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This is a discussion on my journal within the Trading Journals forums, part of the Reception category; Things are going better now. He's not here with the radio. In an hour I am going home. I wired ...

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Old Oct 1, 2009, 1:01pm   #151
 
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Yamato started this thread Things are going better now. He's not here with the radio. In an hour I am going home. I wired some money to my trading account so I can finally trade most systems together again. Hopefully this was the last time I wired money to and not from.
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Old Oct 1, 2009, 1:27pm   #152
 
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Originally Posted by travis View Post
Things are going better now. He's not here with the radio. In an hour I am going home. I wired some money to my trading account so I can finally trade most systems together again. Hopefully this was the last time I wired money to and not from.
Travis for president
Its impressive you've made so many systems that work, you must have a special skill because most people can't; Good luck making money with your systems and make sure you let them work for you so you can quit your job and not listen to the radio.
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Old Oct 1, 2009, 3:50pm   #153
 
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Yamato started this thread Yeah, then you can come visit me on my island for intolerant people.

Gnossienne No. 5 (1889)






.

Last edited by Yamato; Oct 1, 2009 at 6:03pm.
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Old Oct 1, 2009, 6:21pm   #154
 
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Yamato started this thread It's funny... and yet very serious and meaningful... I was looking at it, at my ongoing profit, from my one open trade on the GBL.

Well, it was up 108 euros, and, as usual, I felt some urge to close it (to grab some profit that might go away). But then immediately I said to myself: it's not a matter of closing this one trade early (to grab some unbelievable profit that might go away). Because I may even be right on this one call, so that's not the reason I can't do it: not the fact that I'm usually wrong (and I am usually wrong). The reason I can't close this one trade is that if I do, from now on, every day and every instant, it will be up to me to decide whether I should close a given ongoing trade. And this has first of all proven not to be profitable in the long run, and second of all it will place a huge amount of stress on myself: I won't be carefree and letting the system do everything, but I will be stressed out all the time (and it will hurt my profits, on top of it).

So I reasoned like that, and I didn't close it. A few minutes later, it was at +208, and I felt an even stronger urge to close it, than earlier. But I thought again: if I do it, whether it's profitable or not, it will be the first step to my usual unprofitable discretionary trades, that will ultimately make me blow out my account for the fiftieth time. So I didn't do it once again, because I knew what would have come next: stress, and ruin.

Then, a bit later, it was at +308, and then +358 euros (a lot of profit for just 1 GBL contract), and I just came here to write, and didn't close it - not because it didn't make sense, because it definitely would make sense by now, with +350, for that single trade to be closed early, but because it made more sense to respect the principle of non-intervention by me. Since if I break that principle the first consequence will be uncertainty and stress from the moment I make that trade onward. The second consequence would be ruin because I can't make the right calls. So I can't allow myself to make ANY discretionary trade, no matter how good it may be, because it will be the first one of a long series that will lead me to blowing out my account. It's like when you quit smoking: usually you can't smoke ever again, or you risk starting all over again.

The only thing I don't like about quitting is this feeling of helplessness. It can do whatever it wants, and I won't be able to do a thing. It's like a child (I don't have any, but I think it'd be similar): you raise him and then you set him free. I've built it, and now I can't do anything about it. At least until it has any trades open. In the weekend of course, I can fix anything I want, because then my compulsive gambling won't be a danger.

Now it's at +388.

How do I feel? Excited and restless. I feel like jumping up and down. And that is the very excitement that usually screws me. Sooner or later it makes me do something that destroys my profit. Either by spending all the money I make, or by trying to speed up gains - but am I really trying to do that or is it just an excuse to sabotage the whole thing? I was raised a Catholic, my parents always taught me how immoral it is to be rich and even more immoral to make money without working... are we sure that I am not having all these problems keeping my profits only because, deep inside, I feel that I am not supposed to have this easy and unnecessary money? It is "necessary" only because I want to quit my job, but maybe deep inside I feel that it's also immoral to not have a job. I thought I was atheist, but the word "sinner" still echoes in my mind and my subconscious from time to time. My mom was a catechist, she was my catechist as well, along with a bunch of other kids. And now I've become... a renegade.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/renegade

