counter_violent
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Best Thread Joke of the day
- Thread starter Airthrey Capital
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Atilla
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What language is he speaking???
Based on your gaping chasm - I take it his a waffler
Dick Lexic
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Pat494
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Big Al ( dats 'im below ) has been contacted by Madame Frou Frou that noted Romany gypsy queen. He said he is delighted that his old mate " Legs " Diamond's relative has achieved such fame in London and carrying on the family's tradition.
Asked how the weather is, he is reported to have said - Too effing HOT for comfort.
Asked how the weather is, he is reported to have said - Too effing HOT for comfort.
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Atilla
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It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a new Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared. But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked,
"Is the coming winter going to be cold?"
"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again.
"Is it going to be a very cold winter?"
"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again.
"Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever."
"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"
Ambrose Ackroyd
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They say a dog is a man's best friend.
But I don't even have enemies that would stare directly into my eyes whilst taking a sh1t on my carpet.
But I don't even have enemies that would stare directly into my eyes whilst taking a sh1t on my carpet.
Dick Lexic
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ARE YOU INSURED FOR SEX?
Make sure you get the Correct Insurance for the sex you are having. Please find a list of companies below catering for most tastes:
Sex with your wife - Legal & General.
Sex on the telephone - Direct Line.
Sex with your Partner - Standard Life.
Sex with someone Different - Go Compare.
Sex with a Fat bird - More Than.
Sex On the back seat of a car - Sheila's Wheels.
Sex with a posh bird - Privileged.
Sex with an OAP - Saga!
Sex with a transvestite - confused . com
Make sure you get the Correct Insurance for the sex you are having. Please find a list of companies below catering for most tastes:
Sex with your wife - Legal & General.
Sex on the telephone - Direct Line.
Sex with your Partner - Standard Life.
Sex with someone Different - Go Compare.
Sex with a Fat bird - More Than.
Sex On the back seat of a car - Sheila's Wheels.
Sex with a posh bird - Privileged.
Sex with an OAP - Saga!
Sex with a transvestite - confused . com
YouAreNotFree
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Joke/prank I saw in the Mail today
I grew up on the coast. God I wish I had thought of this as a kid.
Isn't it supposed to be a sign of good luck? Group of boys give seagulls laxatives then stand back to watch the results | Mail Online
Guess it could be harmful to the birds mind. Hmmmm.
I grew up on the coast. God I wish I had thought of this as a kid.
Isn't it supposed to be a sign of good luck? Group of boys give seagulls laxatives then stand back to watch the results | Mail Online
Guess it could be harmful to the birds mind. Hmmmm.
neil
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Found this trading discussion video - the respondent slowly loses his patience with the interviewer
Local Trader - YouTube
Local Trader - YouTube
Dick Lexic
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A man was riding a bus, minding his own business, when the gorgeous woman next to him started
to breastfeed her baby.
The baby wouldn't take it, so she said,
"Come on,
eat it all up or ... I'll have
to give it to this nice man here."
Five minutes later, the baby was still not feeding,
so she said,
"Come on, honey.
Take it or I'll give it to this nice
man here."
A few minutes later, the anxious man
blurted out,
"Come on, kid.
Make up your mind!
I was supposed to get off four stops ago!"
to breastfeed her baby.
The baby wouldn't take it, so she said,
"Come on,
eat it all up or ... I'll have
to give it to this nice man here."
Five minutes later, the baby was still not feeding,
so she said,
"Come on, honey.
Take it or I'll give it to this nice
man here."
A few minutes later, the anxious man
blurted out,
"Come on, kid.
Make up your mind!
I was supposed to get off four stops ago!"
John_Betong
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My girlfriend just left me
All she left was a note on the 'fridge:
"It's not working, I can't take it anymore! Gone to stay at my Mother's"!
I opened the 'fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold. I have no idea what in the hell she was talking about............the fridge works fine.
WOMEN, who can understand them?
All she left was a note on the 'fridge:
"It's not working, I can't take it anymore! Gone to stay at my Mother's"!
I opened the 'fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold. I have no idea what in the hell she was talking about............the fridge works fine.
WOMEN, who can understand them?
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KrakatoaJack
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met a girl the other day. she had a lovely tattoo of a sea shell on her inner thigh. it was amazing, if you put your ear against it you could smell the sea....
two men in an airport rushing around bump into one another.
1st man says to the 2nd "i cant find my wife"
2nd says i cant find mine either! what does yours look like?"
well says the 1st "shes about 5"10" blond hair, blue eyes, tight ass and big tits, what about yours?
"**** her" replies the second "i'm going to look for yours"
3 things not to say in a gay bar
**** me its busy in here.
bugger me that drinks cheep.
let me push your stool in...
NO OFFENCE MENT
I't's not he joke that's offensive--it's the spelling...
John_Betong
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A bit of Olympics History
A slave call girl from Sardinia named Gedophamee was attending a great but as yet unnamed athletic festival 2500 years ago in Greece.
In those days, believe it or not, the athletes performed naked.
To prevent unwanted arousal while competing, the men imbibed freely on drink containing saltpeter before and throughout the variety of events.
At the opening ceremonial parade Gedophamee observed the first wave of naked magnificent males marching toward her and she exclaimed: "OH!! Limp Pricks!"
Over the next two and a half millennia that morphed into "Olympics."
A slave call girl from Sardinia named Gedophamee was attending a great but as yet unnamed athletic festival 2500 years ago in Greece.
In those days, believe it or not, the athletes performed naked.
To prevent unwanted arousal while competing, the men imbibed freely on drink containing saltpeter before and throughout the variety of events.
At the opening ceremonial parade Gedophamee observed the first wave of naked magnificent males marching toward her and she exclaimed: "OH!! Limp Pricks!"
Over the next two and a half millennia that morphed into "Olympics."
Last edited by a moderator:
Pat494
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Larry, the Cable Guy
"Even after the Super Bowl victory of the New Orleans Saints, I have noticed a large number of people implying, with bad jokes, that Cajuns aren't smart. I would like to state for the record that I disagree with that assessment. Anybody that would build a city 5 feet below sea level in a hurricane zone and fill it with Democrats who can't swim is a genius."
Everyone concentrates on the problems we're having in our country lately: Illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, alligators attacking people in Florida... Not me, I concentrate on solutions for the problems, it's a win-win situation:
* Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border.
* Send the dirt to New Orleans to raise the level of the levees.
* Put the Florida alligators in the moat along the Mexican border.
Any other problems you would like for me to solve today?
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq .... why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: you cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal', 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians... It creates a hostile work environment!
Just had to have a copy of the above.
"Even after the Super Bowl victory of the New Orleans Saints, I have noticed a large number of people implying, with bad jokes, that Cajuns aren't smart. I would like to state for the record that I disagree with that assessment. Anybody that would build a city 5 feet below sea level in a hurricane zone and fill it with Democrats who can't swim is a genius."
Everyone concentrates on the problems we're having in our country lately: Illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, alligators attacking people in Florida... Not me, I concentrate on solutions for the problems, it's a win-win situation:
* Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border.
* Send the dirt to New Orleans to raise the level of the levees.
* Put the Florida alligators in the moat along the Mexican border.
Any other problems you would like for me to solve today?
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq .... why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: you cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal', 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians... It creates a hostile work environment!
Just had to have a copy of the above.
Pat494
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Walter Mitty, Odumbo and a crewman went up in a hot air balloon, they both waved to enthusiastic crowds, but as they drifted over Congress they were caught in a huge uplift of hot air ( someone opened the doors ). Now in the gulf stream and travelling at 200 mph they were soon way over the Atlantic. They suddenly noticed that the balloon was rapidly descending. The only solution ( they were out gas ) seemed to be for one of them to jump and save the rest.
We got these details by their new satellite cell phone but then there was silence.
We shall never know which brave soul tried to save the rest by jumping
We got these details by their new satellite cell phone but then there was silence.
We shall never know which brave soul tried to save the rest by jumping
