my journal 2

[Yamato]

death is approaching

I am going to allow myself some screwing around after working non-stop since this morning. In half an hour I will go home. In twenty minutes I will go home.

I am going to watch some movies as usual. Today, I want to finish all De Niro's movies, at least those from the 1970s, stuff that I didn't watch yet, despite the fact he's my favorite actor. I guess I have a workaholic approach even to watching movies. That's why I said "I want to finish", as if it were a duty or a task.

Today the systems are losing 500. There's a long trade on the GBP, started by one of my best systems. Unfortunately it's losing 500 right now. Nothing I can do about it. On the other hand, these are the same systems that doubled my money in the past few weeks. Yes, before then, I had wiped out my account because of compulsive gambling.

My boredom right now is such that I am looking at my scar from my recent vacation and admiring its improvement. I rarely did this on vacation. Actually i did it all the time. Maybe I was more bored on vacation than now. Or rather: I was more hyperactive, so I needed to look at it more often than I am doing now. Now I have slowed down my actions, as always, when I come back to work. On vacation I act like I am ten years younger and at work I act like I am ten years older. I go into lethargy. Fifteen minutes to go.

I found a new way to skip lunch and save money: having breakfast. I have breakfast at about 8.30 AM, come to work, then stay here until 3.30 PM and then eat at home. This way I can save about 10 dollars per day if not more.

I am depressed. Because time went by. I used to be depressed because time "will" go by.

Time is running out and death is approaching. I guess even a child could say something like this, a sentence as simple as this.

Somehow this sentence and realization makes me feel the urge to go out and screw as many women as possible. That's my immediate urge. I'll try with one of my colleagues, in ten minutes I have to meet her for a cigarette break. Death is approaching, let's have sex. Leaving in 7 minutes.

 

[Yamato]

de niro's movies

http://www.letmewatchthis.com/?actor=655

Ok, I'm going to watch True Confessions:
http://www.letmewatchthis.com/watch-24456-True-Confessions

Guess not. Bad connection.

Watching this:
http://www.letmewatchthis.com/watch-12832-Great-Expectations

I'm bored. Death is approaching and yet i am bored. Because I'd rather be doing something else. I am not happy. On vacation I felt better.

Anyway, watching it. For being a De Niro movie this one sucks. However of course it is going to be entertaining. But it's not the art I have learned to expect from De Niro. On the other hand, both De Niro and Scorsese and the others who directed him have become more commercial as the years went by. Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, Goodfellas are one thing. Casino is commercial. The Departed is commercial, and on and on. Most of De Niro's movies in the 1990s and 2000s are commercial.

Other actors who tend to pick very good non-commercial movies are Johnny Depp, John Turturro, Willem Dafoe, to name a few ones.

 

[Yamato]

Holy ****. I wasn't ready for this. Today I've lost over 1000 dollars with just one contract on the GBP. Today was one of those days when fortunes are made and lost. Who would have expected the EUR and GBP to fall even lower than they had fallen so far.

I am screwed. Not totally but partially. I guess for once if I had traded discretionary I might have lost less money. But actually I wanted to go long as early as yesterday. I probably would have blown out my account. I should be happy I let my system lose 1000.

Now back to watching movies.

 

[Chartsy]

Travis i've been lurking about your threads from time to time, your systems, are they based on markets being overbought/oversold and then fading that? seems like it, it's not a bad way to trade either. just asking about here but what is your fave market?

 

[Yamato]

I have 40 systems and they fall into these categories:

ON bounce (at night there's a reversal)
Opening Gap (gap tends to be filled in the first few hours)
overstretched (overbought/oversold concept)
WeekDay Bias (against the trend, like the first three categories)
Volat.Breakout (WITH the trend)
WITH ID trend (WITH the trend)

The first four categories fall entirely or partially in the overbought/oversold concept, which is indeed one concept I've always tried to exploit, even though I wouldn't call it my "favorite", in the way the term is used normally.

When it comes to discretionary trading instead, at which I have always lost money, I do have a problem of picking tops and bottoms, at being wrong about them (like most other people), at doubling up once I am wrong and losing, and at blowing out my account as a consequence. The systems sometimes do the same top and bottom picking I do, but they never double up, and they close losing trades. So they make money with the same strategy, but also because they don't rush like I do. They are good at waiting before entering, and not waiting when it's time to exit. Instead, I just cannot hold myself from doubling up when I am losing, taking personally and behaving like a junkie.

Keep reading and keep asking, or feel free to write anything you want.

 

[Chartsy]

I have 40 systems and they fall into these categories:

ON bounce (at night there's a reversal)
Opening Gap (gap tends to be filled in the first few hours)
overstretched (overbought/oversold concept)
WeekDay Bias (against the trend, like the first three categories)
Volat.Breakout (WITH the trend)
WITH ID trend (WITH the trend)

The first four categories fall entirely or partially in the overbought/oversold concept, which is indeed one concept I've always tried to exploit, even though I wouldn't call it my "favorite", in the way the term is used normally.

When it comes to discretionary trading instead, at which I have always lost money, I do have a problem of picking tops and bottoms, at being wrong about them (like most other people), at doubling up once I am wrong and losing, and at blowing out my account as a consequence. The systems sometimes do the same top and bottom picking I do, but they never double up, and they close losing trades. So they make money with the same strategy, but also because they don't rush like I do. They are good at waiting before entering, and not waiting when it's time to exit. Instead, I just cannot hold myself from doubling up when I am losing, taking personally and behaving like a junkie.

Keep reading and keep asking, or feel free to write anything you want.

40 systems!quite a portfolio there. I made a forex system a while back but never got round to backtesting it. I think that has been my main problem ever since i got interested in trading, been 'spinning my wheels' ever since i started. One moment i'd be into penny stocks, next into options, then into scalping, tape reading, indicators, it's not even that i sucked, i just literally changed opinions very quicklu and went through many phases. Like recently i've been battling back and forth whether or not to trade just EURUSD or any pair for weeks. Decided to go with an all pair approach, just more opportunity really.But i think the friction has hit and im stuck with forex anyway, hopefully!

 

[Yamato]

Hey, if you can make money trading you have many options. Take time off and do things properly, or hire someone to do it for you. Personally my problem right now is a lack of capital, and it has been the case for the past 2 years. No matter what capital I have, unless it's higher than 100k (which was never the case), it will always be too little for me, I will rush to increase it, and then I will lose it all. That's been the case for the past 2 years. Had I not done, by now I'd have several hundred thousands. But each time I rushed, because I felt I had nothing, and I blew out my account dozens of times. I had 2k, didn't feel like enough, and I blew it. Had 10k, blew it. Had 20k, blew it. Had 30k, blew it.

I think unless I'll have 100k and see constant profits of several thousands on a weekly basis, I will always feel poor, unsafe, always will try to rush things, and always go back to zero.

 

[Adamus]

Holy ****. I wasn't ready for this. Today I've lost over 1000 dollars with just one contract on the GBP. Today was one of those days when fortunes are made and lost. Who would have expected the EUR and GBP to fall even lower than they had fallen so far.

I am screwed. Not totally but partially. I guess for once if I had traded discretionary I might have lost less money. But actually I wanted to go long as early as yesterday. I probably would have blown out my account. I should be happy I let my system lose 1000.

Bad luck, but also, well done for sticking to the system and not leaping in. What stopped you losing discipline this time round?

For me, yesterday would have been a good day to trade, a very good day, but unfortunately I was only running the system in simulation. A different kind of loss.

 

[Yamato]

Bad luck, but also, well done for sticking to the system and not leaping in. What stopped you losing discipline this time round?

For me, yesterday would have been a good day to trade, a very good day, but unfortunately I was only running the system in simulation. A different kind of loss.

Yeah, I am curious how the "deadline June" is working out for you. I've been skeptical about the "deadline June" concept from the start: how can you say "by June I must have a profitable system"?

Anyway, regarding your questions.

This round I didn't lose discipline simply because when on Thursday I went there and tried to go LONG on the EUR at 1.22 (I would have blown out my account again), IB didn't allow me because they're not using half intraday margin anymore, due to the high volatility of markets. So my trade wasn't accepted for lack of margin. Pretty sad because it wasn't thanks to any discipline, but pretty good that it wasn't accepted.

 

[Adamus]

Yeah, I am curious how the "deadline June" is working out for you. I've been skeptical about the "deadline June" concept from the start: how can you say "by June I must have a profitable system"?

Anyway, regarding your questions.

This round I didn't lose discipline simply because when on Thursday I went there and tried to go LONG on the EUR at 1.22 (I would have blown out my account again), IB didn't allow me because they're not using half intraday margin anymore, due to the high volatility of markets. So my trade wasn't accepted for lack of margin. Pretty sad because it wasn't thanks to any discipline, but pretty good that it wasn't accepted.

Give up your day job. Maybe the increased pressure would help your discipline.

 

[Yamato]

Ok, I am quitting on Monday. Of course, in case anything goes wrong, I will rely on you for financial support. I will send you a private message with my account details so you can wire money. This way the increased pressure from me will help your trading as well.

