my journal 2

This is a discussion on my journal 2 within the Trading Journals forums, part of the Reception category; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boston_accent http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_England_English http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_English#Phonology http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_English http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Regiona...glish_speakers...

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Old Jul 2, 2010, 4:07pm   #976
 
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Boston accent and other American accents

Yamato started this thread http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boston_accent



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_England_English

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_English#Phonology

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_English

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Regiona...glish_speakers





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Old Jul 2, 2010, 7:11pm   #977
 
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Jackass and CKY

Yamato started this thread After over 24 hours being sober from discretionary trading, I had to replace it with something and I've been watching this amazing Jackass and CKY videos, available on the usual streaming movie web site:
www.letmewatchthis.com

It is extremely interesting. I've been wondering why these people enjoy getting hurt. If it's just for the money, it would make sense, even though I don't understand why they get paid to do this, since I'd never pay to watch a movie with these people hurting themselves. If it's because they do it even on their free time, then I still have to understand why otherwise healthy people behave like this. It's in the same category as piercings though, so it's not far from people I know, like my cousins. I have to ask them why they get piercings and I'll find out why these people hurt themselves with their stunts.

Anyway, here's some links:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CKY_3

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jackass_(TV_series)

Quote:
Controversy

Since the first episode, Jackass frequently featured warnings and disclaimers noting that the stunts performed were dangerous and should not be imitated, and that recordings of any stunts would not be aired on MTV. Such warnings not only appeared before and after each program and after each commercial break, but also in a "crawl" that ran along the bottom of the screen during some especially risky stunts, as well as showing their 'skull and crutches logo' at the bottom right of the screen to symbolize the stunt performed as risky. Nevertheless, the program has been blamed for a number of deaths and injuries involving teens and children recreating the stunts.[5]

On January 29, 2001, U.S. Senator Joseph Lieberman publicly condemned MTV and Jackass in connection with a dangerous stunt that led to a copycat incident in which a 13-year-old Connecticut teenager was left in critical condition with severe burns.[6] Lieberman followed up with a February 7, 2001 letter to MTV's parent company Viacom urging the company to take greater responsibility for its programming and do more to help parents protect their children.[7] MTV responded to the criticism by canceling all airings of Jackass before 10:00 PM, but Lieberman's continual campaign against the show led to MTV refusing to air repeats of the later episodes, a move which angered the cast and production crew of the series who were furious with MTV's "caving into Lieberman's demands."

A man named Jack Ass sued MTV for $10 million, claiming the series was plagiarizing his name. Jack Ass, formerly known as Bob Craft, changed his name in 1997 to raise awareness for drunk driving, after his brother and friend were killed in a vehicle accident.[8]
Or maybe I do understand a little. Young people like to be brave and defiant, and the regular people do it as long as they don't get hurt in the end. But actually people who get heavily drunk do something similar to these guys in Jackass, as do those who get piercings. But then when you have people who really push this instinct far, then you have the guys in Jackass, who will totally disrespect their own bodies. I guess there's a minority of people who can enjoy this, and even more if they get paid to do so. I guess what amazes me is the extent to which they will hurt themselves willingly, while seemingly having fun.

There's some quality that these people share with soldiers maybe, or at least the way some soldiers are shown in movies, not caring about danger.

Another question would be: what is the point of skateboarding? Getting hurt? CKY and skateboarding go hand in hand. It seems like a sport for people who want an excuse to get hurt and achieve nothing with it.



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arto_Saari

Quote:
Saari has had several major injuries during his career. He almost died after injuries suffered as he was warming up with a backside feeble on a handrail. With this injury, Saari had heavy brain injury which caused him to vomit. Arto was 19 when this happened.
More interesting stuff on the subject:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-ha...ogical_factors

Quote:
Prison inmates
Deliberate self-harm is especially prevalent in prison populations. A proposed explanation for this is that prisons are often violent places, and prisoners who wish to avoid physical confrontations may resort to self-harm as a ruse, either to convince other prisoners that they are dangerously insane and resilient to pain or to obtain protection from the prison authorities.[71]
Maybe that's why Steve-o and all of them hurt themselves: to show they are strong. It seems to me this thing is much more spread out in the US rather than in Italy. Here fewer people take pride in hurting themselves and showing they're resilient to pain.

