my journal

This is a discussion on my journal within the Trading Journals forums, part of the Reception category; [QUOTE=GladiatorX;913950] Heh, just noticed your personal statement at the footer of your posts, nice one....

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Old Sep 23, 2009, 9:52pm   #91
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[QUOTE=GladiatorX;913950]

Heh, just noticed your personal statement at the footer of your posts, nice one.
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Old Sep 24, 2009, 7:22pm   #92
 
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Yamato started this thread A whole two weeks of successful interfering... got cockier and cockier... more and more reckless... and finally today they got all the money back plus a lot of extra money (overall, as usual, twice as much as I had made with all my interfering). Now I'll try to get it back (I shouldn't but I will, most likely). It'll work for a while, till they'll get it all back plus more of it. On and on... It's been this way ever since I started automated trading. I just can't find a way to stay off of it, and find other things to do. Unbelievable. Un****ing believable.
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Old Sep 24, 2009, 7:47pm   #93
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Quote:
Originally Posted by travis View Post
A whole two weeks of successful interfering... got cockier and cockier... more and more reckless... and finally today they got all the money back plus a lot of extra money (overall, as usual, twice as much as I had made with all my interfering). Now I'll try to get it back (I shouldn't but I will, most likely). It'll work for a while, till they'll get it all back plus more of it. On and on... It's been this way ever since I started automated trading. I just can't find a way to stay off of it, and find other things to do. Unbelievable. Un****ing believable.
A good point at which to close the thread?
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Old Sep 24, 2009, 8:19pm   #94
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by travis View Post
.................. Also: am I here to ask for solutions to my problems, or am I here to solve my problems by writing?......................
I'm coming to the conclusion that you don't really want any solution - you just love the thrill of the chase too much. You know you're going to crash and burn but, what the hell, the excitement of flooring the pedal and going faster and faster round the bends is worth it .

cheers

jon
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Old Sep 24, 2009, 10:20pm   #95
 
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Yamato started this thread Time will tell. And time has told. So far. If anyone gets annoyed by my posts, don't read them. I am sure many have stopped reading already. I am annoyed by myself as well.

The point is that I don't have to figure out everything that is wrong with me. I can also stop doing it without first figuring it all out. Yes, I have this tendency to do this and that. I don't know why. But I can stop it. I don't first have to figure everything out in my psyche in order to simply stop trading discretionary.

The pattern is always the same, and now it's very clear. I make money for a few days, then I incur one big loss that wipes out all my gains, plus another thousand dollars. So it is not worth it for me to interfere with my system nor discretionary trade. Period. I don't know why I kept doing it, I don't know what went wrong in my head or life, but it simply does not work, and that's been the case for more than a year now. At the same time, the systems make money week after week, if I leave them alone. I simply have to stop doing this, unless I want to stay at the office forever. I have to sit, do nothing, and just be patient, and whenever the money will be there, then I'll be able to quit my job. In the meanwhile, I can't try to speed things up, because I will just **** things up. Yes, tomorrow I may make another good discretionary trade. But then I'll inevitably get cockier, and sooner or later I'll make that trade that will blow out my account, as it's been the case for the past 12 years. When I touch the platform, I ruin everything. It's so unbelievable that I'm the one who created the systems, that that's the way it is. Do I want to stay here and write until I figure out why I lose money while the systems I created make money? Do I have to keep on losing until I figure this contradiction out? Have I not figured it out yet maybe? (See above posts). Just do it, as they say. I don't have to think all the time. It can be done. I can do it, without having to write an essay about it. I simply cannot do any discretionary trading that is anywhere near profitable. Except on Italian stocks, which I am doing, but that's another thing, because I just go long, and I just make overnight trades and very diversified. And even there I might lose in the end. But that's stocks and not futures. It's an entirely different thing.

Last edited by Yamato; Sep 24, 2009 at 10:45pm.
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Old Sep 24, 2009, 10:40pm   #96
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by travis View Post
Time will tell. And time has told. So far. If anyone gets annoyed by my posts, don't read them. I am sure many have stopped reading already. I am annoyed by myself as well.
I don't know if this is relevant to you but in analysing myself, one of the main problems i found was that deep inside i wanted to trade to avoid the responsability of having a job, at the same time, making money in the market would cause a pressure and responsability to continue to perform and continue consistancy and this deep-inside, the pressure, was something i wanted to avoid in fear of failing on everyones high expectations; Therefore i have a motive to actually not make money and a total contradiction -
When i won trades; i would feel a pressure to do it again and this pressure would be too much for my objective mind to deal with and when i lost trades my conscious lack of self-acceptance would cause more self-punishment.

