my journal

This is a discussion on my journal within the Trading Journals forums, part of the Reception category; Tonight I was upset and I wanted some action. The systems didn't trade at all in the last few hours ...

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Old Oct 5, 2009, 10:05pm   #166
 
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Yamato started this thread Tonight I was upset and I wanted some action. The systems didn't trade at all in the last few hours and I was feeling bored. But I didn't make any trades, because by now I've already gotten used to not making trades no matter what. Sure, I could relapse like in the past. But by now it's a lot easier to not trade (discretionary). So tonight was one of the many situations in which I didn't lose money thanks to automated trading, because, as a discretionary trader, I would have looked for some action. And I don't know how many discretionary traders can have so much balance that they never trade out of boredom or frustration, and yet doing it once is enough to lose everything.

I don't know for how much longer I'll keep writing here, or on the internet.
I know that I might disappear if I'll make any money in the future, which so far has only been a hypothesis and not a reality because for a reason or the other I've always managed to give everything back.

I might disappear not in the sense that I'll kill myself, but in the sense that I won't spend time on the internet, because there would be no reason. My first act as a millionaire or even less... my first act as a "half millionaire" will be to quit my job, as I said many times. Then I will do nothing for weeks. This is how I picture it. If I can't quit it soon, within a few months, then I'll go on part-time from 9 to 13. That's 4 hours of work a day, that's all. More than enough time to be spent with the guy who plays the radio.

So first of all, I'll go part-time, 4 hours a day. Then I'll quit my job. Then I'll spend a few weeks at home, alone, drinking beer, to purify myself from years of work. Not just work, but specifically work in the company of beasts. Maybe I'll smoke some cigarettes as well.

Then I'll go to Amsterdam, for prostitution and drugs. Spend one month there. At the end I'll be feeling much more normal and relaxed. I'll go there with a friend. Finally.

Then I'll go on a cruise, around the world, or at least for a few weeks.

Then I'll go to live by the sea, and never move again from there.

Talking about this keeps me alive. Tomorrow, one more day to spend at the office with the moron who plays the radio, and the slut who talks to her children all day long on the phone. Another 87 days at work, and then most likely I'll go part-time to just 4 hours a day. Hopefully they'll let me. Right now I am doing part-time until 15.30. Then I'll do it until 13.00. I wish I just got fired. Maybe not now, but in a few months. I wish I could get fired in 3 months. That way I won't have to justify it in front of my parents, justify the fact that I am quitting my job sooner or later. Because to everyone that's like a crime. Trading to them is supposed to be a hobby. You should work until regular retirement and trade as a hobby. The problem is that trading is not fun at all, and that I only do it in order to get the money to quit my job, but to them that's just like saying "I will win the lottery", so they can't understand and talk to me like they'd talk to a "compulsive gambler", which I partly am, as well. But I am not only that.

Last edited by Yamato; Oct 5, 2009 at 10:15pm.
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Old Oct 6, 2009, 3:42am   #167
 
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Yamato started this thread I can't sleep. This is yet another one of those situations, where I've done to myself something I knew from experience that I would regret. Yesterday I ate too much: hot dogs and ketchup. And I knew each time I eat that much that I will wake up in the middle of the night. Also, I worked too much, so there's some rebellion in myself towards work. I just wrote to my boss a text message about tomorrow. I said: "Look, I can't sleep. It's up to you to decide whether you want me to come in late, or you want me to not come at all and call in sick. I don't want to be reprimanded for coming late, as you usually do". Hopefully by the time I wake up tomorrow morning at 11 am, I will know what he wants. Most likely he'll say to go late, but then he will have to treat me like a hero for going (while others pretend they're sick), rather than scolding me for going late.

Just like Travis in Taxi Driver, who said "I can't sleep at night" when he applied for being a taxi driver. I am similar to him in many ways.

Then I had that problem with that friend of mine. The guy who wanted me to give him all my work. He keeps on asking me how I am doing, how much... and so on, and that bothers me. Yes, I was the one who started everything, by telling him "today I did great", "I did so and so", but one thing is if I decide to tell him, and another thing is to be asked how much you made or you lost today. I told him to stop, he keeps on insisting to find out, several times during the same phone call, so I write him a bunch of emails explaining him why I won't call him any more, since he insists so much. Also, not to mention (which I did mention) all the favors he keeps on asking, such as: explain this and that to me, fix this and that, do this and that for me. A never-ending list of requests. Then I get the same thing at work from everyone, so basically all these people who have never-ending requests, I tend to eliminate them from my life. Because they contribute to my inability to sleep.

