Breaking down the mental illness taboo

I'm having great difficulty writing this; not because of the content but because for perhaps the first time on t2w I don't want to be an attention whore but the subject matter makes it almost inevitable. All I want to say, really, is that I had a complete mental breakdown last Wednesday and it has been until today that I could even countance putting it on the net. In fact this may be a sweet spot - in a month's time I may have surpressed it all and never ne able to post this.

The details of said breakdown are completely unimportant, by which I mean irrelevant to
trading. All I'm wanting to get across is that mental illness is a real illness and there's no more shame in admitteting to having it than in having measels. What is steangest of all is that I used to counsel folk with similar conditions but never got my head around what it's like until last week. You cannot just think yourself better. I really thought you could.

And I am immensely fortunate. I sent precisely the same document abount what I'd been doing to my mother and my boss. My mother is making a lot of time from her busy schedule to see me
next week and my boss invited me to Sunday dinner. This is about the best possible result one could ever get from such a no holds barred confession as I made. BTW if you ask I can send you
it - handwritten it was thirteen pages and took hours to write. Lesser bosses could have terminated contracts at once. Lesser mothers could have been cruel rather than underatanding.

Seems to me the very least that I can do is post this thread - for all the lulz etc I hope I still have some respect here as a level headed trader, my boss knows exactly what has gone on, probably to a degree which has made him uncomfortable, and in fact he knows what I will be trading again tomorrow with three seperate company accounts - but he knows Ii can do it even if I have to pop a xanax at five am. He's far more progressive than me and to repay that I hope this thread goes just the tiniest way to removing the stigma of depression and similar conditions.

And a last thought if you don't think this can happen to you... I don't even have anything to be depressed about and my drug usage has massively declined from what it was... There is no trigger here I can find... so if nothing else as confucius said when relating the golden ruke. Reciprocate. If you don't think this can happen to you, you're a fool. I was a fool.

Oh, and the weirdest thing? I think if I'd listened to trader dante more he'd have told me this.

Are you just kidding us?Are u sure?Are you pretending?

I don't know why it is still taboo. Get well soon. Glad your boss is being good about it. I suppose the issue is whether it affects one's work or not. If it doesn't then I cannot see why a boss would have grounds to sack someone.

All the best mate, you will recover, you will get stronger, you may even find that you're more of a complete human being for the experience...

I've already had a massive number of texts about this, more than even makes sense given the viewers, and I shall reply to everyone. But while I am thankful for them please don't interpret this as a cry for help or similar; what I'm trying to show is that all of us are vulnerable to these feelings and there is nothign to be ashamed of in having them. This thread is more for those with negative feelings than it is for myself.

ah weve all been there! ive had several..all those reccies wont have helped mate!

I believe that the % of people contracting a mental illness such as depression over their lifetimes is really quite high. It would be interesting to see it the numbers have actually increased in recent years (in part due to the massive social changes we have seen)

Given your positive attitude I am confident that in your case the prognosis is good & that you will soon be back to your usual self (with the added knowledge & insight gained from your experiences)

all the best m8

Stef

arabianights said:

I've already had a massive number of texts about this, more than even makes sense given the viewers, and I shall reply to everyone. But while I am thankful for them please don't interpret this as a cry for help or similar; what I'm trying to show is that all of us are vulnerable to these feelings and there is nothign to be ashamed of in having them. This thread is more for those with negative feelings than it is for myself.

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As someone who has been generous and kind helping others i hope the same returns to you. obviously no one knows what is really going on inside someone else.

i have had to deal with people in the same boat and its more common than some think. we all have to guard our inner garden of the mind and tend it and protect it from abuse either verbal or chemical . triggers can be latent. coming out of nowhere. only making sense much later.

you are right about taboo. people can remain functioning human beings they just need a bit of care and more rest time during the rebuild. the body heals itself over time. it has remarkable regenerative powers. as long as we let it.

regards

A lot of this type of situation is because the "Mind" likes to believe that it is you when it really isn't as we are a complex of many things and not just one. The mind can cause all sorts of feelings which can then result in breakdown. One of the ways in which this can be alleviated is to take the power off the mind being able to cause the feelings associated with this and it is something done a lot by those who practice Yoga.

Any feeling that we have is always caused by the mind and in many individuals the mind fuels the feelings making the situation worse. There are two practical ways is which we can help ourselves when this occurs:

1) When intense feelings are experienced try and focus all attention on the "feeling" itself (not the cause) it must be specifically the feeling.

