i see where you're coming from GJ, but things are different with my old man and i. We've never exactly had the best relationship as we tend to clash a lot. Knowing what he's like with me, he pretty much lent me the 15k thinking i was going to blow it meaning that i would forever be in his pocket on the end of a string. To his surprise i made money, and now it's like he's trying to move in on my turf and take my moment away from me. It's kinda like when i got my first at uni this summer, the highest mark in the year - all he had to say was 'you only got a first because i shaped you into the person who you are, i know you, left to your own devices you would of just ****ed it up' I swear i felt like cracking him one in the face when he said that...
Then there's the whole issue with why i didn't get into cambridge, which he holds against me with a passion. What he seems to forget is that i would have got in if he didn't decided to kick me out during my last year at 6th form. As a result my 6th form said to me at the time, due to my circumstances (homeless for a year) i was probably not going to pass my A levels so they were gonna drop me out. I had to plead with them not to, and in the end they said if i got certain grades in the January exams i could stay on, which i did. When cambridge found out that i had been kicked out was homeless staying in a hostle they pretty much gave me the hard shoulder. Yet in the eyes of my old man this is all my fault, nothing to do with him being a wanker and nearly ruining everything from me. Even with all that **** he caused for me i still managed to get two A's and and a B, and got into Leeds Uni....
These are just couple of examples, but the list really does go on, 21 years of **** from him, and yet he trying to pressure me into letting him in on my success, my moment, my dream. I always said this was what i wanted to do, i always had a fascination with the stock market growing up. It always amazed me how the markets would be constantly moving and people would make vast sums of money, how fortunes were made and lost within a day. Yet all along my old man was there telling me to shut up and that i was just dreaming. Even tho it's early days, and i've still got a tremendous amount to learn (everyday i learn something new), i can happily say that right here, right now, this moment, i'm on the road to where i want to go, and at this particular moment in time, i've got a couple of quid in my pocket too. Yet my old man is trying to take that away from me. So i think i'm just gonna cut him loose. What goes around comes around as they say. It really does sadden me that someone can be so narrow minded and bitter for no good reason at all
Hi Kevin
as an outsider, reading about your experience with your dad sounds quite amusing, though i am sure it has really angered you, and rightly so.
All this business about getting into Oxbriidge etc. is pure nonsese because at the end of the day you went to Uni and got your degree. Does it really matter what uni you got it from?
No.
Rest assured, you are not alone, most people have similar issues with parents etc.
If you are making dosh, well done, and long may it continue. And as it continues, you will gain further independence, and slowly but surely your dad will be forced to acknowledge you as a person/adult and your successes.
Many father/son relationships are similar. Perhaps there is an elment of rivalry, but perhaps more so, your dad is not going overboard in congratulating you on your successes, as he wants you to keep your feet on the ground, not get a big head, and continue to achieve. Therefore he may be acting in this way in order to p**s you off, because he knows that this will probably motivate you and make you achieve more, before you get carried away with your own successes.....:idea: .......or pwerhaps he's just a bit of a to**er
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I have had a similar relationship with my parents, but in my case I'd say my mother has had the role similar to your dad has with you. I think they might try & call it tough love
.
I try and let things pass over my head, and not let them wind me up, though it can be hard coming from a parent etc.
But at the end of the day, i do not look for their approval nor do i particularly look to avoid their disapproval in what i do, although i would have been more inclined to at age 21....because at the end of the day they are ordinary people with flaws/weaknesses just like all of us......
Since my early 20's, i have also become much more aware of their obvious limits!! whereas when you're a kid, you tend to kind of trust your parents, their judgements etc. and believe them to be correct.........
When people clash, it usually involves them thinking you're wrong in some way, when you think or know that you are right, and they are wrong. This can be infuriating, especially when the person is a close family member or friend.
On the otherhand, they are probably thinking the same thing, they are right, you are so obviously wrong.
But if they would just open their mind, and see things from your perspective etc.............
Therefore when you have two conflicting opinions/mind-sets - you have a
clash of personalities etc. Perhaps agreeing to disagree is best in such situations, at least it avoids big arguments etc.