Also, cold somehow makes me sleep better. If it's a bit too cold, then I sleep for 8 hours straight. Instead, if it's a bit too hot, then I wake up several times. Somehow it was still too hot tonight. Anyway, in a while I'll go back to sleep again, in time for waking up at about 10 AM, or even sooner. Or even not waking up at all to go to work. After that text message, I should be considered a hero, even if I don't go. For all the times I went late, because now I reminded him that those times I also could have called in sick, but I went instead. It seems a joke that I should be complimented for going late, but it is only fair, given my situation, my work overload (with most people doing nothing).

The "erraticness of your writing". Some fool on another section of this forum told me my writing was erratic, but he's just a fool. I am as logical as anyone can be. I am sincere and I put in a post everything I think (and maybe then we all think erratically). I threatened to place him on my ignore list, but then he almost apologized. Still, I am going to look for him and place him on my ignore list right now. Oh no, wait: he was already on it. Good, well done. That's what you get for using the expression "the erraticness of your writing is hilarious" or something like that.

Anyway, I was thinking of not writing anymore. By now I am not a novelty anymore, everyone knows what kind of stuff I write, and only about 50 people read my journal every day. What's good is that it doesn't count my visits, and hopefully it doesn't count refreshes as visits (but then I don't know how it measures visitors). Still, I am being read by at least 50 people a day. That's a lot. A lot more than I was getting on my blogspot blog, which wasn't nearly as much of a journal as this one. Besides, if anyone comes here, it's to read exactly what they know I write, since I didn't use any catchy title, but simply "my journal". So as I said, despite the readers, I was thinking of not writing, and not because the readers are decreasing. Actually, the less I get read, the better, because most people are inadequate for reading me, so I'd rather have a few perfect readers than a bunch of readers, who'll then reply with a lot of smilies and short mocking sentences, like I got on other forums. But here it's not happening very much. I got lucky, finally. I am not "erratic", you fool, I am just writing down almost everything that I think. It's called being "sincere", you fool. The "erraticness of your neurons", that's what we should talk about.

So, once again, as I was saying: I wasn't thinking of not writing here because of decreasing readers, which is rather good, but rather because I don't want to give too many details about my trading. Which sounds like a joke because I am rarely talking about it, but still talking about it. On the other hand, my sincerity has always benefited me (I am sincere, and I don't lie, except in life-threatening situations, or when I might offend someone). So I then decided against it, and that I will keep on writing. After all, it's thanks to my sincerity on financial forums and on the web in general, that I met a few great people who helped me achieve my trading objectives. Specifically two people, E.P. and R.M..

What I always found interesting about these two people, and my meeting them on the internet is that I never met them but with the knowledge they transferred to me, via internet, it's as if they gave me millions. Millions of dollars worth of information and help. And yet I never met them in person. It's striking to me, considering the things, the misconceptions about internet, by the majority of people. What it is generally said is that internet abounds with dangerous people, and useless and unreliable information. Instead what I got is invaluable help that will make me millions. I got more information and help on the internet in a few years than I ever got in my life from any other sources. What's good is that it allows you to cut the bull**** and get to the point, in an increasingly selective way, and I am all about that: focusing like a laser beam on something. Focusing obsessively. As McMurphy said: I'm a goddamn marvel of modern science.

This post is coming out quite good (well worth skipping work), like all sincere posts, and it's sincere like all posts I write in the middle of the night. In the few minutes after waking up, I experience the most intelligent mind I ever have during the day. Kind of like when you reset your computer: that's the brightest and fastest it's ever going to be. Sometimes I wake up with some ideas for my systems. It's as if I've been thinking about it all night, subconsciously, and then I wake up with the pre-made idea and concept, that needs no developing on it, and it's like getting the fruit of an hour of thinking, without even noticing or remembering the hour of thinking.

Congratulations on the software managing the forum and on the settings chosen (what to show, spell checking, what works and what doesn't... etc.): all quality choices, just as good as EliteTrader. The two best forums on the web (that I know of), by all standards. Also, congratulations on creating a "journals" section. It's great being here. Being here feels like being continuously asked "how are you doing?" and "tell me about yourself". And that's a great invitation for me.

