...where do I even start?
-1 is a lie, kind of.
More like -800k.
[this is a good time to make a hot coffee]
Anyways, I came to UK in 2008, did a school here in Oxford and got into BEng Aerospace.
Aced 2 years, top of the class, and then absolutely 'gold medal syndromed' it straight into depression.
Came back, went home and told everything to family. All clear.
But, they sent me to a doc, big Ivy league graduate. I talk and she doesn't respond for 45 minutes. Just looks at me. Makes some notes, turns to my father and says 'In my 20 year career I have never seen a person so severely/borderline depressed who by asking just the right questions intuitively guided himself out of that state, she said 'by-the-book'. Well done, etc'.
That moment I had a realisation. And a voice in my head said 'dude, after all that 6-8 month agony and crying you came out of it and you understood one thing - method. This word is very important for me. When I was 6 I was extremely energetic and a bit 'wild'. The school was so painful that the first thing I did when I would come home was to jump on a sofa because 'this group sitting activity' doesn't make sense.
But by 9-10 I went calm.
That's because for 3 years during summer I would spend them with my grandpa on a dacha. He lectured at state uni in mechanics, and his students were mainly future oilers. He went through WWII and dint have one pinky which had a 0 effect on his ability to handle pliers.
And he would disassemble and maintain lighting, water pumps [we had a well, my lands are sandy near the sea], we fixed stuff for neighbours, and I remember my attitude completely changed to life because I watched him work and assisted him in doing that.
He taught me methods and tools. This will come important later.
So in the doctor's office I went inside 'thank you grandpa'.
Came home and developed exciting ideas of businesses I could run in my hometown. 4/5 are now there. But at the moment I told this to my father and the mf goes like no dude, you need to go to uni and graduate.
I am like hold on a sec I thought you guys support me, and I clearly don't see a point in Aerospace. Wtf is that. I am not a rocket man, mom. Haha, I am kidding. But the reality was at that moment in 2013 best AE jobs went either to defense, or F1. I liked neither. I know I am OK. Not the brightest, but OK and more important - now driven. And dad goes no, its a deal breaker [I held myself from inserting a 'Computer says 'no' joke']
That was realisation number two. I am trapped in another year of uni.
Of course, I went back to UK to study and got even more depressed, goodbye gf. But now even suicidal. Yes, what? That.
And the funny thing is, that was an insane reality experience, to be in that slate. And it was a tonne of knowledge so this is gonna sound wild, but that was the greatest thing that could happen to me. It taught me 2 things: to laugh at myself and more importantly, I am not my thoughts. Just an observer. Gamechangers. It creates a gap between a stimulus and a response [see CBT, Viktor Frankl]
So now I kinda barely graduate 2014. I come home in summer and tell my father 'bruh, I wanna open a business'. I have ideas, you have money. A perfect combination. He says that's nice but let's do something else. Bruh, come on. [I love my father he is insane but great guy, never seen a person work more in my entire life]
And he says, listen, I saved like $5m. [from 1999 to 2015 this guy worked himself up from minor lawyer( he reeducated in his 30s because we were in the post USSR space and 90's weren't excatly a walk in the park with 2 kids) to an a company executive].
I was like nicely done dad. And he says I think we can get you a car now, son, since you graduated. It's a tradition from where I am from. And I go like dad, thank you, but what car, can I swap it to cash and just run my own thing, bruh. No, that's not what I said, but I wish haha, I just politely refuse. And he says okay here is the deal. Since you in the UK lets set you up with a special visa. Nice, what can I do?
He says nothing, we just pay £1m and you can be in the country and run businesses for 5 years, then a passport. I am like WHAT!!
Wait, I can what? That's insane, dad. Thank you I'll do my best, and start small etc. I can method this.
So we do it. I am back here, dear island. [i didn't know of this plan so while not knowing what to do I got accepted into BSc maths and comp sci in Wales]. I finalise the docs, study a bit but drop out. Investing, here I come.
I go London, Kingston. Have a friend there. Busk around and start setting up meeting with VCs and incubators. I find 10. Narrow to 3. Choose one - a mattress company. They want £100K. I bombard them with tech questions. They answer everything. I am happy. They are puzzled and nervous. I say lets do it. And then I get a call. From guys who helped me with visa.
And they go - hold on you cant invest. I am like how do you mean I cant? She said that 1m is like a water-line. You need to be above it, son. What? I am like only 40k above it. She goes they will revoke your visa. What? OK. I stop this process. Its, I don't know, circa early 2015.
I am like dude can you top up just a little please and I can do it. He says no. Facepalm. But I can't touch it then. And can't invest. What am I doing here, boss? you said... and it hit me... I never trusted my own father again. It wasn't just this, dont take me wrong, we are not reacting here. We are understanding how things are actually are instead of living in our heads. In the end, you depress because you ruminate. I digress.
I am like lets smoke some cannabis because I don't know what the f to do, how to proceed, and my friends smoked. So i try. I smoke, and it's the best. thing. ever. Nothing people told me about it was true. I was happier, I started running, I read, I was a productive mfer. For my consciousness its a huge leap from depression. But the thing is I start noticing I dont have pitfalls like others - I am energetic, not sleepy, I become active, everything feels enhanced, I love it lol. And I smoke for like a month absolutely enjoying the fuck out of life. I started nudging people to run with me and absolutely no one would come. haha. Then my mom calls me and says I think they are taking your dad. The situation is dire. And we watch how the man who worked 16 hour days get taken and convicted in bullshit. But hey, at least they initially invited him as a witness, and only THEN convicted him. Huh)
So I am like OK. Now what, life? That's when they call me form a bank and say 'oh, you haven't heard, we closed your account, please remove everything bc of your dad'. WHAAAAAT? Bruh, what do you mean, you checked everything before I brought it here... I am 24 at the time and this amount was insane to handle for a schmuck like me. I still did it. Re-stored it with other people. Risky. What is happening. Then I am like: focus. I find a great business idea, we find a a pizza-iolo, we about to launch and get people on-board, find a staff manager, great guy. Then boom: city council does not approve. And then I do a few other ideas, some including patent development and Stephen Key. Nothing. Then 2017 and that account drops because of the bonds. Go figure. They say: sir, top up. I say - impossible. It goes down more. They call and say you dont top up you cant apply for a UK citizenship. wont look good, man.
At this point I go this might just be a movie so let's relax and just watch and enjoy it, lol.
Then my friend from old school days visits me and says - do you know stocks? And we dive. I say there is no tomorrow. We have supply of money and cannabis, lets make it. We start with theory. I get to love day-trading and nano caps through Sykes, then Grittani, Michaud. We smoke, I take rigorous notes and my friend does the tech side.
Stocks lead to methods, those lead to Chaikin indicator, money flows, then follow the money, money lead to historical methods, that lead to CentBanking, then to 2008, then Peter Attia, and Bill Black, princes of the yen, Richard Werner and then Richard Koo and balance sheet recession. That was a lot but that was it. Then we opened IB account and sent it. I stated with 5k, got a stock, and watched it gap down -2700 in the morning and no SL would work. We are like WTF. Then I burned 2 30-35k accounts. But I did one thing religiously - learned it from market wizards - watched the price action. Hours and hours, recorded it to develop the 'feel'. It worked. I started doing well and then BOOM - my passport is expiring. Sure - go to embassy and ask to change it - no! - son you haven't served the army. What? That was never a problem but with my dad's cred it became. I cant update it and cant apply for indefinite leave to remain [like pre-citizenship in UK].
Life, whatever you gave me here, it is not boring haha. Namaste.
So my passport runs out, visa soon and 7 days before I make a decision to overstay. MY IB and bank keeps working. Miracle. I dive into trading duuudeeee, what da hell? So I focus a bit on macro because compared to stocks, I also occasionally traded VIX options and somehow had a very good track record and a feel for it. So I take $33K/40, put on IB and send it the moment they changed the CPI basket, which meant that numbers are cooked. That short leg in SPY yielded 130k profit. I have 8 in the bank and guys: I take notes of my thought process and 4 times I had a chance to take the money, and exit, but I didn't, believing it will go more. Later a rumour of JPM collar trade would come out and BoE does mini QE. That psition went to 800 dollars in a few hours.
I go broke, I was already busking on a floor, but now had absolutely zilch. I take 6 months to recover and most importantly to understand what made me do that.
6 months of watching yourself and noting down what to think, meditation, psychedelics, and it hit me. I lost it all because deep down I wanted to give it away. I spent what I earned and you may all go 'that bc you are spoiled'. But I knew a few spoiled kids who were OK with money. But my trading revealed that method was OKish, but behaviour was a shamble. Guys, I zeroed in and in one month found what was wrong.
It was beautiful and simple. A definition of the concept of money in my head. And the secret was to unveil what memory created the feeling of the concept of money. Haha, you wont believe it, but it happened when I was 11 and saw my family starting to be more upper class - but at that moment my parents, specifically my dad, would shout as a reaction to something specific my mom would do. It was like never ending replay of the same thing.
