Best Thread Joke of the day

[fibonelli]

Been poking my nose in enemy territory. :smart:

Apparently there are loads of horrible unfunny crappy facile jokes about the, ahem, Spurs.

<Deep breath in>

What is the difference between a Triangle and Tottenham Hotspur?
A triangle has 3 points

What do Tottenham and a toothpick have in common?
They both have two points.

What do the Premier League and a cowboy have in common?
They both have spurs at the foot.

According to Police reports Tottenham High Road has become a traffic accident hotspot. A spokesman has blamed it on Ramos, Commolli and Levy speeding up and down in a desperate bid to gain 3 points.

What does THFC stand for? Tottenham Heading For Championship

Richard Branson was asked to be Spurs new sponsor but he declined the offer. When asked why he said
"How could we possibly put VIRGIN on the Shirts of a team that get F****d every week"

<Breathes out and Sings>

Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board,

COYS.

 

[yacarob1]

Here's a great Spurs joke...........

Stoke 2 Tottenham 1 :clap:

 

[yacarob1]

Tottenham Hotspur have just been fined £500,000 under the Trades Description's Act for posing as a "football team".

 

[Gumping]

yeah yeah

Roman Abramovic's kid asked for a cowboy outfit for his birthday, so his dad bought him Tottenham

I tossed a pancake this morning and dropped it. However, this made me happy since it brought me closer to my beloved Spurs - on account of the fact that I am a useless t0$$er too :whistling

 

[Gumping]

<Breathes out and Sings>

Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board, Sack the Board,

COYS.

Did you breathe in again first?

 

[yacarob1]

Police yesterday found a Spurs fan dead; suspected suicide.

At the time of death he was found to be wearing a miniskirt, fishnets, high-heels, his erect p****k inside a blow up doll and a dildo in his ars*e.

To save his family from any embarassment, the police removed his Tottenham shirt.

 

[wasp]

...

 

[yacarob1]

George Bush has started an ill-timed and disastrous war under false pretenses by lying to the American people and to the Congress; he has run a budget surplus into a severe deficit; he has consistently and unconscionably favored the wealthy and corporations over the rights and needs of the population; he has destroyed trust and confidence in, and good will toward, the United States around the globe; he has ignored global warming, to the world's detriment; he has wantonly broken our treaty obligations; he has condoned torture of prisoners; he has attempted to create a theocracy in the United States; he has appointed incompetent cronies to positions of vital national importance.

Now, would someone please give him a blow job so we can impeach him?

 

[westernforce]

Maybe a good BJ is all he needs....

 

[yacarob1]

Beer Prayer

Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk,
(I will be drunk),
At home as it is in the pub.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For ever and ever.

Bar-men

 

[yacarob1]

I tried water polo once but my horse drowned.

 

[Atilla]

Proof that Men Have Better Friends..

Friendship among Women: A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning
She told her husband that she had slept over at a
friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best
Friends. None of them knew anything about it.


Friendship among Men: A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he
told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's
House. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.

 

[KTF]

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'
Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family , so call me The President.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.
The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'

So the little boy! Goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby
brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that t the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room Finding the door
locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I
understand the concept of politics now.'
The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think
politics is all about.'

The little boy replies, 'The President is screwing the Working Class
while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the
Future is in deep ****.

 

[Gumping]

I met this really kinky bird in a nightclub last night. I took her home and she was trying to get me involved in sex games. She told me to humiliate her, so I dressed her in a Spurs shirt

 

[MrGecko]

do you footballers have the same cycle of jokes, with the punchline something like "insert name of local opposition / bottom of premiership here" as a punchline?

 

[Gumping]

do you footballers have the same cycle of jokes, with the punchline something like "insert name of local opposition / bottom of premiership here" as a punchline?

Yup

I'm actually a Spurs fan though - it's a good way of easing the pain....

 

[Adamus]

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking
about their love lives.

One woman said, "I call my husband the dentist. Nobody can drill like he
does."

The second woman giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner
because of his incredible shaft."

The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey until her friend asked, "Say,
what do you call your husband?"

She frowned and said, "The postman."

"Why the postman?"

"Because he always delivers late, and half the time it's in the wrong box."

 

[Bestie]

Sadly, Dave was born without ears. And although he proved to be
successful in business, his lack of ears annoyed him greatly. One
day he needed to hire a new manager for his company, so he set up three
interviews.

The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to know and
was very interesting. But at the end of the interview, Dave asked
"Do you notice anything different about me?"
"Why yes, I couldn't help but notice that you have no ears" came
the reply. He did not appreciate his candor and threw him out of the office.

The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than
the first guy. And he asked her the same question: "Do you notice
anything different about me?" "Well," she said, stammerig, "you have no
ears." Dave again got upset and chucked her out in a rage.

The third and final interviewee was the best of the bunch, he was a
young man who had recently earned his MBA. He was smart. He was
handsome and he
seemed to be a better businessman than the first two put together.

Dave was anxious, but went ahead and asked the young man the same
question: "Do you notice anything different about me?"

Much to his surprise, the young man answered, "Yes, you wear
contact lenses, don't you?" Dave was shocked and realised this was an
incredibly observant person. "How in the world did you know that?", he asked.

The young man then fell off his chair laughing hysterically and
replied, "Well, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no f*cking ears!"

 

[Bestie]

This is one, i have to use

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'
Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family , so call me The President.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.
The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'

So the little boy! Goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby
brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that t the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room Finding the door
locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I
understand the concept of politics now.'
The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think
politics is all about.'

The little boy replies, 'The President is screwing the Working Class
while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the
Future is in deep ****.

 

[Pat494]

Another ditty for you footie fans to the tune of Colonel Bogey

Gordon has only got 1 ball
Mandy has 2 but very small
But poor old Darling
Has no balls at all !!