Shikamaroo
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long mi eh hear dem 2 words dred, skettel and battyman. Ah hahahahah is 1996 all over again cause just the other day I hear somebody say drag tongue. lol
Best Thread Joke of the day
- Thread starter Airthrey Capital
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scose-no-doubt
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drag tongue? Is wah kinda foo fool talk dat?
neil
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Re: Joke of the day - XMAS
Maybe a little early for the festive season but I have seen cards on sale in a "phew" shops?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vg9eZxpV3VA&feature=fvw
Maybe a little early for the festive season but I have seen cards on sale in a "phew" shops?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vg9eZxpV3VA&feature=fvw
HawkTrader
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scose-no-doubt
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WHO SAID FOOTBALLERS AREN'T INTELLIGENT?
My parents have always been there for me, ever since I was about 7. "
David Beckham
"I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the
league."
Mark Viduka
"Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well,
he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best
manager I've ever had."
David Beckham
"If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of
bed at the end of the day."
Neville Southall
"I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of
which were disputable."
Paul Gascoigne
"I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and
hopefully after that as well."
Alan Shearer
"I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona "
Mark Draper
"You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll win
the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out."
Peter Shilton
"I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week,
but let me state that I don't want to leave Leicester "
Stan Collymore
"I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on
the screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first minute at
Birmingham . My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he
was out there playing."
Ade Akinbiyi
"Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match."
Ian Wright
"I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier."
Ugo Ehiogu
" Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I
live in Middlesborough."
Jonathan Woodgate
"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel."
Stuart Pearce
"I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my
right."
Lee Hendrie
"I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country."
Ian Rush
" Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals
out there today."
Steve Lomas
"I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my
right sock."
Barry Venison
"I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what
religion yet."
David Beckham
"The Brazilians were South American, and the Ukrainians will be more
European."
Phil Neville
"All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed."
Mitchell Thomas
"One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best."
Alan Shearer
"I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd."
Johnny Giles
"Sometimes in football you have to score goals."
Thierry Henry
My parents have always been there for me, ever since I was about 7. "
David Beckham
"I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the
league."
Mark Viduka
"Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well,
he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best
manager I've ever had."
David Beckham
"If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of
bed at the end of the day."
Neville Southall
"I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of
which were disputable."
Paul Gascoigne
"I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and
hopefully after that as well."
Alan Shearer
"I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona "
Mark Draper
"You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll win
the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out."
Peter Shilton
"I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week,
but let me state that I don't want to leave Leicester "
Stan Collymore
"I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on
the screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first minute at
Birmingham . My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he
was out there playing."
Ade Akinbiyi
"Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match."
Ian Wright
"I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier."
Ugo Ehiogu
" Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I
live in Middlesborough."
Jonathan Woodgate
"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel."
Stuart Pearce
"I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my
right."
Lee Hendrie
"I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country."
Ian Rush
" Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals
out there today."
Steve Lomas
"I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my
right sock."
Barry Venison
"I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what
religion yet."
David Beckham
"The Brazilians were South American, and the Ukrainians will be more
European."
Phil Neville
"All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed."
Mitchell Thomas
"One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best."
Alan Shearer
"I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd."
Johnny Giles
"Sometimes in football you have to score goals."
Thierry Henry
Riftvalley
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Keep the following in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumour or spread gossip.
In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.
One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?"
"Wait a moment," Socrates replied, "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."
"Triple filter?" asked the acquaintance.
"That's right," Socrates continued, "Before you talk to me about Diogenes let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"
"No," the man said, "Actually I just heard about it."
"All right," said Socrates, "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about Diogenes something good?"
"No, on the contrary..."
"So," Socrates continued, "You want to tell me something about Diogenes that may be bad, even though you're not certain it's true?"
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, "You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter, the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about Diogenes going to be useful to me?"
"No, not really."
"Well," concluded Socrates, "If what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me or anyone at all?"
The man was bewildered and ashamed. This is an example of why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.
It also explains why Socrates never found out that Diogenes was shagging his wife!
