Best Thread Joke of the day

[Pat494]

Reminds me of that old joke about

if the bank lends a man a little money it's his problem
If the bank lends a man a lot of money it's their problem

As you say Attilla, the banks have done the above and put their problems onto the taxpayer

Thanks to Gordie and his commie friends !! - couldn't run a corner shop - the idiots

Wedgie and his mates got their wicked way eventually

 

[yacarob1]

President Bush said clients shouldn't be concerned by all these bank closings.

If the bank is closed, you just use the ATM, he said.

 

[blancspa]

EMH Theory

The engineer, the physicist, and the economist find themselves shipwrecked on a desert island with nothing to eat but a sealed can of beans. How to get at them?
The engineer proposes breaking the can open with the rock.
The physicist suggests heating the can in the sun, until it bursts.
The economist`s approach: "First, assume we have a can opener..."

 

[yacarob1]

The Circle of Life

At age 4, success is...not sh1tting your pants.
At age 12, success is...having friends.
At age 16, success is...having a driver's license.
At age 20, success is...having sex.
At age 35, success is...having money.
At age 50, success is...having money.
At age 60, success is...having sex.
At age 70, success is...having a driver's license.
At age 75, success is...having friends.
At age 90, success is...not sh1tting your pants.

 

[yacarob1]

Two Irishmen on holiday in Florida are camping in the Everglades and they see an alligator with a guys arms and head hanging out of its mouth.

Paddy turns to Sean and says, "Bejaysus Sean, would ya look at that flash bastar*d over dere with the Lacoste sleeping bag?"

 

[timsk]

A Collection of Bushisms

'The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country.'
- George W. Bush

'If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.'
- George W. Bush

'One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.'
- George W. Bush

'I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.'
- George W. Bush

'The future will be better tomorrow.'
- George W. Bush

'We're going to have the best educated American people in the world.'
- George W. Bush

'I stand by all the misstatements that I've made.'
- George W Bush

'We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe . We are a part of Europe '
- George W. Bush

'Public speaking is very easy.'
- George W. Bush

'A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.'
- George W. Bush

'I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them.'
- George Bush

'We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.'
- George W. Bush

'For NASA, space is still a high priority.'
- George W. Bush

'Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.'
- George W. Bush

'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.'
- George W. Bush

 

[yacarob1]

Murphy: "You've a nice couple of goldfish there Paddy. What are their names?"

Paddy: "I've called them, One and Two".

Murphy: "Why is that then Paddy?"

Paddy: "'Coz if One dies, I've still got Two".

 

[Pat494]

Word is that the new Administration is still desperately looking to fill it's top posts

Geitner - failed
Daschle - failed
Killefor - failed

The FBI are desperately searching for the last known HONEST American. They have his description

Over 7ft tall
hairy
huge feet
lives in The Rockies

Any sitings gratefully received. Their last suspect reportedly dropped dead on Skid Row recently

 

[yacarob1]

What do Pelicans and British Gas have in common?

They can both stick their bills up their AR*SE.

 

[anino]

A teacher is trying to persuade her pupils to buy the end of year class photograph.

"Just think," she says, "in twenty years' time you'll be able to look at this photograph and say,

"Look - there's Tommy Brown, he's a famous explorer now."

"And that must be Mary Smith, she's an actor in Hollywood."

"Oh yes and there's Betty ..."

A voice piped up from the back row...

"And look - there's teacher. She's dead."

 

[yacarob1]

THE PERFECT DAY AT WORK

9.00 switch on computer.
9.05 download emails
9.10 download computer virus
9.15 call I.T. support
9.20 - 5.00 spend the rest of the day relaxing while computer is fixed.

 

[yacarob1]

Jenson Button has said he is still optimistic that he will get a top quality drive in 2009.

However the patio and the rest of the landscaping might not be quite up to the same standard.

 

[Pat494]

Q. What's the same between standing near :-
a jet engine
trading for newbies
and Chuck Norris

A. They all suck ya in and blow out the leftovers

 

[yacarob1]

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits.

After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude.

In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" calls one of the nuns.

"Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.

The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.

"Nice tits," says the man, "where do you want these blinds?"

 

[yacarob1]

My career is in ruins.

It's great being an archaeologist.

 

[Atilla]

Economics Professor

Economics Professor

Now tell me what is the similarity between a Bank and a Bra?

Student: Well, the more in it, better the interest you get. :-0 :cheesy:

 

[yacarob1]

For me there is a mission for this country moving forward - there are big long-term decisions we've got to take as a nation.

Gordon Brown quote


I am ready to make the decisions for people and to work with other people to make this country the great country it is at all times.

Gordon Brown quote


I want to lead a government humble enough to know its place - where I will always strive to be - and that is on the people's side

Gordon Brown quote


guffaw guffaw

 

[yacarob1]

Paddy's wife tells him that she's having an affair.

So he pulls out a gun and presses it against his head.

His wife just laughs at him.

"I don't know why you're laughing," said Paddy. "You're next."

 

[Bestie]

:clap::clap:

What do Pelicans and British Gas have in common?

They can both stick their bills up their AR*SE.

 

[Bestie]

:-0:-0:clap:

Economics Professor

Now tell me what is the similarity between a Bank and a Bra?

Student: Well, the more in it, better the interest you get. :-0 :cheesy: