my journal

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Yamato

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Mar 22, 2003
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I'll write more in separate posts, just in case of accidents with saving and stuff.

So this I've been thinking and now i wonder if I am mature enough to not make any 100%-a-month forecasts.

But these "from now on..." resolves don't work.

Anyway.

The situation now is such that with increased knowledge about discretionary (more edge) and automated (better money management) and increased capital, I could get rid of gambling and could finally trade my way to financial freedom (that might have been the title of a book, I am an avid book title reader).
 

Yamato

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Mar 22, 2003
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What the **** is this truck doing in the middle of the night... making all this ****ing noise to remove garbage bins? You goddamn assholes. Why don't you just drop dead right now.
 

Yamato

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Mar 22, 2003
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I look on the bottom of the page and each time I see a reader. That's reassuring. I feel like a mental patient and I have a 24 hour guard (the readers) always making sure that I don't commit suicide or similar.
 

Yamato

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Mar 22, 2003
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After being lectured for a lifetime, I feel the need to lecture. To talk and be listened to.
 

Yamato

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Mar 22, 2003
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Tomorrow morning, at the end of the morning, at 11.59, I will wake up. When I wake up in the morning...

And then I will see if my automated systems this week made money - yes because I basically trade only one of them, so I want to know what the others did.

Hopefully i will not have to find a 5th week of drawdown.

If I traded all the systems from july 20th to now, they would have gone up to 50k in the first 3 months and something, making about 200% on a capital of 20k required, and then, in the last month, they would have lost 30k, going back to a gain of just 20k, in a total of 4 months.

I am not satisfied about this, but it's still positive.

So. That said about systems. I just need to write until the battery of my laptop is dead, and then I can go to bed for good.

I am in bed, typing.

So the systems hopefully will have a positive week.

Then another good thing is that regardless of systems, I got from less than 5k to 7500 of today in just 2 weeks or so.

I know I am capable of making 100% a month. But the problem is when I start expecting that.

I must train myself to think: what will be will be.

 
Jun 17, 2004
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Toronto
Hi Travis,

Your natural tendencies which are perfectionism, obsessivness and mental hyperactivity are pretty much the antithesis to those of successful traders. The last thing you should devote energy to is defining an edge. If you are serious about making a living by trading instead living to trade or to feed your addictions you must put all your focus on learning to control your mind and emotions. You should stop trading because like you said you are just gambling. Addictions are not cured overnight. It involves a long process, maybe even professional help or medication. Very few people trade to make money; most trade for emotional/egoic reasons. Have you had enough?

If so, from this point on you should focus on keeping ego/emotions out of your trading. You can NEVER be cured which means attention to this must be FOREVER.

Good luck you CAN do it.
 

Splitlink

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Nov 18, 2001
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I look on the bottom of the page and each time I see a reader. That's reassuring. I feel like a mental patient and I have a 24 hour guard (the readers) always making sure that I don't commit suicide or similar.
17,000 plus viewers. Not bad for a guy who types in bed! :D
 

Yamato

Well-known member
Mar 22, 2003
9,840
245
123
Hi Travis,

Your natural tendencies which are perfectionism, obsessivness and mental hyperactivity are pretty much the antithesis to those of successful traders. The last thing you should devote energy to is defining an edge. If you are serious about making a living by trading instead living to trade or to feed your addictions you must put all your focus on learning to control your mind and emotions. You should stop trading because like you said you are just gambling. Addictions are not cured overnight. It involves a long process, maybe even professional help or medication. Very few people trade to make money; most trade for emotional/egoic reasons. Have you had enough?

If so, from this point on you should focus on keeping ego/emotions out of your trading. You can NEVER be cured which means attention to this must be FOREVER.

Good luck you CAN do it.
Thanks. I agree, everything you said applies to me. I guess you talk from personal experience by how you wrote this. But not necessarily.
 

Yamato

Well-known member
Mar 22, 2003
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How I was taught that being happy is a bad thing

17,000 plus viewers. Not bad for a guy who types in bed! :D
Yes, I've been worried about views since the start. The views get updated once per hour, at the 56th minute of each hour. They are exactly "views" and properly called so. If you visit a page and then you refresh that same page, that's 2 views. So this means that since I wrote already 1400 posts, and edited them 3 times on average in advanced mode (that certainly causes a refresh and a new hit, unlike the other mode, that many not produce another hit), that makes about 5000 views from me alone. Or rather... I'd say that roughly I alone give this journal about 50 to 100 views per day. Let's make it 75, and multiply that by 100 days since I've started the journal. That means that over one third of all views of my journal came from me. To be honest it's not that much of a success. I saw journals with just 150 posts that have 10 thousand more views than mine. Now, that is amazing.

On the other hand, the few who are interested in my journal are very interested. They come and read a few pages, and come back. I see with great pleasure that both the invisible readers (that are increasing ever since I started to get in touch with the readers to ask them for feedback: yeah, I pretty much harass my readers) and the regular readers, that I see on the bottom of my page, often stay on the journal for hours... great satisfaction.

I had journals online where I talked about everything as here (except trading) and the highest average - with a journal on blogspot - was a daily average of roughly 30 to 40 readers per day. But not many of those readers were regulars. Few returned, unlike here, and few read more than one page. They came from google and then left pretty soon. Here I may get 100 views per day from 30 to 40 readers, but most of them meant to come here and read what I wrote and a majority of them reads several pages. So I am very satisfied.

I can even say that whereas on blogspot I had 40 visitors but none of them stayed and so, at any one moment, there was no one on the blog (40 1-page visits means people on the blog for a total of about 40 minutes), here at any time of the day and even night there's almost always one person reading. And that keeps me company, since I basically live here.

All this relentless checking interferes with my writing, but it adds to my consciousness. I know and notice more about what surrounds me. I am more aware of my environment with this almost compulsive checking of data.

I know i am a sick individual, because all this does not bring me any happiness. But then the happy guy, relaxed, may get run over by a car as he crosses the street because he's relaxed and not connstantly worried about what surrounds him.

That's basically what my dad has taught me: never relax and always be alert to outside threats. As a consequence I count the posts, the views, the friends, check who's reading the journal... this protects my life as a member of the forum.

For example, I wanted to say that the t2w awards are rigged because I didn't win as favorite journal, but I didn't say because that might have gotten me into trouble, and could have threatened my membership.

Now I need to write more so I can hide this comment I just made. Let's hide this into a lot of text so no one notices. Yeah, let's talk about my father more, so I can produce a lot of text.

So, as I said, he taught me to never relax, never celebrate, and always be alert and on the lookout. In my family we never celebrate birthdays for example. It's almost as if we're proud of this. Celebrating and rejoicing is for stupid people, that's the teaching from my dad. We should never rest and keep yourself unsatisfied so you will work more and improve yourself and your situation.

But then what is the point of life? To get your name on an encyclopedia? I think he's a sick maniac and turned me into a sick maniac.

If you add to all I've said the fact that my parents are so called "Catholic" and believe some of those things... or misinterpret some of those doctrines, then the mix is perfect for shooting rampage. I mean, it's a life of hell they imposed on me.

Yes, because celebrating is not just a waste of time and something that will keep your from working hard but celebrating and in other words being happy is something you cannot allow yourself for one more "Catholic" reason: there's people in the world who suffer and so you should keep your happiness under control in order to not disregard those people. You should make sure every person on the planet is happy before you can allow yourself to celebrate and be happy.

These mother****ers really ****ed me up!

 
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