Best Thread Joke of the day
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dermotobrien
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What did Britain say to it's trade partners? See EU later.
Pat494
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More like, fed up and gone home.
Last edited:
Pat494
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British humour as it used to be: Absolutely politically incorrect...........................................................................................................................................................
It has been announced that the police are going to be allowed to use water cannons on rioters. They are putting some Tide washing powder in to stop the coloureds from running
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Riots in Birmingham last month caused over 1 million worth of improvements
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Rioters have gone on the rampage in Manchester, killing anyone who's English.
Police fear the death toll could be as high as 8 or 9.
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During last night's high winds an African family were killed by a falling tree.
A spokesman for the Birmingham City council said "We didn't even know they were living up there".
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Jamaican minorities in the UK have complained that there are not enough television shows with minorities in mind, so Crime Watch is being shown 5 times a week now.
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I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low.
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I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor
balcony, shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"
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An Emergency Call Centre worker has been fired in Toronto much to the dismay of her colleagues, who were unhappy with her dismissal. It seems that a
caller dialled 911 from a cell phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a
railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet My God."
To which the call centre employee replied, "Remain calm and stay on the line."
It has been announced that the police are going to be allowed to use water cannons on rioters. They are putting some Tide washing powder in to stop the coloureds from running
.-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Riots in Birmingham last month caused over 1 million worth of improvements
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rioters have gone on the rampage in Manchester, killing anyone who's English.
Police fear the death toll could be as high as 8 or 9.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
============================================
During last night's high winds an African family were killed by a falling tree.
A spokesman for the Birmingham City council said "We didn't even know they were living up there".
=============================================
Jamaican minorities in the UK have complained that there are not enough television shows with minorities in mind, so Crime Watch is being shown 5 times a week now.
=============================================
I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low.
=============================================
I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor
balcony, shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"
=============================================
An Emergency Call Centre worker has been fired in Toronto much to the dismay of her colleagues, who were unhappy with her dismissal. It seems that a
caller dialled 911 from a cell phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a
railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet My God."
To which the call centre employee replied, "Remain calm and stay on the line."
Last edited:
Pat494
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2 ole boys in Virginia decide after some moonshine drinking to go hunting in the hills. After some hours they see a deer in the forest. Well Willie an ex-army man decides that they will come at the deer from both sides. So they split up. After 1/2 hour George, the other hunter thinks he sees the deer. He takes careful aim and fires. There is a howl of pain and Willie drops out of a tree.
Jeesus I think I have shot Willie. He phones for an ambulance.
Yes says the operator. I think I have shot my partner by mistake George tells the operator.
Well she says if you re not sure you had better go and have a closer look. She waits patiently until she hears another shot.
George comes back onto the line. Yup he says I am sure now.
Jeesus I think I have shot Willie. He phones for an ambulance.
Yes says the operator. I think I have shot my partner by mistake George tells the operator.
Well she says if you re not sure you had better go and have a closer look. She waits patiently until she hears another shot.
George comes back onto the line. Yup he says I am sure now.
Atilla
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Atilla
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duongkhue84
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Notices
Trials and tribulations of a father-to-be
Brenda, pregnant with twins, was paying a visit to the
pre-natal clinic. When the examination was finsihed, she shyly and
awkwardly began:
"Errm....My husband wants me to...
errm....ask you..."
"I know, I know." the Doctor said with a warm and knowing smile, and
placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "I get asked this question
all the time, and yes, sex is fine until late in the pregnancy as long
as you lay on your side or you use what some people refer to as the '
doggy-position'."
"No, no Doctor, it's nothing to do with that," Brenda confessed. "He
wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."
Trials and tribulations of a father-to-be
Brenda, pregnant with twins, was paying a visit to the
pre-natal clinic. When the examination was finsihed, she shyly and
awkwardly began:
"Errm....My husband wants me to...
errm....ask you..."
"I know, I know." the Doctor said with a warm and knowing smile, and
placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "I get asked this question
all the time, and yes, sex is fine until late in the pregnancy as long
as you lay on your side or you use what some people refer to as the '
doggy-position'."
"No, no Doctor, it's nothing to do with that," Brenda confessed. "He
wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."
Pat494
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Hunting in Minnesota
Lyle was hunting geese up north in Minnesota. He leaned his old
12 gauge against the corner of the blind to take a leak
As luck would have it, his Labrador dog Ginger knocked the gun over, it went off, and Lyle took most of an ounce of #4 shot into the groin.
Several hours later, lying in a Duluth hospital bed, he came to and there was his ER doctor, Sven.
"Vell Lyle, I got some good noos and some bad noos. Da good noos
is dat you’re going to be OK. Da damage vas local to your groin, an dere was very little internal bleeding, an I vas able to remove all da buckshot.
"What's the bad news?", asks Lyle.
"The bad noos is dat dere vas some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your pecker. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister, Lena.
"Well, I guess that isn't too bad," says Lyle. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"
"Not exactly," Sven says. "She's a flute player in da Minneapolis Symphony Orchestra. And because all you have is Obamacare, she's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't p1ss in your eye."
Lyle was hunting geese up north in Minnesota. He leaned his old
12 gauge against the corner of the blind to take a leak
As luck would have it, his Labrador dog Ginger knocked the gun over, it went off, and Lyle took most of an ounce of #4 shot into the groin.
Several hours later, lying in a Duluth hospital bed, he came to and there was his ER doctor, Sven.
"Vell Lyle, I got some good noos and some bad noos. Da good noos
is dat you’re going to be OK. Da damage vas local to your groin, an dere was very little internal bleeding, an I vas able to remove all da buckshot.
"What's the bad news?", asks Lyle.
"The bad noos is dat dere vas some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your pecker. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister, Lena.
"Well, I guess that isn't too bad," says Lyle. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"
"Not exactly," Sven says. "She's a flute player in da Minneapolis Symphony Orchestra. And because all you have is Obamacare, she's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't p1ss in your eye."
Atilla
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Atilla
Legendary member
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Pat494
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I was in Cleveland the other day and I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read: "I miss Chicago ."
I broke the windows,....
stole the radio,...
shot out all the tires, ....
tagged on an Obama bumper sticker.
And added a note that read ......."I hope this helps".
I broke the windows,....
stole the radio,...
shot out all the tires, ....
tagged on an Obama bumper sticker.
And added a note that read ......."I hope this helps".
