Best Thread Joke of the day

[0007]

Two drunks are sitting on bar stools. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, "I slept with your mother!" The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other will do. The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!" The other says, "Go home dad, you're pissed."

 

[kaciara]

:d ...

 

[Atilla]

Two cats; one French called une deux trois and one English called one two three attempted to swim race accross the English channel - which cat got their first?
























One Two Three won because Une Deux Trois cat sank ! :cheesy:

 

[Pat494]

Two cats; one French called une deux trois and one English called one two three attempted to swim race accross the English channel - which cat got their first?
























One Two Three won because Une Deux Trois cat sank ! :cheesy:

ha ha took me a second or two to get it - good one
btw there not their At

 

[Atilla]

ha ha took me a second or two to get it - good one
btw there not their At

There yes - it's probably because I'm French no???

 

[Pat494]

There yes - it's probably because I'm French no???

Mais oui dans les Légion nous sommes toutes Français

 

[Atilla]

They've got to be kidding...

 

[Adamus]

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A £50 NOTE

It's a slow day in the harsh northern town called Warrington . There's a chill in the air, and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit..............

On this particular day a well to do type o' guy is driving through town. He stops at a local hotel and lays a £50 note on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms as he wants to spend a night in the town.

As soon as the man walks upstairs, the hotel owner grabs the £50 and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the £50 and runs down the street to settle his debt to the farmer.

The farmer takes the £50 and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of his animal feed.

The guy at the Farmer's Co-op seizes the £50 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit.

She in turn dashes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner.

The hotel proprietor then places the £50 note back on the counter to await the return of the well to do guy.

A few minutes later the guy returned to the desk, says the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the £50 and leaves town.

No one produced anything. No one earned anything.

However, everyone concerned is now out of debt and now looks to the future with great optimism.

And that, dear readers, is how the United Kingdom 's Government is conducting business today.

(Actually I would say that's the way it's always been run)

 

[Pat494]

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A £50 NOTE


And that, dear readers, is how the United Kingdom 's Government is conducting business today.

(Actually I would say that's the way it's always been run)

The Socialists sold the Yanks the NHS philosophy for the grand return of er nothing but
it will cost them a trillion or two dollars to implement. Should bankrupt themselves in next to no time.
All they need to do is stop eating so much and excercise a bit more

 

[fiatmoney]

The Socialists sold the Yanks the NHS philosophy for the grand return of er nothing but
it will cost them a trillion or two dollars to implement. Should bankrupt themselves in next to no time.
All they need to do is stop eating so much and excercise a bit more

I think their bankrupt already mate

 

[Atilla]

LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION

1 Trevor Adams, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work in his cubicle. Trevor works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Trevor never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Trevor is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Trevor can be
10 classed as a high-calibre employee, the type that cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I truly recommend that Trevor be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.


Addendum :smart:
The idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote this report.
Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.

 

[Ambrose Ackroyd]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/8596504.stm

Having read the above article on BBC News, my first thought was well,

Who the f**k is in the kitchen ??

 

[GumRai]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/8596504.stm

Having read the above article on BBC News, my first thought was well,

Who the f**k is in the kitchen ??

The best chefs are all men.
I spend more time in the kitchen than my missus does.
Apart from a couple of signature dishes, she sucks
But then, with her skills in other departments, I don't give a flying F whether she can cook or not

 

[Ambrose Ackroyd]

The best chefs are all men.

Debatable

I spend more time in the kitchen than my missus does.

Tough 5hit man

Apart from a couple of signature dishes, she sucks

Your dick ?

 

[GumRai]

Yes, yes and yes
I have no complaints

 

[Pat494]

The best chefs are all men.
I spend more time in the kitchen than my missus does.
Apart from a couple of signature dishes, she sucks
But then, with her skills in other departments, I don't give a flying F whether she can cook or not

Why God in his infinite wisdom wasted brains on women is a complete mystery - they get much too stroppy ( and what makes it even worse usually right ) aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

 

[Ambrose Ackroyd]

A tramp stopped me in the street and asked if I had any loose change.

I jiggled my trouser pocket and said "It appears that I do".

I thanked him for his interest and walked on

 

[HawkTrader]

A tramp stopped me in the street and asked if I had any loose change.

I jiggled my trouser pocket and said "It appears that I do".

I thanked him for his interest and walked on

That is very similair to what I actually do while walking through the street when some stranger asks me for the time.

"Why yes I do. Thank you very much for your concern on whether or not I have the time!! Very sweet of you. Ciao."

 

[Vaco]

That is very similair to what I actually do while walking through the street when some stranger asks me for the time.

"Why yes I do. Thank you very much for your concern on whether or not I have the time!! Very sweet of you. Ciao."

you boys obviously didn't grow up in my part part of town, when someone asks you for the time or change, showing them your wallet/watch will often end up with you being robbed!!

correct answer is' I dont have the time, I have no cash'

 

[Ambrose Ackroyd]

correct answer is' I dont have the time, I have no cash'

And then you have to do a good imitation of Usain Bolt by getting outta there as fast as you can.