"Tell me about yourself" and "teach me this" are my favorite questions, when I get asked. My dad is like this as well, and he bothers me. I would say also that anyone else who does what I am doing bothers me. I can't stand people like myself. Or maybe not, but only when I go to them by my free choice, like when they write a book and I decide to read it. But not when they start telling me about themselves or teaching me stuff that I didn't ask for, and when they show they don't care about anything I say - that's a perfect description for what my father does.

This also applies to school, at least here in Italy. They teach you stuff you didn't ask for. They feed you information before you ask any questions. They don't even care that you understand, but want you to memorize. And all these people teaching and people excelling in such an environment are those for whom I wrote my profile's "favorite quote": For discretionary trading you need first of all a specific and rare emotional balance, which is very hard to develop if you don't already have it. Hard work is not enough and may even hurt you (overtrading). For automated trading instead, the first thing you need is hard work, whereas your emotional balance won't matter or may even hurt you: being an obsessive perfectionist is a requirement. Most people are not balanced enough to be profitable at discretionary trading, nor are they imbalanced enough to be profitable at automated trading. Most people are ok with not asking questions, and are ok with being fed answers. These people I first of all hate, this majority of people I hate, because while I was failing in school and in life, they were succeeding. And I don't think it's fair. Why is it fair that people who are obedient and stupid succeed more than people who think for themselves and are intelligent? Obedience in society gets rewarded more than intelligence. But then again I would rather have an obedient wife, maid, and even friends. So maybe at the top of a bunch of morons who are obedient and get promoted and rewarded for that, there's one intelligent disobedient guy who somehow managed to get to the top. Or maybe that guy is also an obedient moron, who got there when the previous moron retired.

Last edited by Yamato; Oct 6, 2009 at 4:54am.
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Old Oct 6, 2009, 5:16am   #168
 
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Yamato started this thread Ten good rules make ten good systems that will produce incredible profits if traded on the same capital. If you put them all in one system you don't get one great system, nor one good system, but you only get one system that trades very rarely, and is therefore a bad system. And since you find out what those ten rules are based on whatever ten rules work best on one system, then chances are you won't come up with ten good rules, but ten random rules that combine to produce a deceivingly perfect system, so that system will not even be a system that trades rarely with high probability trades, but one that trades rarely with unreliable outcomes.
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Old Oct 6, 2009, 8:29am   #169
 
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Yamato started this thread Ok, back at work: I have only slept 6 hours or just 5 and a half. The moron is not playing the radio, oddly. Maybe, after complaining at worldly level, the word got out to him. The slut is not talking on the phone either.
Maybe I exude fatigue and they're giving me a break.
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Old Oct 6, 2009, 11:53am   #170
 
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Yamato started this thread This is part of the soundtrack of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest:


Last edited by Yamato; Oct 6, 2009 at 4:00pm.
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Old Oct 6, 2009, 2:10pm   #171
 
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Yamato started this thread Amazingly, I noticed I was wrong and that I am getting about 100 visits per day (rather than 50, as I wrote yesterday), as long as I write a few messages every day and keep the journal on top. This means that every month I will total 3000 visits. That's very good, because if I can keep this up for a couple of months, I will get to 9000 visits, which means being in the top 25 of all journals ever written here. I'll be a star. I am not talking about making money, but it feels good to be one of the top visited journals here. Sure, I've written most of the posts here, but that's not a flaw, is it. People, for one reason or another, are still visiting it. And I find it enjoyable to write it. Seriously, 100 visitors a day is not bad, considering that if you open a blog, an average one I mean, you won't get more than 10 visitors per day in the first few months. But here, from the moment you start, you get ten times as many. It's pretty good.

Too bad the guy in front of me survived my evil spell, and he's still there, alive, and blasting his radio and whistling at the same time. Regardless of me, and the lady in the room with us, who's a top manager. He doesn't pay respect to anyone, this animal in the body of a human. Why can't this guy just die? He should thank this journal because it's saving his life. You mother ****er, can you at least stop whistling the ****ing songs you are playing on the radio against all internal regulations?

minus 86 days 8 hours 52 minutes (to working 4 hours part-time or quitting altogether)
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Old Oct 6, 2009, 4:41pm   #172
 
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Yamato started this thread Back at home.

I was getting some snacks back at the bank, and someone was staring at me. I immediately sensed it, and realized I was dealing with a rude person. Nonetheless, I stared back and he stopped. Then I stopped staring and started staring at me again, that mother ****er.

