my journal 2

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Things have been quite slow. I found a 16 gigabytes USB drive pen, whatever you call it in English, for only 40 euros in a store down the street. I think I'll buy it.

Other than this, I didn't sleep well, as often.

Visitors to my journal have been declining lately. I only get about 200 visits per day and sometimes even less. I was amazed yesterday I only got like 100 visits and in the last ten hours I only got 1 visit, but maybe there's something wrong with the software and the correct count will catch up later. It wouldn't be the first time.

I guess the fact that it doesn't talk about trading has really affected the visits count.

On the other hand, my profile is getting a whole lot of visits lately. I've got one of the most visited profiles, let alone the number of friends, where probably I hold a record, with 189 friends - of course I befriended every contact I saw visiting my journal ever since I started it.

Sorry but there's nothing to discuss, except that I somewhat recovered from the big losses I experienced in early May (I blew out my account again). If I make another 6000 dollars, I'll be back at where I was in early May, when I blew everything on just one trade on the EUR. I thought it'd bounce and instead it kept on falling forever, and it was at about 1.32.

So I am a pretty sick compulsive gambler top/bottom picker, so it's best that I keep on discussing movies and other things here.

Yesterday I was watching Napoleon Dynamite, which is quality stuff, comedy (Heder is a great actor). No Hollywood bull****. There can be many categories into which to group movies, and certainly two of them are: mainstream hollywood and non-hollywood happy-ending crap. Usually I enjoy the second category, and it's really easy to discern the two categories.

For example. Napoleon Dynamite is non-Hollywood. All Ben Stiller movies are non-hollywood. It doesn't matter if it became successful and it became a huge hit - it is non-hollywood. Hollywood instead is almost all Tom Cruise movies.

More examples:

Hollywood mainstream crap:
Spielberg stuff
Brad Pitt
Matt Damon
Ben Affleck
De Niro of the 1990s and 2000s

Non-Hollywood original films:
Christopher Walken
Matt Dillon
De Niro of the 1970s and 1980s

De Niro is no longer making good movies. Sure, he's a good actor and his movies are watchable, but they used to be art, whereas now they are commercial. There's no comparison.

So I am not saying that all hollywood movies suck and all the other type are good. But I am saying that Hollywood movies are made with less intelligence and originality and coherence, and that is why I like them less than the other movies.

Oh, and the same exact thing applies to Pacino. He was doing art in the 1970s and 1980s and from then on, he's been doing mostly crap. Just like De Niro.

Needless to say, Scorsese has followed the same path. Masterpieces until 1990, with Goodfellas, and then mostly crap. I think he began producing hollywood crap as early as Cape Fear, in 1991, and then he never stopped. For example, Casino is not art, but crap - it is a replica of Goodfellas. It's like doing a sequel almost.

Follow Scorsese in the years and you go all the way to the Departed which is totally crap, of the worst type. Totally hollywood commercial crap.

There's a few hollywood crap movies that I appreciate and it's all the comedy films by SNL people: Aykroyd, Sandler, Will Ferrell and so on. Actually Will Ferrell makes masterpieces, and I guess all those people can be quite popular without losing their intelligence and originality because somehow comedy allows people to stay original and intelligent. As far as action movies, I don't know if Tom Cruise is already stupid to start with, or if he is encouraged to be stupid and superficial in order to appeal to a larger audience. Whatever the reason, his movies are stupid and almost unwatchable.
 
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The English language

Today I was wondering about English, because I remembered how in Italy the dialect from Tuscany became the national language and it spread throughout Italy, so we can see how the language of Florence, one city, spread throughout Italy.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/English_language

But here things are on a larger scale. I still have to find out where English was born, but from there it spread to the world, and then from the US, it spread even further... until now where wikipedia says there's almost two billion speakers.

Should I find out that the English we speak and write comes from just one city, like Italian comes from Florence, I would not be surprised.

I'll go where all the culture is, youtube, and look for a documentary on the English language.

But first let's be academics and read. Let's read what wikipedia can tell us about it. I must not lose this skill of reading which I have.

English is a West Germanic language that arose in England and south-eastern Scotland in the time of the Anglo-Saxons. Following the economic, political, military, scientific, cultural, and colonial influence of Great Britain and the United Kingdom from the 18th century, and of the United States since the mid 20th century,[7][8][9][10] it has been widely dispersed around the world, become the leading language of international discourse, and has acquired use as lingua franca in many regions.
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English is then like the Latin of 2000 years ago, except that since communications throughout the globe improved, English just stays English, unlike Latin that became: French, Spanish, Portuguese, Italian... and so on. We regard "American" almost as a synonym of "English", and the same applies to "Australian", and so on.

