Best Thread Joke of the day
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Pat494
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The Praying Parrots
A lady approaches her priest and tells him 'Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.'
"What do they say?' the priest inquired.
"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?''
"That's terrible!' the priest exclaimed, 'but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn the joys of praise and worship.'
"Thank you!' the woman responded.
The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding the rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say 'Hi we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?'
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Well, finally... our prayers have been answered!"
A lady approaches her priest and tells him 'Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.'
"What do they say?' the priest inquired.
"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?''
"That's terrible!' the priest exclaimed, 'but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn the joys of praise and worship.'
"Thank you!' the woman responded.
The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding the rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say 'Hi we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?'
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Well, finally... our prayers have been answered!"
Atilla
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Is this a bad joke? http://www.catholicnewsagency.com/n...-vatican-rolls-out-new-exorcism-course-36248/
“The devil exists and we must fight against him,”
Dick Lexic
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A young Chinese couple get married.
She is a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that.
On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness. He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring.
"My darring," he whispers, "I know dis you firss time and you berry frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting juss anyting you want. You juss ask. Whatchu want?" he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.
A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently and eagerly for her request.
She eventually shyly whispers back, "I want to try someting I have heard about from other girls... Nummaa 69."
More thoughtful silence but this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her. "You want... Garlic Chicken with corrifrowa ?"
She is a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that.
On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness. He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring.
"My darring," he whispers, "I know dis you firss time and you berry frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting juss anyting you want. You juss ask. Whatchu want?" he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.
A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently and eagerly for her request.
She eventually shyly whispers back, "I want to try someting I have heard about from other girls... Nummaa 69."
More thoughtful silence but this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her. "You want... Garlic Chicken with corrifrowa ?"
Dick Lexic
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Pat494
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Today's Stock Market Report
Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply.
Cows steered into a bull market. Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
Weights were up in heavy trading.
Light switches were off.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remain unchanged.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
The market for raisins dried up.
Coca Cola fizzled.
Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
Sun peaked at midday.
Balloon prices were inflated.
Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.
And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market
Boots went on walkabout
The chickens fled the CO-OP
They are still mending the roads with Br. Rail sandwiches
He is Upping'em in Lowestoff
Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply.
Cows steered into a bull market. Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
Weights were up in heavy trading.
Light switches were off.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remain unchanged.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
The market for raisins dried up.
Coca Cola fizzled.
Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
Sun peaked at midday.
Balloon prices were inflated.
Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.
And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market
Boots went on walkabout
The chickens fled the CO-OP
They are still mending the roads with Br. Rail sandwiches
He is Upping'em in Lowestoff
davidcraigson
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This, to me, was one of the cleverest ever
davidcraigson
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I like this scientific joke :cheesy:
hahaha! thats amazing!
Dick Lexic
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My wife asked me why I snore when I'm lying on my back, I told her it's because my balls hang over my butt hole and it creates a kinda vacuum