-----

This is even worse:
http://www.letmewatchthis.com/watch-...he-Early-Years

The huge success these people are having with people, by doing what they do, means that the level of people is very low. I don't know if it's always been this low, or if it used to be even lower. I am really amazed by how low the level of people is, not just in the US, but all over the world, because these people have gone on tour all over the world.

People over the centuries have become more sensitive and evolved - I thought. But maybe we're getting back to the gladiators. Or maybe nowadays killing others is not accepted - but it's ok if you hurt yourself. It really makes you think what world we live in. I mean I know there's countries where they're like in the stone age, but in europe and the US I would have never expected these people to have the success they have.

I watch the show and focus on the huge audience of young people screaming while someone sets his head on fire or does something else dangerous, painful or just disgusting. This is what crowds are and I've always known that it's best to stay away from crowds and even from average people.
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Old Jul 3, 2010, 9:16pm   #978
 
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re: my journal 2

Yamato started this thread This is life. This is people...

http://www.letmewatchthis.com/watch-...-Home-The-Tour

I didn't think I could find anything worse than steveo and the jackass people. Well, here they are, and they are from Finland:




Pretty depressing to know that even in Europe there's people like this. And to say that I considered scandinavians the most evolved people. So, these people are from Finland, their public is from Finland... the world is basically ****ed.

Oh my god... this is so disgusting. It's like the total opposite of what I am like: careful, precise, always avoid harm or damage to myself and to others.

How would you like people to throw darts on your belly? How would you like to be woken up by a baseball bat hitting your balls? That's how these people have fun.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Dudesons

The live shows in front of an audience pretty much show that we're the same people as the people at the time of the gladiators, two thousand years ago. Biologically we're identical to the Stone Age people (we were in the Stone Age until 12000 years ago), but culturally I thought we were totally different from the goddamn Romans who went to watch the gladiators. But I was wrong. Maybe we are reverting and getting worse. Or maybe tv is falling into the hands of less evolved people from the hands of evolved people. Or maybe the people who have televisions are changing. I mean if 50 years ago tv was only in a few houses, and now it's everywhere, it becomes normal to please everyone, and then the quality has to be lower and lower. I guess that's what it is. But then what I am really saying is that evolution goes together with money. I guess that's usually the case. Too many things put together to be able to summarize them all properly in a couple of sentences, but I am getting a better idea of the world is like.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timelin...uman_evolution
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_prehistory

Here's how the web site manager of darwinawards.com sees it:

Quote:
Have you noticed how many TV shows encourage dangerous risks? Since I never watch TV I can't comment on the merits of these shows, but so many Jackass submissions arrive in my email that I feel I must speak out. Should Jackass participants and their ilk win Darwin Awards and Honorable Mentions?

Sure the Darwin Awards lauds those who snuff themselves in stupid ways -- but my aim is to encourage common sense, rather than to egg lunatics to greater heights of stupidity. People who are addicted to publicity shouldn't be encouraged in their reckless stunts!

A person who (all but) kills himself while attempting to achieve Jackass fame is indubitably a fool, but I prefer not to feature him on the website. That would be akin to feeding a drug habit, and to my mind, unconscionable.

There you have it: my moral stance!
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Old Jul 4, 2010, 3:48am   #979
 
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re: my journal 2

Yamato started this thread This is going to be good:

http://www.letmewatchthis.com/watch-...adle-Will-Rock

With historical movies you can never go wrong. They're placed into the past and they tell true stories, usually worth telling. They are never bad.

I think I'm going to watch all of them, because I like history:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of...al_drama_films

It wasn't that good, but better than nothing. It was worth something.
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Old Jul 5, 2010, 4:28am   #980
 
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tomorrow I might skip work

Yamato started this thread I can't sleep. It's too hot and humid. My parents stayed for the weekend. I can't breathe in this little room of mine.

At least I got something done: backtesting three new systems, on the NG. Finally I got to do it, after planning to do it for all these past months, but always having to postpone it due to other more urgent issues.

Right now I have 43 systems, of which the last 3 are not implemented yet. I think I can push this all the way to 60 systems, without my excel workbook complaining for having to do too much work.

After I'll get to 60, I'll take a long break, possibly forever, and focus on quality, again. Now, that's what I have done, on and off, for many years. Everything now runs smoothly, no bugs, no problems with timeframes... it's all totally efficient.

Except for me. I've never been able to improve myself at all - I am the same old gambler I was 13 years ago. I am still keeping my account "empty" (below 2000, so I can't trade) and have been doing so for about a week now.

Sooner or later I will have to fund it or they'll close it. Then we will know if I was cured or if I am the usual gambler.

Despite having stopped trading, my insomnia continues though.

This means that I was a gambler because I am compulsive, and not that I am compulsive because I was a gambler. It's the compulsiveness that keeps me from sleeping and that makes me do everything compulsively, including gambling.

It all comes from my dad, always giving me his anxiety, stressing me out about life's unexpected events, telling me to be alert 24 hours a day, keeping me from celebrating any achievements, and keeping me from relaxing.

I remember sometimes, on vacation, when we would watch the sunset together, he'd say to me something like "when I was this age, my mother died" or "my father died". Or "pretty soon I may die, since my father was dead much younger than I am now".

His dad died when he was six, from the second world war. And sure enough, when I was six, my dad told me "when I was your age, my father died". Isn't this a sick individual... talking about death with his six year old son? Now you know why I am always complaining about the way I was brought up by this son of a bitch. It's like... emotional abuse, no doubt about it. I still totally resent him.

Even today, he doesn't criticize me as he's been doing my whole life, but we can't talk about anything, because he's used to being the center of the attention, the big wise guy everyone listens to. When he shows up at my aunt's or anywhere else for that matter, wherever I've seen him go, everyone is supposed to be quiet and listen to his wisdom. It's really frustrating having a relationship with him, because he doesn't show any interest for what you think, and expects you to show a lot of interest for what he has to say, which is not the case at all. But he won't have it any other way. So the consequence is that I either make an effort, and then regret it, because he disappoints me. Or I don't make any effort, avoid him, since if I don't make an effort there can be no conversation, and then he starts wondering whether I am ok, since today I didn't ask him to share some of his wisdom with me. If I don't act like one of his students - the world basically - he will think that I am depressed or that I resent him, whereas he's the one who's sick, and doesn't realize it. It's not normal to just... it is normal to just think of yourself, but it's not normal to force and expect others to adore you. Everyone should have a 50% of every conversation, and so on. You can't expect people to just listen to you and not be able to say anything they think, or if they dare to, you can't show total indifference to what they say, because they will get pissed off.
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Old Jul 5, 2010, 10:48am   #981
 
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Re: tomorrow I might skip work

Why don't you start telling him stuff, man? Just take the opposite view to any of his opinions, whatever, it doesn't matter.

I remember a friend of mine was into "family therapy" and he had all these stories about the therapy groups he went to and the stuff the other people came out with, but one thing he said that stuck in my mind is that you have to gently push your father, with respect, to the position below yourself in the family heirarchy. Because he's getting older and will enter his "second childhood" and you or your generation will become the carers. Unfortunately I don't remember exactly what he said about how to do that, but it made sense.

I've made it sound like it's advice for someone with a senile dad, but it's something that starts when you reach adulthood and stops when he reaches senility.
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Old Jul 5, 2010, 11:54am   #982
 
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re: my journal 2

Yamato started this thread Yeah, I've been telling him stuff and arguing with him all my life, and we've been yelling at one another, even lately at least once a year. But here's the latest news: now my mom says "we're old and we won't live for long..." so guess what - until now I had to get abused because he was stronger and now I have to be abused because he's weaker. I guess that's the normalcy for my mom, whose philosophy is "show the other cheek".

Just a couple of days ago, he affectionately called me (in Italian) something that sounds like "jackass" or "********", and I told him I resented that. I said "wow, nice way of being nice to someone". He calls my mom "dumb" on a daily basis, and constantly patronizes her.