And then I remember my dad was like I have saved some and I want to get you something you have dreamed of - some fur coat whatvever. My dad got it, mom was ecstatic. And my brother and I went like 'oh everything must be ok', and day later they were back at it. We were taken aback to say the least. Apparently that shit instilled in my brain as 'money doesn't mean happiness'. And ever since that realisation circa Jan 2024 I am free of that problematic perspective. Its not like I love money or something. On the opposite, there is no shadow feeling around it. I felt so good guys, because I worked my ass off and could not know why what happened - did happen. Since those days I lost some of the friends, who as you know, famously disappear when you need help or are deemed by the society as 'unemployed'. Its funny those were the same people I so dearly cherished and Ubered whenever possible. I still love them with all my heart.
So then I lived for a year in a garage. Fun. No sarcasm. Washed dishes etc. Then they kicked me out. OK. Now I stay at my trading friend's place but because I don't have a plan he is kicking me out.
Haha. Guys, this story is not sad. Please don't see it that way. There was a tooonne and I mean it, a tonne of learning experience. Yes, mostly fails but it is what it is. Hell, modern neuroscience all the tech and machinery and they can't say how you make your fist clench with your thought. So do take it lightly.
Now that you have heard my ramble, and if you are still here guys, after 2023, when I lost it all I suddenly realised that life is a constant surplus experience despite the £0.79 in the bank account and hunger. On the plus side, I am not an alcoholic, can run 10k in any direction in any state of body and mind, my focus is like no other [research on hunger, Sinclair, telomeres, ketosis]. This year I did 10 days of just water. It was transcendental.
Then I was like hey, I lost money but I am in a city with endless amount of money. So in 2023/2024 I left +1500 cards on luxury vehicles, I sent out about 1000 letters to high net worth individuals, hedge funds, royalty, billionaires, cycled around mansions, you name it. Left my number and had 0 people return a call. No, another lie. One guy called me - a driver of an embassy car and said don't leave stuff on our property please. That's it. In 12 months.
So yeah, now I have set up a meeting at an embassy and will deport myself from this island in 10-12 days. I haven't hugged my family for 9 years, guys. Some kids there my relatives are now grown ass adults. What.
Listen, if you are still reading this then I have a lot of good news. Firstly, we are in the age of AI, plus a bit of strategy and you can build insane things. However, you need to know that the game is a little rigged. Our trading completely changed to before and after we read Michael Lewis's Flash Boys. That part where he said our average algo position time is 12 seconds was insane. So use the machine to you advantage.
Secondly, watch Prof. Jiang and Predictive History. And if you are a good trader he will explain to you the power of stories outside and inside your head. He is actually the reason I am writing to you right now.
Because in one of his lectures he explains how learning something conventionally through university is dumb. If you wanna become a doctor before you would go and work with the doctor.
That's when it hit me that I remember I tried to contact some local wizards for a mentorship a few times, but could never get a return call. And then I used Grok and discovered this website. Hello friends.
But there is more. They concluded a recent research guys where they found the only 2 reasons why people succeed and feel happy towards the end of the line. It was simple. The unhappy ones thought everything is gonna be allright. The happy ones though kept thinking 'I am going to make it'.
There it is.
The entire story of me. I learned through perpetual hardship that giving up is not real, we are just continuously growing. Inside and outside, all is one gift.
Yeah. Thanks. And if you are in London slash UK and maybe have an offer for this guy, I will gladly hear you out via my number which is 07927 642 392. Please keep calling as my plan is out and I can't call you back. Or just WhatsApp.
All in all, this was a fucking smash of a ride. You rock. Shine and guys go cold approach girls in whetherspoons. That is more than any therapist will do for you.
As an outro I want to tell you about this experience when I first went abroad to UK alone to arrive in Oxford at 2 am in the morning. Stabbing cold, darkness, and just yellow street lights. I felt so alienated from everything, but that was just moving to school alone, homesick etc so I wasn't bad just like wow this place is dark at night. But as I was going through the city alone I saw a fox and I was totally shocked.
What? Did I just see that. The thing is, I always considered a fox to be my spirit animal, and when I saw it just there on a street, which in my country happens exclusively in the forests, I realised this entire island is just one big forest. A passing foxy made the moment that more mysterious. And I felt home.
And then like an autistic engineer person I extrapolated and went ahhh, home is everywhere, dumbass.
Everywhere, guys.
