Anybody been through a divorce before?

Chad Seven

Well-known member
My wife and I are separating. Very sad.

I am struggling to get a clear mental picture of how assets are divided in a divorce. Below is the situation:

1. We have two kids (9 and 5).
2. £470,000 equity in the house.
3. My wife earns almost twice what I do (yes it has occurred to me this may be a factor in our marital problems).
4. She has about 30K in savings.
5. I have a few hundred in savings and a 100 gold sovereigns currently valued at about £138,000.

This gives us combined assets of ~£640,000.

I am not interested in any share in the equity of the house or any other assets but I would really like to keep hold of my gold sovereigns. It's not that I want to withhold wealth that would be used in supporting my kids, rather I think this money will be better utilised by myself in securing my kids financial future rather than my wife who will absolutely waste the money getting a bigger mortgage on a bigger house.

Of course I will get legal advice but for now...how disappointed am I likely to be? Anybody have experience in the area?
 
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counter_violent

Legendary member
My wife and I are separating. Very sad.

I am struggling to get a clear mental picture of how assets are divided in a divorce. Below is the situation:

1. We have two kids (9 and 5).
2. £470,000 equity in the house.
3. My wife earns almost twice what I do (yes it has occurred to me this may be a factor in our marital problems).
4. She has about 30K in savings.
5. I have a few hundred in savings but as anybody who has read my trading journal knows I do have 100 gold sovereigns currently valued at about £138,000.

This gives us combined assets of ~£640,000.

I am not interested in any share in the equity of the house or any other assets but I would really like to keep hold of my gold sovereigns. It's not that I want to withhold wealth that would be used in supporting my kids, rather I think this money will be better utilised by myself in securing my kids financial future rather than my wife who will absolutely waste the money getting a bigger mortgage on a bigger house.

Of course I will get legal advice but for now...how disappointed am I likely to be? Anybody have experience in the area?
All I can tell you is.

It would be in everyone's interests to have the discussions and reach an amicable settlement done between yourselves before solicitors get involved. It's preferable that their involvement simply becomes a rubber stamping excersise on the terms you have jointly agreed. This assumes you can both have a grown up discussion about the arrangements and settlement. If not, then nobody wins in the situation but the solicitors.

I hope you can reach an amicable settlement for everyone's sakes.
 

Chad Seven

Well-known member
All I can tell you is.

It would be in everyone's interests to have the discussions and reach an amicable settlement done between yourselves before solicitors get involved. It's preferable that their involvement simply becomes a rubber stamping excersise on the terms you have jointly agreed. This assumes you can both have a grown up discussion about the arrangements and settlement. If not, then nobody wins in the situation but the solicitors.

I hope you can reach an amicable settlement for everyone's sakes.
Thank you.
 

Rufus_Leakey

Well-known member
My wife and I are separating. Very sad.

I am struggling to get a clear mental picture of how assets are divided in a divorce. Below is the situation:

1. We have two kids (9 and 5).
2. £470,000 equity in the house.
3. My wife earns almost twice what I do (yes it has occurred to me this may be a factor in our marital problems).
4. She has about 30K in savings.
5. I have a few hundred in savings and a 100 gold sovereigns currently valued at about £138,000.

This gives us combined assets of ~£640,000.

I am not interested in any share in the equity of the house or any other assets but I would really like to keep hold of my gold sovereigns. It's not that I want to withhold wealth that would be used in supporting my kids, rather I think this money will be better utilised by myself in securing my kids financial future rather than my wife who will absolutely waste the money getting a bigger mortgage on a bigger house.

Of course I will get legal advice but for now...how disappointed am I likely to be? Anybody have experience in the area?

Sorry to hear about your separation and potential divorce.

My first wife and I divorced in the U.S. a long time ago. We both had good jobs and had no children, so alimony and/or child custody/support didn't apply.

In my state, at least one of the parties involved has to sue the other (I guess to make sure the lawyers don't starve:)). The state also required six months of separation before the case would be heard in court in case we decided to stay married. I sued my wife, and the lawyer said the best thing to do was to agree on a property settlement on our with no specific property mentioned in the divorce papers. We also used a meaningless term like "irreconcilable differences" for the reason.

Luckily, we weren't fighting with each other, so this approach worked. My wife kept a car that I originally bought, and I kept a dining room table that her parents gave us. I think I got the better deal because the car is long gone, but I still have the table. My wife didn't even need to attend the court hearing.
 

Chad Seven

Well-known member
Sorry to hear about your separation and potential divorce.

