Best Thread Joke of the day
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Atilla
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This Dougie parrot is just great. Made my day 
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-york-north-yorkshire-37628608
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-york-north-yorkshire-37628608
Alexander1
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Thank you for the video ))) cheer
Pat494
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Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day, Kate, my wife and I went into town and visited a shop.
When we came out, there was a cop writing a parking ticket. We went up to him and I said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?"
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.
I called him an ignorant jerk. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn out tyres.
So my wife called him a bast@rd. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.
Then he started writing more tickets.
This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home.
We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.
Well, for example, the other day, Kate, my wife and I went into town and visited a shop.
When we came out, there was a cop writing a parking ticket. We went up to him and I said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?"
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.
I called him an ignorant jerk. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn out tyres.
So my wife called him a bast@rd. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.
Then he started writing more tickets.
This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home.
We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.
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Pat494
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Sixteen Logical Reasons Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:
1.The later you are, the more excited your dog is to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name..
3.Dogs like it if you leave lots of things on the floor.
4.Dogs' parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go, instantly, 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you're pissed.
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. Dogs won't wake you up at night to ask: "If I died, would you get another dog?"
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and sell 'em.
11. When you drop a silent one, dogs don't run around frantically with room spray.
13. Dogs never tell you to stop scratching your balls. Instead, they sit pondering why you don't lick 'em.
14. Dogs will let you put a studded collar on, without calling you a pervert.
15. If a dog smells another dog on you, it won't kick you in the crotch; it just finds it interesting.
And last, but not least:
16. If a dog runs off and leaves you, it won't take half your stuff.
To verify these statements: Lock your wife and your dog in the car boot for an hour.
Then open the door and observe which one is happy to see you!
1.The later you are, the more excited your dog is to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name..
3.Dogs like it if you leave lots of things on the floor.
4.Dogs' parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go, instantly, 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you're pissed.
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. Dogs won't wake you up at night to ask: "If I died, would you get another dog?"
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and sell 'em.
11. When you drop a silent one, dogs don't run around frantically with room spray.
13. Dogs never tell you to stop scratching your balls. Instead, they sit pondering why you don't lick 'em.
14. Dogs will let you put a studded collar on, without calling you a pervert.
15. If a dog smells another dog on you, it won't kick you in the crotch; it just finds it interesting.
And last, but not least:
16. If a dog runs off and leaves you, it won't take half your stuff.
To verify these statements: Lock your wife and your dog in the car boot for an hour.
Then open the door and observe which one is happy to see you!
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