A good read
Read the whole thing. This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan
DeVries by the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of
Michigan. This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter
before you get to the response letter
> >>
(This is the State's Letter!)
SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm
County
Dear Mr. DeVries:
It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality
that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced
parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or
contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:
Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet
stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of
this type of activity. A review of the department's files shows that no
permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that
this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of
the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the
Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the
Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated. The Department has been informed that one or
both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing
debris and flooding at downstream locations.
We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be
permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all
activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow
condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the
stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than
January 31, 2005. Please notify this office when the restoration has been
completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our
staff.
Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity
on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated
enforcement action. We anticipate and would appreciate your full
cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this
office if you have any questions.
Sincerely, David L. Price, District Representative Land and Water
Management Division
Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries: ** Re: DEQ File
No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.
Dear Mr. Price,
Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to.
I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson,
Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the process of constructing and
maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring
Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam
project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their
skillful use of natures building materials "debris." I would like to
challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time
and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way
you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their
dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or
their dam work ethic. As to your request, I do not think the beavers
are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of
this type of dam activity.
My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate
against my Spring Pond Beavers, or (2) do you require all beavers
throughout this state to conform to said dam request? If you are not
discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of
Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other
applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there
really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of
the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public
Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101to 324.30113 of the Michigan
Compiled Laws, annotated.
I have several concerns. My first concern is; aren't the beavers
entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially
destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State
will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam
concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event,
causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the
Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the
Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their
dam names. If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition
please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they
obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being
unable to read English.
In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build
their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and
water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy
Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental
Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural
resources(Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams). So, as far as
the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more
elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2005?
The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be
no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then. In
conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality
(health) problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually
defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting
the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to
investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful
where they dump!) Being unable to comply with your dam request, and
being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending
this response to your dam office.
THANK YOU.
RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS
Read the whole thing. This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan
DeVries by the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of
Michigan. This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter
before you get to the response letter
> >>
(This is the State's Letter!)
SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm
County
Dear Mr. DeVries:
It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality
that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced
parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or
contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:
Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet
stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of
this type of activity. A review of the department's files shows that no
permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that
this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of
the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the
Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the
Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated. The Department has been informed that one or
both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing
debris and flooding at downstream locations.
We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be
permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all
activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow
condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the
stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than
January 31, 2005. Please notify this office when the restoration has been
completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our
staff.
Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity
on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated
enforcement action. We anticipate and would appreciate your full
cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this
office if you have any questions.
Sincerely, David L. Price, District Representative Land and Water
Management Division
Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries: ** Re: DEQ File
No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.
Dear Mr. Price,
Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to.
I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson,
Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the process of constructing and
maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring
Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam
project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their
skillful use of natures building materials "debris." I would like to
challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time
and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way
you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their
dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or
their dam work ethic. As to your request, I do not think the beavers
are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of
this type of dam activity.
My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate
against my Spring Pond Beavers, or (2) do you require all beavers
throughout this state to conform to said dam request? If you are not
discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of
Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other
applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there
really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of
the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public
Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101to 324.30113 of the Michigan
Compiled Laws, annotated.
I have several concerns. My first concern is; aren't the beavers
entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially
destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State
will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam
concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event,
causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the
Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the
Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their
dam names. If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition
please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they
obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being
unable to read English.
In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build
their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and
water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy
Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental
Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural
resources(Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams). So, as far as
the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more
elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2005?
The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be
no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then. In
conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality
(health) problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually
defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting
the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to
investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful
where they dump!) Being unable to comply with your dam request, and
being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending
this response to your dam office.
THANK YOU.
RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS
