Best Thread Joke of the day

When I'm walking down the street and a woman asks me if I have the time, I always say it depends on what she has in mind.
 
this is an analogy, the market specialist is in the background and you are the small time trader



http://media.fu?kung.net/images/25275/4d6c917f507b45983e8c8b6bf670e73f.gif

extract the ? from the address and the link works fine.....c n p into the address bar without the question mark

:p
 
Knock Knock.

[Door opens]

Tony: Alright mate,

Andy: Yeah i'm good what about you?

Tony: Yeah good

Andy: You're awfully early

Tony: Yeah; oh well, i brought the beers

Andy: Ah, nice, put them on the counter of there.

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**** jokes, because not everyone is funny. :)
 
A dragon starts to attack a town. Two brave knights ride to the rescue. As they are approaching one turns to the other and says, 'You save the damsel in distress. I'll save the damsel in dat dress.' :cool:
 
So Bill Withers, there aint no sunshine when she's gone?

There's no cooking, cleaning, ironing or blowjobs either but I don't hear you sing about that
 
more re: ears

Jon and Brett were in a mental institution. This place had an annual contest picking two of the best patients and gives them two questions. If they got them correct, they're deemed cured and free to go.

Jon was called into the doctor's office first and asked if he understood that he'd be free if he answered the questions correctly.
The doctor said, "Jon, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?" Jon said, "I'd be half blind."
"That's correct. What if I poked out both eyes?"
"I'd be completely blind."

The doctor stood up, shook Jon's hand, and told him he was free.

On Jon's way out, as the doctor filled out the paperwork, Jon mentioned the exam to Brett.
He told him what questions were going to be asked and gave him the answers.

So Brett came in. The doctor went through the formalities and asked, "What would happen if I cut off one ear?"
Brett, remembering what Jon had said was the correct answer said, "I'd be half blind."
The doctor looked a little puzzled, but went on.
"What if I cut off the other ear?"
"I'd be completely blind," Brett answered.

"Brett, can you explain how you'd be *blind*?"

"My hat would fall down over my eyes..."
 
A man walks into the CIA building
He says to the receptionist " morning, be raining soon do you think ?

Receptionist " Sorry Sir, that is classified information."
 
Who is your role model?



No cheating!!! Do the sums before you look. This is a great

psychological test and extremely accurate. It is amazing what modern

maths can do.



FIND OUT WHO TRULY IS YOUR ROLE MODEL. DON'T SCROLL DOWN YET.



DO THE SIMPLE MATH BELOW, THEN SCROLL DOWN TO FIND YOUR HERO.



It's CRAZY how accurate this is!



No peeking!



1) Pick your favourite number between 1-9



2) Multiply by 3 then



3) Add 3



4) Then again, multiply by 3 (I'll wait while you get the
calculator....)


5) You'll get a 2 or 3 digit number....



6) Add the digits together



Now Scroll down







With that number, see who your ROLE MODEL is from the list below:



1. Einstein

2. Bette Midler

3. Prince Charles

4. Ghengis Khan

5. Bill Gates

6. Gandhi

7. Bill Clinton

8. Elvis Presley

9. Gumping

10. John F Kennedy



I know, I know....I just have that effect on people. One day, you too
can
be like me :)



P.S. Stop picking different numbers!! I AM YOUR ROLE MODEL, JUST DEAL WITH IT!!!!!!
 
Wheelie bin!!!




A refuse collector is driving along a street picking up the wheelie bins and emptying them into his compactor.

He goes to one house where the bin hasn't been left out, and in the spirit of kindness, and after having a quick look about for the bin, he gets out of his truck goes to the front door and knocks. There's no answer.

Being a kindly and conscientious bloke, he knocks again - much harder.

Eventually a Japanese man comes to the door.
"Harro!" says the Japanese man.

"Gudday, mate! Where's ya bin?" asks the collector.

"I bin on toiret," explains the Japanese bloke, a bit perplexed.
Realising the little foreign fellow had misunderstood him, the bin man smiles and tries again. "No ! no ! mate, where's your dust bin?"

"I dust been to toiret, I tor you!'' says the Japanese man, still perplexed.

"Listen," says the collector. "You're misunderstanding me.
Where's your 'w h e e l i e' bin?'"

"OK, OK." replies the Japanese man with a sheepish grin, and whispers in the collector's ear.....

I wheelie bin having sex wirra wife's sista!""
 
BBC News:

Cash 'is being replaced by cards'

They obviously haven't thought this through properly, there are times when only cash will do.

Have you ever tried rolling up a Mastercard in a night club toilet?
 
This will blow you away...

Follow the instructions carefully. It really works!

Start with image 1 and work your way to image 3 moving LEFT to RIGHT or click on NEXT etc...
 

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bloody ell i did it twice thinking of 2 different cards and it worked both times but how!!!!
 
he he..Weird.... me and my daughter both picked one at the same time...and both cards disappeard.
 
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