"...arose in England and south-eastern Scotland". Let's narrow it down even more.

But wait, first a little more from wikipedia:
Modern English, sometimes described as the first global lingua franca,[14][15] is the dominant language or in some instances even the required international language of communications, science, business, aviation, entertainment, radio and diplomacy.[16] Its spread beyond the British Isles began with the growth of the British Empire, and by the late nineteenth century its reach was truly global.[17] Following the British colonisation of North America, it became the dominant language in the United States and in Canada. The growing economic and cultural influence of the United States and its status as a global superpower since World War II have significantly accelerated the language's spread across the planet.
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Ok, got it. Here's my entry:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_the_English_language

English is a West Germanic language that originated from the Anglo-Frisian dialects brought to Britain by Germanic invaders from various parts of what is now northwest Germany and the Netherlands. Initially, Old English was a diverse group of dialects, reflecting the varied origins of the Anglo-Saxon Kingdoms of England. One of these dialects, Late West Saxon, eventually came to dominate.
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Here we go then:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Late_West_Saxon

Fascinating...

There were two stages of the West Saxon dialect: Early West Saxon and Late West Saxon.

Early West Saxon was the language of King Alfred (849–899). By the eleventh century, the language had evolved into Late West Saxon.[1]

Late West Saxon was the dialect that became the first "standardised" written English ("Winchester standard").
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I suppose now we have to look into either Winchester or King Alfred. There isn't much there.

I found this link extremely rich:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phonological_history_of_the_English_language

But hard to read.

Anyway, the best entry remains the main entry on history and particularly this section:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_the_English_language#Proto-English

The languages of Germanic tribes gave rise to the English language (the Angles, Saxons, Frisians, Jutes and perhaps even the Franks, who traded and fought with the Latin-speaking Roman Empire in the centuries-long process of the Germanic peoples' expansion into Western Europe). Many Latin words for common objects entered the vocabulary of these Germanic peoples before any of their tribes reached Britain; examples include camp, cheese, cook, fork, inch, kettle, kitchen, mile, mill, mint (coin), noon, pillow, pound (unit of measurement), punt (boat), street and wall. The Romans also gave the English language words which they had themselves borrowed from other languages: anchor, butter, chest, copper, dish, sack and wine.
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Can you believe that "pillow" and "noon" come from Latin? I never thought they could. I would have thought no word could be more English than "noon". Yet "noon" comes from "nona", the "ninth hour".

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/noon

...Middle English non , from Old English nōn , canonical hour of nones (3 P.M. in early Middle Ages) , from Late Latin nōna (hōra) , ninth (hour after sunrise), nones , feminine sing. of Latin nōnus , ninth...
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I'll look for a fascinating documentary now, because there would be too much to read on this.

That's unbelievable... I was looking one last time at the city of Winchester, which I thought was like the place English was born almost, and I came across yet another surprise! Half of it is a Latin word, and it means Roman city... originating from "castrum", military fortress.
http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=Winchester
http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?search=chester

If you think about it... we have in Italy plenty of cities starting with "castro".
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Castra
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Roman_towns_and_cities_in_England

Now on Youtube:




This is it!! Found exactly what I was looking for:


This is it, here's where English was born:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friesland
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/West_Frisian_language
 
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****. I am too frustrated from an empty life and I take out my frustration on the colleagues, yet on the other hand this job is well done, because these colleagues deserve to be bothered, because they didn't send their suspicious transactions reports to us, despite several emails from us. So I keep on calling dozens of them, emailing them... and this gets me even more frustrated. I come to work, and since I am pissed off I end up doing a job that no one wants. Then as a consequence I get even more pissed off. It's like a vicious circle that gets worse and worse, and pisses me off more and more.

It's like you have a person who tends to be violent, so he decides he will become a policeman, which will in turn give him a chance to be violent, deal with violent people and become even more frustrated and violent. And I guess this is what's happening. Whereas the easygoing and relaxed people are not good at what I am doing, because they will be nice to the branch employees and won't get anything out of them.

So amazingly a few days ago this new girl says I treat the branch employees like **** and that my method is needlessly rude. It's not true, and of course while I was on vacation her method got us to 80 incomplete Reports, whereas when I left we were at 30. She will never find out that her method doesn't work, because I came back and now I am doing the job again. She will always think that I am rude and mean and that she's nice and gets things done. Bull****.

However, even though my method works, there's only so many arguments over the phone and email that I can take. There will come a point at which I will have to say to my bosses that I just can't go any further and that this job is making me too frustrated. I am already tired.