My first wife and I divorced in the U.S. a long time ago. We both had good jobs and had no children, so alimony and/or child custody/support didn't apply.

In my state, at least one of the parties involved has to sue the other (I guess to make sure the lawyers don't starve:)). The state also required six months of separation before the case would be heard in court in case we decided to stay married. I sued my wife, and the lawyer said the best thing to do was to agree on a property settlement on our with no specific property mentioned in the divorce papers. We also used a meaningless term like "irreconcilable differences" for the reason.

Luckily, we weren't fighting with each other, so this approach worked. My wife kept a car that I originally bought, and I kept a dining room table that her parents gave us. I think I got the better deal because the car is long gone, but I still have the table. My wife didn't even need to attend the court hearing.

Thanks. Divorce is pretty much certain as this point.

My concern is she is not going to be reasonable and we end up sorting it out through lawyers anyway but at this point I don't know what my starting position should be, I don't know what is reasonable.
 

1nvest

Well-known member
My wife and I are separating. Very sad.

I am struggling to get a clear mental picture of how assets are divided in a divorce. Below is the situation:

1. We have two kids (9 and 5).
2. £470,000 equity in the house.
3. My wife earns almost twice what I do (yes it has occurred to me this may be a factor in our marital problems).
4. She has about 30K in savings.
5. I have a few hundred in savings and a 100 gold sovereigns currently valued at about £138,000.

This gives us combined assets of ~£640,000.

I am not interested in any share in the equity of the house or any other assets but I would really like to keep hold of my gold sovereigns. It's not that I want to withhold wealth that would be used in supporting my kids, rather I think this money will be better utilised by myself in securing my kids financial future rather than my wife who will absolutely waste the money getting a bigger mortgage on a bigger house.

Of course I will get legal advice but for now...how disappointed am I likely to be? Anybody have experience in the area?
My brother went through a divorce 5 years ago. very similar to your position in terms of equity. I bought their house off them which of course was paid for by brother. the equity was used to pay for a house for her and the kids (2 kids who were 3 and 5 at the time), and a flat for him. it wasn't an equitable split.
immediately the kids were awarded to her, and my brother was "awarded" rights to see his kids every 2 weeks
for that privelage he pays maintenance and living allowance for her..approx 3k per month
recently she has remarried, so that living allowance is no longer paid but he still pays alot on child maintenance
since the divorce its has got uglier, in terms of her not wanting him to have access. when on holiday, they went abroad..she stayed in the same country expecting him to run away with the kids
and more recently she is filing now for more restricted access to his kids

my advice..get and pay for the best legal advice you can afford. and your starting position should be on the offensive immediately. this only ends one way for the man unfortunately.
i cant disagree with being amicable as was mentioned by counter violent. be amicable,
but behind her back look to utterly destroy everything about her.

yep, i know this sounds harsh, but i see now a guy that cant get to his kids, and his kids in a family where they are not being treated properly. social services have been involved. i dont think this is uncommon. when kids are involved, its as messy as fuck
 

Chad Seven

Well-known member
My brother went through a divorce 5 years ago. very similar to your position in terms of equity. I bought their house off them which of course was paid for by brother. the equity was used to pay for a house for her and the kids (2 kids who were 3 and 5 at the time), and a flat for him. it wasn't an equitable split.
immediately the kids were awarded to her, and my brother was "awarded" rights to see his kids every 2 weeks
for that privelage he pays maintenance and living allowance for her..approx 3k per month
recently she has remarried, so that living allowance is no longer paid but he still pays alot on child maintenance
since the divorce its has got uglier, in terms of her not wanting him to have access. when on holiday, they went abroad..she stayed in the same country expecting him to run away with the kids
and more recently she is filing now for more restricted access to his kids

my advice..get and pay for the best legal advice you can afford. and your starting position should be on the offensive immediately. this only ends one way for the man unfortunately.
i cant disagree with being amicable as was mentioned by counter violent. be amicable,
but behind her back look to utterly destroy everything about her.

yep, i know this sounds harsh, but i see now a guy that cant get to his kids, and his kids in a family where they are not being treated properly. social services have been involved. i dont think this is uncommon. when kids are involved, its as messy as fuck
OK. I needed to hear that. Thank you.
 

Farm Yard Forex

Well-known member
What is trading outside of the comfort zone? Taking on more risk? Moving my stops? Trading products I don't understand?

Think I'll stay in my comfort zone thanks and leave emotion at the door!

All I can tell you is.

