole lot of synonyms and meanings for that word. The sense I mean is closest to this one, which is not, of the 19 meanings, the "intolerant" main entry, but the main entry of "excitable":

Main Entry: excitable
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: easily upset or inspired
Synonyms: agitable, alarmable, demonstrative, edgy, emotional, enthusiastic, fidgety, fierce, fiery, galvanic, hasty, high-strung, hot-headed, hot-tempered, hysterical, impatient, impetuous, impulsive, inflammable, intolerant , irascible, mercurial, moody, nervous, neurotic, overzealous, passionate, peevish, quick, quick-tempered, rash, reckless, restless, sensitive, short fused, skittish, susceptible, temperamental, testy, touchy, uncontrolled, uneasy, vehement, violent, volatile, volcanic
Antonyms: calm, easy, easy-going, insensitive, laid-back, passive, unexcitable, uninspired
 
travis said:
Being control freak and intolerant. Recently I've been wondering why I am so intolerant, of the neighbours in particular. But I've often been intolerant of the smallest things by strangers. I remember I even wallked in the street and got bothered if anyone stared at me, and used to stare back until they stopped. Now I don't do it anymore because I am insecure about my appearance.

Getting back to being intolerant of the neighbours. and the smallest things that only bother me and no one else, the answer is simple, or rather it's a synonym. I kept saying for a year that I am quite a control freak: how can I wonder why I am so intolerant? Being control freak and intolerant are the same thing.

The control freak wants people to act according to his wishes. The intolerant person doesn't tolerate anyone acting other than according to their wishes. It almost has the same exact meaning.

Le's even look it up on the dictionary:
http://thesaurus.com/browse/intolerant

There's a whole lot of synonyms and meanings for that word. The sense I mean is closest to this one, which is not, of the 19 meanings, the "intolerant" main entry, but the main entry of "excitable":

Main Entry: excitable
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: easily upset or inspired
Synonyms: agitable, alarmable, demonstrative, edgy, emotional, enthusiastic, fidgety, fierce, fiery, galvanic, hasty, high-strung, hot-headed, hot-tempered, hysterical, impatient, impetuous, impulsive, inflammable, intolerant , irascible, mercurial, moody, nervous, neurotic, overzealous, passionate, peevish, quick, quick-tempered, rash, reckless, restless, sensitive, short fused, skittish, susceptible, temperamental, testy, touchy, uncontrolled, uneasy, vehement, violent, volatile, volcanic
Antonyms: calm, easy, easy-going, insensitive, laid-back, passive, unexcitable, uninspired
Click to expand...


Expectations. We shouldn't expect too much, especially off other people.

We expect a level of gratitude, this is because we give a certain level of gratitude, but it does not always flow back.

I suppose the markets are the same.
 
Christina Ricci (Prozac Nation)

http://www.thatfilmsite.org/watch-11422-Prozac-Nation

This Ricci girl, she's an amazing actress. I'm going to watch all of her movies now. I was coming to this movie expecting nothing of it, didn't like anything about it... it turned out to be quality stuff.

I did see one movie with her before: anything... anything else. Oh, and I watched Monster, another amazing film. These movies with her do all have something in common: everyone getting involved with the character played by Ricci gets their feelings hurt really badly, whether her roommate in one movie, Charlize Teron in another movie, or Jason Biggs in one or even two movies. It's quite a striking coincidence, not chance definitely. Amazing actress, picking amazing movies to act in. Few actors are as good as her at picking good films.

Now that I think of it, she plays the typical girlfriend I've had in the past. Pretty sick, just like any girlfriend anyway. Unless you're the average superficial guy, who's so shallow that he never gets hurt. Anyway, I've picked unstable and sick girlfriends in the past - even without being sick myself. To give you a reason right off the bat... the regular ones seem very boring. Mostly wrist-cutting pill-swallowing suicidal girlfriends, who occasionally chase me with a knife... yeah, no kidding.

Anyway, it's not just Ricci, but the director is also good:
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0804408/

I am surprised he's not made many other movies. He's made this Insomnia movie, which sounds interesting to me, but I couldn't find it on a streaming web site.

A good movie is - like this one - a movie where you believe what you are watching. Where you forget you are watching a movie. Any movie with tom cruise you usually remember you're watching tom cruise. Most movies with de niro or christina ricci, you forget the actor and you believe the character they're playing. Who ever remembers when watching scarface and the godfather that they are watching the same actor, Al Pacino? You just forget it's the same guy. In both movies he's a mobster, yet an entirely different personality. If he had been played by tom cruise, you'd have been watching the same mobster, not even a mobster. You'd just be watching tom cruise in both movies, tom cruise the person. Not Michael Corleone or Tony Montana, but just Tom Cruise. This is what the average shallow movie viewer always fails to understand. These goddamn shallow morons, when you ask them their favorite movie, they don't have one, and if they do, they don't even remember actors, director and sometimes even the movie's exact title.

