Mr. Charts
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When I'm walking down the street and a woman asks me if I have the time, I always say it depends on what she has in mind.
Best Thread Joke of the day
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Mr. Charts
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If I like what she has in mind, then I ask her if she can afford me.
Joules MM1
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this is an analogy, the market specialist is in the background and you are the small time trader
http://media.fu?kung.net/images/25275/4d6c917f507b45983e8c8b6bf670e73f.gif
extract the ? from the address and the link works fine.....c n p into the address bar without the question mark
http://media.fu?kung.net/images/25275/4d6c917f507b45983e8c8b6bf670e73f.gif
extract the ? from the address and the link works fine.....c n p into the address bar without the question mark
Ambrose Ackroyd
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What two places in England do people want to visit again and again?
Andover and Dover.
Andover and Dover.
Ambrose Ackroyd
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When the sh1t hits the fan..................................
Turn the fan off.
Turn the fan off.
GladiatorX
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Knock Knock.
[Door opens]
Tony: Alright mate,
Andy: Yeah i'm good what about you?
Tony: Yeah good
Andy: You're awfully early
Tony: Yeah; oh well, i brought the beers
Andy: Ah, nice, put them on the counter of there.
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**** jokes, because not everyone is funny.
[Door opens]
Tony: Alright mate,
Andy: Yeah i'm good what about you?
Tony: Yeah good
Andy: You're awfully early
Tony: Yeah; oh well, i brought the beers
Andy: Ah, nice, put them on the counter of there.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
**** jokes, because not everyone is funny.
Ambrose Ackroyd
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So Bill Withers, there aint no sunshine when she's gone?
There's no cooking, cleaning, ironing or blowjobs either but I don't hear you sing about that
There's no cooking, cleaning, ironing or blowjobs either but I don't hear you sing about that
TRADINGXYZ
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more re: ears
Jon and Brett were in a mental institution. This place had an annual contest picking two of the best patients and gives them two questions. If they got them correct, they're deemed cured and free to go.
Jon was called into the doctor's office first and asked if he understood that he'd be free if he answered the questions correctly.
The doctor said, "Jon, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?" Jon said, "I'd be half blind."
"That's correct. What if I poked out both eyes?"
"I'd be completely blind."
The doctor stood up, shook Jon's hand, and told him he was free.
On Jon's way out, as the doctor filled out the paperwork, Jon mentioned the exam to Brett.
He told him what questions were going to be asked and gave him the answers.
So Brett came in. The doctor went through the formalities and asked, "What would happen if I cut off one ear?"
Brett, remembering what Jon had said was the correct answer said, "I'd be half blind."
The doctor looked a little puzzled, but went on.
"What if I cut off the other ear?"
"I'd be completely blind," Brett answered.
"Brett, can you explain how you'd be *blind*?"
"My hat would fall down over my eyes..."
Jon and Brett were in a mental institution. This place had an annual contest picking two of the best patients and gives them two questions. If they got them correct, they're deemed cured and free to go.
Jon was called into the doctor's office first and asked if he understood that he'd be free if he answered the questions correctly.
The doctor said, "Jon, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?" Jon said, "I'd be half blind."
"That's correct. What if I poked out both eyes?"
"I'd be completely blind."
The doctor stood up, shook Jon's hand, and told him he was free.
On Jon's way out, as the doctor filled out the paperwork, Jon mentioned the exam to Brett.
He told him what questions were going to be asked and gave him the answers.
So Brett came in. The doctor went through the formalities and asked, "What would happen if I cut off one ear?"
Brett, remembering what Jon had said was the correct answer said, "I'd be half blind."
The doctor looked a little puzzled, but went on.
"What if I cut off the other ear?"
"I'd be completely blind," Brett answered.
"Brett, can you explain how you'd be *blind*?"
"My hat would fall down over my eyes..."
Gumping
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Who is your role model?
No cheating!!! Do the sums before you look. This is a great
psychological test and extremely accurate. It is amazing what modern
maths can do.
FIND OUT WHO TRULY IS YOUR ROLE MODEL. DON'T SCROLL DOWN YET.
DO THE SIMPLE MATH BELOW, THEN SCROLL DOWN TO FIND YOUR HERO.
It's CRAZY how accurate this is!
No peeking!
