Man's sweet Revenge.......

ChartMan

Legendary member
5,580 46
Just to redress the balance of my clearly sexist views..... :cheesy:



I've never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women differ so much. And I've never figured out the whole Mars & Venus thing. And, I've never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.............

And, I've never yet figured out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do".


Anyway, one evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed and just as the passion starts to heat up, she comes off with "Sorry. I just don't feel like it right now. I just want you to hold me" .



I said, "WHAT!!!!?"



Then she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dreads. She says that I'm just not in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. I'm thinking, "Did I miss something here? What was her first clue?" I finally realised that nothing was going to happen, so I went off to sleep.

The very next day we went shopping at a big, unnamed department store. I walked around while my wife tried on three very expensive, top notch outfits. She looked the biz in each one and so sexy. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I said "go on, take all three".

Then she said that she wanted some matching shoes worth £200 each, to which I said "OK, I can handle it." - well Visa can anyway. We then went to the Jewellery Dept where she got herself a full set of diamond earrings with matching necklace. Eureka! I'd found it, the way to a woman's heart. She was so excited, she must have thought I was one brick short of a load!, but she was too happy to care.

Maybe she was just testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she doesn't even play tennis. Even so, she nearly had a heart attack because I said yes to that as well!

She was obviously aroused by all this and her face just beamed when I said, "Right, let's go to the till." I could hardly contain myself when we went to the checkout and I said, "Sorry. I just don't feel like buying this stuff right now."

You should have seen her face then. It went completely blank. Fuming...Then I said, "I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." And to top it all, I added . . . "You're just not in tune with my financial needs as a Man."





Now that's what I call sweet revenge. :cheesy:
 

bonsai

Veteren member
4,106 11
ahhhh, she only wanted a bar of chocolate and a cuddle. !

and she may have told you what had upset her........


lol

she may be weary,
women do get weary
wearing the same shabby dress
so when she's weary,
try a little tenderness.

doesnt have to be a shabby dress, could be anything !
you just have to guess right.

cos she will tell you that she has already told you.
and you cant remember !!
etc,etc
 
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tibapuv

Newbie
6 0
thats some funny shit
 

Mr. Charts

Legendary member
7,370 1,194
Hoi Chartman,
I don't believe your story is true.
a) Your wife just cannot be like that.
b) I heard almost exactly the same story from Bill Clinton a few years ago. Now his wife would have good reason to reject his advances ;-)
Richard
 

TheBramble

Legendary member
8,394 1,170
ChartMan said:
I've never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women differ so much.

I don't know why this thread has suddenly sprung back into life, haven't seen it before - but, to answer your question...

It's not that they differ in absolute intensity, although Women (generally) never have as high a level of desire as a Man does at any age. However...

Male sex drive peaks at about 19 years of age. A Female's sex drive peaks at about 36-38 years of age.

The Male sex drive diminishes more quickly over time after the peak than does a Female's.

This leads to two points where the Male and Female have roughly equal levels of desire. Man at 18 Woman in mid- to late-30s. And a Man in his 40s and a Woman in her 20s.

Do these scenarios seem familiar?

BTW - Chartman - VERY funny story. I can even just possibly believe you did it.
 

dunlop

Member
60 1
chartman
top class story 10/10. do you now find dog house a little cramped?
most women think the way to a mans heart is through his stomach,they are aiming about six inches to high!! ;) :cheesy:
 

adrianallen99

Established member
630 4
I always thought the way to a mans heart was a sharp knife through the chest. Thats what the wife tells me anyway :D
 

demag

Member
54 4
Any man that says he understands a woman and is in tune with her emotional needs is lying...................................................... or kidding himself!
They all come from the same mold, ask Skim, she'll tell you.

It has been scientifically proven that women find shopping the most enlightening experience they can have. Yet for men it is one of the most traumatic.
 

chump

Senior member
2,212 274
I will stop laughing Chartman,but not yet,maybe tomorrow..

and to top that we have an Otis Redding fan onboard......"Try a Little Tenderness"...Bonsai ,I didn't know you had such fine taste,
consider yourself invited to my club....The Zimmerframe..
 

ChartMan

Legendary member
5,580 46
Just to confirm, that was a STORY, not a true life experience. :cheesy: I probably have one of the most economic wives around.....She can make £20 last a month. :cheesy:
For sale....., snip at 50 grand. :cheesy:
 
 
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