It's interesting how I mentioned all these good actors, and they all have italian last names. But Ricci, despite her first and last name, says here that she's not really Italian:
the Italian blood has been bred out of me. There's an Italian four or five generations back who married an Irish woman and they all had sons. So they married more Irish women, there were more sons, and more Irish women. Now I'm basically Scots-Irish.
Click to expand...

And here she is sure enough with another guy from Scotland:


Wait, she says Scots-Irish but she means Irish? She uses them as synonyms but they're not. It gets complex. I heard all about in the story of English, but I don't have time to investigate that.

I have to say she looks and sounds like an idiot on the youtube video above, talking about dogs and all that. But she's understated, because she's a great actress.

Anyway, here's some more interesting stuff about the author of the book on which the film was based:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elizabeth_Wurtzel

 
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travis said:
I guess you've got the right stuff, as they say. Personally, as I documented at length here, I don't. Maybe my journal has helped you and others to be prepared for what they would be facing.

Give it another month, and if you've still not switched into gambling mode, it means you have all the qualities required.
Click to expand...

I don't want to sound like I'm boasting but even if I do at some point give in to the temptation to second guess my system and do some random discretionary trades, I would be strictly limited and I would get my **** together pretty quickly - I certainly wouldn't blow out my account unless exceptional events occurred in the markets to move them 3 standard deviations out.

My worst problem is that I'm just trading forex and sometimes if I have 4 or 5 positions, I might actually be all one way against the dollar or against the euro. I've seen it already after just two weeks trading and it made me think I'm really not being very clever. If a big event hit and that currency went against me, I'd get flattened like roadkill.

Anyway, I know what you said in your journal and let me repeat what I said: we are all just a product of our habits and we all have the power because we're human to change our habits. If you find it insanely difficult, then try starting out with small irrelevant habits and build from there.
 
No way, man. It's much easier to quit altogether for me. Rather than try to keep discretionary trading under control, I better stay away from it entirely. There are some things we cannot control. And I am sure you have them, too. But trading is not one of them. I am sure you have some deficiency you're aware of and that you cannot manage to get rid of, such as smoking, drinking, biting your fingernails, scratching your head, slouching... or what have you.

You can't expect me to be able to control my compulsive gambling - or better: to keep doing discretionary trading without it turning into compulsive gambling - just because you're able to control it, just like I can't expect you to say quit smoking because I never was addicted to smoking.

You keep telling me you are good at controlling your trading because you're strong and you're able to change, but probably there are some things (see list above) that you cannot change - show me your strength by changing everything that is wrong in your life, and then you'll prove your point that we're able to change what we want by sheer will.

However, unless your life is perfect - and I am sure it's not - it means you can't control through sheer will every area of your own behaviour. And mind you - I am not talking about controlling outside events - just your own behaviour. We don't even fully know how exactly our mind and our behaviour works, so we cannot control it fully as a consequence. I am big on introspection, but I know I am not aware of everything that rules my action, and even then, I am still not aware of how to manipulate myself. And I am a control freak, who's really trained at controlling everything in his life.
 
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army people...

You know, I definitely don't like army people, army life, police and all that - there's always someone too violent, actually the majority of them. It's really not my type of thing. My dad is a big fan of military life of course, and probably that's why I mistrust the military. Actually I don't even trust people in general. But I like music people, and the military music people are among the ones I like best:

 
travis said:
No way, man. It's much easier to quit altogether for me. Rather than try to keep discretionary trading under control, I better stay away from it entirely. There are some things we cannot control. And I am sure you have them, too. But trading is not one of them. I am sure you have some deficiency you're aware of and that you cannot manage to get rid of, such as smoking, drinking, biting your fingernails, scratching your head, slouching... or what have you.
Click to expand...

I'm not talking about right now. You have to practice these things. Pick an irrelevant habit that you have - something totally unimportant and inconsequential. Then when you work on something more difficult.

And just because I have flaws which I don't deny, it doesn't make the priniciple invalid. If those flaws were really affecting my life badly, I'd focus my attention on them and most likely fix them, e.g. any of the flaws you mentioned. I quit smoking. I quit slouching. But I have no reason to quit drinking.
 
Well well. But you are admitting you have not solved ALL of your problems, so I am entitled to have one thing beyond my control, too. And that is trading.

I know I can solve many others. And believe me, I have a strong will power.

But trading doesn't necessarily ruin my life - I am just saying I can't keep it under control other than by quitting discretionary trading altogether. You seem to be encouraging me to stick with it and put up with daily temptations. I either quit it altogether, or I won't be able resist the temptations of discretionary trading. Quitting entirely is easier for me, and it doesn't deprive me of much. So that's the way I will go about it.

Maybe it was just a misunderstanding. Maybe you agree with the way I will handle this problem.

Now it will be easier as my systems have gone from 40 to 60 and this will keep me busier.
 
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