Best Thread Joke of the day
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Joseff
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Very optimistic :cheesy:
Pat494
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The good news is the latest announcement from "The Biogenetics and Ergonomics Conference" in the USA is that there are children being born today that can expect to live 1,000 years.
The bad news is that with the Tories raising the working age to 67 from 65 means that these kids will only have 933 years of pension benefits after retiring and not the 935 as expected. It is anticipated Union action will be called for.
The bad news is that with the Tories raising the working age to 67 from 65 means that these kids will only have 933 years of pension benefits after retiring and not the 935 as expected. It is anticipated Union action will be called for.
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Joseff
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The good news is the latest announcement from "The Biogenetics and Ergonomics Conference" in the USA is that there are children being born today that can expect to live 1,000 years.
The bad news is that with the Tories raising the working age to 67 from 65 means that these kids will only have 933 years of pension benefits after retiring and not the 935 as expected. It is expected Union action will be called for.
Horrible:cheesy:
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."
Gabrial
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Not bad for beginning. :clap:
Hoggums
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Disagree.
Joseff
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Nice.
HawkTrader
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M sends James Bond on a secret mission to heaven. When M doesn't hear from Bond for over a day, he gets worried and calls up heaven. The Virgin Mary picks up the phone and says "Virgin Mary speaking." M asks her if Bond has reached there yet. She replies that he hasn't. M waits another few hours and calls heaven back again. "Virgin Mary speaking," comes the response. "Is James there yet?" asks M. Again the answer is no. M is really worried by this time but he waits for a few more hours and then calls heaven back again. "Hello, Mary speaking!"
market_bull
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Brilliant. That was an actual "LOL" from me. Nice.
Joseff
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There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
HawkTrader
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BBC News: "Illegally downloading pirated films is costing hundreds of millions of pounds a year"
Fo0k, what site are they downloading them off? It's free for me...
Fo0k, what site are they downloading them off? It's free for me...
Hoggums
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The following Alzheimers test was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University. Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a single mistake. The average person over 50 years of age cannot do it!
1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is fart cat.
9. This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.
Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down
1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is fart cat.
9. This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.
Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down
Joseff
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0007
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market_bull
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Bang on! :-d
HawkTrader
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I've just enjoyed a nice glass of Stella Artois Cidre. It's really put me in the mood to battre my wife.
