Best Thread Joke of the day

[Pat494]

A man appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered.

"Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a
gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to
leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the
largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face,
kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the
ground.

I yelled, "Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the **** out of all of you!"

St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"

"Just a couple minutes ago."

 

[Atilla]

This is an intellectual topical joke. So pretty sure facebook devoted fans will not understand but hey that's cool. Carry on Facebook :cheesy:

In the consulting room: a mild case of GDPR
In which we establish an evidential link between data protection legislation, headaches and depression in general practice...

GP: What can I do for you today, Mrs Smith?

Patient: How did you get my name?

GP: The receptionist told me before she buzzed you in

Patient: I don’t remember giving her permission to share my details with a third party

GP: It’s her job to tell me who you are

Patient: She didn’t obtain my explicit consent

GP: It was probably an oversight, madam

Patient: Madam? Why is my gender relevant?

GP: It may or may not be. It depends why you’re here

Patient: Well, I’ve not been feeling myself recently

GP: I see. I understand you’ve been having a lot of headaches

Patient: And you obtained that information how, exactly?

GP: It’s all on your health record

Patient: Did I consent to this use of my data?

GP: We need the information to treat you

Patient: Where is that made clear in your privacy policy? The receptionist never mentioned it. She just sent me in

GP: She may have presumed that if you made an appointment, came to the surgery and sat in the waiting room for half an hour that you wanted to see a doctor

Patient: You can’t rely on presumption. I should have been given a clear opt-in

GP: Do you want to see me or not?

Patient: That’s my business. I’m not obliged to disclose a preference either way

GP: This is ridiculous. We’re getting nowhere here

Patient: What are you writing about me? I demand to see it

GP: I’m writing a prescription. Take it to the pharmacy and they’ll give you something that will help

Patient: That’s outrageous. The pharmacist may be able to identify me

GP: We’re going round in circles

Patient: What are you going to do about my headaches?

GP: They’re perfectly normal. You’re suffering from a mild case of GDPR. It may seem painful now but you should make a full recovery by early June

Patient: So I don’t need to do anything?

GP: No, just get plenty of rest and try to avoid processing any sensitive data

Patient: Thanks for putting my mind at rest, doctor

GP: Why are you using my professional title when it isn’t relevant to your stated
use of my data?

Patient: I’m very sorry

GP: Don’t mention it – you have a right to be forgotten. Would you mind opting yourself out?

 

[Pat494]

A young cowboy walks into the town cafe. He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chili.

After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asked the old cowpoke, “If you ain'€™t gonna eat that, mind if I do ?

The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner says, Nah, go ahead.

Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning in it with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chili. The sight was shocking and he immediately barfs up the chili into the bowl.

The old cowboy quietly says, Yep, that's as far as I got, too.

 

[Pat494]

Jose & Carlos are panhandling on the street.

Jose drives a Mercedes,
Lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend.

Carlos only brings in 2 to 3 dollars a day.

Carlos asks Jose how he can bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills
Every day.

Jose says "Look at your sign. It says: I have no work, a wife and 6
Kids to support".

Carlos looks at Jose's sign. It reads "I only need another $10.00 to
Move back to Mexico."

 

[sminicooper]

What CEOs do while waiting for a TV interview!

Sainsbury's CEO apologises for singing "we're in the money" between Asda merger interviews.

Just like doing a good trade eh!

 

[Pat494]

There is a young lady from Corfu
Who said as the Remoaner withdrew
The Brexiteer was firmer, stronger
and 2 inches longer than you.

 

[Pat494]

Aaah hem

 

[piphoe]

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each. The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.
The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.
Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers; "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each."
The villagers rounded up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.
They never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!
Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market works.

 

[Dowser]

Good one Pip, very pertinent.

The guy wasn't called Foroom was he?

 

[Atilla]

 

[Dowser]

And don't use them back to front

 

[Atilla]

And don't use them back to front

LOL - sounds like you have some experience in that area

 

[piphoe]

Good one Pip, very pertinent.

The guy wasn't called Foroom was he?

bring him back pls...he is a genius...misunderstood but genius.

i can tell, my dad was a narcissist, we are really good at feeling people out.

 

[Atilla]

bring him back pls...he is a genius...misunderstood but genius.

i can tell, my dad was a narcissist, we are really good at feeling people out.

LOL - that's a good joke...


His a genius, not many can understand him but you do!


What does that make you then?

 

[piphoe]

LOL - that's a good joke...


His a genius, not many can understand him but you do!


What does that make you then?

most people are binary, he was nuance.

if you don't get that, i can't explain it to you

 

[Dowser]

If one other person, just one, backs you up and says FL was a genius, I will personally beg him to come back...

 

[Atilla]

If one other person, just one, backs you up and says FL was a genius, I will personally beg him to come back...

Was going to respond that peeplo are not binary given the diversity of life on Earth but thought better of it.

There is the male and female aspect but is that a True or False as opposed to a False or True statement I don't know.

However, with the 1 and 0 there is some logic to how his argument may fit wrt the anatomy of humanity.

 

[Dowser]

Well it is completely subjective of course, but if one person thinks you are a genius but 99 ppl think you are a moron, what are are you?

 

[mike.]

I think Pip would have got on like a house on fire with great forexmospherian, You should read his thread sometime when you have a spare 5 min's..

http://www.trade2win.com/boards/dis...trading-calls-expert-retail-forex-trader.html

There ya go Pip lad...fill your boots,

 

[Atilla]

I think Pip would have got on like a house on fire with great forexmospherian, You should read his thread sometime when you have a spare 5 min's..

http://www.trade2win.com/boards/dis...trading-calls-expert-retail-forex-trader.html

There ya go Pip lad...fill your boots,

I liked FM.

I didn't like FL.

Is it possible they were the one and the same character?