Last edited by Yamato; Oct 1, 2009 at 6:46pm.
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Old Oct 1, 2009, 11:55pm   #155
 
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Well one for not touching your trade Travis- Thats fantastic and really intelligent for your long-term benefit x

Proud of you skipper.
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Old Oct 2, 2009, 6:36am   #156
 
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Yamato started this thread Yeah, technically I am a "skipper". I've often skipped classes, and failed as a consequence. I've never felt bad either, or rather: I would have felt worse by going.

skipper - definition of skipper by the Free Online Dictionary, Thesaurus and Encyclopedia.
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Old Oct 2, 2009, 8:29am   #157
 
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Yamato started this thread Here I am again, at the office. I said "ciao" to the guy with the radio, and he didn't reply. So why is this? He doesn't care to make the effort to greet me? Or does he know that my "hi" means "**** you"? Then, a bit later, the other colleague, another slacker, came in and he said "hi" back to her. So it's pretty clear. But I am not going to start a fight about the fact that I say "hi" and he doesn't reply. And regardless of his bad manners, I will still greet him every morning. Not because I am "good". I just want to make sure that I am right, when I'll finally go on a shooting rampage. I totally despise him, and whenever I'll finally yell at someone, he'll be the first one on my list, and probably the only one, because when I pick a fight with someone I prefer to focus 100% against the worst enemy. It'll be a small fight - one sentence long. I'll simply say "Oh, yeah? Is that the way things are? Not only this and that, but now I have to put up with this, too?" and he'll certainly agree that I am right, because I only start a fight when I am right from all possible points of view. And also when I am upset. So I'll be both right and upset and he'll certainly won't show any reaction. I know because it's happened before, and he just agreed that I was right, without putting up a (losing) fight.

What did save him so far is that he's twice my age, six times my years spent at the bank, and one year away from retirement. I was raised to pay extra respect to people for such reasons - but there's a limit to the disrespect I can take before thinking I don't owe him any more respect.

He barely does any work, keeps me from concentrating, doesn't even want to get up when he prints something. He actually prints right when I get up to go to the printer and get my stuff, so he knows I'll bring him his stuff. I think next time I won't bring anything. What the hell... he doesn't even say "hi" to me and I have to bring him his documents? Also, he sometimes leaves the damn radio on when he goes on his break, this jerk. Also, when he turns on the lights, he keeps the one that bothers him off, and turns the one over me on - he mumbled some stupid excuse the first he did this. He might as well have said "this light is too strong, so I'm going to turn just yours on, and let it bother you instead". He's pretty much an animal in the body of a human. But I am keeping count of all the **** I am having to put with.

-90 days and 14 hours. To my resignation or to my part part time, of 4 hours a day at most.

Last edited by Yamato; Oct 2, 2009 at 8:42am.
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Old Oct 2, 2009, 12:44pm   #158
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by travis View Post
Yeah, technically I am a "skipper". I've often skipped classes, and failed as a consequence. I've never felt bad either, or rather: I would have felt worse by going.

skipper - definition of skipper by the Free Online Dictionary, Thesaurus and Encyclopedia.
I use to work in a Supermarket and one day i thought to myself; 'I would pay £10 per hour not to be working here' and i was earning £6.50ph and i went and got fired/quit.
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Old Oct 2, 2009, 1:15pm   #159
 
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Yamato started this thread Good idea. My opinion is that it's better to quit than to go on a shooting rampage.

90 days, 9 hours, 45 minutes (to quitting or to 4-hour part-time)
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Old Oct 2, 2009, 1:28pm   #160
 
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I don't think a shooting rampage is for me;
I've always thought that if everything ****ed up real bad and i'd get all the cash i have (and if there is none then thats fine, i'll get it) and just go away from the UK and just travel around, without a solid location/home and just get by; It would probably be great fun and unstressful - You don't need to put up with the pressures of modern civilization :P You can just go to an undeveloped place and be King.

Well thats the theory anyway.
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Old Oct 2, 2009, 2:13pm   #161
 
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Yamato started this thread Good idea. But then you gotta do it while you're young and don't need a dentist, hospital or anything from civilization. I already know that some things from civilization are necessary, having undergone surgery for a tumor a few years ago (in my head), which only added to my anger against incompetent people (in this case surgeons).

This ******* is now talking on the phone AND listening to the radio at the same time, not giving a **** that I might have to focus on the work I am doing in his place, enabling him to do nothing all day. This is Italy, and I work at a bank where the majority only pretend they're working. Only about one fourth works efficiently and for several hours a day. The rest of the people are making phone calls and taking several coffee/cigarette breaks.

My colleague in particular is one of the worst examples. He actually takes off during work hours to go have sex with a married woman (he's having intimate phone conversations with her all day long), and he's married, too, but that married woman he's having sex with is not his wife - not that he told me, but it's easy to figure out (he talks to her on the phone and goes to meet her, during work hours, and then comes back an hour and a half later). This is where I am working, with a bunch of scumbags - showing no taste, intelligence, goodwill, or respect for anyone.

Once you know this, it's easy to understand how quickly one can become a "genius" or be called "the excel expert". All you have to do is work normally (5 hours a day is more than enough) for a few years, and you're perceived by everyone like the top expert on anything related to work, which they carefully avoid.

I can't wait to get out of here, and be as far as possible from average people.

Last edited by Yamato; Oct 3, 2009 at 10:34am.
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Old Oct 4, 2009, 7:06am   #162
 
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Yamato started this thread



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Old Oct 5, 2009, 8:15am   #163
 
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Yamato started this thread Ok, here I am. Back at the office. The moron in front of me didn't turn his radio on yet, and I almost feel uncomfortable because I don't know what other abuse may be coming. The other slut to the left has walked in a minute ago and she's already on the phone with her family, talking about something not related to work of course, and she'll keep doing it all day long.

I am writing here, but I have worked before, and I will work afterwards. A whole life of hard work, whether my work was acknowledged or not (when they failed me in highschool). I can't conceive wasting my time, and I either work on my own things or whatever work is required of me, or rather whatever work is useful that I do.

In the weekend I spent the whole time developing systems again. Basically the concept is that I have about 40 systems, and they all produce about a 100% profit per year.

1) Now, if these systems were trading all the time, I would just make a profit of 100% per year, which is not much to me (because I am intense, not patient, and I want strong emotions, and all the other reasons listed in previous posts).

2) But these systems are not trading all the time. On average each system trades less than 5% of the time. Which would mean, if they traded at random and non-related moments, that I could use as much as 50% of capital (5% of systems is 2, and therefore you allocate half of your capital to each one). If that were the case, I wouldn't just make 100% a year, but that figure multiplied by 20, because I'd be allowed to use half capital on each system at all times.

3) Unfortunately these systems tend to trade in the same time zones, so it ensues that, despite the fact that they trade rarely, about 10% of them (that is 4) are trading at each moment (and then there are plenty of dull moments, when no systems are trading). So one can only allocate 25% of capital per system. This is like having a very diversified investment, that returns about 100% multiplied by the systems you have (40) and divided by the systems you need to trade on average at the same time (4).
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Old Oct 5, 2009, 4:08pm   #164
 
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Yamato started this thread I got home, finally. Today they really exploited me at work. About ten people from different offices came and asked me for some technical work, related to excel or computing in general, databases and so on. I am not paid to work for all these people, but that's how things happen in my bank. Those who work are overloaded, because they are scarce. The other two thirds just sit and listen to the radio, talk on the phone about their own private business, go on coffee breaks, and feel guilty I hope.
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Old Oct 5, 2009, 6:06pm   #165
 
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Yamato started this thread For discretionary trading you need first of all a specific and rare emotional balance, which is very hard to develop if you don't already have it. Hard work is not enough and may even hurt you (overtrading).
For automated trading instead, the first thing you need is hard work, whereas your emotional balance won't matter or may even hurt you: being an obsessive perfectionist is a requirement.
Most people are not balanced enough to be profitable at discretionary trading, nor are they imbalanced enough to be profitable at automated trading.
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