In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.
One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?"
"Wait a moment," Socrates replied, "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."
"Triple filter?" asked the acquaintance.
"That's right," Socrates continued, "Before you talk to me about Diogenes let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"
"No," the man said, "Actually I just heard about it."
"All right," said Socrates, "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about Diogenes something good?"
"No, on the contrary..."
"So," Socrates continued, "You want to tell me something about Diogenes that may be bad, even though you're not certain it's true?"
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, "You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter, the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about Diogenes going to be useful to me?"
"No, not really."
"Well," concluded Socrates, "If what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me or anyone at all?"
The man was bewildered and ashamed. This is an example of why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.
It also explains why Socrates never found out that Diogenes was shagging his wife!
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Riftvalley
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Atilla
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Yes and due to economic crises management decide to layoff the guy digging the ditch...
dick_dastardly
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Yes and due to economic crises management decide to layoff the guy digging the ditch...
$h!t flows down hill!
dd
Ambrose Ackroyd
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Wouldn't it be funny if Mary Bale got fined for putting the cat in the wrong bin ?
4xpipcounter
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True stories
I've been having trouble finding software that would be compatible with my Windows7. This has been going on for 6 months. I'm at Wal Mart and notice they have the software I need. I pick it up and ready to take it to the cashier to pay for it. I find out I forgot my wallet. I drive home to get my wallet, then drive back to the store. I find out it was the last one they had, and someone else bought it.
Not too long ago, I'm kicking back on the porch and in my pajamas. I seeTucker (in the pic) getting close to the road. I said, "Tucker! Get back here!"
He loks at me and keeps walking. This was very peculiar of him, because he is such a good dog. I go after him. He is now at the neighbor's (We live in the country, so it is a little walk.). I see him go under a bush. This is so befuddling. This is not like Tucker. I'm crawling under the bush to get him. After I'm under the bush, I find out it is a cat with the exact markings. About then, the neighbor drives up wondering what I am doing under his bush, chasing his cat, in my pajamas.
Just to add icing to the cake, I'm walking back to the house, and there is Tucker, waiting patiently for me to get back.
I've been having trouble finding software that would be compatible with my Windows7. This has been going on for 6 months. I'm at Wal Mart and notice they have the software I need. I pick it up and ready to take it to the cashier to pay for it. I find out I forgot my wallet. I drive home to get my wallet, then drive back to the store. I find out it was the last one they had, and someone else bought it.
Not too long ago, I'm kicking back on the porch and in my pajamas. I seeTucker (in the pic) getting close to the road. I said, "Tucker! Get back here!"
He loks at me and keeps walking. This was very peculiar of him, because he is such a good dog. I go after him. He is now at the neighbor's (We live in the country, so it is a little walk.). I see him go under a bush. This is so befuddling. This is not like Tucker. I'm crawling under the bush to get him. After I'm under the bush, I find out it is a cat with the exact markings. About then, the neighbor drives up wondering what I am doing under his bush, chasing his cat, in my pajamas.
Just to add icing to the cake, I'm walking back to the house, and there is Tucker, waiting patiently for me to get back.
Atilla
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Don't know what the fuss is all about really...
I grew up thinking cats lived in bins...
Ambrose Ackroyd
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I love this one.............
Ambrose Ackroyd
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Following on from the Mary Bale episode ...................
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7QTvt9aXSI&NR=1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7QTvt9aXSI&NR=1
Ambrose Ackroyd
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So, I opened my wheelie bin and a wasp flew out.
What kind of a sick f**ker would put a wasp in a wheelie bin ?
Then I looked inside again and saw a live maggot wriggling about.
I mean, what kind of deranged sadist would put a maggot in a wheelie bin ?
This is a sad reflection on today's society.
What kind of a sick f**ker would put a wasp in a wheelie bin ?
Then I looked inside again and saw a live maggot wriggling about.
I mean, what kind of deranged sadist would put a maggot in a wheelie bin ?
This is a sad reflection on today's society.
DionysusToast
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This one always makes me giggle...