Bye.
-1 is a lie, kind of.
More like -800k.
[this is a good time to make a hot coffee]
Anyways, I came to UK in 2008, did a school here in Oxford and got into BEng Aerospace.
Aced 2 years, top of the class, and then absolutely 'gold medal syndromed' it straight into depression.
Came back, went home and told everything to family. All clear.
But, they sent me to a doc, big Ivy league graduate. I talk and she doesn't respond for 45 minutes. Just looks at me. Makes some notes, turns to my father and says 'In my 20 year career I have never seen a person so severely/borderline depressed who by asking just the right questions intuitively guided himself out of that state, she said 'by-the-book'. Well done, etc'.
That moment I had a realisation. And a voice in my head said 'dude, after all that 6-8 month agony and crying you came out of it and you understood one thing - method. This word is very important for me. When I was 6 I was extremely energetic and a bit 'wild'. The school was so painful that the first thing I did when I would come home was to jump on a sofa because 'this group sitting activity' doesn't make sense.
But by 9-10 I went calm.
That's because for 3 years during summer I would spend them with my grandpa on a dacha. He lectured at state uni in mechanics, and his students were mainly future oilers. He went through WWII and dint have one pinky which had a 0 effect on his ability to handle pliers.
And he would disassemble and maintain lighting, water pumps [we had a well, my lands are sandy near the sea], we fixed stuff for neighbours, and I remember my attitude completely changed to life because I watched him work and assisted him in doing that.
He taught me methods and tools. This will come important later.
So in the doctor's office I went inside 'thank you grandpa'.
Came home and developed exciting ideas of businesses I could run in my hometown. 4/5 are now there. But at the moment I told this to my father and the mf goes like no dude, you need to go to uni and graduate.
I am like hold on a sec I thought you guys support me, and I clearly don't see a point in Aerospace. Wtf is that. I am not a rocket man, mom. Haha, I am kidding. But the reality was at that moment in 2013 best AE jobs went either to defense, or F1. I liked neither. I know I am OK. Not the brightest, but OK and more important - now driven. And dad goes no, its a deal breaker [I held myself from inserting a 'Computer says 'no' joke']
That was realisation number two. I am trapped in another year of uni.
Of course, I went back to UK to study and got even more depressed, goodbye gf. But now even suicidal. Yes, what? That.
And the funny thing is, that was an insane reality experience, to be in that slate. And it was a tonne of knowledge so this is gonna sound wild, but that was the greatest thing that could happen to me. It taught me 2 things: to laugh at myself and more importantly, I am not my thoughts. Just an observer. Gamechangers. It creates a gap between a stimulus and a response [see CBT, Viktor Frankl]
So now I kinda barely graduate 2014. I come home in summer and tell my father 'bruh, I wanna open a business'. I have ideas, you have money. A perfect combination. He says that's nice but let's do something else. Bruh, come on. [I love my father he is insane but great guy, never seen a person work more in my entire life]
And he says, listen, I saved like $5m. [from 1999 to 2015 this guy worked himself up from minor lawyer( he reeducated in his 30s because we were in the post USSR space and 90's weren't excatly a walk in the park with 2 kids) to an a company executive].
I was like nicely done dad. And he says I think we can get you a car now, son, since you graduated. It's a tradition from where I am from. And I go like dad, thank you, but what car, can I swap it to cash and just run my own thing, bruh. No, that's not what I said, but I wish haha, I just politely refuse. And he says okay here is the deal. Since you in the UK lets set you up with a special visa. Nice, what can I do?
He says nothing, we just pay £1m and you can be in the country and run businesses for 5 years, then a passport. I am like WHAT!!
Wait, I can what? That's insane, dad. Thank you I'll do my best, and start small etc. I can method this.
So we do it. I am back here, dear island. [i didn't know of this plan so while not knowing what to do I got accepted into BSc maths and comp sci in Wales]. I finalise the docs, study a bit but drop out. Investing, here I come.
I go London, Kingston. Have a friend there. Busk around and start setting up meeting with VCs and incubators. I find 10. Narrow to 3. Choose one - a mattress company. They want £100K. I bombard them with tech questions. They answer everything. I am happy. They are puzzled and nervous. I say lets do it. And then I get a call. From guys who helped me with visa.
And they go - hold on you cant invest. I am like how do you mean I cant? She said that 1m is like a water-line. You need to be above it, son. What? I am like only 40k above it. She goes they will revoke your visa. What? OK. I stop this process. Its, I don't know, circa early 2015.