So it really was a big battle inside! Maybe you've something similar

Oh btw, the main thing that allowed me to move past feeling emotions and stopping my psychology to affect my ability to make appropriate decisions for myself was when i worked hard to improve myself in other departments of life; so i intensely started jogging and doing weights and going on a muscle gain diet... This in turn made me feel good about myself from day one and i do really think these aspects have hugely improved my trading. Maybe something like that could help you; changing your habits and ridding yourself of laziness.

Another important aspect was changing my attitude and behaviour towards things i am impatient to in life; such as the dish washer, crap tv, eating breakfast - Small things but trying to change my behaviour and lose the impatient. Also losing my negative frame of mind where i would be was be a critic. I found that persisting in fighting my self-conscious motives in small things in life it was easier to control them in trading; Like i would have extreme impatience on eating my breakfast and it would result in me not finishing it so that i could move on and by making myself finish it - Although trivial - Allowed me to face the underlying issues and try control them in an environment where there was no risk or importance.

So my suggestions would be
- Lose little habits face on to try master the forces controlling your actions
- Try feel good inside/about yourself through working out and jogging/excercising (Depends on your age lol)
- Place yourself on a diet and stick to it with disclpine; therefore creating self-trust
(Btw, i don't know how old you are so i don't know how realistic getting pumped is and spending all your time jogging is; i have other ideas though to improve yourself and feel better)
- Structure your discretionary trading so that you do actually know what your looking for and really implicate impatience; The way i got over the impatience factor was 1. Through applying patience in all other areas of life and 2. Accepting that one trade per week was enough.
- Focus your setups on trends; therefore eradicting the possibility of always trying to be right about where the market will turn.
- Don't trade every condition; wait until the condition suits you



X

Ultimately you've got to weigh up WHY and whether you WANT to change, against the underlying issues that don't want you to change; but i would really recommend trying to break free of them constraints. Since facing my psychology and challenging my sub-conscious motives and trying to change, i've really made myself a lot happier and i think this just comes mostly through self-acceptance and also through changing my perception of how i could make myself happy - Where before i percieved succesful trading and being able to show off about it as rewarding and worthwhile; i moved my focus to becomming happy with my physical appearance and positivity and this allowed me to focus on the actual setups without having a load of expectations and hopes hanging on each trade...

My biggest irony is that i started trading because of depression; believed it would be something i could prove myself in to compensate for my lack of self-acceptance however quickly realised that being depressed and having such issues was actually very detrimental to my trading and that set me on a huge path to improve myself. Looking back; i still don't know why i was so determined to face my psychology, afterall my original reasons for wanting to trade where to compensate for my lack of psychological acceptance and if i faced these problems and got rid of them; surely i would have no reason to trade! That one still confuses me I guess its because i did genuinely love trading and i did genuinely want to make money, not to show-off, but because i wanted to give myself the opportunity i knew i could make possible to have the finance i want, to make myself happy

I'm rambling again, i'm very, very bad at expressing myself through writing; i envy those who can get a point across in a sentence, i'm the opposite.

Its interesting; I'm rubbish at making systems... I have made systems that have worked very well for a short limited amount of time; One month or so but never one that i've found to have a logical reason of why it should work. Do you recommend focusing on daily charts for systems or intra-day?
I have a good system sitting on a shelf that i stopped trading because it would annoy me when signals came overnight and i was in bed.
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Last edited by GladiatorX; Sep 24, 2009 at 11:37pm.
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Old Sep 25, 2009, 6:13am   #97
 
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Yamato started this thread I'll take a while to read your message (probably days). I am sure it's a good one. Right now I am feeling so down that I have temporarily lost the energy necessary for reading.
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Old Sep 25, 2009, 7:02am   #98
 
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Yamato started this thread the key to making money is diversification. when i do discretionary trading, i either get cocky or desperate and then i bet everything on what i am confident about or desperate about and then the problem happens. the system doesn't do that. i always get out of control. no solution...
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Old Sep 25, 2009, 12:43pm   #99
 
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Yamato started this thread Ok, so from now on no more talking about trading. The systems will take care of themselves and I'll just come here to write about anything, because the key to making money is not that I psychoanalyze myself but that I "just don't it", the opposite of that famous Nike advertisement. No point in writing pages of analysis if then, when we get down to it, I still keep on doing everything as usual and destroying myself.

