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This is a discussion on my journal within the Trading Journals forums, part of the Reception category; Wrong. Thought again. I disabled the CL system. I can't afford to have another 2000 dollars loss. I wouldn't be ...

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Old Oct 15, 2009, 7:21pm   #271
 
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Yamato started this thread Wrong. Thought again. I disabled the CL system. I can't afford to have another 2000 dollars loss. I wouldn't be able to be serene with this mother ****er running at home and potentially causing me another 2000 dollars loss. Let's pretend I never enabled it. It gave me 2000 a few days ago, and now it took it back. I am fine. Let's keep it disabled until I reach a level where 2000 is just 2% of my capital. This is tampering, I know, but not the kind of tampering that always got me in trouble. This is prudent tampering: the opposite of my usual tampering. This is just setting the best parameters for my system, and something I would do even when everything is turned off and the markets are closed. The tampering that makes me blow out my account is a type of tampering that is beyond my intellectual control, and that doesn't consist of thinking and thinking again. It consists of feeling and acting on impulse.
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Old Oct 15, 2009, 8:19pm   #272
 
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Yamato started this thread A-ha... this is really comical. The loss has increased to -3500 if I sum yesterday and today. What's funny is that, as I usually do when this happens, I will now let those I treated to the restaurant treat me to some snacks from the vending machines. That's how poor I am feeling right now. And thank god I didn't quit my job.

What's good is that I have learned during these past two weeks that I can rely on myself not to interfere with my systems whether they are doing really well or doing really badly. If I add to this that I now have about 3 months worth of forward testing with no red weeks, except this one maybe, then I can easily see that nothing can stop me now, except if I am so unlucky that I get a huge drawdown in the next few days.

I'll now eat lunch at the vending machines, instead of treating others to the restaurant, and, in two weeks, I should be back at such a level that I can treat people to lunch again. Right now I'll spend like 3 dollars a day to eat, and 20 dollars to ride a cab to and back from work. I won't stop doing that even if my capital goes to zero (it did many times and I didn't stop). I am a big fan of taxi drivers, their biggest supporter.

Besides, not everything is going badly. I now have the best roommate anyone could ever wish for. A polite lady, that I apologize to, whenever I swear. She was born in London actually. She doesn't listen to the radio, she has no radio, she doesn't whistle tunes all day long... I can't find anything to complain about. So I guess that means I have to make sure I don't abuse her rights. Today she even offered me a snack, but I didn't eat it immediately because, as I told her, I had just brushed my teeth. Then, later, I apologized again for not eating it immediately, and she said she wasn't offended.

The CL has been really exciting all this past week, like a borderline girlfriend. Too bad I can't afford its potential drawdown anymore. She, too, left me, when I ran out of margin (I had to use it for trading, and I refused to spend it on her).

No more restaurants for 2 weeks and I'll be ok. Come in with the milk and hold the bag at a 45 degree angle.

Last edited by Yamato; Oct 15, 2009 at 8:39pm.
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Old Oct 15, 2009, 9:22pm   #273
 
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Yamato started this thread Systems are running better than ever. No bugs in the past few weeks. I guess I need to be paying some compliments to myself to see the good things in my situation, after having lost 3500 in two days. 37 perfectly organized and automated systems in one excel sheet and not one bug. Self-recording, self-archiving, self-statistics. I'm a goddamn marvel of modern science. And of course I am not a programmer. Political science major who worked his ass off. My worst grades were in Math, which I failed repeatedly, in highschool and college. I had to take 6 summer schools in order to finally pass the two math requirements and get my degree: I failed those classes about 10 times. I just didn't see the point of studying math and doing those exercises.

Change your heart
Look around you
Change your heart
It will astound you
I need your lovin'
Like the sunshine

Everybody's gotta learn sometime
Everybody's gotta learn sometime
Everybody's gotta learn sometime

Last edited by Yamato; Oct 15, 2009 at 9:33pm.
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Old Oct 16, 2009, 9:03am   #274
 
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Yamato started this thread Back at the office. The systems are running on my friend's server. Had some problems with account update and eur and gbp charts and updates and strangely they seem to be happening only when I am connected via teamviewer. When I connect everything is working fine, and from that moment on, things slow down, stop updating, as if I was taking all the bandwidth and RAM, and excel was kept from updating. I should try vnc as well to see if the same problem happens, but my friend doesn't have much time to configure it right now.

Other than that, here at work, everything is just perfect. Nobody is bothering me. I can work almost as well as if I were home.
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Old Oct 16, 2009, 1:16pm   #275
 
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Yamato started this thread Holy cow... just connected to my friend's server and systems are technically running perfectly. But once again they are losing money. I am down 500 at the moment. So that's 4100 so far between day before yesterday, yesterday and today. I simply cannot believe that I will lose money today as well.

