weekend jokes

[shelman]

shelman goes to the doctors and asks for a sperm count.
“What?” says the doc “ you’re 79”
“It’s my right” says shelman
“OK” says the doc “take this jar home, fill it & bring it back for
analysis”
shelman returns a week later with an empty jar
“So, what happened? asks the doc
“Well” says shelman “I tried with my right hand,
then I tried with my left hand,
then I shouted for my wife & she tried with her right hand
then she tried with her left hand,
then she tried with her teeth in,
****then she tried with her teeth out,****

but we still couldn’t get the lid off!”

* indicates wishful ( please god ) thinking

 

[Max Damage]

Someone been listening to century 105?

Did you here the wind up with the clairevoyant who they wanted to exorcise the voices in their head?. It was the funniest I've ever heard

2 crocodiles walk into a bar. They go up to the bar looking glum and ask the barman for 2 pints of lager

The barman looks at them and says.

"Sure guys but whats with the long faces"