Best Thread Joke of the day
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fudgestain
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Must've taken some dumb contagious to come up with that one.alliance said:
alliance
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A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire
herself out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house,
and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he
said, "How much will you charge me?"
The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need
were in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband,
"Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those 'dumb blonde' jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the husband asked.
"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."
herself out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house,
and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he
said, "How much will you charge me?"
The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need
were in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband,
"Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those 'dumb blonde' jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the husband asked.
"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."
There was a blonde who was tired of all the blonde jokes and decided to dye her hair brown. She then went for a drive in the country and came upon a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.
She asked the shepherd, "If I guess how many sheep there are here, can I keep one?"
He replied "Sure!"
Out of the blue, she blurts out, "352!"
He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick out a sheep. She looks and searches and finally picks out the cutest one.
He looks at her and says, "If I guess what color your hair really is, can I have my dog back!"
She asked the shepherd, "If I guess how many sheep there are here, can I keep one?"
He replied "Sure!"
Out of the blue, she blurts out, "352!"
He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick out a sheep. She looks and searches and finally picks out the cutest one.
He looks at her and says, "If I guess what color your hair really is, can I have my dog back!"
TheBramble
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Blondes (contd...)
Two blondes walk into a shop.
You'd have thought one of them would have seen it....
Two blondes walk into a shop.
You'd have thought one of them would have seen it....
alliance
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Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide.
The first old guy says to the second guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." The second old guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife,too, and I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate The first old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?"
T he second old guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big busted, and is wearing short shorts. What does > your wife look like?"
To which the first old guy says, "Never mind; let's look for yours."
The first old guy says to the second guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." The second old guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife,too, and I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate The first old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?"
T he second old guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big busted, and is wearing short shorts. What does > your wife look like?"
To which the first old guy says, "Never mind; let's look for yours."
darktone
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A trucker has been on the road solid for nearly four weeks when he stops off
at Brothel outside Essex. He goes in, lays £500 on the table and says "I
want the ugliest, fattest bird you have and a bacon sandwich"
The Brothel Madam replies, "But Sir, with that amount of money you could
have any one of our "finer" ladies"
"Listen love", says the trucker "I'm not horny, I'm just homesick"!
at Brothel outside Essex. He goes in, lays £500 on the table and says "I
want the ugliest, fattest bird you have and a bacon sandwich"
The Brothel Madam replies, "But Sir, with that amount of money you could
have any one of our "finer" ladies"
"Listen love", says the trucker "I'm not horny, I'm just homesick"!
TWI
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Spice up your T2W experience.
http://www.pornolize.com/pornolize4...=c6b078ffaa5f7a47f2973bd9f9ec342e&do=getdaily
http://www.pornolize.com/pornolize4...=c6b078ffaa5f7a47f2973bd9f9ec342e&do=getdaily
TheBramble
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I actually prefer it.
darktone
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twalker said:
LOL
http://members.cox.net/tom_fuller/indx.htm
not sure if this link will live long cos its a tad 'cheeky'..
sooryy ... it was the dwink milard
TheBramble
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I fail to see how this helps with our trading....
(BTW - you appear to have gained a little weight...)
(BTW - you appear to have gained a little weight...)
TheBramble
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Same problems for me with any system I try and trade - in too soon - out too soon (apparently).
> Test for Dementia
> > >
> > >Test for Dementia
> > >Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer
> > >them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them
> > >immediately. OK?
> > >
> > >Let's find out just how clever you really are.
> > >Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)
> > >
> > >
> > >First Question:
> > >You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What
> > >position are you in?
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely
> > >wrong!
> > >If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are
> > >second!
> > >
> > >Try not to screw up in the next question.
> > >To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for
> > >the first question.
> > >
> > >
> > >Second Question:
> > >If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong
> > >again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?
> > >
> > >You're not very good at this! Are you?
> > >
> > >
> > >Third Question:
> > >Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only.
> > >
> > >Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
> > >
> > >Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add
> > >another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the
> > >total?
> > >
> > >Scroll down for answer.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >Did you get 5000?
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >The correct answer is actually 4100.
> > >
> > >Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is definitely not
> > >your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?
> > >
> > >
> > >Fourth Question:
> > >
> > >Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.
> > >What is the name of the fifth daughter?
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >Answer: Nunu?
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >NO! Of course not.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >Her name is Mary. Read the question again
> > >
> > >
> > >Okay, now the bonus round:
> > >
> > >There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the
> > >action of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses himself to the
> > >shopkeeper and the purchase is done.
> > >
> > >Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how
> > >should he express himself?
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >He just has to open his mouth and ask, so simple.
> > >
> > >KEEP THIS GOING TO FRUSTRATE THE SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE!
> > >
> > >Test for Dementia
> > >Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer
> > >them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them
> > >immediately. OK?
> > >
> > >Let's find out just how clever you really are.
> > >Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)
> > >
> > >
> > >First Question:
> > >You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What
> > >position are you in?
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely
> > >wrong!
> > >If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are
> > >second!
> > >
> > >Try not to screw up in the next question.
> > >To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for
> > >the first question.
> > >
> > >
> > >Second Question:
> > >If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong
> > >again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?
> > >
> > >You're not very good at this! Are you?
> > >
> > >
> > >Third Question:
> > >Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only.
> > >
> > >Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
> > >
> > >Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add
> > >another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the
> > >total?
> > >
> > >Scroll down for answer.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >Did you get 5000?
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >The correct answer is actually 4100.
> > >
> > >Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is definitely not
> > >your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?
> > >
> > >
> > >Fourth Question:
> > >
> > >Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.
> > >What is the name of the fifth daughter?
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >Answer: Nunu?
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >NO! Of course not.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >Her name is Mary. Read the question again
> > >
> > >
> > >Okay, now the bonus round:
> > >
> > >There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the
> > >action of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses himself to the
> > >shopkeeper and the purchase is done.
> > >
> > >Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how
> > >should he express himself?
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >He just has to open his mouth and ask, so simple.
> > >
> > >KEEP THIS GOING TO FRUSTRATE THE SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE!
