Agony aunt thread

[arabianights]

thank ****

 

[Paul71]

thank ****

Hahahaha! Yeh, it's a bloody good job.

 

[squall321]

I asked for that one, you're probably right. Trust men want the really big ones though, women are quite content with the little lipstick size ones.

it's all about the GIRTH

 

[Masquerade]

I look like death and feel like death. Am I really alive or just a ghost haunting the cyber-world?

 

[donaldduke]

Dear Deidree......?

NO!!!!

Dear rawrschach and arabianghts should be your refrain. We are your maiden aunts. We will help you with any trading problem. Especially if we can illustrate it approiately.

So ask questions proles!

Dear rawrschach and arabianghts,

Everytime i make a winning trade, i j*zz in my pants

 

[arabianights]

me too. I squelch when I walk.

 

[Paul71]

Dear Mr. Nights,

My dog has started smoking after having sex and i am concerned about the health risks. I've tried to talk to my dog about his disgusting habit, but he just clams up and runs off with his b!tches. Help me, please.

 

[arabianights]

Try giving the dog heroin. It should kill the libido.

 

[Paul71]

Try giving the dog heroin. It should kill the libido.

Brilliant idea, never thought of that. I'll smack him up immediately.

 

[Paul71]

No Luck Yet.

Dear Mr. Nights,

Over the past six months i have been dressing as a cow, an outfit i purchased from the local fancy dress shop. At the weekend i drive out into the country side and chase unsuspecting groups of ramblers and pretend to 'hump' them dressed in my cow outfit. Last weekend, whilst running along and mooing, i got caught up in barbed wire and needed stitches in my right leg. Who is liable for this?

 

[arabianights]

Two parties:

The Catholic Church
Bogus Asylum Seekers

 

[montmorencyt2w]

Dear Auntie Nights,

For some time now I have been having these delusions that I am the Prime Minister. They seem so realistic that even my wife calls me PM. (or maybe she was telling me about some woman's problem she was having....it's so hard to be sure what with everything going on).

My friends are telling me that I've really got to sort myself out before next May. I don't know quite what's special about next May, but they seem insistent. Tony even rang me from Brussels and said I had to **** or get off the pot, but I have no idea what he was talking about. Needless to say I don't smoke that weed stuff. Please help.

Yourrs,
G.Broon.
Midlothian 1 (Kilmarnock nil).

 

[Paul71]

Dear Mr. Nights,

Whilst on a stag weekend in eastern Europe myself and four other friends shared a hot tub with a few of the local girls. One of the girls, Nina, really took a shine to me, and i honestly thought i had scored, until she noticed that i had seven toes on each foot. Great for swimming, bad for dating, what should i do?