Best Thread Joke of the day

Pat494

Legendary member
13,858 1,407
There is a knock at this man's door. He opens it to find a snail there.
H picks up the snail and flings it as far away as he could.
3 years later there is another knock on the same man's door. He opens it to find the same snail there.
" What the hell was that all that about ?" says the snail.
 
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Pat494

Legendary member
13,858 1,407
The local police station reported yesterday that their toilets had been stolen.
They had nothing to go on.
 

Pat494

Legendary member
13,858 1,407
Here is a quick resume of the rules of the game of cricket.
You have 2 sides. One out in the field and one in

Each man that's in the side that's in goes out and when he is out he comes in and the next man
goes in until he is out.

When they are all out the side that is out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get
those coming in out.

Sometimes you get men still in and not out.

When both sides have been in and out including the not outs

THAT'S THE END OF THE GAME
 

trendie

Legendary member
6,233 1,007
(found whilst on reddit: dad joke)

As soon as I can build a spaceship, I am going to leave the Milky Way, and move to the SoyMilky Way.
I am galactose intolerant.

(Also, as as aside, YouTube, when it coverts speech to text on reddit, "Ask Reddit" comes out as "Ass Credit".
That makes me giggle.)
 

timsk

Legendary member
7,086 1,879
CAN ADMINS OF THIS FORUM DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE?! WE HAVE A NEW MEMBER, A MAN. HE'S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING MEMBERS, SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HIMSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE UPS OF HIS UNMENTIONABLES. HE IS OFFERING AN IPHONE 8+ IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVOURS. I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE 6 AND, NEEDLESS TO SAY, SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH IT. IT'S SUPER SLOW AND THE CAPS LOCK IS STUCK ON.
 

Atilla

Legendary member
19,053 2,685
A Priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation were chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner. However, the politician was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited:
'I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled. But as the days went on, I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.'...

Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and then gave his talk:

'I'll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived,' said the politician. 'In fact, I had the honour of being the first person to go to him for confession.'

Moral : Never, Never, Never Be Late for anything…
 

trendie

Legendary member
6,233 1,007
Who's the worlds greatest body-builder?

Arnold Schwarzenegger. Or Dr Victor Frankenstein?
 

0007

Senior member
2,307 607
Seen on another Discussion group:

Question from Snowflake/Millennial: How can I reach out to the Forum Administrators?
Answer from one of the learned brethren: Join the Four Tops!
 

cantagril

Senior member
2,489 618
Seen on another Discussion group:

Question from Snowflake/Millennial: How can I reach out to the Forum Administrators?
Answer from one of the learned brethren: Join the Four Tops!
I thought that answer was the punchline for the uptrend ident joke.....
 
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