Traders In Europe

dolton

Member
69 0
I note the European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other alternative considered.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that english spelling has some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that should be completed by April 2010 and would become known as "Euro-English".

YEAR 1,

"s" will replace the soft "c". sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard"c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This will klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

YEAR 2.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

YEAR 3.

In the third year, publik akseptance of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

YEAR 4

By the 4th yer peopl will be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" wiz "v".

YEAR 5

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz year, ve vill hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru

ZEN VE VIL RUL ZE VORLD!!!!!
 

fowkesp

Active member
129 0
The article seems to be in the same vein as that proposed by Mark Twain a long while ago:


A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling by Mark Twain

For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which "c" would be retained would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later. Year 2 might reform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with "i" and Iear 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomali wonse and for all. Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants. Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" -- bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez -- tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli. Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.
 
 
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