Best Thread Joke of the day

Long gone are the good ole days of football when it was mainly local people playing plus the occasional talented outsider.

Big money has ruined it. The Glazers of Man Utd are a good example. Borrowed money paid for the team and then it is an asset stripped milch cow, paying off the debt, so they got the whole caboodle for nothing. Liverpool going the same way too ? Greedy money men in suits !

How many Chelsea people play in the team ? I'm only guessing but probably not one. Same goes for most of the teams. Full of over-paid foreigners. The seats are too expensive etc etc.

Can't think why people fall for such bullsh*t
 
Pat494 said:
Long gone are the good ole days of football when it was mainly local people playing plus the occasional talented outsider.

Big money has ruined it. The Glazers of Man Utd are a good example. Borrowed money paid for the team and then it is an asset stripped milch cow, paying off the debt, so they got the whole caboodle for nothing. Liverpool going the same way too ? Greedy money men in suits !

How many Chelsea people play in the team ? I'm only guessing but probably not one. Same goes for most of the teams. Full of over-paid foreigners. The seats are too expensive etc etc.

Can't think why people fall for such bullsh*t
Click to expand...

Same way they fall for shiny buy one get one free signs on stuff they don't need and endless reality tv shows.
 
One day a Jew, a Hindu, and a scouser all arrived at their hotel to find that there had been a mix-up with the bookings, and that there was only one room left for them to share. The manager explained that this room only had two beds, but that there was a barn at a neighbouring farm which the farmer, an old friend of his, would let one of them sleep in free of charge.

They complained a bit, but since there was nowhere else to go, the Jew graciously said he'd sleep inthe barn. The Hindu and the scouser were just settling down to sleep in their room, when there was a knock on the door. It was the Jew.

"I'm sorry," he said, "but there's a pig in that barn and because I'm Jewish I feel uncomfortable about sharing the barn with it." "No problem," said the Hindu. "I'll sleep out there instead." So off he went to the barn, leaving the scouser and the Jew to share the room.

They were just settling down to sleep, when there was a knock on the door. It was the Hindu. "I'm sorry," he said, "but there's a cow in that barn and because I'm a Hindu I feel uncomfortable about sharing the barn with it."

The scouser grudgingly agreed to give up his bed and stomped off to the barn, leaving the Jew and the Hindu to share the room. The Jew and the Hindu were just settling down to sleep, when there was a knock on the door.

It was the cow and the pig.
 
Wayne Rooney says he's ashamed and disgusted with himself for having sex with that cheap tart.

Well he should have thought about that before he married the ugly cow.
 
There were these two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through the hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you’ve wished to do the most."

He looks at her, she looks at him and they go running behind the shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and the giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.

The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes left. Would you care to do it again ?"
He asks her, "Shall we ?"
She eagerly replies, "Oh yes, let’s! But let’s change positions.


This time, I’ll hold the pigeon down and you sh1t on its head !"
 
264804-ambrose-ackroyd-albums-ambrose-ackroyd-s-pictures-picture1696-jk944.jpg
 
A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town.

Things were getting hot and heavy when the girl stopped the boy.

"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a prostitute and I charge £20 for sex,"

The boy just looked at her for a couple of seconds, but then reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.

After the cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window.

"Why aren’t we going anywhere?" asked the girl.

"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is £25."
 
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?’

The girl said, "NO!’

And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.
 
Tony Blair wants a postage stamp issued with his picture on it before he is kicked out of office. So, he instructs his people, stressing that it should be of high international quality.

The stamps are created, printed, and released.
Tony is delighted.

Within a few days of release of the stamp Tony begins hearing complaints that the stamp is not sticking so he phones his old mate Mandy and asks him to investigate. After checking it out at several post offices Mandy phones back ...

"There is nothing wrong with the stamp - the problem is people are spitting on the wrong side."
 
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