It's a useless fight with rude people. Whether you teach them a lesson or not, they will still remain rude people, and in the end they'll always win because a rude behaviour doesn't cost them anything, whereas if they force you to be rude you're not going to feel good about yourself, no matter how much you may win. I could have shown him the middle finger, and then I would have felt like a mad man. But if he had to show me the middle finger, it would have been no big deal for him. The point is that the rude guy wins by throwing you off balance, without losing his balance. He upsets you without minding, without even knowing it in most cases, because he is rude but not necessarily mean. He then actually forces you to be mean to him, the meanest you can, because that's what it takes you to equal his rudeness. So, as I said, he wins. It's an unfair fight. He can kick you in the nuts without any efforts, whereas if you ever do so, it will take you a lot of thinking before you decide to break all the rules your momma taught you. Ultimately the only way you're going to win with a rude guy is by avoiding him, or educating him if you get to know him on a regular basis. But that's a different story. The story is usually that you do not know the rude guy, you meet him, he is rude to you, and you never meet him again.

Here in Rome, by Italian standards, there is a general rudeness in people, which comes with being from here. For them being rude is normal, and they don't consider rude behaviours even as rude. There's a lower standard. Yet, when I'm in Rome, I can't do as the Romans do - because once you're polite you stay polite. And I can't even educate the rude roommate I have. It's a useless fight. It's just like when you write a post, and someone comes along and disrespects you with trivial comments, or negativity. If you reply and get into a fight, you just lose, because he upsets you and ruins your mood, and, even by forcing you to reply to him, he trashes your thread. The best way to go, once again, is to ignore them - literally to put them on your ignore list - just as soon as you see a smiley or trivial/disrespectful comments. The same I should do with rude, dishonest people I get to meet in my life: not worry about punishing them. Trying to get away from them as fast as possible and with the smallest expense as possible. Just like applying a stoploss. I should bring more and bring financial and trading reasoning to my life. Not the sick one I apply in my discretionary trading, which makes me keep my losing trades open and doubling them up. That's what I did with this guy today: I kept my losing trade open by engaging in a staring context with a rude guy, who by definition had nothing to lose. I want that guy dead, too. May he ride on the bus with my roommate and may that bus be hit by an airplane filled with more rude people. See, wrong again. Just like for discretionary trading, I am taking things personally, whereas I shouldn't.

Wow, today I am losing big money: -800. Gotta show my discipline now that systems are doing so badly.

Veronica Corningstone Sounds and Sound Bites

That Expression Doesn't Really Apply, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, Christina Applegate, Veronica Corningstone, Will Ferrell, Ron Burgundy, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004), Sound Bite
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Old Oct 6, 2009, 8:46pm   #173
 
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Yamato started this thread I can't stay away. I am quite unhappy about the vending machines incident, and I have nothing to distract me. I am obsessing about it, as usual. About a guy that I don't even know and that I'll never meet again. Just like sometimes I do with cab drivers I meet, that are rude or rip me off (5% of them try to). I obsess about anything. Today I went and bought ten shampoos. I don't want to run out of shampoos again. Many things I do obsessively are reasonable and most efficient that way, but that way I also never relax, because I am always trying to perfect everything I do, and trying to maximize returns. The streets I walk, I try to minimize the distance to walk, but also the noise I hear, and the people I meet. This way my life is extremely boring because I always do all the optimal things and everything is the same. At the restaurant lately (always the same), in the past year, I've been saying to the waiters: "you pick for me please, or else I'll always get the same thing". At home the maid cooks minestrone, and has been doing it for the past two years. I didn't get tired of eating it every day because I know it's the optimal thing to eat. All this stuff often reminds me of two movies I watched and liked: "the aviator" and "as good as it gets". Automated trading is the way of the future, the way of the future, the way of the future...

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Old Oct 6, 2009, 9:31pm   #174
 
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Yamato started this thread I am sure she misses me. She put her picture back, the same that she had when...
She looks ugly, and I am glad she looks ugly. But I find her cute.

