This is Quite Funny (unless you're a Michael Moore hating, square headed Yank)

TWI

Senior member
2,536 254
The following is an essay written by a High School sophomore in Freyburg,
Maine, as the essay part of the final exam in his English class. His teacher
posted it as an example of the uprightness of modern youth.

The Most Important Thing I Learned in School This Year
By BILLY WILSON

The most important lesson I learned this year in school is to pay attention
in class and not to doodle while the teacher is talking. The worst thing you
can do is draw a picture that shows President Bush's head on a pole with
blood gushing out of his bulging eyesballs. If you do something like this,
it means you're probably going to blow up the Oklahoma Book Depsitory, or
fly remote conrtrol planes into the White House, like the CIA did on 9/11.
Even if you're only 15 like me, you can hijack a bus (like Sandra Bullock
did in that cool movie, Speed), and drive it into the Bush ranch at Waco,
and burn all the children to death.
I learned that drawing pictures of the President with his arms growing out
of his head is no laughing matter. It's bad to make the President look
stupider than he already is. You can't draw him writing memos on wide-ruled
paper with a crayon, or dressed up like a cowboy and playing with toy
pistols in the Awful Office. That type of humor isn't funny. You can't make
him look like Alfred E. Newman from Mad Magazine, with blood gushing out of
his ears.
It is OK to draw a picture of Saddam Hussein on all fours, with Condolisa
Rice in a furry African bikini and rings around her neck, holding the
evildooer on a leash, and Donald Rumsfeld whacking him on the behind and
making him bark like a dog, because that's just a frat prank (like the sexy
girl soldier Lindy English did at that prison in IsraelI mean Iraq). But the
President is God, which is why his picture is on the dollar bill, and why
you can't make him look like an elephant like those soldiers did. You know.
Kneeling with his feet up in the air and one finger in his nose and the
other in his anus. That's really bad.
You can't draw the president's face on a stick, even if you make it look
like a lollypop or a Bubblehead doll. You are a bad person if you do that
and if you do that, the Secret Police will come to your house at midnight
and make you stand on a box with a shopping bag over your head and
electrodes attached to your generals. Then they'll bulldoze your house into
dust! (Which is way cool to see them do that on TV.)
If you make fun of the president that means you hate him and are a enemy
combatant. The president has so much to worry about, like his physical
fitness and if he takes his sedatives on time, he doesn't need some wise-ass
kid sneaking into the Lincoln bedroom at night and ****ing his wife (you
shouldn't say ****), or his really cute daughters, who drink a lot and fall
down at parties and are pretty easy. The president was bad too, like his
daughters, before he learned that Jesus wanted him to kill all the Arabs.
The president is truly blessed, so you can't tell your freinds you made a
videotape of him masturbating and sent it to Seymour Hersh. You can't do
that, because one of your friends may be an informer for Homeland Security
and then they'll chop your ****ing head off!
What I learned this year is that the President is not someone to mock. Even
if he is an idiot and a war criminal who deserves to be hanged, and even if
no one in the media has the balls to say so. (You shouldn't say balls
either.)
Billy Wilson
 

BBB

Experienced member
1,071 3
lol

Interestingly enough, on radio 4 today, there was some boffin pointing out that if Bush was standing before Nuremberg, he would have to be hanged due to that law. Rightly so too.
 

Beach Runner

Active member
128 2
This made me laugh. I think it's talented and clever writing. Billy Wilson hopefully may attempt the Great American Novel someday. Interesting post, twalker.
 

axthree

Active member
185 0
I wonder if the plea of "OBEYING ORDERS" really will be given the same regard as at Nuremberg?
Somehow I think that it will not.
Whilst I can feel sympathy for the average American, who has not been well served by successive administrations,(IMHO), I have long believed that at government level the USA is the most corrupt nation on the face of the Earth.
 

SOCRATES

Veteren member
4,966 136
I don't consider in the end analysis it to be funny, I see it as tragic that a boy of fifteen is a front line victim of the dumbing down process that has gripped the Engish Speaking world in the past decade.

In this essay this youngster is trying to rationalise for himself what he cannot and what is worse, is prevented from doing so as a result of miseducation, with particular regard to an inability to access the true facts, which in any democracy is a tragedy.

I view him as a casualty of muddled thinking, an feel very sorry for him.

This essay is symptomatic of the unease that people feel but cannot pin down as a consequence of being cynically delivered what is in effect a "fait accompli" without valid reasons given, justifiable, let alone acceptable.
 

spreadbet

Member
88 0
"Incoherences in matter, and suppositions without proofs, put handsomely together, are apt to pass for strong reason."


I think this statement sums up the essay nicely

Cheers
spreadbet
 

chump

Senior member
2,212 274
In this 'essay' I would suggest there is every possibility that someone is simply taking the p''ss.If you really read it it appears to me to be a fairly intelligent man or woman trying hard to be funny by being intentionally stupid and only fails to convince because on some points such as the reference to the media it shows too much insight....and no I generally don't believe everything I read ;) but if you do then happy trading
 

oatman

Senior member
2,879 22
Poor "English" for 15 year old as well :rolleyes:
 

Beach Runner

Active member
128 2
So he's not 15! So he's not Billy Wilson! But he is still a talented and clever writer. Damned fine investigatory work, Sherlock Walker!
 

DaveJB

Experienced member
1,159 42
Billhooks.
A simple attempt to hoodwink, which says more about the author's disdain for the reader than it does about the American president. GW is obviously not going to go down in history as a great thinker, but I don't see such obvious hokum as being a condemnation of anything except the author. I feel vaugely insulted, to be honest :)
 

dunlop

Member
60 1
seems to be a fashion item these days to have a go at America and g.bush.are the so called leaders of all other country's above comment?,dont think so.as for America being the most corrupt government on the face of the planet,what about Israel,Zimbabwe.?
 

axthree

Active member
185 0
No, other leaders are not above comment. Neither are they "so called". The two you mention were returned via the ballot box. They just take the politicians wish to cling to power a bit further than most :devilish: It's just that America is in the position to wreak the most havoc. Remember, great wealth brings with it great responsibility.
It goes back a long way. In 1956 UK and france were INSTRUCTED by the Eisenhower government to exit Egypt. Our money and expertise had made the canal possible but we were not allowed to protect our investment. Eisenhower went so far as to direct the Fed to bankrupt us if we didn't behave. This from a nation that throughout WW11 supplied Germany with raw materials (several good books have been written on the subject).
Which US companies were going to get the lions share of Iraqi reconstruction? If you look carefully they were all companys in which Bush and his merry men had lots of controlling interest. After an outcry we were allowed the crumbs from the table.
No, for my part I don't follow fashion but I have a long memory, family in the USA and read a lot.
 

darrren

Member
98 0
Dunlop - You are spot on.

It's easy for those to be smug and knock the USA for anything it does but conveniently forget its good points - like the USA was the biggest supplier of humanitarian food and medical aid to Afghanistan WHEN THE TALIBAN WAS IN POWER.

Also, they don't have the courage to criticise the Zimbabwes and North Koreas of this world - but they would all, when the chips are down, choose to be under the US flag than the flag of the many basket case governments all over the world.

BEACH RUNNER - You are confusing something you agree with and 'talented and clever writing'. Any third rate English Language student in the 4th form will tell you how poorly written it was!
 
 
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