"Take the opposite view to any of his opinions"? Why do you think they made me stay back in highschool for two years? I've been doing the opposite of everything he tried to force me to do. That's why now I can't help being a chronic rebel, with all authority figures. I actually enjoy breaking rules and standing up to people (as long as I don't risk getting hurt physically).

What you are saying about "becoming the carer" applies to some families and it doesn't apply to other families. Let's say your father is a boxer - ok, that would probably be the case, because by the time he's 50, he probably won't be self-sufficient, provided that he's still alive. Let's say instead that your father is the Pope - he will hold the power until the end and you will never the carer. Or also let's say your dad is Bill Gates, or Bill Clinton: things are different. You stay a child your whole life.

But thanks for reasoning it out with me, because some feedback is always appreciated.
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Old Jul 6, 2010, 5:46pm   #983
 
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near-relaxation experience

Yamato started this thread Wow, I don't know if it was this herbal medicine called "Eschscholzia" or xanax but for once I almost felt relaxed and fell asleep like normal people. It was 2 pm, I had come back from work early, because I was tired. The neighbour was being loud as usual, and his mom was singing some even louder lullaby (he's one year old, but the mom is an idiot - she's louder than him). I had my laptop on my stomach and within 10 minutes of taking xanax and the other thing, I just fell asleep like a stone and woke up an hour later, removed the laptop from my stomach, and went back to sleep for another 3 hours. Usually I can't fall asleep even if the lights are off and my laptop is turned off. I never fell asleep my laptop on my chest. You need a miracle medicine to do that to me.

Two months ago, I wrote here that xanax sucks, because it ended up making me forget words when I wrote posts, within just three days of taking it. But if I'll be able to only take one drop during emergencies it will be the best drug I ever took. I could take it in the morning, like today, when I wake up at 5 am, and can't go back to sleep.

Just like with trading, I must try to not ruin everything with my addictive and compulsive behaviors, whereby I'd over-trade and take xanax all the time. Today it was totally useful. Provided that it was xanax and not the other thing.
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Old Jul 6, 2010, 6:58pm   #984
 
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re: my journal 2

Yamato started this thread Wow, I feel really good. I am fully rested.
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Old Jul 6, 2010, 8:32pm   #985
 
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re: my journal 2

Yamato started this thread This is good:
http://www.letbobwatchthis.com/watch-351700-Pretty-Bird

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Old Jul 7, 2010, 9:46am   #986
 
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wow... actually feeling good today

Yamato started this thread Apart from the fact that I went to the other room and that new guy was staring at me, while I was talking to the boss, something that always bothers me - when people stare at you for no reason. That totally rude mother ****er - I wish he just died... whatever he's doing he stops doing it the minute I walk into that room and starts staring at me. One of these days I will lose my patience and say "what the hell are you staring at?". Or maybe I could show him the middle finger. Or maybe I could bring a weapon with me and threaten to shoot him if he keeps on staring at me. I mean - I don't want to look paranoid, but he's being rude, no doubts about it. Whether he knows it or not, it's a rude behaviour.

Anyway, apart from that, I am feeling really good today, because that xanax and that other drug knocked me out last night and I was able to sleep well and be fully rested today. Still no side effects. If you're going to use it for just 24 hours, it is really a miracle drug. I suppose I will be seeing some ugly side effects soon. But if you have to be rested tomorrow, for just one night, it's really effective. There's no doubts about it.
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Old Jul 7, 2010, 9:16pm   #987
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Re: wow... actually feeling good today

