my journal

I came home, the neighbour slammed his door. I heard it from here. It shook me and gave me a heart-ache. I am bothered by all these people who do things without thinking about whether they may bother others or not. I hate his guts, too. I wish him death. As soon as possible. I am wishing death upon all those surrounding me. No wonder I want to live by the sea, especially when there are no tourists around. Or: I could become a dictator, but that's too complicated. I would have made a great dictator.

I avoid confrontation too; its because i have so much anger towards people and things that i never express, i know if they even slightly annoyed me to my face i'd just go crazy and they wouldn't understand, would think that i was crazy. I know if someone annoyed me that all the other angers i have with everything would just be directed @ that person...
Last time i got in a fight; a guy as a joke called me a **** - As he does everyone, but secretely it annoys me that he calls people *****, just because they aren't very confrontational and don't have anything to say back - Making the girls have a giggle, so i decided to beat him up for it; everyone thought i was being a prick though. But he does loads of other things i don't like and then calling me a ****, even as a joke, when i was drunk was enough... Because although he 'jokes', there always seems something more in it, as if hes trying to annoy you but he knows you can't do anything or you'll look silly. Which i definately did but it was worth it because i felt like the ****ing man afterwards.

I can see your point, because we're very similar, but I am against violence, in the sense that I wouldn't lift a finger against anyone. I am a peaceful guy. I'd have him killed by the secret police. Which reminds me of another movie I really liked:

The Godfather (1972) - Memorable quotes

How would you like it if you and I, along with some other intolerant NPD people and other control freaks from all over the world, got together and bought an island, where everything was perfect and under control? No dogs barking, no people slamming doors, no cars, no people with loud radios, no laughing. Everybody respecting the rules, and respecting one another. I think we could set up a peaceful place, something close to a hospital, except we're not sick (only mentally maybe). I'd be ok with it. You'd make a great neighbour.

The music playing in the background could be "Medication Valse" by Jack Nitzsche, or Gnossienne number 5 by Eric Satie.

Anyway, what's the point of hanging out with people who irritate you? Stay away from them. Stay in touch with people who are polite and respectful like I do... which means I am pretty much alone most of the time... but you get my point - those I meet are definitely my type of people. Don't even fight those you don't like, but try to keep a peaceful relationship with them and avoid them as much as possible. And if they ask you why, then you tell them "because you don't respect me enough, you're too loud, this and that...". That's just my opinion.

Rule number one is that you can't trade.
One is the loneliest number that you'll ever know.
One is the loneliest number, much much worse than two.
Rule number two is that you must spend all your energy designing systems.
That's all for now.

I've been realizing that my systems are not that good after all. They are not including commissions nor spread, so they all make money, but if you include all those costs they sometimes have a whole negative year, and not just 3 months like it seemed before. Yet the fact that they are so many compensates for their low quality, so to speak.

Here I am, again. At the office, again. My countdown reads 91 days and 13 hours.

The ******* in front of me is whistling, and probably browsing on the internet. His radio is on, as usual. What bothers me the most is that when I get home the ****ty songs that played on his radio all day long stick to my memory. Just like for trading, Kerviel, Leeson were given popularity and money to invest and power without them knowing how to trade nor what they were doing. In the same way, very incapable musicians are famous, their songs play on the radio all the time. Fame doesn't mean quality. Nor being unknown means you are not good. Radio stations and tv are usually the sum of common sense, common taste, which is a synonim of ****. What's popular is most likely ****. What's fashionable nowadays is ****. In this sense, it's best to stay away from masses.
Unfortunately the colleague doesn't show any signs of approaching death. Now he's talking on the phone, and he sounds quite healthy. One day hopefully I'll get some justice and this guy will be dead, or out of my sight.

Things are going better now. He's not here with the radio. In an hour I am going home. I wired some money to my trading account so I can finally trade most systems together again. Hopefully this was the last time I wired money to and not from.

Travis for president
Its impressive you've made so many systems that work, you must have a special skill because most people can't; Good luck making money with your systems and make sure you let them work for you so you can quit your job and not listen to the radio.