I am like dude can you top up just a little please and I can do it. He says no. Facepalm. But I can't touch it then. And can't invest. What am I doing here, boss? you said... and it hit me... I never trusted my own father again. It wasn't just this, dont take me wrong, we are not reacting here. We are understanding how things are actually are instead of living in our heads. In the end, you depress because you ruminate. I digress.
I am like lets smoke some cannabis because I don't know what the f to do, how to proceed, and my friends smoked. So i try. I smoke, and it's the best. thing. ever. Nothing people told me about it was true. I was happier, I started running, I read, I was a productive mfer. For my consciousness its a huge leap from depression. But the thing is I start noticing I dont have pitfalls like others - I am energetic, not sleepy, I become active, everything feels enhanced, I love it lol. And I smoke for like a month absolutely enjoying the fuck out of life. I started nudging people to run with me and absolutely no one would come. haha. Then my mom calls me and says I think they are taking your dad. The situation is dire. And we watch how the man who worked 16 hour days get taken and convicted in bullshit. But hey, at least they initially invited him as a witness, and only THEN convicted him. Huh)
So I am like OK. Now what, life? That's when they call me form a bank and say 'oh, you haven't heard, we closed your account, please remove everything bc of your dad'. WHAAAAAT? Bruh, what do you mean, you checked everything before I brought it here... I am 24 at the time and this amount was insane to handle for a schmuck like me. I still did it. Re-stored it with other people. Risky. What is happening. Then I am like: focus. I find a great business idea, we find a a pizza-iolo, we about to launch and get people on-board, find a staff manager, great guy. Then boom: city council does not approve. And then I do a few other ideas, some including patent development and Stephen Key. Nothing. Then 2017 and that account drops because of the bonds. Go figure. They say: sir, top up. I say - impossible. It goes down more. They call and say you dont top up you cant apply for a UK citizenship. wont look good, man.
At this point I go this might just be a movie so let's relax and just watch and enjoy it, lol.
Then my friend from old school days visits me and says - do you know stocks? And we dive. I say there is no tomorrow. We have supply of money and cannabis, lets make it. We start with theory. I get to love day-trading and nano caps through Sykes, then Grittani, Michaud. We smoke, I take rigorous notes and my friend does the tech side.
Stocks lead to methods, those lead to Chaikin indicator, money flows, then follow the money, money lead to historical methods, that lead to CentBanking, then to 2008, then Peter Attia, and Bill Black, princes of the yen, Richard Werner and then Richard Koo and balance sheet recession. That was a lot but that was it. Then we opened IB account and sent it. I stated with 5k, got a stock, and watched it gap down -2700 in the morning and no SL would work. We are like WTF. Then I burned 2 30-35k accounts. But I did one thing religiously - learned it from market wizards - watched the price action. Hours and hours, recorded it to develop the 'feel'. It worked. I started doing well and then BOOM - my passport is expiring. Sure - go to embassy and ask to change it - no! - son you haven't served the army. What? That was never a problem but with my dad's cred it became. I cant update it and cant apply for indefinite leave to remain [like pre-citizenship in UK].
Life, whatever you gave me here, it is not boring haha. Namaste.
So my passport runs out, visa soon and 7 days before I make a decision to overstay. MY IB and bank keeps working. Miracle. I dive into trading duuudeeee, what da hell? So I focus a bit on macro because compared to stocks, I also occasionally traded VIX options and somehow had a very good track record and a feel for it. So I take $33K/40, put on IB and send it the moment they changed the CPI basket, which meant that numbers are cooked. That short leg in SPY yielded 130k profit. I have 8 in the bank and guys: I take notes of my thought process and 4 times I had a chance to take the money, and exit, but I didn't, believing it will go more. Later a rumour of JPM collar trade would come out and BoE does mini QE. That psition went to 800 dollars in a few hours.
I go broke, I was already busking on a floor, but now had absolutely zilch. I take 6 months to recover and most importantly to understand what made me do that.
6 months of watching yourself and noting down what to think, meditation, psychedelics, and it hit me. I lost it all because deep down I wanted to give it away. I spent what I earned and you may all go 'that bc you are spoiled'. But I knew a few spoiled kids who were OK with money. But my trading revealed that method was OKish, but behaviour was a shamble. Guys, I zeroed in and in one month found what was wrong.
It was beautiful and simple. A definition of the concept of money in my head. And the secret was to unveil what memory created the feeling of the concept of money. Haha, you wont believe it, but it happened when I was 11 and saw my family starting to be more upper class - but at that moment my parents, specifically my dad, would shout as a reaction to something specific my mom would do. It was like never ending replay of the same thing.
