my journal

This is a discussion on my journal within the Trading Journals forums, part of the Reception category; Things are going better now. He's not here with the radio. In an hour I am going home. I wired ...

Closed Thread
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old Oct 1, 2009, 2:01pm   #151
 
travis's Avatar
Joined Mar 2003
travis started this thread Things are going better now. He's not here with the radio. In an hour I am going home. I wired some money to my trading account so I can finally trade most systems together again. Hopefully this was the last time I wired money to and not from.
travis is offline  
Old Oct 1, 2009, 2:27pm   #152
 
GladiatorX's Avatar
Joined Jun 2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by travis View Post
Things are going better now. He's not here with the radio. In an hour I am going home. I wired some money to my trading account so I can finally trade most systems together again. Hopefully this was the last time I wired money to and not from.
Travis for president
Its impressive you've made so many systems that work, you must have a special skill because most people can't; Good luck making money with your systems and make sure you let them work for you so you can quit your job and not listen to the radio.
__________________
I'm on a boat mother****er.

GET YOUR TOWELS READY, ITS ABOUT TO GO DOWN.
GladiatorX is offline  
Old Oct 1, 2009, 4:50pm   #153
 
travis's Avatar
Joined Mar 2003
travis started this thread Yeah, then you can come visit me on my island for intolerant people.

Gnossienne No. 5 (1889)






.

Last edited by travis; Oct 1, 2009 at 7:03pm.
travis is offline  
Old Oct 1, 2009, 7:21pm   #154
 
travis's Avatar
Joined Mar 2003
travis started this thread It's funny... and yet very serious and meaningful... I was looking at it, at my ongoing profit, from my one open trade on the GBL.

Well, it was up 108 euros, and, as usual, I felt some urge to close it (to grab some profit that might go away). But then immediately I said to myself: it's not a matter of closing this one trade early (to grab some unbelievable profit that might go away). Because I may even be right on this one call, so that's not the reason I can't do it: not the fact that I'm usually wrong (and I am usually wrong). The reason I can't close this one trade is that if I do, from now on, every day and every instant, it will be up to me to decide whether I should close a given ongoing trade. And this has first of all proven not to be profitable in the long run, and second of all it will place a huge amount of stress on myself: I won't be carefree and letting the system do everything, but I will be stressed out all the time (and it will hurt my profits, on top of it).

So I reasoned like that, and I didn't close it. A few minutes later, it was at +208, and I felt an even stronger urge to close it, than earlier. But I thought again: if I do it, whether it's profitable or not, it will be the first step to my usual unprofitable discretionary trades, that will ultimately make me blow out my account for the fiftieth time. So I didn't do it once again, because I knew what would have come next: stress, and ruin.

Then, a bit later, it was at +308, and then +358 euros (a lot of profit for just 1 GBL contract), and I just came here to write, and didn't close it - not because it didn't make sense, because it definitely would make sense by now, with +350, for that single trade to be closed early, but because it made more sense to respect the principle of non-intervention by me. Since if I break that principle the first consequence will be uncertainty and stress from the moment I make that trade onward. The second consequence would be ruin because I can't make the right calls. So I can't allow myself to make ANY discretionary trade, no matter how good it may be, because it will be the first one of a long series that will lead me to blowing out my account. It's like when you quit smoking: usually you can't smoke ever again, or you risk starting all over again.

The only thing I don't like about quitting is this feeling of helplessness. It can do whatever it wants, and I won't be able to do a thing. It's like a child (I don't have any, but I think it'd be similar): you raise him and then you set him free. I've built it, and now I can't do anything about it. At least until it has any trades open. In the weekend of course, I can fix anything I want, because then my compulsive gambling won't be a danger.

Now it's at +388.

How do I feel? Excited and restless. I feel like jumping up and down. And that is the very excitement that usually screws me. Sooner or later it makes me do something that destroys my profit. Either by spending all the money I make, or by trying to speed up gains - but am I really trying to do that or is it just an excuse to sabotage the whole thing? I was raised a Catholic, my parents always taught me how immoral it is to be rich and even more immoral to make money without working... are we sure that I am not having all these problems keeping my profits only because, deep inside, I feel that I am not supposed to have this easy and unnecessary money? It is "necessary" only because I want to quit my job, but maybe deep inside I feel that it's also immoral to not have a job. I thought I was atheist, but the word "sinner" still echoes in my mind and my subconscious from time to time. My mom was a catechist, she was my catechist as well, along with a bunch of other kids. And now I've become... a renegade.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/renegade

Last edited by travis; Oct 1, 2009 at 7:46pm.
travis is offline  
Old Oct 2, 2009, 12:55am   #155
 
GladiatorX's Avatar
Joined Jun 2009
Well one for not touching your trade Travis- Thats fantastic and really intelligent for your long-term benefit x

Proud of you skipper.
__________________
I'm on a boat mother****er.

