hello there
struggle continues
lost it all again, because I have increased the stake
I just read the beginning of my thread, and have to say it is interesting to read, how the way I look at the charts, markets changed over the last 2 months. Lost money, yes, but gained more experience than I have gained in the previous 8 years.
Been into trading since 2006 september. It has always been a "hobby" a second job. First one and a half year I was programming and tried trading forex based on purely indicators, did not know squat about price action. Since about 2007 the base of my system has always been a couple of indicators called digital filters, freely available on MT4 forums. Had them ported to Ninjatrader, like the software better.
Anyway, had success in 2008 some very good days but, in about 6 months I have traded about 50-60 days, extremely high frequency trading, spreadbetting, one day I had many hundred positions on crude oil I remember that. And, I stopped trading in 2008 July, way before the markets started to crash, and a single run on YM for example became a 900 point fall. I have seen that, my haert almost stopped beating just by looking at it, it was beautiful... from a point of view of a daytrader/speculant. So success in 2008, but nothing ever since. It is maybe partially, because the money I made at that time made me lazy, It was not that important to make more., also psycho issues emotional issues etc. Long story. I just looked back, couple of weeks ago, that over the last 5 years, I have put money either on SB account on real futures account I have attacked the markets about 15 times added various amounts of money sometimes a couple of hundred dollars sometimes much more. The all time balance is still way up high, I lost about 10% of what I made in 2008 in the following 5 years. True I spent the rest of it, but hey carpe diem, right? Money is to be spent. Should have managed it better, but when you are flying high above you don't think about you could ever be back where you started. At least not the first time
This messes up things a bit because it is not like when you made your first thousand or then thou or a hundred thousand. Second time there is a desperation, you know what you are missing and although when I have made my first 5000 pounds on one day, i was indescribably euphoric above the clouds couldn't believe my eyes that I have made in one day what I made before in 6 months as a cleaner, or, in other words what my mother makes in my home country in more that 2 YEARS working 40 hours a week. When you do that in one day... that's an experience carved into the very depth of your mind, never to forget. And that experience gives you a different perspective, expectations. And then this year, on 11th of March I started trading with a 0.1 per tick making 10 pounds a day. Lasted for a week and the lost my patience...This time...last time because it is never enough, when I zeroed my account I was entering into positions with a 20£ stake that's 30 dollars, 3 full contracts on the real market.
On the SB account 3 spread... 20 trades costs like 6 points that's everything I lost, and I don't even take into account the fact that sometimes, I saw the real market move 5 points while I was in a trade and my profits were only 4. SB firm will chip off what day can and in the long run that's a lot. Especially If you ave 10-20 or more trades a day. I realized this late, but at least I realized it.
I am demotrading again but taking it very seriously this time. My trading partner/friend just started with a live account it makes it even more exciting.
After my first week here I got a PM from someone on the forum, I was not very nice to him, but then again he started with telling me that this is not my game I should stop. Next I was told that I would be better off with a real account because of the spread and all that I have just detailed, and, of course he was right. I was not very nice to him though, because I was not ready for it yet. Public apology with the added note: Only help those who ask for help, the rest, who thinks he knows better will not accept it.
The only thing that separates a person with delusions of grandure, and a billionare, king, dictator, superstar, etc is the realisation of the dreams(delusions).
And no one can possibly know what someone is capable of. Before 2008 I have blown up several account before I made my fortune. Had I listened to an advice I read somewhere at that time,from a successful trader saying "if u dont reach success in trading in 3 months than it is not for u and u should quit" I would have never experienced what followed.
Anyway, ancient story.
today, now, I am still in school. have been trading 2 months now, active daytrading, lost my accounts 3 times because I was not ready to handle the trading size. very unfortunate that the SB/cfd offers a lower size, but they will try to screw u wherever they can. Will only touch them again if I get to the point of entering into long term swing trades
I don't know..on the other hand I HAVE made money, on the SB account, when I was having a mentally patient period....
Anyway that's the story. Demo trading now for a little while to see how it goes.
If I make it...brilliant. NEVER been successful on a demo account, did not have the patience. the one thing I desperately need to develop(again). That's the only thing that is ruining me all the time. My lack of patience. I am writing this so that I would remember.
Will share how am I doing on the demo, just for the record...