1) Pick your favourite number between 1-9
2) Multiply by 3 then
3) Add 3
4) Then again, multiply by 3 (I'll wait while you get the
calculator....)
5) You'll get a 2 or 3 digit number....
6) Add the digits together
Now Scroll down
With that number, see who your ROLE MODEL is from the list below:
1. Einstein
2. Bette Midler
3. Prince Charles
4. Ghengis Khan
5. Bill Gates
6. Gandhi
7. Bill Clinton
8. Elvis Presley
9. Gumping
10. John F Kennedy
I know, I know....I just have that effect on people. One day, you too
can
be like me
P.S. Stop picking different numbers!! I AM YOUR ROLE MODEL, JUST DEAL WITH IT!!!!!!
No cheating!!! Do the sums before you look. This is a great
psychological test and extremely accurate. It is amazing what modern
maths can do.
FIND OUT WHO TRULY IS YOUR ROLE MODEL. DON'T SCROLL DOWN YET.
DO THE SIMPLE MATH BELOW, THEN SCROLL DOWN TO FIND YOUR HERO.
It's CRAZY how accurate this is!
No peeking!
1) Pick your favourite number between 1-9
2) Multiply by 3 then
3) Add 3
4) Then again, multiply by 3 (I'll wait while you get the
calculator....)
5) You'll get a 2 or 3 digit number....
6) Add the digits together
Now Scroll down
With that number, see who your ROLE MODEL is from the list below:
1. Einstein
2. Bette Midler
3. Prince Charles
4. Ghengis Khan
5. Bill Gates
6. Gandhi
7. Bill Clinton
8. Elvis Presley
9. Gumping
10. John F Kennedy
I know, I know....I just have that effect on people. One day, you too
can
be like me
P.S. Stop picking different numbers!! I AM YOUR ROLE MODEL, JUST DEAL WITH IT!!!!!!
Vaco
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Wheelie bin!!!
A refuse collector is driving along a street picking up the wheelie bins and emptying them into his compactor.
He goes to one house where the bin hasn't been left out, and in the spirit of kindness, and after having a quick look about for the bin, he gets out of his truck goes to the front door and knocks. There's no answer.
Being a kindly and conscientious bloke, he knocks again - much harder.
Eventually a Japanese man comes to the door.
"Harro!" says the Japanese man.
"Gudday, mate! Where's ya bin?" asks the collector.
"I bin on toiret," explains the Japanese bloke, a bit perplexed.
Realising the little foreign fellow had misunderstood him, the bin man smiles and tries again. "No ! no ! mate, where's your dust bin?"
"I dust been to toiret, I tor you!'' says the Japanese man, still perplexed.
"Listen," says the collector. "You're misunderstanding me.
Where's your 'w h e e l i e' bin?'"
"OK, OK." replies the Japanese man with a sheepish grin, and whispers in the collector's ear.....
I wheelie bin having sex wirra wife's sista!""
A refuse collector is driving along a street picking up the wheelie bins and emptying them into his compactor.
He goes to one house where the bin hasn't been left out, and in the spirit of kindness, and after having a quick look about for the bin, he gets out of his truck goes to the front door and knocks. There's no answer.
Being a kindly and conscientious bloke, he knocks again - much harder.
Eventually a Japanese man comes to the door.
"Harro!" says the Japanese man.
"Gudday, mate! Where's ya bin?" asks the collector.
"I bin on toiret," explains the Japanese bloke, a bit perplexed.
Realising the little foreign fellow had misunderstood him, the bin man smiles and tries again. "No ! no ! mate, where's your dust bin?"
"I dust been to toiret, I tor you!'' says the Japanese man, still perplexed.
"Listen," says the collector. "You're misunderstanding me.
Where's your 'w h e e l i e' bin?'"
"OK, OK." replies the Japanese man with a sheepish grin, and whispers in the collector's ear.....
I wheelie bin having sex wirra wife's sista!""
Ambrose Ackroyd
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BBC News:
Cash 'is being replaced by cards'
They obviously haven't thought this through properly, there are times when only cash will do.
Have you ever tried rolling up a Mastercard in a night club toilet?
Cash 'is being replaced by cards'
They obviously haven't thought this through properly, there are times when only cash will do.
Have you ever tried rolling up a Mastercard in a night club toilet?
Atilla
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Magic :cheesy:
