my journal

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Basically your sheet works, also because I fed it different data (my big list of real trades on my unprofitable system) and it works just the same as my formula. Only, like many other formulas, it makes reference to so much stuff (go here, look there, take this, take that)... that I get confused and lost. Obviously I am not an engineer, a chemist, a physicist. My formula... I don't know how I came up with it, but definitely not by having the overall vision that you show by what you write. I know I sound ridiculous to some, because for some people this is very basic, but to me we both should be awarded the Nobel prize for our formulas.
 
I am all right. Today very busy at work.

Got home just a few minutes ago, made another discretionary trade, gained another 100 dollars. System lost today as well, but for some technical problem orders didn't go through. Three days in a row with systems losing and me making money with discretionary. But it never lasts like this. As I said, my discretionary trading consists of 100 dollars wins and 2000 dollars losses, whereas my automated trading is almost the exact opposite. Talk to you tomorrow.
 
Discretionary trading ? What you playing at brother?

If your going to do it; Atleast do what we talked about and make a plan that includes money management; Show me it too; But don't trade until you've made that plan or you'll lose to those who have! You know this. Don't ignore it.
 
I know. It's stronger than me. It's called relapsing, addiction... I am observing and describing my addiction, day by day, as it evolves. I am not in control of it just because I describe it so clearly, nor because I know that in the long run it will blow out my account. As I said, my discretionary trading brings me a majority of 100 dollars wins, and a minority of 2000 dollars losses. I know it. But it still happens. I've told everyone from the start that this is my problem.
 
I know. It's stronger than me. It's called relapsing, addiction... I am observing and describing my addiction, day by day, as it evolves. I am not in control of it just because I describe it so clearly, nor because I know that in the long run it will blow out my account. As I said, my discretionary trading brings me a majority of 100 dollars wins, and a minority of 2000 dollars losses. I know it. But it still happens. I've told everyone from the start that this is my problem.

I will pm you an idea for your discretionary trading to cover your risk more and how to cover yourself more effectively to avoid the $2000 losses while maintaining the $100 wins.
 
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I will pm you an idea for your discretionary trading to cover your risk more and how to cover yourself more effectively to avoid the $2000 losses while maintaining the $100 wins.

Thank you for your efforts to help me. How did you like the opening gap systems I've sent you? Those were your ideas so I didn't explain them in detail on the journal. By the way, maybe we're better off if you keep on giving me ideas for more systems rather than trying to teach me to trade discretionary. If I'll get to have above 50 systems, I think I'll be seeing so many trades, that my drive and urge for discretionary trades will disappear.
 
Here we go again. Started one discretionary trade a few days ago, didn't stop afterwards, and I made 100, 100, 100 and yesterday I started a trade on the CL, lightheartedly, since I felt so confident... and now I am already losing more on it than what I made in the previous trades. That's always the case with my discretionary trading. And, I am in denial, and can't close it now. And the CL is a bad mother****er. I could lose up to 3000 on this trade. It's terrible, yet I can't close it because I feel it should bounce at least a little, after yesterday's fall.
 

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Wow, I got lucky. The CL bounced, and my Hail Mary trade was closed at a 200 dollars profit, instead of a 400 dollars loss. So, discretionary-wise, we're at about +500 for all the trades I've taken so far. Now I am expecting any time the usual -2000 dollars trade. Or I could stop messing around. What do you say? Should I stop while I am ahead or get cockier and cockier until I incur that -2000 dollars trade? I hope my systems today will take me above the 10k level (I am almost there), so they will start trading more, and then I'll finally be satisfied with both the capital I have and the trades that are being made. The more inactive my systems are, the more I feel the urge to place trades myself.
 
Wow, I got lucky. The CL bounced, and my Hail Mary trade was closed at a 200 dollars profit, instead of a 400 dollars loss. So, discretionary-wise, we're at about +500 for all the trades I've taken so far. Now I am expecting any time the usual -2000 dollars trade. Or I could stop messing around. What do you say? Should I stop while I am ahead or get cockier and cockier until I incur that -2000 dollars trade? I hope my systems today will take me above the 10k level (I am almost there), so they will start trading more, and then I'll finally be satisfied with both the capital I have and the trades that are being made. The more inactive my systems are, the more I feel the urge to place trades myself.

If your going to place discretionary trades; Write them on here FIRST, including where you plan to get out and gives us a few details on WHY you are entering.
 
Thanks for your efforts to help me. I hope I won't place any more trades. I'll try to remember to post my trades before, but you're not here very often so it wouldn't help.

Today really depressing day at work, damn! I am still at work as I write.

I've gotten too cocky today, at work as at discretionary trading, and I've written an email to a colleague saying: I'd refuse to do this work if I were you, and my boss reprimanded me, really making me feel humbled, and told me "I am about to tell you to **** off... don't make me do it" or something like that. I apologized for the email and he told me from now on to keep my personal comments out of work emails. I've really exaggerated with my personal comments lately. It's as if I were writing part of this journal in my emails to colleagues and bosses. He said "you wouldn't have done this with another boss, would you?". And I said he was right. I apologized again.

I think he's right. I should complain only here and at home but not cause trouble in our work emails. He said I am always complaining. I don't like not being appreciated. I thought everyone was happy with how I worked, but it seems I've gotten too cocky and have become an unpleasant employee. It sucks. I hope I'll remember to keep personal comments outside of work emails from now on.

I've really been getting too cocky and confident. I go from extreme humbleness to extreme cockiness. I am extreme, as usual. It's something I knew already.
 
Celebration!!!

After tampering, and risking blowing out my account, after two weeks of drawdown on my systems... today I finally got home and found some good money on my systems and discretionary trading from this morning, for a total of about 2000. I am very very happy. I decided to close everything, because now that the non-tampering rule has fallen, I feel this profit might disappear and so I am taking it because right now I need anything but more disappointments. Especially after today's problems at work.
 

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Still feeling really bad about today's humiliating talk with the "boss". He's right though: I am not special, as I always feel. I should start behaving normally, and not mix fun with work, and journal writing with work emails. Co-workers do not need to be told that I am depressed, rebellious, upset, tired, worn out. Let's keep personal comments out of those emails, so I'll be a perfect employee. Also, let's stop complaining to everyone I meet in the hallway about how much I am working. Let's just reply "fine, thanks".
 
i think you should be an honorary Brit.

we love complaining, you'd fit right in over here :)

in fact we're deeply suspicious of anyone who doesn't complain.
 
Good, thanks. I feel very close to the Brits. For their education and good manners. They're civilized people, much like all other Northern Europeans. Don't forget I am in a country where the majority voted for Berlusconi. And if you do that, you're either dishonest or stupid.

On the other hand, it's partly natural: those who behave by the rules, are going to notice when others aren't playing by the rules, and sometimes they will complain about it. In my case, I do it all the time, and my boss got tired: I am incessantly complaining about the fact that almost everyone else is working less than me (less quantity and less quality), and it got on his nerves to the point that he forgot how much he actually appreciates my work. At my bank, there's like two thirds of all employees who practically do nothing all day long: coffee breaks, phone calls, cigarette breaks.
 
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