Best Thread Joke of the day


Active member
I cycled to the shop to get a bottle of vodka yesterday. Then I thought, what if I fall of my bike and smash the bottle? So I just drank it there and then.

Good job because I fell off my bike 12 times on the way home.


Active member
A friend has 2 tickets for a corporate box at the Euro 2020 final. The tickets cover the seats, travel, lunch and drinks. However he bought the tickets months ago and didn't realise the final was going to be on his wedding day! So he is looking for someone to take his place and has asked me to help him.

It's at Portsmouth registry office at 4pm. Her name is Nicola, she's 5'4", about 8 stone and very pretty. Let me know if you need more details


Established member
After Dawn Butler's expulsion from the H of C, yesterday, for accusing the PM of lying.....


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Active member
Dear John,

I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work
leaving my husband in the house watching TV. My car stalled
and then it broke down about a mile down the road and I had
to walk back to get my husband's help. When I got home, I
couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the
neighbour's daughter!

I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbour's daughter is
19. We have been married for ten years. When I confronted
him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having
an affair for the past six months. He won't go to counselling
and I'm afraid I am a wreck and need advice urgently. Can
you please help?

Sincerely, Sheila

Dear Sheila,

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be
caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by
checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it
is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake
manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of
these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the
fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure
to the injectors.

I hope this helps,


J Livermore

Active member
I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. So I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So, I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle.

Replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected, accordion to a recent survey.

Communist jokes aren’t funny unless everyone gets them.

A guy goes into a lawyer’s office and asks the lawyer: “Excuse me, how much do you charge?”
The lawyer responds: “I charge $1,000 to answer three questions.”
“That’s a bit expensive, isn’t it?”
“Yes. What’s your third question?”
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