 

[Adamus]

Cool, in fact I think I can feel it helping already. And since I now own you, I want you to learn java. There's some coding I want you to do for me.

 

[Yamato]

Eh eh... But I'd rather be owned part-time by my bank than by another employer full time and actually 24 hours a day. So now that you make me think of it, working there is not so bad...

 

[Yamato]

That's it, you mother ****ers. I said I was giving up but I didn't. I am reinstalling windows xp to see if I can finally play videos on my laptop. I am totally upset about this ****er. I want to get to the bottom of it.

 

[Yamato]

Back from work. In the meanwhile, after formatting C:, and reinstalling XP, I've been installing windows updates. I hope to be done by tonight and start watching videos again. Then I'll do an acronis image and keep it forever. I must never make the mistake of deleting a previous image unless I am first positive that the last created image is fully working. Actually acronis images should be treated just as system restore points: you keep them for as long as possible. Of course there's limits since each image takes up several gigabytes. However, there should be no deleting of images unless you're forced by space limits.

 

[Yamato]

less than 24 hours after total defeat...

That is it: it only took me less than 24 hours from total defeat to do the whole thing all over again. I formatted, reinstalled xp, reinstalled all HP drivers, all windows updates, did an acronis image, and now here I am, about to watch the Mulholland Falls movie all over again to make sure this time things go ok. If they don't, then it's a hardware problem - no doubts about it.

http://www.megavideo.com/?v=8SXNEOMF

Once I'll be 60 minutes into the movie, I will know the problem is solved. And then there's no way I am deleting this last acronis image: never, ever. Nope. I might create new ones, but never delete this image of a perfect brand new xp and drivers.

Oh yes! 33 minutes into it... it's definitely working. It used to freeze after less than 5 minutes.

 

[Yamato]

ok, it works... i am on a roll

Watching these now:
http://www.letmewatchthis.com/watch-238357-The-82nd-Annual-Academy-Awards

http://www.letmewatchthis.com/watch-12368-The-Darwin-Awards

Yeah, Joseph Fiennes is another one who picks pretty good movies, non-commercial ones:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_Fiennes
http://www.letmewatchthis.com/?actor=5148

Maybe they're not perfect movies, there's often something wrong with them, but it's always interesting movies, movies that make an effort at being good movies. Not harrison ford, julia roberts happy-ending movies.

Yeah, the Darwin Awards sucked. But they made an effort. They were ambitious. Not like those hollywood movies.

Wow, this is awesome - it's like watching a great comedy film:
http://www.letmewatchthis.com/watch-238357-The-82nd-Annual-Academy-Awards

Wow wow wow!!!

These academy awards are giving me great ideas for good films to watch, from this year and from previous years. Here's another one:
http://www.letmewatchthis.com/watch-18055-In-the-Loop

 

[Yamato]

movies still working

Watched the whole Academy Award ceremony. It's better than watching a good movie.

Today I made yet another discretionary trade because thanks to the latest loss I had fallen below trading capital. Now I am back at 2800 and I can trade a couple of my systems.

It wasn't really compulsive gambling, but a calculated trade - I hadn't placed any for weeks, since my latest account being blown out.

This happens every time. I blow out, stop for a month, start again small, succeed, get cockier, and eventually blow out my account again. The life of the automated trader is just too boring for me. I need something else, but I can't really find out what would keep me busy every day for several hours.

Yeah, movies. But... holy cow, I'd be needing to watch 4 movies per day to avoid any trading at all. By the end of a month like this I'd be interacting with people like in a movie, and maybe I'd get killed or kill someone, since most movies are violent.

 

[Yamato]

"demoltiplica" and other crappy things at my bank

List of today's complaints:

1) Air conditioning is loud (something is wrong with it) and I called the guys at assistance and they will take 2 days to get here and probably won't even fix it. I should go on strike because it's impossible to work with this goddamn noise.

2) I lost my goddamn bank id in the elevator (it fell in the elevator shaft, because I was rushing to go back to work) and I asked for a new one over a month ago and still didn't get one. Goddamn bank.

3) We have a meeting with my boss to talk for 2 hours about "demoltiplica", which is some synergy bull****. Ridiculous to talk about how to work better with one another when there's two thirds of my bank who's permanently talking on the phone or on a coffee break, the cleaning ladies don't clean but steal stuff, photocopy machines and printers are almost always broken, software applications suck, almost nothing and no one in the whole bank works. Probably there was one guy who was doing nothing so they put him in charge of writing some bull**** and now we need to have a meeting to discuss his bull****.

Later edit:
Goddamn it! In less than 2 hours the maintenance person came and fixed the air conditioning. I just have two more complaints to go and then I'll be ok for today.