I'll try to spend some time here, to divert myself from trading and similar. Then, later, I'll try to stay off the internet altogether. So let's start with some bull****. I don't mean to disrespect this financial forum by not talking about finance, but the first way to be profitable for me (as an automated trader) is stay away from trading. So from now on I'll talk about anything but trading and least of all about "psychology and trading" - which I still think it's useless to discuss, despite the fact that it's not irrelevant.

Besides, being a journal, I am basically discussing by myself, even though I know I have some readers.

So... I am trying hard right now to think of anything other than the stock market. It will sound ridiculous at the start, because I am not used to it.

Ok, so I have this mouse - it's a logitech and I think it's very good. I think Logitech is a good company. Congratulations to Logitech.

My colleague just came back from lunch. He'll turn the radio on pretty soon. Pretty bad music, too.

I like swimming. One day I'd like to go live by the sea.

Talking about psychology and trading is not going to make you a profitable trader. I want everyone to know that.

Talking about trading on forums will not make you a profitable trader either. Thinking and doing yes. But not talking about it.


Anyway, enough of talking about it then. That was my last sentence about trading (except if someone asks me questions).

I like water. I like the bath tub. But the sea is better. I don't like jellyfish. The good thing about the bath tub is that it doesn't have any.

I am going to take off from work at 15.30. In about 2 hours. I am sad. I am so excited for the weekend. Not! I will do nothing.

Good - I got what I deserved.

This is all "brainstorming" as they call it.

Good. Somehow he didn't turn his radio on, yet.

Overall, I am pretty liked here. By my colleagues. But also: they leave me alone. I never say hi. Some complain about this. I pretend that the reason is that I am shy, but it's because I don't like to say a lot of "hi" just in order to cross the hallway and go to the bathroom. It's such a waste of time. And I dread being asked "how are you" and then they don't even want to hear anything but "fine".

Now some brainstorming of just words that come to my mind:
arm
shirt
sound
ear
eye
blind
quiet
noise
die
kill
home
safe
swear words
kill
...(pause)
blind
kill
disappear
tired
enough
quit
hair
worry
cactus
bones
flesh
muscle
gravity force
money
escape
heart
pain
death
enough
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Old Sep 25, 2009, 3:41pm   #100
 
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too bad you don't like jellyfish. one of the best days of my life was jellyfish wars, on 2 boat surrounded by jellyfish on a school outing.object was for somesone to get stung so we could laugh when they poor pee on them. hahhahaha (went a boy school) game was stopped though after we all sacrificed to bee in a bottle, what a waste. ahhhh the good old days.
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Old Sep 25, 2009, 4:06pm   #101
 
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You sound far too depressed Travis; isn't there anything you could do that would be exciting? Just like go travelling and doss about for a while after a bit of system trading... Or whatever you enjoy doing; I've always thought that society's life was a bit boring, all saving money to work and then going home to a small plot of land to watch TV - Do something cool mate Go save some prostitutes in India.
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Old Sep 25, 2009, 5:18pm   #102
 
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Yamato started this thread As I was reading your suggestions, I misread many words, which could indicate more to the fact that I was too obsessed with trading:

travelling = trading
doss = loss
plot = pot

The only thing I didn't misread was "prostitutes", and on this one we agree. The first reason I am trying to make money is to give it to prostitutes. Besides, Travis in Taxi Driver had the mission to save prostitutes, so I may follow in his footsteps after all.

From now on, let's keep it like this in here, and talk about anything but trading.
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Old Sep 25, 2009, 5:24pm   #103
 
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Yeah; Just avoid the murder rampage... Its annoying when all i hear on the English BBC is about muders in America.
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Old Sep 27, 2009, 12:14pm   #104
Joined Sep 2009
Good journal. I enjoy stories about people achieving success, and there's a real sense that you're on the cusp of it here. After all, money is already pouring through the door from your bots. Everything is in place except for the final piece, which is to limit this compulsion to trade/gamble.

If I may make an observation... The discretionary trading and delaying going to bed might share a common cause - craving mental stimulation. Hope you've got something interesting to keep you occupied while you go cold turkey.

Best of luck.
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Old Sep 27, 2009, 12:30pm   #105
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"I like swimming. One day I'd like to go live by the sea"

which F..ckin day ?
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