Best Thread Joke of the day

[MattK]

How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

It was Christmas Eve. A woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping. Later on that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg. "What is that?" he asked. She said, "I visited the tattoo parlor today. On the inside of one leg I had them tattoo 'Merry Christmas,' and on the inside of the other one they tattooed 'Happy New Year.'" Perplexed, he asked, "Why did you do that?" "Well," she replied, "now you can't complain that there's never anything to eat between Christmas and New Years!"

 

[MattK]

 

[MattK]

Jake Makes the Criminals Sing | Cold Open | Brooklyn Nine Nine

 

[MattK]

 

[MattK]

 

[Phylo]

Women, know your limits - Harry Enfield

 

[Phylo]

 

[MattK]

“Why did the forex trader trade on 1000:1 leverage?
Because he wanted to go from rags to riches in one trade!
But ended up going from riches to rags instead!”

 

[MattK]

Do you realize it?

 

[Phylo]

One day, John dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he meets a resident demon.

Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"

John: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"

John: "Sure, I love to drink."

Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer...you name it, we'got it."

John: "Gee, that sounds great!"

Demon: "You a smoker?"

John: "You better believe it."

Demon: "Allright! You're gonna love Tuesday. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"

John: "Golly, that great !"

Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."

John: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."

Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."

John: "Wow!"

Demon: "You like to use drugs?"

John: "Well, I love to use drugs. You don't mean..."

Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can use all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"

John: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"

Demon: "You gay?"

John: "Uhhhhh, no!!"

Demon: "Ohhhh.... you're gonna hate Fridays...."

 

[Phylo]

 

[Phylo]

in reply ....

 

[Phylo]

 

[MattK]

 

[MattK]

 

[MattK]

 

[MattK]

 

[MattK]

 

[Phylo]

RS Guidance for Thieves, Drug Dealers, and Corrupt Officials
June 9, 20141 min readBy: Alan Cole

IRS Publication 17, which helps taxpayers determine how to report their income, is extremely detailed. Its section on “Other Income” has some of the most fascinating sorts of income you are obligated to report. Here are three that stand out:

Bribes
If you receive a bribe, include it in your income.

Illegal activities
Income from illegal activities, such as money from dealing illegal drugs, must be included in your income on Form 1040, line 21, or on Schedule C or Schedule C-EZ (Form 1040) if from your self-employment activity.

Stolen property
If you steal property, you must report its fair market value in your income in the year you steal it unless in the same year, you return it to its rightful owner.

As you can see, Publication 17 is very helpful to a variety of villains and dishonest folk. There is some interesting case law on the subject; the Sixteenth Amendment, which allows Congress to levy an income tax, comes into conflict with the Fifth Amendment, which includes a right against self-incrimination.

The conclusion of the matter is unsurprising; it would be absurd to exempt criminals from reporting income on their tax forms while asking it of honest workers. However, Fifth Amendment privilege allows one to report illegal income without revealing its precise source.

The constitutional questions are tricky, but this is good neutral tax policy from the IRS. In a nice touch, income from stolen property is offset with deductibility of many classes of stolen property.
The main concern with these classes of taxable income, obviously, is compliance. Thieves do not make for honest taxpayers.

source : https://taxfoundation.org/blog/irs-g...upt-officials/

 

[Phylo]