However the good news is that some people, some of those are reading, having been bothered by all the showing off of the previous week and beginning of this week, will now be glad to find out that I am human and that I've had a very lousy week actually.

I am not glad to find out, but I am relieved to find out that my system is not infallible and will not make money that fast after all. It was too hard mentally to accept getting rich so fast. But thank god it was the system that lost. I would not have forgiven myself for doing it in its place, just because I wasn't prepared to get rich, also because then I would have my own discretionary trading drawdown (which never ends) PLUS the system's drawdown: which is how I blew out my account several times in a year. I blew it out because I lost on both fields at once. Otherwise it would not have happened.

The record of 12 straight positive weeks since I started is still standing though. It's going to depend on today's trades, some of them closing on monday, whether this week will be my first negative week. So far I am down about 2000 or 3000. But I have not counted the other half of the systems, those I am NOT trading due to lack of capital, which could have very well made money.

Anyway, if anyone ever gets annoyed by my posting "i made this" and "i made that", just remember that I blew out my account several times this year, and that I've lost every year for 12 years (since the start) via discretionary trading. Actually I did start with paper trading, in 1997. There was a newspaper paper trading competition, with some prizes, and I participated. Ha... I thought I was going to win it. But I did make money, maybe 50% in a few months. Then I thought it was easy, and I started with real money, and in the first two months I doubled (yes, actually it's not true that I lost every month for 12 years, which I've been saying repeatedly). Then my colleagues gave me some of their money (they actually made me take it: I didn't ask them, ever). Well, in March 1998, right after my borderline girlfriend left me, within two weeks, with options, I had lost all their money and all my money. And that was just the beginning of 12 straight years of losses. I kept losing money with options from early 1998 to early 1999. That was the beginning of my trading.

Last edited by Yamato; Oct 16, 2009 at 1:26pm.
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Old Oct 16, 2009, 3:51pm   #276
 
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Yamato started this thread From 10k to 50K journey journal

This is going to be my "from 10k to 50k journey journal" from now on. I will write it until I'll bring this 10k to 50k, and then I will stop because it means I have learned enough about myself and trading, and I don't need to worry about it anymore. Until now, for about 2 years, I've been going back and forth from 4k to 30k, many times. It just seemed that 30k was too much pressure for me, and it made restless and irrational, so much as to do something unprofitable, one way or the other. If I'll manage to get to 50k, it will mean that I am ok on my own. And that I won't need to be worrying about faulty money management or my self-defeating compulsive discretionary trading tendencies.

Right now what I seem to be learning is to not touch my systems at all, whether I am winning big (thousands last week) or losing big (thousands this week). "Not touching" means not deciding to close early any trades opened by my systems, and least of all to open any trades out of the blue, by discretionary decisions. I don't know if my systems will still make me blow out my account, but for sure my discretionary trading has caused me to do it many times in the past years, so that's lesson number one to be learned. By next week I can definitely say, even though I didn't count the days exactly, that I've been off of compulsive discretionary trading for a few weeks, which is quite good for me - but not a guarantee it won't happen again. On the other hand, I don't feel the pressure to do discretionary trading increasing, but rather decreasing. Not tampering is becoming like a good habit, like brushing my teeth or going to bed early. And I can definitely say that I've never been so aware of the validity of not tampering. I've never been so aware that it is a good thing. Primarily because of my forward testing: my systems have not had a red week in 3 months of forward testing so far. So there's no reason why I shouldn't trust them. Conversely, I also have 12 years of forward testing of my discretionary trading: lost money every single year. So things have never been so clear and so much in favor of full-scale automated trading.

Last edited by Yamato; Oct 16, 2009 at 5:19pm.
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Old Oct 16, 2009, 5:25pm   #277
 
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Yamato started this thread Hey guys, I am losing another 1000 dollars today. This is amazing. Great great lesson. I am not touching anything and I am as calm as anyone can be. That's because I learned that I cannot tamper no matter what. This is great. I have lost 4600 in 3 days, and I am still resisting the urge to make it all back with discretionary trading. This is great... yes! I learned!!!

Let's dedicate a song to my beautiful 37 trading systems: smack smack... I need you!

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Old Oct 16, 2009, 5:34pm   #278
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Hey guys, I am losing another 1000 dollars today. This is amazing. Great great lesson. I am not touching anything and I am as calm as anyone can be. That's because I learned that I cannot tamper no matter what. This is great. I have lost 4600 in 3 days, and I am still resisting the urge to make it all back with discretionary trading. This is great... yes! I learned!!!

You only need to work 3-4 hours 2-3 days a week and have a 5-10K pot to generate £2k a month
Many times a year we have brilliant oppertunites and it is on thouse times me personelly go from 4-5 contracts to 22-25 contracts. It is the big trades that pay the bills the smaller trades are petty cash.

I will be going a free siminar or Webinar soon, you more than welcome to come along.
Yes its free, I earn my cash trading.
If you want to buy me a beer after well, thats up to you ?

Regards
Tom
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Old Oct 16, 2009, 5:57pm   #279
 
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Yamato started this thread Thanks, but no, thanks. Sorry, but I quit. I don't do discretionary trading anymore. Thanks for your invitation though.
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Old Oct 16, 2009, 7:11pm   #280
 
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Yamato started this thread Losing 1200 for the day. Total of about 4800, let's round it to 5000. Pretty depressing, but still I did not touch anything. No discretionary at all. With the way I used to act, I'd have done something by now, and blown out my account.
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Old Oct 16, 2009, 10:52pm   #281
 
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Yamato started this thread I am pretty satisfied as far as the server at my friend's as well. No bugs whatsoever. Just problems on RATs, that slow excel down.

Other than this, I just finished checking the whole week, and this will be my first red week out of 13 weeks so far in all my forward tests. I lost 2000 for the week (more than that on my actual traded systems, since I don't trade them all for lack of capital). I am pretty satisfied for my lack of intervention and lack of bugs in the new systems: I just added 13 of them this week, which overall made money, and that's good as well. The drawdown is just a regular event. Of course if it will last another week, I will be pretty sad: but still satisfied if I won't tamper and if there will be no bugs.

It is kind of funny. I lost a ****load of money but I am happy because the systems ran smoothly and without bugs (that couldn't be solved). It is indeed quite an achievement to implement 13 new automated systems and not incur any bugs (just one today, which I fixed in 10 seconds: a misplaced vba module address). So, congratulations to myself.
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Old Oct 17, 2009, 10:14am   #282
 
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Yamato started this thread Usual depressing weekend. Except this time I don't even have any systems to work on, because I consider my systems finished.

The dumb maid came (the intelligent one was busy with her mom) and took my electric toothbrush from the sink and placed in the battery recharger under the sink, but the wrong way. It didn't break. Then, after cleaning she placed the bucket and the mop under the sink, touching the toothbrush. As a consequence, I had to throw away the toothbrush head and today have to buy a new one. She didn't do it on purpose - she's just stupid. The only satisfaction I can get from this experience is to remember that she's a maid and I am an employee, and that maybe one day I'll make a living because there's stupid people like her who lose money in the market or give their money to investment banks which lose it in the market for them.

Do I have a happy life because of my intelligence and basically the efforts I make to use my brains? Not at all: maybe it's just the opposite. But maybe I'd be unhappier if I had to clean people's houses. On the other hand she doesn't look unhappy. I won't even tell her anything about this incident. Next time she comes, I'll bring my toothbrush to my room until she leaves. And my room is locked, because I won't allow anyone like that to get near my computer and other important things. In my life, I always make sure to stay away from stupid people (which just means "people who don't make the effort of using their brains"). Unfortunately I am not the one who hired the maid. My father did. So not only do I put up with her, but also I don't feel I have the right to tell her what to do. Besides, if I started speaking about what she should be doing and not doing, she'd hate me so much that she'd use my toothbrush to clean the toilet, so I better not speak, and let her think I appreciate her work. Besides it's the same with all stupid people: they are not going to understand they're doing something wrong. It's just best to avoid them. They are dangerous. Especially if they drive.

Regarding boredom. I am going to be pretty bored. I'll go buy these toothbrush heads. Actually from now on, to avoid accidents like this, I will keep my toothbrush in my room, with the recharger. Done.

I'll be pretty bored. I've taken care of some systems stuff. I reduced the trading to those systems with the lowest drawdown (this is not "tampering": anything done where you do not affect ongoing trades cannot be qualified as "tampering") and I limited trading to the most profitable days. This way my capital should slowly increase again. Anyway, the good thing, once again, is that I didn't tamper at all. It's as if I was handicapped and couldn't press the mouse button. I just cannot open nor close any trades out of my discretion. I can only watch my capital increase or decrease, helplessly. If I weren't helpless I would be harmful, so I'd rather be helpless.

Now I'll just have to deal with boredom. Boredom until I'll reach 50k, and then the bet will be won, and I can really start to relax. However, even then I won't be able to quit my job. But I'll feel very good. Right now I feel awful, having lost 5000 in the past 3 days. Only good thing is that I didn't touch anything and there were no bugs (that couldn't be fixed immediately).

