my journal

This is a discussion on my journal within the Trading Journals forums, part of the Reception category; Anyway. Bought another item on google. I am starting to feel confident about this, especially when I pay with Paypal. ...

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Old Nov 16, 2009, 3:23pm   #694
 
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travis started this thread Anyway. Bought another item on google. I am starting to feel confident about this, especially when I pay with Paypal. Now I am almost positive on what to buy and on the fact I'll get it. Today I bought this: HP Basic Notebook Case (AJ078AA), for 35 euros, including shipping and insurance. This is really important. You don't want to break your laptop when traveling. I am not entirely confident about that battery I bought, because I read some really bad reviews on that store I was recommending (a few posts earlier). On the other hand what's good is that they are so far away that I won't even consider sending them death threats.
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Old Nov 16, 2009, 3:37pm   #695
 
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travis started this thread Excel won't accept my number 4563351951968948
Also, new totally amazing excellent discovery: excel won't accept this number: 4563351951968948. There's no way to type that number on a cell and keep it that way. It will change it to a "40" ending.
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Old Nov 17, 2009, 6:37am   #696
 
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travis started this thread Let's not pretend that everything is fine. I am not feeling as comfortable as before, posting on this journal. But it will only last a few days. Until I'll forget about this whole argument.

Today I woke up early, maybe because I ate too much. That's why I can write here so early, and with so much time.

Yesterday I spent a few hours talking to that colleague and his friend about that business proposal. Well, it turned out they just wasted my time, because they had nothing clear in mind. They just wanted to talk and talk about trading, about which they are quite ignorant. That other guy is actually a successful and intelligent businessman with a web design company, but he knows very little about trading. I talked way too much about my systems, as usual when they get me started. I regretted meeting them. I will try never to meet them again. What a total waste of time.

The truth is that, after taking care of automated systems, all you'd need to do is move on with your life as usual, and forget about trading altogether, since they take care of everything, with just 30 minutes of work a day, at the most. However, in order to build the systems, I had no life, so I can't return to my regular life because I don't remember what it was like. Actually, I never had a life, it's not like I put it on hold to create my systems. I could create my systems because I had no life to begin with. And I had no life because... I decided there would be no life until I had to work at a regular job, which in my opinion keeps you from being happy. In my opinion you cannot have real happiness while you're working all year long, with just 20 days of vacation per year.

I will leave it at that for today, because it's already good enough that I could write that much. Now whatever I write, I am imagining objections coming from everywhere, because of yesterday's objections. However the problem with yesterday's objections is that the person making them wasn't willing to accept any objections to the objections, so I am turning all that down. I ain't gonna write pages of explanations for someone who writes one-line posts. But to be truthful I also have to admit that I got into an argument almost with everyone interacting with me on this journal, and that's why I apologized. Because I take criticism very personally. And this happens because I had a father who took advantage of the opportunity he had to criticize me whenever he spoke to me. I still resent him very much today. I had to make him stop criticizing me by extreme means, like not talking to him for years or replying with more criticism... it was, and it is, a disgusting relationship. So basically whenever I meet someone who reminds me, by how he talks and criticizes, of my father, then I immediately say to myself: hey, wait a minute, I am not going to take any more of this crap. Only problem: the other guy doesn't know what I am talking about because that's the first criticism he ever gave me. Yet, to me, that's the last straw, and so I'd reply "I am sick and tired of this crap". Only problem by doing this I am overreacting obviously.

Ok. Excellent. Now bath and then work. Compliance work. Dealing with the tons of suspicious transactions reports we're getting from our branches, that we can't even process because we're too few and the few don't even work.

Last edited by travis; Nov 17, 2009 at 6:53am.
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Old Nov 17, 2009, 9:45am   #697
 
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travis started this thread Feeling a little better. Waiting for my boss to join me here and oversee some work. He was supposed to come yesterday, then postponed to early today, then must have postponed again... I can't urge him to do anything because he's the boss, but I am getting restless. My work is on hold because he's busy at some meeting or doing other stuff. Or maybe he's having me wait because I urged him before and he wants to feel like he's the boss and everyone has to wait for him. It's all his problem, because this way the office doesn't function properly and he gets fired.

Another problem is that he's too much of a perfectionist and we're very few and fewer of us actually work, so we either start doing things a little faster or we're going to fall more and more behind. We're already behind.
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Old Nov 17, 2009, 10:05am   #698
 
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travis started this thread I will just let my mind wander and let my writing follow it, wherever it goes
So, since he's not coming, I'm gonna have to write more. I don't mind. I will just let my mind wander and let my writing follow it, wherever it goes.

[...thinking...]

With people, also problems left my room
I waited a few minutes and nothing to say comes to my mind. Not even complaining. As I wrote before, my major problems at work were removed, as I was, temporarily, given a single room. With people, also problems left my room. Yes, people are still talking in the nearby rooms, and the walls are thin, but that's nothing. It's like hearing someone else have a nightmare. They're the ones having problems focusing. I am feeling great here. Let's not forget how lucky I got, as far as this problem.

[...thinking...]

waiting for some more packages
Today I am waiting for some more packages. The ultra-capacity battery from New York, and the other... the "HP basic case", a bag to carry my laptop, from somewhere in northern Italy. I am positive the bag will get here. I am not sure whether I'll get the battery, and whether it will be the right battery. Something will be here today for sure.

water was fixed
The water was fixed, and this morning I took a hot bath. Maybe I am not so happy that I didn't get to sleep enough, due to overeating probably.
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Old Nov 17, 2009, 11:29am   #699
 
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travis started this thread "Mobbing" is... being left alone, without work
Hmm... this is interesting. The whole office is leaving me alone finally, and yet the word "mobbing" came to my mind. After all, the difference between being left alone and mobbing is a subtle one.

The boss didn't come to oversee my work. No one is bothering me finally. And now I am feeling "wow they're isolating me..." whereas instead I am the one who asked to be left alone. I don't think I'm going to complain, ever, about being left alone. No way. That's what I asked for. It'd be different to be left alone without responsibilities, but until yesterday I even had too much work, to the point that I walked out on one of the managers for overloading me with work.

The difference is the fact that I have plenty of work to do for my office, and that my office totally relies on me being here and doing the work that I am doing. I am being left alone, but with work. Being left alone, without work is mobbing. It's interesting because it's also the best situation you could ask for, but the problem is that you risk getting fired, pretty soon after you don't have any more work to do. Or moved to a branch.

Everything is fine, almost perfect. It is just that I cannot bear not having anything to do, not having anything to worry about. Now I'm gonna start harassing the guys at the branches who are sending us incomplete reports. I got 50 of them to harass.
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Old Nov 17, 2009, 12:21pm   #700
 
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travis started this thread The Parable of the Talents

This, taken literally, would be for trading, but people could even argue that it's not in reality, and they could have a point. However, if you (Jesus) use it as an example, the example itself should make sense and be approved of, or you wouldn't use it, so again it would be in favor of trading. But then you'll also find plenty of places where the bible is against trading, and at any rate to me this is just a regular book. Even if god existed, he wouldn't be ok with the bible, because it's so unclear. I'm talking about this because I read a thread about it. And also because I used to be catholic, and a lot of this stuff, unconsciously, is still in my mind.
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