There's too many people who tell me "yes, I will send it by this week" and then two months later they didn't send anything. I take it personally. People are superficial and unreliable everywhere but in Italy they're even slackers on top of that. For an obsessive-compulsive control freak dealing on a daily basis with 30 Italian lazy employees is hell.
 
i understand your situation man. you are very mature according to my observation except when it comes to discretionary trading. hehe. I also understand how some people are like that I think it's because of their upbrining. moreover girls are usually think with emotion not logic. I have same problem like you man. I have 3 sisters myself. I always quarrel with them. good story you have. you are very good employee !
 
Yes, thank you. I am glad there's people who understand me. I am not much appreciated at work, or rather they appreciate me, but they don't show it by promoting me or giving me bonuses. I suppose I either run things and i am my own boss, or society cannot really appreciate me. I am not a follower, I can't kiss up, so in a structured place I don't function well. I cannot tolerate anyone above me, especially because they're usually stupid people, who are up there because they were sleazy and sneaky enough, rather than because they worked hard and deserved it. The people who work hard don't necessarily get rewarded for working hard.
 
I've always been wondering why I was never able to write novels and never felt attracted to them. Instead I can write all the journals I want. It's for the same reason that I cannot conceive acting. It's because I like sincerity and truth and I don't like inventing things, like you would do in a novel, or as an actor (e.g.: you have to cry even if you don't feel like it). I like documentaries a lot, but I also like fiction actually. But anyway I think I cannot be part of creating fiction because I believe in sincerity so much. Not that I never lie, or actually almost never, even though I do hide some unpleasant truths, however what I can say is that I've always tried to push my sincerity as far as possible, certainly much farther than average people.
 
dude i was gonna say ur gonna be a good writer or move producer. you always have the urge to release ur stress in a journal way.

I am one of the sincere and truthful guy like you, but the difference is i know when to fake it, because thats how life works. I'm only true when im talking to my best friend or someone who can understand me, because other ppl wont appreciate or care about it. hahaha.

ur right nice ppl doesnt always get the reward. it's life so u should be flexible whether u like it or not.

I had many mistakes and bad experience for being true & transparent all the time. life just doesnt work that way. just like trading I think/


travis said:
I've always been wondering why I was never able to write novels and never felt attracted to them. Instead I can write all the journals I want. It's for the same reason that I cannot conceive acting. It's because I like sincerity and truth and I don't like inventing things, like you would do in a novel, or as an actor (e.g.: you have to cry even if you don't feel like it). I like documentaries a lot, but I also like fiction actually. But anyway I think I cannot be part of creating fiction because I believe in sincerity so much. Not that I never lie, or actually almost never, even though I do hide some unpleasant truths, however what I can say is that I've always tried to push my sincerity as far as possible, certainly much farther than average people.
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Yes, good point. You understood me exactly and understood what I was saying.

Maybe I fake it as well every once in a while. Only I do it much less than other people. Producing movies or making them is too much work. I'd rather watch them and make other people watch them. Maybe I could buy a movie theater and show only the movies I like.
 
yep I almost understand you.
it's like we must be politically & diplomatically smart before we say or do something. because what you do might affect you & people might use it against you. Thats how most people think. I didnt realize that until few yrs back.

when you become transparent, then your weakness will be revealed and ppl could use that to manipulate /judge you. they are more concerned about their status than the truth itself.

I think the way people act depend on how parents raise ppl up or how ppl evolve w/ ur environment and friends. the more exposure u have the more you become influenced by that.

so the point is if u know how to fake u are safe than if you are transparent & being true. LOL. thats so sad.
 
But maybe I want to be unsafe. I can't do otherwise. Or maybe it's smart to be sincere and let your real friends show. I actually make an effort to give a bad impression, so I will know whom I can count on when things are not going well for me. I try to be the opposite of "cool". If anyone says "cool" of me, I don't trust them. I don't trust people who say the word "cool". If they ask me "how are you", I reply "depressed", so that takes care of all the superficial people, because they won't stick around to hear what you have to say. Maybe being honest and transparent is a good way to be attacked, but that is a good way to know who your enemies are right from the start. How about that?

When I walk across the hall I don't even bother to say hi to anyone, because that's a superficial behaviour. I hate "hi, how are you?" bull****. I just walk straight and not look at anyone, and if they say "hi", I reply. **** them all. Whoever is a friend will show. The others I'd rather not be in touch at all.

I used to make efforts to be liked, but I've been doing that less and less, and even when I made efforts, I was never renouncing to my sincerity. I am not saying I am virtuous or anything. I am just saying I behave like this because this is what feels best. In a way it's less tiring, and even selfish. Not being fake is a selfish thing. Being sincere and honest can be a form of selfishness, because the society we live in requires you to lie and even though your parents teach you to never lie then you're also expected to lie and it's considered like a form of politeness to lie. But I am not talking about good things like not telling someone ugly that he's ugly. I am talking about if someone asks you to go somewhere, you don't feel like it, and you make up an excuse. Now that's an unnecessary lie, and yet if you say "mmh, I don't feel like it", you will be called rude. If instead you make up a lie, you will be considered polite.