I can't think straight anymore. I can only last another two or three months at the most. Then I'll have to go on pretty drastic part-time or leave. I am slow, all ****ed up. My counting, my thinking has gotten very slow. Like sometimes I have to add some simple numbers like 11 and 5, and it takes me a few seconds, to make sure the result is totally right. I gotta stop and think about it. I certainly wasn't like this before. Too many pivot tables, too much excel, and too many questions asked by everyone at work. The same applies to reading. It takes me a while to process what I read, even a simple and short sentence. I got all ****ed up by too much work. I hope it's temporary. They just squeezed me like an orange, as much as I allowed them to. No promotions, no bonuses - just squeezing and exploiting me. Except I felt it was my duty, and it felt good to be thanked. 100 readers a day, great. I've never been so popular. "Erraticness of my writing"... that moron.

I hope she gets fired and her life gets all screwed up and misses me even more.

I don't know what to do: I am extremely bored. I look back and forth at my emails, check them to see if I got any messages. Check my systems to see if they made any trades. Check my views on this journal, check my views on my profile. Empty life. Which is what allowed me to do so much work. But now I could start filling it up. I come home at 15.30. Then I do nothing. I get in the bath tub for two hours, get bored of that as well, and get out. Then what? I don't know. It's getting boring. No wonder I kept relapsing into discretionary trading, but then again I gotta be able to not relapse even if I have nothing to do. I don't want to be like those people who have to be around people all the time or they get crazy and restless. I gotta be able to function and be serene even by myself and with nothing to do. That's never the case, because if I have nothing to do, then I end up writing or thinking. All work on the systems is done in the weekends, too, so I really am going to have a lot of free time now, and even more in the future. I wouldn't want to quit my job and find out that I am bored, because then I'd prove right all those telling me "what are you going to do then, all day?". I'll find something better than being an employee. I'll be a writer, a director, or go to amsterdam and be a male prostitute. Or just a customer, most likely. Actually that I'll do for sure.

Last edited by Yamato; Oct 6, 2009 at 9:41pm.
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Old Oct 7, 2009, 3:19am   #175
 
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Yamato started this thread I just woke up in the middle of the night again. I had a nightmare, but the reason I woke up is that I was coughing. I am tired of being myself. I am tired of having to do the things I do. Sometimes I would like to be normal, just to stop thinking for a while, and not take everything personally and seriously. Not obsessing about things basically. That's how I was raised. My dad is just the same. In this case the object of my obsession is not trading, but a guy who was staring at me at the vending machines. I can neither kill him nor put him on the ignore list. I stared back. He stopped. Then I stopped staring back and he slowly turned and looked again. I stared back and he stopped again... the moment he won was when he made me uncomfortable by simply staring at me. I felt he was telling me I was strange. Then, by staring back, I felt that I simply confirmed that to him. That I was strange and dislikable. Maybe. I don't think he thought how likable I was, not for sure. Then... I could go on for another two pages. Just about a guy staring at me. He put me in a bad mood. For 24 hours. I don't like to be normal, and I don't like to be perceived as abnormal. And if a guy is staring at me, I am being perceived as abnormal. But I am abnormal in the very fact that I notice that, because I am told that most people don't notice if others are staring or not.

I am not writing to get to any solutions. I am writing just as I would talk. Talking makes me feel better.

Overall, I am not in the best of balances, never have been, but now close the worst emotional balance. I am being sqeezed like an orange at work. I haven't taken a vacation for a year already. These *******s give me 20 days of vacation a year, and I used them up already, two days per month, because I was tired from the start of the year. Tired of the noise people make, of people staring, tired of people. I am tired of people. I want quiet and polite people around me. I get bothered even by people who like me. I want delicate and discreet people.

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/discreet

But the interesting thing is that people are not doing anything much to me. Like one guy look at me today. Or a cab driver annoyed me a couple of days ago. And all I'd need to do to feel relaxed and serene is wanting it. With a different attitude, and the same conditions that I have right now, I could be very serene. It's just that I am having a frenzy, an uncontrollable affective disorder in which the victim tends to respond excessively and sometimes violently.

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/frenzy

When I am around people and I relax, things go better. I don't take everything seriously and personally. But now I can't sleep, I get upset about everything. I need a break. But I don't have any more vacation days.

In a sense even people looking up my profile are staring at me. They are curious and they are looking. But that makes me feel good, like an interesting person. But why then do I get bothered by a guy who stares at me like the one today? Because I felt he was staring at me not for the things I said (to my friend, who was next to me: I am going to get this snack, because so and so), but for either the way I looked or the way I talked, and that doesn't make me feel good at all. I want that guy dead.

Last edited by Yamato; Oct 7, 2009 at 3:45am.
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Old Oct 7, 2009, 4:07am   #176
 
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Yamato started this thread Fine. I wrote to my boss, a text message telling him "I won't come for sure this time, because I can't take two days of insomnia in a row. I am sorry".

Personnel Officer: So whaddya want to hack for, Bickle?
Travis Bickle: I can't sleep nights.
Personnel Officer: There's porno theaters for that.
Travis Bickle: Yeah, I know, I tried that.
Personnel Officer: So now what do you do?
Travis Bickle: I ride around most nights - subways, buses - but you know, if I'm gonna do that I might as well get paid for it.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0075314/quotes
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Old Oct 7, 2009, 4:20pm   #177
 
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Old Oct 7, 2009, 4:44pm   #178
 
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Old Oct 7, 2009, 6:40pm   #179
 
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Yamato started this thread That's it. I got in touch with my long time friend, D.L.: I'm really on the verge of a nervous breakdown. It's better to get together with him, even though he exploits me, rather than being alone and obsessing about anyone I meet in the street. Today I went to buy some milk: enough with "come in with the milk..." and pissing in my empty milk bottles. I can take walking to the toilet and pissing there and I can also take buying the milk by myself.

As I walked to the store, I made an effort to not perceive as a threat and an enemy anyone I met on my way to the store. And it worked. They looked at me, but I tried not to mind. I tried to be at peace with everyone - at least with all those who are not shooting at me, and it hasn't happened yet. So now I will meet this friend of mine, a few times a week - beginning in a few minutes (he said he's coming now, even though half of the times he ditches me). And he'll bring women to me ("come in with the woman") and he'll expect me to pay for everyone at the restaurant, as always. But at least if tomorrow I'll meet some guy at the vending machine who stares at me, I'll be cool about it, and not stare back. And I won't obsess about him once I get home. I won't perceive all strangers as potential enemies, but maybe as potential friends. I'll be able to withstand the pressure of being looked at.

I don't know why I have to be around this friend or other friends to be able to radically change my social attitude and stand other strangers looking at me, but if that is what's needed, right now, I feel like it's worth to do it. I was getting dangerous for myself. Spending a few hundreds a week on D.L. and his women will save me from being so unstable that I'll relapse again into discretionary trading and lose everything again. So, financially, it makes sense to waste a few hundreds on D.L..

Last edited by Yamato; Oct 7, 2009 at 6:46pm.
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Old Oct 7, 2009, 9:38pm   #180
 
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Yamato started this thread Tonight yet another demonstration of how I can deceive myself and interfere unprofitably with my systems. The system had two trades open: one on the JPY and one on the CL. When I looked at them, there was a moment in which the JPY was gaining 700 and the CL losing 100. I felt, as usual, the urge to close them or close one of them - which luckily I did not do (a habit that has lasted over a week by now).

Eventually the +700 on the JPY ended as a -750. The -100 on the CL ended as +2000. Had I interfered, possibly I would have closed the JPY, and that would have been perfect: +2700. Maybe though I would have closed the CL: -850. Had I closed them both at the same time, I would have made 600.

Yet, as I said, I didn't do anything, and so I made 1250. The probability of me picking one of the above is about 33% each: 2700, 600, -850. The average is 2450/3= 800 circa. I made an extra 400 simply by not doing anything.

On top of this, had I intervened, as explained in earlier posts, it would started a whole new habit of intervention and worrying. From then on, I would have had to worry about deciding every day and every trade when to stop it and exit early - without any benefit, but only losses. Also, in case I had picked the bad horse (in this case the JPY), I would have been as usual tempted to double up on my losing trade, tripling up and so on, pretty soon risking my whole capital on just one trade, and this would have lead sooner or later to blowing out my account, which has happened dozens of times in the past few years.

It's much easier to not act than to fix your faulty behavior. It's much easier to avoid an argument you're going to lose, than to learn how to argue. It's much easier to avoid fights that most likely you're going to lose. And discretionary trading is one of these fights for me. I was also taught not to quit, and to keep trying at what I can't do. But what for? It would be like going to a bad neighborhood and try to beat people up, instead of hanging around polite people all your life. Why do I have to obsessively overcome my limits? Who says I should? My father, tv, movies. Yes. But it doesn't make sense. Quitting makes sense. Applying the stoploss and quitting a losing trade makes sense, quitting a lose race, quitting a losing sport, not engaging in a losing argument... and so on. I have to unteach myself the tendency to persist at anything I am not good at.
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