Best Thread Joke of the day

[Ambrose Ackroyd]

What do you call an Englishman in the knockout stages of the World Cup ?

A referee.

 

[Atilla]

The Importance of Walking

My grandpa started walking
Five miles a day when he was 60.
Now he's 97 years old
And we don't know where he is.

 

[china white]

Russian newspaper joke - BP coffee spill.

This is far beyoind the definition of "hilarious"......

http://www.vedomosti.ru/lifestyle/video/15_715

Enjoy!

 

[Pat494]

Interviewer :- Have you a hero that you idolize like Pelez
footballer :- oh yes
interviewer:- well who ?
footballer :- me
interviewer:- oh ! Perhaps you have a special person in your life ?
footballer: yes absolutely, me again.
interviewer :- would you like to tell the fans about your club
footballer:- well there is only 1 player of any talent, which is ...........*BANG*
interviewer:- I think I can guess who he was about to name

 

[timsk]

Ahead of their make or break game against Slovenia today, the England football team visited an orphanage on the edge of Johannesburg. "It's heartbreaking to see the look of despair and no hope on their sad little faces" said Jamal, aged 6.

(Evan Davis, Today Programme, BBC Radio 4)​

 

[montmorencyt2w]

Ahead of their make or break game against Slovenia today, the England football team visited an orphanage on the edge of Johannesburg. "It's heartbreaking to see the look of despair and no hope on their sad little faces" said Jamal, aged 6.

(Evan Davis, Today Programme, BBC Radio 4)​

Class.

 

[Ambrose Ackroyd]

Murphy was looking through Paddy's fridge, and he noticed an empty bottle of milk.

He asks Paddy "why do you have an empty bottle of milk in the fridge?"

Paddy replied " in case someone wants black coffee"

 

[Atilla]

:whistling

 

[ibetyou]

The Nigerian football team are on there way home from the games,and are exspected to arrive back in to Heathrow airport sometime today.

 

[Atilla]

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting,

'13...13....13...13.'


The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on.

Some ******* poked me in the eye with a stick.


Then they all started shouting:

'14...14...14...14....'.

 

[Atilla]

What do you call a Bear with no ears???


























a 'B' :!:

 

[sighthound]

A deaf bear!!!

 

[montmorencyt2w]

What do you call a Bear with no ears???


























a 'B' :!:

I take it you are getting these from your kids

They're good though!

 

[Atilla]

I take it you are getting these from your kids

They're good though!

Thanks and here is another...

What colour is a burp???




















Purple !!!

PS. I've been corrected on previous joke. It goes "What do you call a bear with no ear??? "

 

[Pat494]

Could be a ruined bruin

 

[weakpunter]

rich guy and a poor guy have the same wedding anniversary,
so every year they go down town to buy the wives somthing,
so the poor guy says to the rich guy what you get your wife this year,
rich guy says a diamond ring and a mercedes benz,
poor guy says why you get her both,
rich guy says so if she dont like the ring she can drive in her benz return it and
still be happy,
rich guy says what you get your wife,
poor guy says a pair of slippers and a dildo,
rich guy says why you get her both,
poor guy says if she dont like the slippers she can go **** herself.

 

[Pat494]

Could be a ruined bruin

or thread bear

 

[dick_dastardly]

A few vids to cheer up the England fans

dd

 

[gmarx]

Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?


A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

 

[Ambrose Ackroyd]

Just a thought - if Fabio Capello had gone ahead with his 'player ratings index', it would have read like binary....