It would be in everyone's interests to have the discussions and reach an amicable settlement done between yourselves before solicitors get involved. It's preferable that their involvement simply becomes a rubber stamping excersise on the terms you have jointly agreed. This assumes you can both have a grown up discussion about the arrangements and settlement. If not, then nobody wins in the situation but the solicitors.

I hope you can reach an amicable settlement for everyone's sakes.
This. Fortunately not been through this and hope I won't have to. As @counter_violent says though, I would try and see if an amicable solution can be arrived at before the blood suckers get involved. It's clear you are aware of your own position in terms of money relative to your wife and I assume she is too. The fact you aren't interested in the house equity will obviously be in your favour in keeping the gold sovereigns. Also the clear discussion is about the kids but I assume that is in hand. If the discussions are amicable then by the time the solicitors come in it should be a smooth process.
 

Chad Seven

Well-known member
This. Fortunately not been through this and hope I won't have to. As @counter_violent says though, I would try and see if an amicable solution can be arrived at before the blood suckers get involved. It's clear you are aware of your own position in terms of money relative to your wife and I assume she is too. The fact you aren't interested in the house equity will obviously be in your favour in keeping the gold sovereigns. Also the clear discussion is about the kids but I assume that is in hand. If the discussions are amicable then by the time the solicitors come in it should be a smooth process.
Thanks.

It never occurred to me access to kids would be a problem and I don't think it will be but on reading some of these comments perhaps I should be prepared in case of trouble.
 

Mumpsimus

Member
My wife and I are separating. Very sad.

I am struggling to get a clear mental picture of how assets are divided in a divorce. Below is the situation:

1. We have two kids (9 and 5).
2. £470,000 equity in the house.
3. My wife earns almost twice what I do (yes it has occurred to me this may be a factor in our marital problems).
4. She has about 30K in savings.
5. I have a few hundred in savings and a 100 gold sovereigns currently valued at about £138,000.

This gives us combined assets of ~£640,000.

I am not interested in any share in the equity of the house or any other assets but I would really like to keep hold of my gold sovereigns. It's not that I want to withhold wealth that would be used in supporting my kids, rather I think this money will be better utilised by myself in securing my kids financial future rather than my wife who will absolutely waste the money getting a bigger mortgage on a bigger house.

Of course I will get legal advice but for now...how disappointed am I likely to be? Anybody have experience in the area?
Been there, done that.
Hope for the best but plan for the absolute worst. I didn't and it basically effed up my life to an unrecoverable degree.
As CV sez, the lawyers always come out on top.
 

Farm Yard Forex

Well-known member
Thanks.

It never occurred to me access to kids would be a problem and I don't think it will be but on reading some of these comments perhaps I should be prepared in case of trouble.
I mean I hope that the divorce isn't too messy that the kids will be used. I also don't want to pry more than you have mentioned as the discussion was on asset allocation. Tough one as you don't think it will be an issue and assuming it might be could be seen as confrontational to the other party. In terms of the assets you have your own and she has her own and you're not arguing over the house equity which she could claim she deserves more of as the higher earner so I hope for all concerned it is a smooth case and everyone gets what they want.
 

Chad Seven

Well-known member
Unfortunately, I have had that experience. But I will tell you honestly, when I was going through a divorce, I remember very vaguely how the court proceedings went, because I drank a lot and a lot. Now of course the situation has already changed thanks to this rehab center, which helped me cope with this addiction. But I think it makes sense to sit down at the table and calmly discuss everything like adults. Maybe you can come to a common solution and still be friends, not like I was with my ex-wife.
OK. That i
Unfortunately, I have had that experience. But I will tell you honestly, when I was going through a divorce, I remember very vaguely how the court proceedings went, because I drank a lot and a lot. Now of course the situation has already changed thanks to this rehab center, which helped me cope with this addiction. But I think it makes sense to sit down at the table and calmly discuss everything like adults. Maybe you can come to a common solution and still be friends, not like I was with my ex-wife.
Where are you based if you don't mind me asking?
 

Jungletrader

Active member
Man I feel for you .
It's the aftermath and the impact on your kids plus your own well been .
I hope its amicable as it can be and access to the kids is used as a weapon against you
 

Chad Seven

Well-known member
Man I feel for you .
It's the aftermath and the impact on your kids plus your own well been .
I hope its amicable as it can be and access to the kids is used as a weapon against you
Thanks man.

I don't think access will be a problem but yes I am quite worried about kids and it is starting to dawn on me that things are going to be a little lonely.
 
 
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