2) Concentrate intensely on your own breathing and become very aware of each incoming and outgoing breath. Then try extending the outgoing breath to be twice as long and the incoming one.

If your minds tries to get you to start thinking about anything else bring it sharply back to focusing on the breath.

This is not something that will work over night and the mind will resist it but keep trying and the results will come. The reason this works (and something that I have posted about before) is that the mind can only operate by reference to the past or by projection into the future. By bringing oneself into the "present moment" the mind loses all ability to power emotion and feelings. As such, for a while at least, the place of the mind is removed from dominance on the rest of the human complex.


Paul

Get well soon Dave

Best Wishes

Very courageous to come out publicly...best wishes..

Arabian there's been some excellent lulz and banter from the likes of yourself MrGecko,KillPhill and many others that joined in, had some good laughs reading the posts so all the best and hope things turn around for you.
(Mind you "Respect for being a level headed trader"keep up the medication,Roflmao)

Kudos for writing this thread AN.

I think many people would be surprised how common panic attacks are these days, how many people get them, from all walks of life, and all levels of success.

That's the bad news.

The good news is that they are very treatable.

Hope things work out well AN, and that you'll be back on form in no time !!!

I've referred to dietary-related factors elsewhere in this forum which I won't go into here.

However, perhaps the question that might be more relevant to T2W is the question to what extent, if any, can the process of trading itself, especially if one is a full-time trader, be a factor?

We are continually told to take the emotion out of trading, but man is an emotional being, and if you suppress those emotions all the time, it wouldn't be surprising if an imbalance resulted.

Cheers for support chaps, especially some of the stuff via PM - there's a lot more of this out there than I even suspected...

if you suppress those emotions all the time, it wouldn't be surprised if an imbalance resulted.

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It is not about "suppressing" emotions in my view, it is about being in a condition where they do not even happen.


Paul

I think people stigmatize mental illness because they are scared by it. They lump everything into the same bracket as paranoid schizophrenic with homicidal tendencies which is obviously not very constructive.

But it is scary if you don't know anything about it - what's causing it, how it can develop, what can happen.

A friend of mine is a manic depressive - when he gets into a manic phase due to not taking lithium, he goes mad. Totally nuts. He told me once in all seriousness that his new phone number was '0' and that he was chatting with people on Mars. Fortunately one of our mutual friends was a carer so the situation got taken care of, but at one point I was really nervous about what the hell to do next.

AN - hope it sorts itself out.

Arabian

I think it is brave of you to make this post. I believe that it will have helped you personally and it has certainly made many of us pause for thought. You have done well to bring this to our attention.

Even though I have not personally had the problems you may have encountered, I have been through the issues with other people close to me. My first experience of others having to deal with this were when I was at university and at the tender age of 18-21. It was something quite difficult for me to get to grips with at that tender age and having never encountered people suffering in this way.

I still can't pretend that I fully understand the problems that others face and, indeed it is shocking to see some recent high profile cases in the news where others have take their lives when they appear (as celebrities) to have everything to live for. Of course this is just the extreme end of those who suffer from mental problems, albeit temporary or longer and as a society we should try to understand this and ensure that no-one gets anywhere near these extremes.

Regardless of trading conflicts and the general banter that you get on forums like this, I hope that you can see that we are a "family" and all of this banter pales into insignficance when one of our members is truly suffering or has suffered.

I hope that you can rebuild your life with the support of your family, friends and that
T2W might contribute in some small way towards that aim.

Words are never adequate.

Charlton

Dave,
Sorry to hear about your illness. Like physical problems, mental ones can strike for no apparent or obvious reason. Sometimes there are specific causes or a confluence of causes, but recognising such an illness is a great step to recovery.
I'm glad you have people around you who care; again that is a huge aid to full recovery.
One day you'll look back and feel stronger for what you went through and sympathise with others who become ill.
I wish you well.

A lesser man than you would have blamed the mods for everything........

Take care,
Richard

Mr. Charts said:

Dave,
Sorry to hear about your illness. Like physical problems, mental ones can strike for no apparent or obvious reason. Sometimes there are specific causes or a confluence of causes, but recognising such an illness is a great step to recovery.
I'm glad you have people around you who care; again that is a huge aid to full recovery.
One day you'll look back and feel stronger for what you went through and sympathise with others who become ill.
I wish you well.

A lesser man than you would have blamed the mods for everything........

Take care,
Richard

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