Subject: 2001 red Ferrari Modena 360 belonging to American tennis star Jennifer Capriati. Car was parked on runway at my local airfield where Jennifer was doing some sort of promotional work for sponsors Fila. Cell phone charger dangling from cigarette lighter. Eminem and Limp Bizkit CD's laying on passenger seat.
Offence:Listening to Limp Bizkit whilst stationary and with both windows lowered and the ICE system at FULL volume.
Punishment: I arrived at the airfield to pick up a special delivery of some DeLorean parts that I'd ordered from the UK. Upon arriving, I saw Jennifer pull up in her Ferrari with what appeared to be her boifriend sitting in the passenger seat. The boifriend looked vaguely familiar, I think he might be an actor of some sort, in fact I'm almost certain he's one of the cast of the TV show 'Friends'. He's the dude that isn't funny.
Anyway, an hour later after I'd collected my stuff from the Cargo freight company, Jennifer was relaxing and sharing a cigarette with some of the photographers. The Ferrari was standing on the runway and the obnoxious Limp Bizkit was emanating from it's sound system. Loudly.
I immediately went into Ninja mode and crept up to the drivers side of the Ferrari. Using the head of a six-inch nail that was used for in the wooden crate of my parts order, I carved out a straight, DEEP, scratch along the driver's door, running from right to left, and then ran the nail back again to give the scratch a nice jaggy texture.
Our Jennifer is a bit of a wild one, both on the tennis court and off it, so I decided to adorn her front right fender with some wild criss-cross scratches in her honor. I used the Swisstech Utili-Key for this job, and stabbed at the fender wildly. I was in a state of delirium from the screeching sound of my key against the Ferrari's fender.
BONUS: I calmly walked back to my car in order to fetch my camera so that I could take a pic of my latest masterpiece. When I returned, Jennifer was posing for the photographers in front of her ride, totally oblivious to the heavy damage that I'd inflicted. Her body was positioned in such a way, that she was hiding the damage from the photographers' view.
This was a great opportunity for me to pose as one of the photographers and get a close up pic of Jennifer displaying my handiwork, and I didn't waste it. By now the CD changer was playing Eminem (loudly) The lyrics of "Look, if yuo had, one shot; one opportunity to seize everything yuo ever wanted, in one moment, would yuo capture it?, or just let it slip?" were bellowing across the airfield. I decided to take Mr. Mathers advice and ensure that I did not let this opportunity slip.
I lined up with the photographers and started snapping away. Just then, Jennifer opened her drivers door and stood behind it. This was the moment that the **** hit the fan! All the photographers could see the deep heavy gouge, they stopped clicking and approached the Ferrari, and as they got closer they could also see the smaller wild stabbing scars that I'd inflicted on the front fender. Jennifer stopped smiling and followed the gaze of the photographers and when she looked down at her door panel and her fender, she cried out a Tarzan like wail. I seized the moment and clicked my camera.
yup, it's a joke, i didn't really key the Capster's Ferreri and yup, it's a twisted kinda humor. The Chewing Gum Bois are to blame for making me this way. I used to spend hours hand glazing my Silverado only for those assholes to leave their gum all over my gleaming hood. That kinda thing can change a guy