Diplomacy means lying, good manners means lying, being sly means lying. I don't like to do it. My sincerity is a form of rebellion. Lying is the norm, the conforming behaviour.
 
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haha been through this and that. Sooner or later people will show their weaknesses. if people keep saying good things or being positive when they say something, I tend to not trust them. because they just say things without thinking or just being polite.

you can tell by the way people talk if they are not straightforward. they will go round and round and never reach to the point. I dont like this kind of diplomatic bull****. haha
the other example is when one promise to do thing and they back off at last minute.
if it's emergency i can understand, but other than i cannot trust them anymore.

you dont have to make bad impression & make it hard on yourself. It's just matter of time, you'll see it.

travis said:
But maybe I want to be unsafe. I can't do otherwise. Or maybe it's smart to be sincere and let your real friends show. I actually make an effort to give a bad impression, so I will know whom I can count on when things are not going well for me. I try to be the opposite of "cool". If anyone says "cool" of me, I don't trust them. I don't trust people who say the word "cool". If they ask me "how are you", I reply "depressed", so that takes care of all the superficial people, because they won't stick around to hear what you have to say. Maybe being honest and transparent is a good way to be attacked, but that is a good way to know who your enemies are right from the start. How about that?

When I walk across the hall I don't even bother to say hi to anyone, because that's a superficial behaviour. I hate "hi, how are you?" bull****. I just walk straight and not look at anyone, and if they say "hi", I reply. **** them all. Whoever is a friend will show. The others I'd rather not be in touch at all.
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today is going well...

Today is going quite well... but then I am getting depressed about things of the past, like yesterday. I always seem to find an excuse to be unhappy, for something I can't have, and this has been happening ever since I was a child or at least since I was a teenager.

If today and yesterday had been ok... I would be thinking about the day before yesterday, and so on, back to a year ago, 10 years ago, 20 years ago.

The only time when I feel serene is on vacation, unless I go with my German friend and I wash dishes, since he won't ever do them.

I don't know. It was a good day, the systems are making money, but I am still sad.

I need to watch a movie, urgently.

And then take a cold bath, to flush the bad thoughts out of my body. A cold bath is a powerful thing. Cold water distracts you from bad thoughts pretty effectively. It resets your mind immediately and for a long time after you get out of the cold bath. As long as you have the guts to get in it, because it's like getting in the Mediterranean in early May. It's like 16 degrees Celsius or something like that.
 
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"you may lose more than your initial deposit"

I was looking for a good spreadbetting account to open for a friend of mine, to whom I've been trying to teach trading (yes, it sounds funny since I cannot trade), and guess what: everywhere I read they say how "you may lose more than your initial deposit". This is why I am not opening any accounts for my friends, especially not one in my name (he doesn't even speak english). What the hell?! With IB you have troubles keeping positions open because how fast they liquidate your position due to margin calls, and with these guys it seems they're trying to rip you off and use up more capital than you deposit? Goddamn bull****. My friend will have to wait until I have enough money to open him an account with IB.
 
Re: "you may lose more than your initial deposit"

u teach him how to do discretionary or hybrid automated trading ?

travis said:
I was looking for a good spreadbetting account to open for a friend of mine, to whom I've been trying to teach trading (yes, it sounds funny since I cannot trade), and guess what: everywhere I read they say how "you may lose more than your initial deposit". This is why I am not opening any accounts for my friends, especially not one in my name (he doesn't even speak english). What the hell?! With IB you have troubles keeping positions open because how fast they liquidate your position due to margin calls, and with these guys it seems they're trying to rip you off and use up more capital than you deposit? Goddamn bull****. My friend will have to wait until I have enough money to open him an account with IB.
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my unprofitability and what I teach to daniele

I gave him many profitable ideas and told him that I cannot use them profitably because I get out of control when i trade - whether I win or lose - and I have a tendency to risk everything I have on one trade. Yesterday I told him:
If you risk 1% of your account how many times can you lose before going broke? And if you risk 100% how many times? So even a very good trader should not invest 100% on his next trade, because sooner or later he will be wrong and lose everything. But that is what I tend to do, regardless of how many times this has blown out my account.
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So the answer is I teach him discretionary even though I myself am incapable of it.
 
yeah, this is all true - screw american propaganda...



Just like today they deny the 9/11 questions of Loose Change people and call them anti-patriotic.
 
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