Best Thread Joke of the day
- Thread starter Airthrey Capital
- Start date
- Watchers 251
Pat494
Legendary member
- Messages
- 14,614
- Likes
- 1,588
I remember being shocked in the 70s by:-
1. Dave Allen's jokes
2. Nastase/McEnroe's tantrums at Wimbledon.
But time and plentiful abuse has softenened my views.
Atilla
Legendary member
- Messages
- 20,779
- Likes
- 3,981
I think you mean enlightened Pat :smart:
Atilla
Legendary member
- Messages
- 20,779
- Likes
- 3,981
iWatch - Public Enemy no1... Already an irritant watching people pissing about with their phones now plonkers will be talking - dictating into them.
Hang on a minute, I'm just going to talk a reminder for my self to get some flowers for my secretary and a hoover for the Mrs....
Dictate in public, on the move whilst standing at the bus stop, airport terminal. In a taxi. Everyone will be thinking What a Pr1ck...
I could be wrong.
However, it would be interesting to wear the watch when having sex to see how high one can get their pulse rate and show it off to mates. Laddish thing you know.
I can also see the iPhone payment ID being hacked and like giving away ones credit card to a clever bod and go round town spending. Yes I'm sure it has security built in. They all do.
Interesting times ahead. Is there anything new we haven't seen before?
Pat494
Legendary member
- Messages
- 14,614
- Likes
- 1,588
Jock and Taffy were laying tiles on a roof when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down their ladder.
"I have an idea," said Jock. "We'll throw you down, and then you can pick up the ladder."
"What, do you think I'm stupid?" Taffy replied." I have an idea. I'll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light."
"What, do you think I'm stupid?" Jock answers. "You'll just turn off the flashlight when I'm halfway there."
"I have an idea," said Jock. "We'll throw you down, and then you can pick up the ladder."
"What, do you think I'm stupid?" Taffy replied." I have an idea. I'll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light."
"What, do you think I'm stupid?" Jock answers. "You'll just turn off the flashlight when I'm halfway there."
Pat494
Legendary member
- Messages
- 14,614
- Likes
- 1,588
They are getting Startrek tricorders together now. But they still haven't invented flubber yet - come on chaps, we wanna fly
Atilla
Legendary member
- Messages
- 20,779
- Likes
- 3,981
I hear there is a new clothing material that one can change the colour of using ones iwatch. Fabo!!! One suit 64,000 colours.
Must have wardrobe accessory
Now that's what I call creative destruction. Forget the watch buy the suit.
What started with the spinning Jenny may well revolutionise the face of humanity as we know it. Yey! :clap:
Atilla
Legendary member
- Messages
- 20,779
- Likes
- 3,981
Jock & Jimmy were walking along a street in London.
Jock looked in one of the shop windows and saw a sign that caught his eye.
The sign read, "Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, trousers £2.50 per pair".
Jock said to his pal, "Look at the prices! We could buy a whole lot of these and when we get back to Scotland we could make a fortune.
Now when we go in you stay quiet, okay? Let me do all the talking cause if they hear our accents, they might think we are cheap Scotsmen and try to screw us. I'll put on my best London accent".
"OK Jock, I'll keep me mouth shut" said Jimmy
They go in and Jock said in a posh voice, "Hello my good man. I'll take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at £2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at £2.50 each. I'll back up me truck ready to load them on, old chap!
The owner of the shop said quietly, "You're from Scotland, aren't you?"
"Well yes," said a surprised Jock. "What gave it away?"
The owner replied, "This is a dry-cleaners........" !
Jock looked in one of the shop windows and saw a sign that caught his eye.
The sign read, "Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, trousers £2.50 per pair".
Jock said to his pal, "Look at the prices! We could buy a whole lot of these and when we get back to Scotland we could make a fortune.
Now when we go in you stay quiet, okay? Let me do all the talking cause if they hear our accents, they might think we are cheap Scotsmen and try to screw us. I'll put on my best London accent".
"OK Jock, I'll keep me mouth shut" said Jimmy
They go in and Jock said in a posh voice, "Hello my good man. I'll take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at £2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at £2.50 each. I'll back up me truck ready to load them on, old chap!
The owner of the shop said quietly, "You're from Scotland, aren't you?"
"Well yes," said a surprised Jock. "What gave it away?"
The owner replied, "This is a dry-cleaners........" !
Atilla
Legendary member
- Messages
- 20,779
- Likes
- 3,981
Desperate Chinese boy, 17, sells kidney for £2,000 to buy an iPad and iPhone
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...lls-kidney-buy-iPad-iPhone.html#ixzz3Dl6yITPJ
This was back in 2012 so what's a boy to do now with iphone6???
Dumb Dipstick
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...lls-kidney-buy-iPad-iPhone.html#ixzz3Dl6yITPJ
This was back in 2012 so what's a boy to do now with iphone6???
Dumb Dipstick MajorMagnuM
Legendary member
- Messages
- 9,284
- Likes
- 888
I hear there is a new clothing material that one can change the colour of using ones iwatch. Fabo!!! One suit 64,000 colours.
Must have wardrobe accessory
Now that's what I call creative destruction. Forget the watch buy the suit.
What started with the spinning Jenny may well revolutionise the face of humanity as we know it. Yey! :clap:
a scanner darkly