I think you must really think you're messed up because of your dad. The truth is that you are just normal. Most people have exactly the same issues as you. Alot feel their dad has messed up their life. Then they grow up and do their own thing and learn to ignore that person. You still live in their house, thats your problem. You act like you have no choice but you always do. I think you will find he will respect you more and may even listen to you if you did move out. You have a very weak personality and i think you need help or just grow some balls. Stop blaming others for your lack of self belief and ability to control your gambling urges. I think everyone who reads this must think you're pitiful. Why would you want to come across like his? Those people who live carelessly have one thing i want, the ability to make friends easily and talk them into and out of any situation. They are usually the most successful ones. Quit trading. Find something else to make money, just dont trade. Even in your discretionary trading you risk far too much compared to your account. You are not discretionary trading you are just going balls deep. You dont have enough money to play discretionary to keep you happy. I risk 1% per trade. I have no emotion towards it what so ever. I bet you feel that if you had too much you would lose it all. I've gambled 2k, but 1% is only 20 GBP and i'm not happy with that, so whats the point and if i gambled 5% at a time, theres a good chance i would lose it all. You need at least 20k before you should trade the size you do.
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Old Jul 7, 2010, 10:36pm   #988
 
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re: my journal 2

Yamato started this thread Yeah, good remarks. You make some pretty bold statements, but, incredibly, I am not offended, maybe because I see you provided some intelligent content, took the time to understand me and don't just utter random insults. In most respects I don't have a weak personality, but most of your points are meaningful and I will somehow benefit from reading your feedback (maybe in the future I'll think some more about it). Regarding "looking pitiful" or not, it shouldn't concern me. This is a journal and my concern is speaking my mind - not looking good. I've never been concerned about looking good - or at least much less than regular people. I tend to consider such a concern as superficial - to worry about what people think of me. The way I see it is that whoever doesn't appreciate me is an idiot. If anything I try to look my worst, and those who can't see my qualities through that, are the idiots, whom I don't want to rely on from the start. I want to see immediately who those idiots are, so sometimes I make an effort to say something provocative that will get a "you're weird" reaction and so find out if I'm talking to an idiot or not. So in a sense I even would want to look "pitiful", in order to see who the good people are, who'd help the "pitiful", who'd be sensitive - and who is superficial, careless and thinks in terms of "cool" and "loser". I only want to hang out with a minority of people, because the majority are idiots, and especially I don't trust crowds. When you put idiots together, they become even more stupid.
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Old Jul 8, 2010, 10:29am   #989
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re: my journal 2

Quote:
Originally Posted by travis View Post
Yeah, good remarks. You make some pretty bold statements, but, incredibly, I am not offended, maybe because I see you provided some intelligent content, took the time to understand me and don't just utter random insults. In most respects I don't have a weak personality, but most of your points are meaningful and I will somehow benefit from reading your feedback (maybe in the future I'll think some more about it). Regarding "looking pitiful" or not, it shouldn't concern me. This is a journal and my concern is speaking my mind - not looking good. I've never been concerned about looking good - or at least much less than regular people. I tend to consider such a concern as superficial - to worry about what people think of me. The way I see it is that whoever doesn't appreciate me is an idiot. If anything I try to look my worst, and those who can't see my qualities through that, are the idiots, whom I don't want to rely on from the start. I want to see immediately who those idiots are, so sometimes I make an effort to say something provocative that will get a "you're weird" reaction and so find out if I'm talking to an idiot or not. So in a sense I even would want to look "pitiful", in order to see who the good people are, who'd help the "pitiful", who'd be sensitive - and who is superficial, careless and thinks in terms of "cool" and "loser". I only want to hang out with a minority of people, because the majority are idiots, and especially I don't trust crowds. When you put idiots together, they become even more stupid.
Travis, some people should not be trading at all, and unfortunately i think you are one of them. Perhaps give it another go when you've resolved your psychological issues, however until then your problems will only be played out in your trading/gambling. The time has come to admit this to yourself i believe.
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Old Jul 8, 2010, 11:24am   #990
 
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re: my journal 2

Yamato started this thread That's right. This journal was useful in making me realize my compulsive gambling problem. I haven't been trading for almost two weeks nor have I wired any money to my account. I don't think I can trade discretionary, because the gambling urges are too strong to resist for me. Also, if I can't refrain from trading discretionary, I can't even trade automated - but I will keep on trying to be successful with automated trading. And therefore I will also continue writing this journal because I am still a trader.

However, it's strange to hear you say "some people", when in fact everyone says that 90% of people cannot trade profitably, so it would be more normal to say "most people should not be trading at all".
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