Best Thread Joke of the day

What do you get if you cross a fish and two elephants???


Swimming trunks - boom boom :clap: :clap: :clap:
 
My old man asked what I wanted for Christmas this year so I told him to get me some top quality porn.

At least that way i'll have a use for all the bloody socks i'll get!
 
Why did the mechanic sleep under the car?


He wanted to get up oily in the morning... :LOL::LOL::LOL:
 
Alcohol abuse shorten life by 10% Smoking 10% Junk Food 10% Forex 80%
**** I am -10% Dead

by Anon Trader
 
Alcohol abuse shorten life by 10% Smoking 10% Junk Food 10% Forex 80%
**** I am -10% Dead

by Anon Trader

Now I understand why 95% of forex traders fail.
Most people's life expectancy is less than 100 years.
If trading forex reduces life expectancy by 80%, that would mean that forex traders have a life expectancy of 20 years.
So be warned, the reason that 95% of traders fail is because 95% are over 20 years old and drop dead as soon as they place their first trade!@
 
Now I understand why 95% of forex traders fail.
Most people's life expectancy is less than 100 years.
If trading forex reduces life expectancy by 80%, that would mean that forex traders have a life expectancy of 20 years.
So be warned, the reason that 95% of traders fail is because 95% are over 20 years old and drop dead as soon as they place their first trade!@

And how many candles you burning??? :cool:
 
An habitual drunkard from Essex broke his arm at one party and his leg at another. His doctor advised him to take out 3rd party insurance.
 
Whole world out to get you ??? ....... Well, here's some advice:
 

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archaeologists have discovered a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts....

They believe it's pharaoh roche....
 
THINGS YOU CAN ONLY SAY AT CHRISTMAS


1: I prefer breasts to legs.

2: Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

3:Smother the butter all over the breasts.

4:If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst!

5: I've never seen a better spread!

6: I fancy a little dark meat for a change.

7: Are you ready for seconds yet?

8: It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?

9: Just wait your turn, you'll get some!

10: Don't play with your meat!

11: Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.

12: Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?

13: I didn't expect everyone to come at the same time!

14: You still have a little bit on your chin.

15: How long will it take after you put it in?

16: You'll know it's ready when it pops up.

17: Just pull the end and wait for the bang.

18: That's the biggest bird I've ever had!

19: I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning.

20: Wow, I didn't think I could handle all that and still want more
 
A doctor was addressing a large audience in Oxford ...

"The material we put into our stomachs should have killed most of us sitting
here, years ago. Red meat is full of steroids and dye. Soft drinks corrode
your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG.
High transfat diets can be disastrous and none of us realizes the long-term
harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But, there is one thing that
is the most dangerous of all and most of us have, or will eat it. Can anyone
here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for
years after eating it?"

After several seconds of quiet, a 70-year-old man in the front row raised
his hand, and softly said,

"Wedding Cake."
 
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