Last edited by Yamato; Oct 17, 2009 at 10:40am.
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Old Oct 17, 2009, 10:39am   #283
 
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Yamato started this thread It may not seem a lot, but the knowledge that it's best not to tamper with your systems, and the ability to refrain from tampering, if acquired, means everything in my endeavor. Yes, I lost in the past 3 days because I didn't tamper, maybe so. But in the past two years, because of tampering, I made my profitable systems useless. All their profits wiped out by my tampering, and several accounts blown out. Now, thanks to some discipline, but most of all thanks to forward testing I've acquired the conviction that tampering is harmful and the habit to not do it. The habit is not a sure thing yet, but I'm getting there. All I know is that in July I was at 30k, and now I am at less than 10k, and yet the forward tests say the systems have made over 30k in this period. How is it possible? I should be at 60k. The answer is: tampering.

So today I'll be a good boy. I won't buy cigarettes, nor alcohol, or maybe just one beer or two, because I must have nothing forbidden and no unbreakable rules (except "no tampering"), or I'll break them immediately.

I'll be a good boy today and in the future, I'll try to. I won't get obsessed about doing anything specific. I'll be patient, and see what happens. I've done everything I had to do. Everything is as perfect as it can be. There's definitely enough systems. Sure I'd like to build more already. But until the opportunity will arise, I can definitely be satisfied and sit.

I'll go shopping, buy the toothbrush head (so expensive), buy some groceries, come home, watch tv, and I'll go to sleep early, as I've been doing lately (except yesterday, I guess because of frustration for the dumb maid ruining my toothbrush head).

I'll be relaxed and stable, because I have nothing to do really. I mean, everything is taken care of, and being restless and unsatisfied at this point can only hurt me: it may lead to discretionary trading. If I can stay off of it for another two months, I'll be healed and the non-tampering habit will be acquired. When I am low on capital, the urge to trade discretionary increases. I am aware of it. 5000 was a lot to lose. All because I let the CL trade, which has a big drawdown. Drawdown that didn't show in the past 3 months, but that potentially was there nonetheless.

All right. Let's go. I'll be peaceful and patient. For the next few weeks. Peaceful and patient. Peaceful and patient.

Last edited by Yamato; Oct 17, 2009 at 11:28am.
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Old Oct 17, 2009, 12:40pm   #284
 
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Yamato started this thread Ok, I went shopping. Bought milk, other things and the expensive braun oral-b toothbrush heads, for the dumbass maid. One day I'll miss her, too. Most likely only when she'll be very far from my sight (STAY AWAY FROM STUPID PEOPLE).

All in all I spent like 25 euros, because I ate some pizza as well.

I've realized, as I shopped and spent money, that I need one major new rule for my trading: no more withdrawing from my trading account. It was useful for a while to realize that that was real money and not monopoly money, and that's a taken now. But from now, I have to stop doing it, because my capital is so low that I will actually decrease it, or keep it still. And then when the drawdown happens, I will say goodbye to my capital. Also, this need to withdraw from my trading account will make me want to desperately increase it, and make me resume discretionary trading or I may trade systems like the CL with huge drawdowns in order to make my capital increase faster (it worked, too, but then the drawdown came and nearly killed me).

So I have taken the decision to stop withdrawing from my trading account. I will live from my salary, and the systems can take all the time they want to increase my capital. NO MORE rushing them. Withdrawing from trading account is good only as long as your capital is so big that you won't even notice, and that way you won't feel like rushing your system or rushing your capital to increase - and that in turn may cause discretionary trading, which in my case quickly takes the form of compulsive gambling.

Last edited by Yamato; Oct 17, 2009 at 12:52pm.
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Old Oct 17, 2009, 4:42pm   #285
 
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Yamato started this thread I am learning the value of capital at these times of extreme "poverty". It's good. I got myself into this mess. I mean: I did begin with no capital at all, but the fact that I am down to 10k from the 30k I was at, many times these past two years, is entirely my fault, so it's good that I am suffering because of it. It's time that I treat this thing as a serious job, rather than a monopoly game or a risk game. This is serious. The longer I screw around the longer I will have to work at the bank. It's all up to me what happens in the future.

I also have just realized that it's not enough that I just don't touch my systems. It's important that I don't use a reckless money management. I need to weigh as carefully as possible what systems I am letting trade (now that I can't let them all trade). I worked on some formulas that are now going to be final and will only let the most performing systems trade. Diversification is good, but it's best that I pick only the best systems and best trades and best days of the week now that I both have little capital and no rush at all to increase it (since I decided that I will not withdraw anymore from my trading account). No rush. Just trade on the best days, the best systems. I pick the best systems by calculating for each system the ratio of:
Code:
FTP / (drawdown + margin)

FTP: forward tested profit 
drawdown: highest between forward tested drawdown and back tested drawdown
margin: margin required
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