And then I remember my dad was like I have saved some and I want to get you something you have dreamed of - some fur coat whatvever. My dad got it, mom was ecstatic. And my brother and I went like 'oh everything must be ok', and day later they were back at it. We were taken aback to say the least. Apparently that shit instilled in my brain as 'money doesn't mean happiness'. And ever since that realisation circa Jan 2024 I am free of that problematic perspective. Its not like I love money or something. On the opposite, there is no shadow feeling around it. I felt so good guys, because I worked my ass off and could not know why what happened - did happen. Since those days I lost some of the friends, who as you know, famously disappear when you need help or are deemed by the society as 'unemployed'. Its funny those were the same people I so dearly cherished and Ubered whenever possible. I still love them with all my heart.
So then I lived for a year in a garage. Fun. No sarcasm. Washed dishes etc. Then they kicked me out. OK. Now I stay at my trading friend's place but because I don't have a plan he is kicking me out.
Haha. Guys, this story is not sad. Please don't see it that way. There was a tooonne and I mean it, a tonne of learning experience. Yes, mostly fails but it is what it is. Hell, modern neuroscience all the tech and machinery and they can't say how you make your fist clench with your thought. So do take it lightly.
Now that you have heard my ramble, and if you are still here guys, after 2023, when I lost it all I suddenly realised that life is a constant surplus experience despite the £0.79 in the bank account and hunger. On the plus side, I am not an alcoholic, can run 10k in any direction in any state of body and mind, my focus is like no other [research on hunger, Sinclair, telomeres, ketosis]. This year I did 10 days of just water. It was transcendental.
Then I was like hey, I lost money but I am in a city with endless amount of money. So in 2023/2024 I left +1500 cards on luxury vehicles, I sent out about 1000 letters to high net worth individuals, hedge funds, royalty, billionaires, cycled around mansions, you name it. Left my number and had 0 people return a call. No, another lie. One guy called me - a driver of an embassy car and said don't leave stuff on our property please. That's it. In 12 months.
So yeah, now I have set up a meeting at an embassy and will deport myself from this island in 10-12 days. I haven't hugged my family for 9 years, guys. Some kids there my relatives are now grown ass adults. What.
Listen, if you are still reading this then I have a lot of good news. Firstly, we are in the age of AI, plus a bit of strategy and you can build insane things. However, you need to know that the game is a little rigged. Our trading completely changed to before and after we read Michael Lewis's Flash Boys. That part where he said our average algo position time is 12 seconds was insane. So use the machine to you advantage.
Secondly, watch Prof. Jiang and Predictive History. And if you are a good trader he will explain to you the power of stories outside and inside your head. He is actually the reason I am writing to you right now.
Because in one of his lectures he explains how learning something conventionally through university is dumb. If you wanna become a doctor before you would go and work with the doctor.
That's when it hit me that I remember I tried to contact some local wizards for a mentorship a few times, but could never get a return call. And then I used Grok and discovered this website. Hello friends.
But there is more. They concluded a recent research guys where they found the only 2 reasons why people succeed and feel happy towards the end of the line. It was simple. The unhappy ones thought everything is gonna be allright. The happy ones though kept thinking 'I am going to make it'.
There it is.
The entire story of me. I learned through perpetual hardship that giving up is not real, we are just continuously growing. Inside and outside, all is one gift.
Yeah. Thanks. And if you are in London slash UK and maybe have an offer for this guy, I will gladly hear you out via my number which is 07927 642 392. Please keep calling as my plan is out and I can't call you back. Or just WhatsApp.
All in all, this was a fucking smash of a ride. You rock. Shine and guys go cold approach girls in whetherspoons. That is more than any therapist will do for you.
As an outro I want to tell you about this experience when I first went abroad to UK alone to arrive in Oxford at 2 am in the morning. Stabbing cold, darkness, and just yellow street lights. I felt so alienated from everything, but that was just moving to school alone, homesick etc so I wasn't bad just like wow this place is dark at night. But as I was going through the city alone I saw a fox and I was totally shocked.
What? Did I just see that. The thing is, I always considered a fox to be my spirit animal, and when I saw it just there on a street, which in my country happens exclusively in the forests, I realised this entire island is just one big forest. A passing foxy made the moment that more mysterious. And I felt home.
And then like an autistic engineer person I extrapolated and went ahhh, home is everywhere, dumbass.
Everywhere, guys.
Bye.
