Best Thread Joke of the day
- Thread starter Airthrey Capital
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lol........Spoilsport :smart:
Vaco
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Why Parents Drink
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick one day. Needing to have an urgent problem with one of the main computers resolved, he dialled the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. ' Hello ? '
'Is your daddy home?' he asked.
' Yes ,' whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?'
The child whispered, ' No .'
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, 'Is your Mummy there?' ' Yes '
'May I talk with her?' Again the small voice whispered, ' No '
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, 'Is anybody else there?'
' Yes , ' whispered the child, ' a policeman . '
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, 'May I speak with the policeman?'
' No, he's busy , ' whispered the child.
'Busy doing what?'
' Talking to Daddy and Mummy and the Fireman , ' came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, 'What is that noise?'
' A helicopter ' answered the whispering voice.
'What is going on there?' demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive. Again, whispering, the child answered,
' The search team just landed a helicopter '
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, 'What are they searching for?'
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle...
' ME . '
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick one day. Needing to have an urgent problem with one of the main computers resolved, he dialled the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. ' Hello ? '
'Is your daddy home?' he asked.
' Yes ,' whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?'
The child whispered, ' No .'
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, 'Is your Mummy there?' ' Yes '
'May I talk with her?' Again the small voice whispered, ' No '
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, 'Is anybody else there?'
' Yes , ' whispered the child, ' a policeman . '
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, 'May I speak with the policeman?'
' No, he's busy , ' whispered the child.
'Busy doing what?'
' Talking to Daddy and Mummy and the Fireman , ' came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, 'What is that noise?'
' A helicopter ' answered the whispering voice.
'What is going on there?' demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive. Again, whispering, the child answered,
' The search team just landed a helicopter '
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, 'What are they searching for?'
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle...
' ME . '
Vaco
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Seven Kinds Of Sex. . .
The 1st kind of sex is called .... Smurf Sex.
This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called ... Kitchen Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called ... Bedroom Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom..
The 4th kind of sex is called ... Hallway Sex...
This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say ... 'F... You.'
The 5th kind of sex is called ... Religious Sex.
Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)
The 6th kind is called .... Courtroom Sex.
This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.
And Last ..... But not least ....
The 7th kind of sex is called .... Social Security Sex..
You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself.
The 1st kind of sex is called .... Smurf Sex.
This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called ... Kitchen Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called ... Bedroom Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom..
The 4th kind of sex is called ... Hallway Sex...
This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say ... 'F... You.'
The 5th kind of sex is called ... Religious Sex.
Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)
The 6th kind is called .... Courtroom Sex.
This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.
And Last ..... But not least ....
The 7th kind of sex is called .... Social Security Sex..
You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself.
Waterfield
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Ambrose Ackroyd
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A huge dust cloud has appeared, closing all London airports.
Police are questioning the cleaner of the Arsenal trophy cabinet.
Police are questioning the cleaner of the Arsenal trophy cabinet.
Ambrose Ackroyd
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Political Incorrectness
Telling knock knock jokes to the homeless.
Telling knock knock jokes to the homeless.
Ambrose Ackroyd
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I took my 82 year old Dad shopping and called into the pub for a pint , like you do.
Sitting opposite was a teenager with green blue and red hair.
After putting up with my dad staring at him for over an hour,the boy says "Whats up old man, never done anythin wild in your life"?
Without batting an eye lid my old dad replies " F**ked a peacock once! just wondered if you were the result
Sitting opposite was a teenager with green blue and red hair.
After putting up with my dad staring at him for over an hour,the boy says "Whats up old man, never done anythin wild in your life"?
Without batting an eye lid my old dad replies " F**ked a peacock once! just wondered if you were the result
trendie
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Ambrose Ackroyd
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Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.
He thinks to himself "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back - wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I
was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit
exactly...Twenty two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask...Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time." the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 127."
He thinks to himself "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back - wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I
was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit
exactly...Twenty two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask...Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time." the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 127."
Ambrose Ackroyd
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Mother Superior gets all the nuns together and announces
"Sisters there is a case of chlamydia going around"
And a little old nun at the back says
"I hope it's better than that f*****g chardonnay we had last week".
"Sisters there is a case of chlamydia going around"
And a little old nun at the back says
"I hope it's better than that f*****g chardonnay we had last week".
A 'tranny' for sure.
Ambrose Ackroyd
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Looks like a pygmy's assh0le to me.