 

[Yamato]

complaining about everything and everyone

What's happening is clear. I am deeply unhappy and I have taken the habit of complaining almost all the time about something or someone: at home, at work and even on vacation.

What do other people do when they are bored and frustrated? Sometimes they do even worse - they take it out on other people, the ones responsible for their frustration or even innocent people, who have nothing to do with it.

I am better than that - I complain on my journal. In terms of social impact I am better, but maybe I am worse in terms of survival. Maybe I would be a happier person if I managed to fight more against those who are pissing me off. Yet I cannot do it, because of my education, which I can do nothing about. You are the way you are. If you're polite you can't turn yourself into a rude person.

This does not mean that I am good. I hate people all the time, and I would like them to die, but I can't help being polite when I interact with them.

This is regarding people. Now, regarding myself, something must be done to change because I am tired of complaining because it seems like a big waste of time.

On the other hand, I am worried that if I stopped I'd develop some internal illness, like ulcer or similar, that according to general wisdom happens when you keep your frustration inside.

But this may be all wrong. Sometimes things sound right even when they are wrong. Maybe if I try to stop complaining, I will become suddenly happy. Maybe the problems are made bigger by my complaining, and the solutions are hidden from my sight because I take the wrong attitude.

Once, a Japanese friend told me this, that I make problems bigger by complaining about them and thinking about them. She may have been right.

Usually I don't like people who say "smile and the world will smile at you". I usually think that's bull**** and that you will get ****ed over if you don't look out all the time. In fact other people say "be mean and people will be nice to you". There's two opposite theories, just as there are opposite sayings for just about everything, and this makes it stupid to quote wise sayings because they don't prove anything, since you can always find something that agrees with you, no matter what you do.

There's not going to be some hard thinking and then me coming up with "eureka!" and a solution to my complaining and the secret to happiness. I feel that probably it will happen naturally. One day I will touch bottom and stop complaining. It's happened before. It goes in cycles. When the glass is almost full, I complain about the fact that it isn't full. But when it's empty, there's so much to complain about that I simply find it more effective to look at the water left in it, and focus on the positive.

So, just for writing's sake, what is the positive right now?

1) I have a job
2) I have a lot of free time

Negative (can't help it):

1) I have little money
2) I am stuck here at my job
3) no women

I guess it all comes down to this pyramid of needs, it's called "Maslow's hierarchy of needs":
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs

...The lower four layers of the pyramid contain what Maslow called "deficiency needs" or "d-needs": physiological (including sexuality), security of position, friendship and love, and esteem. With the exception of the lowest (physiological) needs, if these "deficiency needs" are not met, the body gives no physical indication but the individual feels anxious and tense...

View attachment 500px-Maslow_Hierarchy_of_Needs.bmp

I remember reading about this in a textbook for Psychology 101 or something like that.

I don't even satisfy all requirements on the bottom of the pyramid, how can I expect to be happy?

I lack in sleep and sex and I don't know what homeostasis is. I lack the crap at the bottom of it, and I have things on top of it, like morality but they don't make me happy because I don't get sex basically. That's pretty funny, because this pyramid sums it all up quite effectively. You can take anyone, even the most respected person, and, according to the pyramid, you will know if they are happy or not, because like... for a priest you will know he's not getting sex, so he must be unhappy regardless of what he says. Pretty amazing that no one ever talks about this.

If you look at this pyramid (better if you read the wikipedia entry) you can see how you can quite easily translate money into most of the needs being satisfied. And that's why we are all here hanging out on this forum, trying to find a way to make money, which will then satisfy all these other needs from the pyramid:
1) sex (more money, better looking women, more time to look for them and more attractiveness, or you can just pay them)
2) sleep (more money, more time, no job, less worries => better and more sleep)
3) food (more money, better food, more time to eat and relaxation needed to take your time while you eat)
4) breathing (more money, relocation to a less polluted place, better breathing, more health)
5) health (more money, less work, more sports, better health)
6) friends (more money, more time and resources to spend with friends, more people wanting to be your friends)
7) self-esteem (obvious)
8) confidence (obvious)
9) morality (this is ridiculous and even misleading, but if you're richer you can be more generous and you're going to feel better about your morality and everyone will tell you what a "good" person you are, and all that crap)

Basically the whole pyramid of needs gets fulfilled with money.

And if I am on this forum, I am basically here because I am trying to make money and be helped by other people to make money, so I am ultimately here because I am trying fulfill that pyramid, so despite all the complaining and all that, I am being very rational by writing a journal here, because several things have improved in my trading thanks to this forum and several opportunities have come my way. So, thanks to t2w for enabling me to get closer to the pyramid.