Best Thread Joke of the day

Atilla

Legendary member
19,244 2,768
It had been snowing all night. So:

8:00 am I made a snowman.

8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.

8:15 So, I made a snow woman.

8:17 My feminist neighbour complained about the snow woman's voluptuous
chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.

8:20 The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.

8:22 The transgender ma..wom...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.

8:25 The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot
nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.

8:28 I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white.

8:31 The Muslim gent across the road demands the snow woman wear a burqa.

8:40 The Police arrive saying someone has been offended

8:42 The feminist neighbour complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needs to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.

8:43 The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with
eviction.

8:45 TV news crew from the ABC shows up. I am asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I reply, "Snowballs" and I am now called a sexist.

9:00 I'm on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe
sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.

9:10 I am asked if I have any accomplices. My children are taken by
social services.

9:29 Far left protesters offended by everything are marching down the street demanding for me to be beheaded.


Moral: There is no moral to this story. It's just the world in which we live today and it is going to get worse.
 

Atilla

Legendary member
19,244 2,768
Professionals :)

 

Pat494

Legendary member
14,218 1,469
It had been snowing all night. So:

8:00 am I made a snowman.

8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.





Super joke Atilla.


It might help adding


8.05 I put the wife's blonde wig on the top. 2 burly men chased me indoors. They must have been Republicans.
 

Atilla

Legendary member
19,244 2,768
You may have seen the Mythbusters test of European roundabouts versus US no priority crossings.


The roundabouts won on sheer volume of traffic passing through.


On that video I was most impressed with that dog crossing the road.

Doesn't even look left or right, brake pace, pause or hurry. Cool as a cucumber following master.


Absolutely amazing stuff. :clap::clap::clap:
 

Atilla

Legendary member
19,244 2,768
There is much talk on T2W about bullsh1t, b0ll0cks and nutsacks. It's becoming terribly so confusing. As if by magic one of my super friends who happens to be a doctor has enlightened me and I would like to share that great pearl of wisdom for you to explore as well. Love and peace with some prosperity out of SBling-ing too :love::love: xx


There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We’ve all heard of
People having Guts or having Balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by
Your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: ‘Are you still cleaning,
Or are you flying somewhere?’

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of
Perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and
Having the Balls to say: ‘You’re next, Chubby.’

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically, speaking there is No difference in the outcome.

Both are fatal.



(y)
 

FXX

Experienced member
1,156 198
There is much talk on T2W about bullsh1t, b0ll0cks and nutsacks. It's becoming terribly so confusing. As if by magic one of my super friends who happens to be a doctor has enlightened me and I would like to share that great pearl of wisdom for you to explore as well. Love and peace with some prosperity out of SBling-ing too [emoji813][emoji813] xx


There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We’ve all heard of
People having Guts or having Balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by
Your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: ‘Are you still cleaning,
Or are you flying somewhere?’

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of
Perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and
Having the Balls to say: ‘You’re next, Chubby.’

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically, speaking there is No difference in the outcome.

Both are fatal.



[emoji106]
Hahaha some good old ones there

Sent from my SM-G950F using Tapatalk
 
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Nowler

Experienced member
1,030 91
Not a joke but funny as fk!

I was in Costa today and an old lady came in on her mobility scooter.

She was trying to do a three point turn and shot forward into a table... then in panic she slapped it into reverse and hopped off the counter. HARD!

Everyone was worried and asking her if she was ok...
I on the other hand couldn't contain myself and erupted into laugher!

All of a sudden, I'm the bad guy! :LOL:

My day is well and truly made!
 

timsk

Legendary member
7,203 1,960
This isn't a joke per se, but it made me laugh - and it's real! By which I mean, it's an actual chat between me and mrs. timsk earlier this evening. A little background to the conversation: I've just taken delivery of a brand new cement mixer earlier this week - as we're doing up our 60s bungalow that we moved into last March. Tomorrow, I plan to put in the concrete footings for a small extension . . .

ME: I've just been into the garage [where the cement mixer currently lives], and told her that she's going to lose her virginity tomorrow.
Mrs. timsk: Oh, so you think the mixer is a 'she' rather than a 'he' do you?
ME: Oh yeah, definitely, that's the vibe I'm getting.
Mrs. timsk: Is that because you chuck in muck and shortly afterwards 'she' spits it all out?
:LOL:
 

sminicooper

Experienced member
1,148 327
Nazi Box component makes headlines

You remember those Nazi Boxes that were smuggled out at the end of WW2 that have since made their owner-traders untold riches? Well, their advanced technology was based on the flux-capacitator which now, 70 years later is in common use in light aircraft but can fail with disastrous consequences. (Not to be confused with the flux valve which was patented in 1941)

Watch this report – 00:10 seconds is the crucial part:

all
 
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timsk

Legendary member
7,203 1,960
Another little real life anecdote from me - not a joke as such - but it made me laugh . . .

Yesterday, at the ar$e end of the day, Mrs. timsk and I went into a Warren's Bakery just before it was about to close to get a couple of Cornish pasties to take home for our evening meal. As we walked in, the smiley sales assistant offered us all sorts of cakes and sweet pastries at vastly reduced prices, but no reduction on the last two large pasties costing £3.89p each - which was all we wanted. With a big cheesy grin on my ugly mug and a £5.00 note in my hand, I asked: "what about the two remaining Cornish pasties - can we have them for a fiver?" "No" came the reply, instantly wiping the smile from my face. Then, after a pensive moment, she said: "I tell you what - how about I let you have them for £2.00 each?" So I handed over my fiver and, in return, she duly gave me the two pasties and £1.00 in change! "Have a nice day" she said. "Oh I will" I replied, "in fact - you've just made it!" True story.
:D
 
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