GET YOUR TOWELS READY, ITS ABOUT TO GO DOWN.
GladiatorX is offline  
Old Oct 2, 2009, 7:36am   #156
 
travis's Avatar
Joined Mar 2003
travis started this thread Yeah, technically I am a "skipper". I've often skipped classes, and failed as a consequence. I've never felt bad either, or rather: I would have felt worse by going.

skipper - definition of skipper by the Free Online Dictionary, Thesaurus and Encyclopedia.
travis is offline  
Old Oct 2, 2009, 9:29am   #157
 
travis's Avatar
Joined Mar 2003
travis started this thread Here I am again, at the office. I said "ciao" to the guy with the radio, and he didn't reply. So why is this? He doesn't care to make the effort to greet me? Or does he know that my "hi" means "**** you"? Then, a bit later, the other colleague, another slacker, came in and he said "hi" back to her. So it's pretty clear. But I am not going to start a fight about the fact that I say "hi" and he doesn't reply. And regardless of his bad manners, I will still greet him every morning. Not because I am "good". I just want to make sure that I am right, when I'll finally go on a shooting rampage. I totally despise him, and whenever I'll finally yell at someone, he'll be the first one on my list, and probably the only one, because when I pick a fight with someone I prefer to focus 100% against the worst enemy. It'll be a small fight - one sentence long. I'll simply say "Oh, yeah? Is that the way things are? Not only this and that, but now I have to put up with this, too?" and he'll certainly agree that I am right, because I only start a fight when I am right from all possible points of view. And also when I am upset. So I'll be both right and upset and he'll certainly won't show any reaction. I know because it's happened before, and he just agreed that I was right, without putting up a (losing) fight.

What did save him so far is that he's twice my age, six times my years spent at the bank, and one year away from retirement. I was raised to pay extra respect to people for such reasons - but there's a limit to the disrespect I can take before thinking I don't owe him any more respect.

He barely does any work, keeps me from concentrating, doesn't even want to get up when he prints something. He actually prints right when I get up to go to the printer and get my stuff, so he knows I'll bring him his stuff. I think next time I won't bring anything. What the hell... he doesn't even say "hi" to me and I have to bring him his documents? Also, he sometimes leaves the damn radio on when he goes on his break, this jerk. Also, when he turns on the lights, he keeps the one that bothers him off, and turns the one over me on - he mumbled some stupid excuse the first he did this. He might as well have said "this light is too strong, so I'm going to turn just yours on, and let it bother you instead". He's pretty much an animal in the body of a human. But I am keeping count of all the **** I am having to put with.

-90 days and 14 hours. To my resignation or to my part part time, of 4 hours a day at most.

Last edited by travis; Oct 2, 2009 at 9:42am.
travis is offline  
Old Oct 2, 2009, 1:44pm   #158
 
GladiatorX's Avatar
Joined Jun 2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by travis View Post
Yeah, technically I am a "skipper". I've often skipped classes, and failed as a consequence. I've never felt bad either, or rather: I would have felt worse by going.

skipper - definition of skipper by the Free Online Dictionary, Thesaurus and Encyclopedia.
I use to work in a Supermarket and one day i thought to myself; 'I would pay £10 per hour not to be working here' and i was earning £6.50ph and i went and got fired/quit.
__________________
I'm on a boat mother****er.

GET YOUR TOWELS READY, ITS ABOUT TO GO DOWN.
GladiatorX is offline  
Old Oct 2, 2009, 2:15pm   #159
 
travis's Avatar
Joined Mar 2003
travis started this thread Good idea. My opinion is that it's better to quit than to go on a shooting rampage.

90 days, 9 hours, 45 minutes (to quitting or to 4-hour part-time)
travis is offline  
Old Oct 2, 2009, 2:28pm   #160
 
GladiatorX's Avatar
Joined Jun 2009
I don't think a shooting rampage is for me;
I've always thought that if everything ****ed up real bad and i'd get all the cash i have (and if there is none then thats fine, i'll get it) and just go away from the UK and just travel around, without a solid location/home and just get by; It would probably be great fun and unstressful - You don't need to put up with the pressures of modern civilization :P You can just go to an undeveloped place and be King.

Well thats the theory anyway.
__________________
I'm on a boat mother****er.

GET YOUR TOWELS READY, ITS ABOUT TO GO DOWN.
GladiatorX is offline  
Closed Thread

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Another Journal... trader_dante Trading Journals 25 Sep 19, 2010 10:43am
My little journal. HaloTrader Trading Journals 16 Jun 26, 2009 1:02am
The EA Journal! Victor90 Trading Journals 1 Oct 28, 2008 1:47am

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)